


Between Memories and Stardust

by tin_a_can



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben and Rey are getting the happy fucking ending they deserve, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fix-It, Force Bond (Star Wars), I don't know how many chapters this will take, In which I am granted the role of Fix-it Felix and I try to fix the mess TROS left behind, Intergalactic roadtrip to save the best boy, Look what TROS made me do, Multi, My boy Armitage survived being shot in this one, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey and Rose are friends in this one, Rey is angRey, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, World Between Worlds, basically what I would like to see in a Disney+ or a Disney Channel series, mostly Rey's POV, there will be FinnRose, wtf I didn't think that this would get this long, you'll have to bear with me until we reach the happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:35:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 44
Words: 87,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22144966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tin_a_can/pseuds/tin_a_can
Summary: It’s been two months since the fight on Exegol. The Resistance has been struggling to cope with the new responsibility of rebuilding the war-torn galaxy from its ashes and cleansing it from the remnants of the First and Final Order. The situation is made even worse when Rey, their best fighter goes on a trip to Tatooine with no intentions of coming back. Despite her friends’ best attempts, she doesn’t plan to come back from her self-imposed exile. In the old Skywalker homestead, she finds the peace she needs to grieve for the loss of Ben Solo, the one half of her soul. It’s been weeks since the last time she had seen the ghosts of Luke and Leia, barely ever leaving the homestead, leaving her to live alone with the ghosts of visions that will never come true. But everything changes when it is revealed to her that there may be something more behind Ben’s “death” than what she initially thought…
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 157
Kudos: 300





	1. Chapter I: The 60th Tally Mark

The space around her felt like it was going on for an eternity. Full of stars but ultimately empty. The entire universe may be at her feet, but no creature in it could fill the void inside her soul. No one could replace that half of her that left her the moment Ben died in her arms, disappearing, leaving behind only his garments. Every time she found herself in this place, her first instinct was to reach out and search for anything that could prove to her that there was still hope of seeing him again, alive.  


The calls to the stars were left unanswered. It was always that quiet static that echoed in her mind that made her break down in tears. Every time she found herself in this plane in her dreams, no, her nightmares, this was the moment that had her jolting awake with sweat and tears on her face, struggling to catch her breath and racing heart.  


But this time was different. This non-place didn’t bother responding to her call with the static it used to. There was only the sound of the deafening silence of space and _the feeling _. The feeling of accidentally touching a live wire. The tug in her chest that stole her breath away, that made her heart want to escape her chest by hammering her ribcage. It’s been two months since the last time she felt _this _, since she felt _alive _. Was this non-place really that cruel, was it really toying with her in this way? Her mind told her not to play along its little game, but her heart couldn’t help it. Even if this wasn’t real, she needed it. She needed to remember how it felt to have her whole soul inside of her, even if the feeling wasn’t true.  
______

_____ _

Whispering voices chanted her name. She followed them for the Force knows how long, but then they just stopped. _What is this? _She was seeing red. She was fed up by those dreams, visions; she didn’t even know what to call them, and the way they played around with her loneliness and grief. She screamed at the void until her lungs and her voice had given up on her.  
__

_______ _ _ _

And then she heard a voice.  


_______ _ _ _

_His voice. _  
__

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Rey.”  
.  
.  
.  


_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Ben!”  


_________ _ _ _ _ _

She was breathing heavily, drenched in sweat. She was no longer in this non-place, but in the Skywalker homestead. Her back hurt, probably because of the stiff mattress she was sleeping in, but that was the least of her problems.  


_________ _ _ _ _ _

The feeling was gone.  


_________ _ _ _ _ _

He was gone.  


_________ _ _ _ _ _

The fact that she ended up waking up with her head in the wrong end of the bed wasn’t any surprising. She had gotten used to waking up in odd places and poses as her nightmares tormented her. She got out of her narrow bed and put on a pair of leggings that were no longer fitting her.  


_________ _ _ _ _ _

She had gotten skinnier over the last two months. The first week after Exegol was alright, she was still running in survival mode and the high of adrenaline so she was able to function like a normal human being.  


_________ _ _ _ _ _

The realisation of her situation crushed her the night after she buried the lightsabers.  


_________ _ _ _ _ _

Chewie had found her in the captain’s quarters of the Falcon, lying in the double bed, cradling Ben’s black shirt tight to her chest, teary eyes plastered open and staring into the nothing. The Wookie was kind enough to try to comfort her, but she didn’t want any comforting. She wanted to cry for all the days she had pushed her feelings away, ignoring them, letting them pile up inside of her. He asked her what’s wrong and when she told him that Ben died, he took her into a hug and let out a sad whimper. He was the first one to know about her bond with Ben and what they’ve been through because of Snoke and her _grandfather _, and he took it surprisingly well. He even agreed on never telling anyone about it, unless she wanted to. When she asked him if he could leave her alone to live in the Skywalker homestead, he took it just as well, even though he insisted on allowing BB8 to stay with her to keep her company. He hadn’t forgotten about her, and he still sends her packages full of goods and gifts from his trips all around the galaxy. Sometimes she wishes she hadn’t told him to go away, but she couldn’t keep him here forever. She preferred to push him away to eventually losing him too.  
__

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She idly stared outside the door of the homestead, sitting in the dining table that was made to hold an entire family, stirring around the contents of her cup of caf. The beverage was bitter, but it was the only way to get a hint of energy to move her bones around. It was then when she heard the sound of an incoming call from the depths of the house. It was her friends from the Resistance. It was usually Rose the one who called that early in the morning, as if she somehow could feel when she was awake. She put on a robe and with the flick of a button, the blue haze of her friend was looking at her, smiling from ear to ear.  


___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Good morning Rey! I hope I didn’t wake you up.” _Of course it was Rose. _  
__

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Don’t worry, I was already up.” she said, not really sure how her voice had managed to get out of her.  


_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It’s been days since the last time she spoke to another person. She may have to interact with BB8 on a daily basis, but their interactions have been reduced to the bare minimum.  


_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“It’s been a long time. How are you doing out there on Tatooine? Was it difficult to get used to the sand again?”  


_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“It’s quiet here.” _It’s lonely. So, so lonely. _“But it’s good since it’s easier to train in silence.” _Lies. She hadn’t trained in weeks. “The locals are a bit rough, but I’ve seen worse.” she half smiled. “Enough about me; what about you Rose? How are you holding up? How are the boys?”  
___

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“The _boys, _” she chuckled, “are pretty busy with their new duties as Generals of the Resistance; they’re barely ever on the base. Everyone is busy here. There are so many people that need our help Rey. It would have been easier if you were here, with us.”  
__

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Rose, we’ve talked about this. I don’t think that I’ll be coming back soon. I have to... reflect on some things.”  


__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I know. I guess I’ll never get to understand the whole Jedi-thing.” she shook her head. “I can see that you’ve gotten thinner though. Are you feeling well? You look kind of...” sick must be the word Rose wanted to say but stopped herself before saying it. “I doubt that it’s a part of your Jedi training.”  


__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Rose, don’t worry. I am fine.” she said as if she was trying to convince herself with those words. “I can’t get to work up an appetite the last few days but it will all be fine. I’ve been through much worse.”  


__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Hm.” was all that the woman on the other side of the line managed. Her studious eyes didn’t seem very convinced with the half-baked lie she had told her.  


__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Anything new about the Orders?” she took a sip from her cup of caf.  


__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rose blinked. She was taken aback from the sudden change of subject, but she already knew that Rey wasn’t really that good when it came to switching topics or talking in general. It took her a few seconds before she was able to form a response.  


__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Not really. The Emperor’s army was destroyed on Exegol. There are a few First Order cells left scattered around the galaxy, but we’re already working on that. And their Supreme Leader is nowhere to be found, it’s like he _vanished.” Oh, if she only knew _... “No one saw him after your fight on the Death Star. I bet that coward is hiding in some cave, waiting for his people to come and save him.”  
__

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Her throat tightened. Hearing someone talk about him like that... She hadn’t told anybody about their bond though, about what really happened on Exegol, what really happened on the Supremacy even, how could they possibly know the man behind the mask? No one but Chewie knew. She had to tell them one day since he’s... There was a burn in her eyes, but she couldn’t allow herself cry in front of Rose. That would only complicate things. She was holding the cup so tight she was afraid it was going to break under the tension. The thought of accidentally breaking the cup and getting her palms messed up was much more comforting than the thought of having to explain to Rose the reason she’s crying about the Supreme Leader, a man who mercilessly hunted them down and brought destruction to many worlds in his path.  


_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Before she could say anything in response, Rose brought her wrist close to her mouth and said something to the device she was wearing.  


_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I have to go. Duty calls. Some new pilot apparently decided to play radar technician all by himself and he only made things worse.”  


_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Alright then.” a small laugh escaped her. “Goodbye Rose.”  


_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Goodbye Rey. I’m going to call you again as soon as I can. And please, eat something.”  


_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The blue hologram that was in front of her disappeared, consumed by the darkness of the room. A breath was released from her lungs, a breath that she hadn’t realised she was holding during her whole conversation with Rose. She managed not to break yet another cup while talking to someone from the Resistance about the “Supreme Leader”. When the conversation steered towards him, it was like walking through a minefield. One day she would step on one of those “mines”, she knew that, and there would be chaos. But for now, all she can do is hope that she can keep up with “this”.  


_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She got up and walked to a wall that was beginning to fill up with the same little marks she made on Jakku for the days she hoped her parents would come back for her. But this time, there was nothing remotely hopeful about these marks. They counted down the days she was left without half a soul, the days of her grief and desperation. A countdown to her reunion with _him _. A countdown to her death. The people at the Resistance had taught her a trick for counting down by marking stuff, for every four marks, you strike across with a fifth one. That way she could easily count that it has been 60 days since the day she and Ben got separated. 60 tally marks and they already took up a great chunk of the wall above her bed.  
__

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She was going to need many more walls to keep counting.

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this! English is not my first language and my writing skills are a little bit rusty, so if you find any mistakes feel free to point them out and help me get better!  
> Many thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for helping me come up with this story! So this makes it our story, not just mine. Thank you for bearing with me and my midnight rambling while providing many ideas and support.  
> Every hit, comment and your kudos are much appreciated! Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)  
> I hope you enjoyed this! I know that things may look bleak now, but everything is going to get better.


	2. Chapter II: Between Worlds and Chewie's Package

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your feedback on the previous chapter! This is my first time posting my writing on this website (or any other website) and I had no expectations.  
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr, who keeps helping me with supportive comments and ideas!  
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check the fic tag there (#fic: bmas)

The world is black and dotted with blurry stars. He brought one palm to his face and rubbed his eyes awake, letting out a small groan. Every cell in his body ached. He was thrown into a pit, of course everything would ache. A moment ago he was in Rey’s arms, the ghost of her kiss still fresh on his lips, drunk in the beauty of her hazel eyes. So, where in the world was she now? 

His legs felt like molten bantha butter, and standing up was proven to be quite the feat. It was like he’d been knocked out for months. An eerie silence spread across this plane he was in. Behind him, there was a portal to the spot he had found Rey lying cold and dead. The thought of living a life without her... He knew what he had to do the moment he saw her. But she wasn’t there and the whole thing felt like a distant memory. Something’s wrong. He reached out to the Force, to the other end of their bond and he found nothing. Only a faint static that took over all his senses. 

“Kriff!” he paced up and down the invisible path that led to the portal, running his hands through his hair. “Kriff, kriff, kriff, kriff!” 

He broke into a run to get through the portal and find her. There was no way he was going to lose her again. Not after bringing her back.

Not after the _vision_.

As he made the jump, his face was met with the cold of a sheet of transparisteel. He fell hard on his back. Much to his disappointment he didn’t make it through and he let out a pained sound.

Not very far away from him, he heard screams. Screams he had come to know very well in Snoke’s Throne Room a year ago. _Rey’s screams._ It elicited an immediate reaction from him, a reaction that was almost primal in its core. Disoriented, he followed her voice, knowing that he had to find her, that he had to help her. He ran and ran and ran, until he saw her and screamed her name. No reaction. She kept wailing, kneeling down, bent over her stomach. She wasn’t listening. When her wailing had calmed down to sobs and shaking, he called out to her once more.

“Rey.”

And then she vanished, the echo of her voice shouting his name at him. He scanned the stars, looking for her, but nothing. _What the hell...?_ The Force roared around him, protesting like a hungry Zillio Beast. 

A light blue hand rest on his shoulder and every sound ceased to be. The moment he saw the ring on it, he knew whose hand it was.

“Mom?”

.  
.  
.

She got a message from Chewie about another package he sent her. Apparently it had already arrived to Mos Eisley. She donned her usual attire, the same clothes she was wearing when she first landed on Tatooine. The dust had turned the white fabric to a pale beige and as time passed, the colour was becoming more and more similar to the one the rags she was wearing on Jakku had. She shouldn’t have left Jakku. That way, she would be able to live the rest of her life as a simple scavenger, anonymous in life and death. And if Ben died in that timeline too, she wouldn’t know anything about the void she felt inside of her. She’d probably think that it’s because her family left her. At least she’d live and die hoping that they’d come back to her. She wouldn’t be the walking husk she was now. 

Sand does indeed get everywhere, including her speeder, despite the fact that she had it covered with a material that was supposed to protect it. The speeder itself wasn’t anything impressive. It was built out of spare parts she got from abandoned ships and junkyards around Mos Eisley. Putting on a pair of worn leather gloves and makeshift goggles, she dusted the seat and jumped on the speeder. With a pull of a crank, the engine let out a roar, followed by a mellow, pleasant growl. The repetitive sound of the engine numbed her mind, making it easier to forget everything and just pilot the speeder where she needed to be. 

This time was different though. This dream she had, this _vision_... It was nothing like before. Before, she could find something that didn’t fit, she’d realise that she was in a dream. This time though, every sensation felt raw and real. As raw and real as gutting a Womp rat alive. Those sensations found their way to the pain she had buried in a shallow grave and brought it back in full force. After two months... It’s the first time his voice was so alive, and the way he called her name, like a plea to the Force. Her face was damp under the cloth she put around it to protect it, but it wasn’t sweat. 

If she hadn’t blinked to let her tears fall, she wouldn’t be able to stop the speeder in time as a moron drove straight at her. The Rodian moron barked some Huttese insults when she was within earshot, but left without too much trouble. He probably saw the lightsaber that was clipped on her belt, the dark metal shining in the light of the twin suns of Tatooine. That’s the only reason she carried it around, to scare away any potential troublemakers. The locals knew not to mess with someone wielding a lightsaber, and she appreciated that. She appreciated it because that made it easier to talk to as little people as possible. 

When she removed her goggles and veil, her tears had dried out because of the heat. The space port that was reserved for the “postal services” was straight ahead. The building was made with sandstone that must be more ancient than any living creature in Mos Eisley, except the Sarlaccs in the Great Pit of Carkoon. It had the shape of a dome, making it look like a bigger version of the Skywalker homestead. The inside wasn’t that impressive, it was fairly simple with an open ceiling and a small storage room, equipment meant for ship repairs and fuel refills scattered around the empty space. 

A red-eyed Duros male with green skin approached her. It was Lod Moolt, the space port’s keeper, limping to her. He’d lost his left leg to a Tusken Raider attack, and never got used to his cybernetic one. 

“Well, well, well... what do we have here...” the Duros’ voice was raspy and unpleasant to the ear. “The _Skywalker_ girl. What do you want?” he taunted her.

Choosing the name “Skywalker” was perhaps one of the biggest mistakes she had ever done, and she regretted the moment the name formed on her lips. It’d be much better if she told that old woman that she had no heritage. Rey Palpatine was going to do her more harm than good and her other alternative reminded her of all the visions of a family that would never come true.

_Rey Solo._

“There’s a package for me. It’s from Chewbacca, Captain of the Millennium Falcon.” she said in a dry tone, unwilling to participate in Lod’s little game. 

“Ah, yes.” he dismissed her with a wave of a gloved hand. “I don’t know what that Wookiee put in that package but I have to tell you that it smells like the wrong end of a Sarlacc.” Lod disappeared inside the storage room.

“Thanks for the warning.” she scanned the hangar, not even knowing what she was looking for. 

For a brief moment, she thought she heard her name. It was like the walls had eyes and ears, a breeze finding its way to her nape despite the arid and still air outside. Lod came back, holding the package as if he was holding a box full of bantha dung. He dropped it in her arms and she found out that he was right. It really smelled like the wrong end of a Sarlacc. She almost gagged when the smell made it into her nose. The Duros was already in the storage room when she was back to her senses.

“Thank you Lod.” she shouted at him and exited the space port.

Whispers. In the busy streets of Mos Eisley, all she could hear were whispers. They didn’t say anything specific and she diverted her attentions elsewhere. She needed to get back to the homestead and see what Chewie had sent her. Even though it smelled like something had died inside the package.

The way back was quiet, nothing out of the ordinary happening to her. When she jumped off the speeder and got greeted by the little spherical astromech, the suns where pretty high in the sky. She decided to stay out to open Chewie’s package despite the heat, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. 

She did not expect to see “this”.

BB-8 wanted to take a look too. There were some dark gray robes in the package, neatly folded. There was also a smaller box full of old holodiscs, a leather pouch and paper. 

_And a dead bulabird._

A note was glued on the dead animal, handwritten in galactic basic. _“Sorry about the dead bulabird. I didn’t kill it. I had to keep the handmaidens away somehow.” Handmaidens? “I thought that you might want to have these.”_

Those objects felt familiar somehow. It was like she had seen them again in a vision or in another life. She took a rag and removed the dead bird from the box (at least it was separated by the other contents of the package), and set it beside her. She was going to bury the poor creature in the sand later. She took the package and headed inside, the white and orange orb not very far behind her. 

Opening the leather pouch, she found a calligraphy set that looked too old to be used. She knows she had seen a set like that before, but where? The rolls of paper contained poems and on some of them, she recognised excerpts from the ancient Jedi texts about a world that exists beyond time and space, life and death, written by hand with so much art and care. She used to write too, she used to keep a journal back on Jakku, but her handwriting was never anything that fancy. Some tiny drawings of flowers and birds decorated the corners of the paper that was beginning to turn into the colour of yellow ochre. 

The dark grey robes were too big for her. These were made for someone tall and lean in mind. The sleeves were a little worn, and there was a small patched up hole near the heart. The fabric wasn’t rough, but it wasn’t that soft either, it was something in the middle. Just like...

_Ben’s shirt._

The fabric was woven in the exact same way with the only difference being the colour. It couldn’t be. But then, it made sense. The dead bird with the star-tipped beak. The excerpts from the Jedi texts. The handmaidens. Chewie had told her about a planet with rolling hills and calm seas, a small blue-green jewel in the Core Worlds. He had told her of the place where peace was made between the New Republic and the Galactic Empire. Chandrila. 

_Ben’s birthplace._

These things. They were Ben’s. She knew it, she sensed it. Shoulders shaking, she buried her face into his old robes, not caring about the stench they had because of the dead bulabird. She didn’t even want to think of what she would find if she looked through the holodiscs. And the calligraphy set, it looked eerily similar to the one from their shared vision of the fateful night in the Jedi Temple with Luke. It couldn’t be it; that set was most likely buried under the ruins of his hut back at the Jedi Temple. Perhaps he had a backup which he kept in his old house on Chandrila.

She ran outside, Ben’s old robes still clutched close to her heart, tears running freely on her face. BB-8’s frantic beeps and whirs sounded like an echo in the back of her head as he tried to keep up with her. She kicked the sand behind her boots, but she didn’t manage to go very far, as she was near choking. She dropped on her knees, desperate to catch her breath. 

“We need to talk.”

She turned her head to the direction the voice was coming from. A luminous blue figure stood right behind her, dressed in a gown similar to the one she saw her in before departing on her journey to find Luke. 

Even in death, Leia had a sense of style.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked this chapter. I plan on posting twice a week, on Wednesday and Sunday unless my rl responsibilities don't allow me any time for writing.  
> Stuff to check on Wookieepedia: bantha, butter, transparisteel, Zillio Beast, Mos Eisley, Womp rat, Rodian, Huttese, Sarlacc, Great Pit of Carkoon, Duros, Tusken Raider, Holodisc, Bulabird, Chandrila


	3. Chapter III: Leia's Revelations

“Mom?” his voice got caught in his throat, coming out weak and hoarse. “What is this place? Where is-”

“Don’t worry, she’s alive.” his mother reassured him, rubbing his shoulder. “I felt everything that happened on Exegol.” 

He turned around to fully face her, his brow creased. His shoulders relaxed. Knowing that Rey is alive let a wave of relief take over his body. But seeing his mother here with him... 

“You were already dead when that happened. You didn’t think about helping your son climb up that pit, did you?” he lamented. 

He’s the one who should be asking for forgiveness for all he’s done, not the other way around, he knows that, and he regrets saying this. He tore his gaze away from his mother, feeling once more like the child she had sent away to train with Luke. 

“I couldn’t; Force knows how much I wanted to help you. I hadn’t become one with the Force until the moment you...” 

His mother cupped his cheek and all of him ached and yearned for a time that had come to go and would never come back. 

“Does that mean that I...” he gulped, “That I am dead?”

“Your body vanished from the living world. That means that you should be a Force Ghost like me, but you aren’t. You’re _here_.”

“So where does that put me?”

“I don’t know Ben.” hearing his true name from the voice of his mother, a name he used to hate so much when he was younger and haunted by the _voices_ , made him want to drop on his knees and bury his head in the fabric of his mother’s gown, begging her for forgiveness. “I was looking for you for two months; you can’t believe how I felt when I realised that you left the living world. I wanted to know that you would go back home, or that you’d be able to build a new one away from the Dark.” 

“Two months?” 

His mother nodded. It’s been two months since the fight on Exegol? But... how? He was there moments ago, it didn’t make any sense. The tears that were gathering in his eyes were now escaping, the calm facade he was trying to maintain now chipping away, breaking and revealing what he truly feels. Leia’s form is tiny compared to him as he wraps his arms around her and brings her into a much needed embrace. How is he going to tell her that he’s sorry?

“Ben, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most. And now you’re stuck here because of me.” 

He had never heard his mother’s voice this little and broken. The fierce military leader and senator Leia Organa, _the Princess of Alderaan_ , was there, crying in his arms. His mother was crying in his arms and there was nothing he could do. 

“Mom, it’s not your f-”

“I let the Dark to take you away. You never stood a chance against it. Of course it’s my fault. But now, seeing you here, knowing what you’ve done...” she broke away from the embrace to cup his cheeks with her palms and look into his eyes, “...there is still hope.”

.  
.  
.

The wind made her garments and Ben’s old robes billow. Leia stood behind her, perfectly still and luminous, a piece of another world stuck here with the living. The former general knew how to build a calm mask and wear it whenever she wanted to have leverage over a conversation, but Rey had learned how to look past it. Her eyes always betrayed her true thoughts and feelings.

Mother and son were so similar on that part. 

“We need to talk.” 

“We need to talk?” Rey sniffled and rose to her full height, steeling her features. “What, are you going to lecture me again about wasting my life on this dusty rock? About “wasting my potential”? I don’t want to listen to you, leave me alone.” 

“I’m not here to lecture you.” Leia said, the calmest and most determined she had ever seen her. 

Perhaps she assumed wrongly about the “mask” this time. But the last time they met...

“Then what? I think that the _three_ of us had a very strongly worded conversation about our _situation_.” she snapped at her “Where’s Luke actually? Did he go on exile again?” _Because that’s the only thing he knows to do when he screws up..._

Last time they had seen each other, they were both crying at the end of their conversation. Last time she and the Skywalker twins met, the Sarlaccs in the Dune Sea must’ve heard them. The more they spoke about the ways they let Ben down, the more alienated she felt towards them. She knew about the night at the Jedi Temple and what Luke did, but the rest of the story? Force, they’re right when they say that no one should ever meet their heroes. The only people in the whole galaxy that were able to protect a _child_ from the fangs and tendrils of the Dark, they had left him alone to fight with monsters unarmed. 

“Are you still angry at us?”

She threw her arms in the air, shaking her head. It was obvious, wasn’t it? 

“Look, I know that you have no reason to listen to me or trust me after _that_. I wanted you to know something though. There is still hope.”

Rey blinked, bringing her eyebrows together. _Hope?_ “What do you mean?” she balled her fists.

“I found Ben. There may be a way to bring him back.” 

Every cell in her froze on the spot and her heart made a jump from her chest to her feet. Her jaw slacked and a shiver climbed up her spine, slithering its way up like a snake. Her hands were trembling and soon that tremble took over her whole body. Having Ben back... Here... With her... She didn’t allow herself to hope about it even in her most pleasant dreams. But now there’s Leia, standing in front of her, rekindling the fire of hope that used to burn bright inside of her, burning and growing stronger. Her vision from the time they touched across the stars... It could come true. And they would both have a home. 

She could be his home. 

And he could be hers.

“Rey? Are you alright?” 

“No.”

.  
.  
.

She dug a hole to bury the bulabird. Tatoo I and II were getting lower in the sky, shedding their bright light for a glow red like blood. As the twin suns got lower and day gave its place to night, it grew chillier outside. Ben’s old robes may smell of death, but they were perfect to keep her warm in this hour. Leia was waiting back in the homestead’s small dining room, her ghost illuminating it with a faint blue light. They didn’t exchange a word since that moment earlier this day, when it was revealed to her that there may be a way to bring Ben back. She sat on her usual spot, the chair that was turned to the door, looking out to the sky that was turning into a dark veil woven with white pearls. 

“When did you see him?” she decided to break the silence. BB-8, who was in rest mode near her feet, got startled and bumped into her right leg. 

“Earlier today. We had a talk. I’ve been trying to reach you since the moment I left him.” 

“Do you know where he is?”

“No.”

“No? Then how did you find him?”

“I have been searching for him for months now to no avail, but yesterday I saw something.” Leia’s eyes lit up. “A beacon of light. I followed it, and it got me to him. Didn’t you feel anything?”

“I had a vision. I felt him too. I heard his voice.” she leaned back on her chair, fighting herself to keep her cool. 

“This place he’s in,” Leia continued, “it doesn’t feel like a place at all. I don’t know what to call it.”

She sighed, closing her eyes. A place that isn’t a place... Just like her vision. 

“I need to talk to Luke about it; there must be something that he knows. Maybe I came to you too early.”

Rey lowered her head, fiddling with the fabric of the dark robes she was wearing. “Don’t worry. I’ll look into it. There may be something about this “non-place” in the Jedi Texts.”

“Good thinking.” she smiled at her. “I’m leaving you to do your research.”

“Wait!” her voice cracked with urgency. “How... how is he?”

“He’s confused. Remorseful about everything he’s done. And you can’t possibly imagine how much he misses you.”

“Really?”

The former princess only nodded in affirmation before fading away, leaving her alone in the homestead’s dining room. 

She broke out to uncontrollable sobs and sometimes in between her struggle for air, a little laugh escaped her. She looked out of the door. Even if it meant looking under every rock in this galaxy to find him and bring him back, she would do it. He deserved to live a life without the dark being tied to him and tearing him apart. He deserved a life where he could finally be happy and at peace. There was a mention in the Jedi Texts about a world that existed outside time and space, a place where everything was happening at once. Even in Ben’s notes, the ones she skimmed through at least, he’d quoted excerpts about them as if he was aware of his future. The truth was in the texts; deep inside her she knew it. All she needed was to research the matter. Leia could possibly get some information from Luke and help her on the matter too. 

She couldn’t start right away though. Her thoughts only trailed through the possibilities this revelation opened up for her and she couldn’t keep herself from smiling. The only time she had smiled like that in the past was when she woke up in Ben’s arms two months ago. In her darkest hour, he came to her and saved her. The look in his eyes as he watched her come back to her senses, the relief, the care, the bliss, the love... After a year of living in denial of what she was feeling, the truth dawned on her, she let herself see. The man behind the mask was back. 

And she loves him.

Nights on Tatooine were just as cold as the nights on Jakku. Ben’s old robes were enough to keep her warm as she stepped outside to take a look at the sky. The faraway stars called out to her, the Force humming a song of hope and happiness to her. She closed her eyes, letting the chilly air fill her lungs. The other end of their bond was no longer hollow; it was no longer aching like a phantom limb. There was something there. Small and weak, but it could become once again a link like life itself, powerful enough to shake the stars. He was there, away from her, but he was still there.

“We will meet each other again. I believe that.” she promised him, unsure of whether or not he was able to hear her, wherever he was. 

What she did not know was that across time and space, in a place where such concepts do not exist and all there is is the Force, her other half sat cross-legged, looking at the same stars she was looking at, contemplating a way to get back to her, listening only to the sound of her voice whenever the Force allowed it. And even if he couldn’t go back to her on his own, he’d do everything in his powers to help her come to him as soon as possible. 

_“I’ll come back for you sweetheart. I promise.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Thanks for reading this chapter! The future looks brighter for Rey and the search for good boy Benjamin Chewbacca Organa-Skywalker Solo begins!  
> Many thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr again. You're amazing!  
> There is going to be a change in schedule. Chapters will be out every Sunday and Thursday.  
> Stuff to check on Wookieepedia: the Dune Sea  
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check the fic tag (#fic: bmas)  
> Cheers!


	4. Chapter IV: Meditating

BB-8’s duty was -according to his old master Poe Dameron- to stay with the Jedi Rey and keep her company. A task that BB-8 initially calculated wouldn’t be difficult, given Rey’s nature and attitude towards him. When they first met back on Jakku, she helped him with no question or personal gain. He was grateful towards her, and staying with her on Tatooine would be a way to show his gratitude. 

But this simple task was proven to be a herculean one, as she grew more and more desolate. She barely talked, she barely moved, she barely ate. There were days she didn’t eat at all, despite his suggestions. She’d abandoned her training exactly 29 days ago, and every time she attempted to train before that since the day they arrived on the planet, it always ended in disaster and she used to come back home fuming. Last time she almost broke the caf maker. The only thing that seemed to light up her days was when she got a package from Chewbacca the Wookiee. 

Today was different though. Chewbacca’s package brought her tears. She was speaking to herself again, but that talk really seemed to lift her spirits up unlike one other time a few weeks ago. Back then, she was screaming at thin air something about betrayal. Now though, it was the first time he’d seen that much life in her eyes since they first landed on the planet. She asked him for his help with finding the Ancient Jedi Texts she had brought with her, something that he did with pleasure. She’d put them in some old container when she stopped her training, not planning on touching them again. 

She hadn’t done any research on the Texts in months. Maybe she found out about something new that she wanted to check if there was any record of it in there. BB-8 got closer to her cot as she was lying beneath a blanket made of tauntaun wool, a special gift from Chewbacca to keep her warm in the cold desert nights. She had fallen asleep with the book she was reading on her chest. He attempted to take it away from her in case she accidentally damaged it, but decided against it after a few tries. She was sleeping soundly and peacefully unlike the previous nights. Most of the times she tossed and turned in her sleep, talking nonsense, gasping, screaming. Not this time though. Tonight he heard her laugh and giggle, and her gasps weren’t the ones of anguish. She also mentioned a name that she had mentioned many times in her talks with herself in the past: Ben. His memory didn’t contain any information about this person she was talking about, but his program told him that she was most likely having a good dream.

.  
.  
.

It was the first morning she felt like eating since Exogol. Her meal wasn’t anything too fancy, just some of the same old plain rations she used to eat back when she was in the fight with the Resistance. It was enough to satiate her hunger and give her the energy she needed to keep looking in the Texts. BB-8 seemed pleased to see her eating normally again, going in circles around the dining table and making happy beeps. She had to familiarize herself again with the ancient language the Texts were written in and the odd energy they emitted. They felt like they weren’t written by the hand of a sentient being but by the Force itself. 

It was still dark outside when she had finished her meal. In the one long year her training took place, she’d found out that the best time to meditate was during sunrise and sunset. It was the perfect time to fully submit her conscious and subconscious to the energy around her and feel what it wanted to tell her, what it wanted to show her. Ben’s old robes didn’t smell as horribly as yesterday (or she’d grown accustomed to their stench) and she put them on to protect herself from the cold outside. She took his shirt with her too, in case the last piece of clothing he was wearing before he disappeared could help her in finding his signature in the vastness of space. 

She sat cross-legged on the golden sands, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath. Fully re-opening herself to the Force was like getting back a piece of a long forgotten memory. The death and decay on this planet was still there, its taste bitter and rotten in her mouth. This place is a graveyard. Even most of the living here felt like husks that could only bring death. She tried not to focus on that, but on the roaring sound of the twin suns that hid beyond the horizon as they burned. The Force paved new ways to trail through her veins, warming her up under her skin. Uncountable signatures of life grazed her mind, but none of them was the one she was looking for. She felt the presence of her friends and she was relieved to find out that they were all doing well. 

Eventually, she runs out of places to look in the known galaxy and in the Unknown Regions. She still senses the bond, even if she can’t find him anywhere. Perhaps her assumptions about this non-place were right. She can’t give up. She may need to open her mind a little more, to open it to the idea of this plane actually existing, of having to transcend the barrier of time and space. Maybe she needs to go against the flow of the Force to reach what she needs. She keeps paddling through the wild and strong currents of the Force until she reaches an enormous waterfall. She’s in a lush green forest, looking up this waterfall and knowing that she has to get past it somehow. There’s no way around it. _“Only up, or through.”_ a small voice tells her, the voice of a little child. _Her voice._

There’s the memory of her, getting inside the guts of a disabled Star Destroyer to scavenge for parts for the first time. She turned around to fully face her past self, the child that was abandoned by her parents a few weeks ago, kneeling to her eye level. Before she could open her mouth to speak to her, she dissolved into ash and got blown away by the wind. 

The white and orange astromech came bleeping and whirring at her like he’d fried a chip. She fell back on the ground, sand getting everywhere. She rolled on her back, coughing.

“What is it BB-8?” she grunted. BB-8 beeped something in response. “Someone’s calling?”

BB-8 bleeped in affirmation and rolled back home.

“Do you know who it is?”

He said something about the Resistance before disappearing behind a small dune. The twin suns were out, but it was still early in the morning. How long was she in a meditative state? It was easy to lose track of time when meditating, especially when looking for something. It took her eyes a while to adjust to the bright light and shake the light-headedness away. She grabbed Ben’s shirt from the sand and walked back to the homestead.

Rose kept her promise it seems. It may have been more than a normal day (since days on Tatooine are 10 hours longer than the days on Coruscant), but she didn’t forget about her promise. She didn’t know whether to think of this as a good or a bad thing. 

Once she was in the homestead, she could hear BB-8 chatting with the people on the line. Dusting off her clothes and fixing her hair, she walked to the room that she had designated as her quarters. There were three small hazy blue figures standing on her desk, all looking at the droid, laughing about something she didn’t hear about. BB-8 announced her arrival and rolled out of the way, making space for her to stand in front of her three friends, Rose and the two Generals of the Resistance. The three of them greeted her as she came into their view. 

“Hey there! It’s been a while since we were all together in one place.” she greeted them. 

“Yeah, that’s true. Last time it was before you left for Tatooine. Didn’t get sick of the sand yet?” Finn joked.

“Not really. It’s hot here but it’s better than Jakku. How are you holding up as Generals?” 

“Destroying the Emperor’s army was the first step towards something bigger. In hindsight, it was much easier compared to attending all these political conventions and meetings.” Poe said. “Coruscant is crawling with Imperial and First Order sympathisers. It’s rough getting around that _town_ to find allies.” 

A beat of silence passed between them, as the connection was lost for a brief moment.

“Rose was right.” Finn remarked. “You got thinner. What are you up to?”

“I resumed my research on the Jedi Texts. It turns out that there are some important things I didn’t pay enough attention to.” 

“Oh.” Finn sighed.

“Are you planning on coming back?” Poe asked. “We could use another set of hands on base.”

“He’s right.” Finn agreed.

“I don’t know. I don’t think that I’ll be coming back anytime soon.” she tore her eyes away from the three figures. _I may never come back at all_ “I have things to do here.” 

“Alright _boys_ , that’s enough.” Rose finally spoke. If she was there with them she’d hug her. “I want to tell our friend something. Don’t you have other things to do?”

“But...” Finn protested.

“No “buts”. Out!” Rose ushered the two men out of the field the holocam could record. 

The two men had gotten much more uptight over the course of these two months. She blames it on their duties. Maybe she was never that much at easy with them at all, even before she got there and only now, and in light of their “situation” she got to realise that. Despite her heightened senses and knowing that she could use the Force to escape some difficult questions, there were times she felt trapped during their conversations. Especially during the time after the battle on Crait. 

Out of all the people in the Resistance, the once that seemed to get her the best were Chewie, Rose and sometimes even Leia. Finn may have been the first friend she made after she left Jakku and she was very grateful of what he’d done to help her escape Starkiller Base, but there were times he wouldn’t get a hint that he was making things uncomfortable. That’s most likely because of his upbringing; Stormtroopers weren’t trained to be masters of conversation and reading the other. Her relationship with Poe had started out a bit off and they were standoffish towards each other, but things got better over time. Not ideal, but better. Good enough to work together as a team, but she didn’t believe that she could ever be able to talk to him about anything else but “the cause”. 

“So,” Rose grabbed a chair to sit, “New robes?”

She fully expected her to ask her something about how she was doing. The question startled her. 

“I don’t think so. Chewie sent it to me from his travels. He went to General Organa’s old home and sent me some things from there. I believe that this used to belong to someone from her family.”

“The shirt too?” she asked, pointing at Ben’s shirt.

 _Kriff._ She forgot to set the shirt aside. The others must’ve seen her holding it. How is she going to explain this to her?

“The _shirt..._ It’s a long story.” she caressed the fabric of the shirt with her fingertips, trying to recall how it felt when _he_ was wearing it.

“Ohhh...” she smirked at her. “I’m listening. As long as you want to share it with me of course.” 

Should she tell her the truth? What if she tells her and Rose doesn’t believe her? Or even worse, what if she tells the others? She isn’t that kind of person to go behind someone’s back, she knows her. But what if the rest of the Resistance somehow finds out and considers her as a threat? As an enemy? She doesn’t have time for any kind of complications if she wants to have a chance of bringing Ben back. It’s been two months though and she knows that even if Ben wasn’t trapped in some other plane of existence, he wouldn’t hurt anyone else. Kriff, she was ready to leave everyone else and go with him with no explanation to the Resistance whatsoever, she almost did back on the Supremacy, she briefly considered it when they met again on his ship _hours_ before Exogol, she thought about it every single time someone mentioned him. Why is it so difficult to talk about it now?

She closed her eyes, steadying her breathing pattern. Chewie had left the Resistance around the time she did. There should be at least one person in the Resistance that knows about what was going on between her and the _Supreme Leader_ , and there’s no other that she can trust enough. She can’t trust anyone but Rose. And since she might have to get off planet to keep searching, there’s someone that must know what she’s up to.

“Alright.” she managed to say. “I don’t think that there’s any way that I can prepare you for this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter!  
> I know, I know, no Ben in this time. But we got BB-8's view of things.  
> Yet again, special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for helping me out with this fic!  
> Stuff to check on Wookieepedia: Tauntaun, standard hour, time  
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)  
> Cheers!


	5. Chapter V: Rey's Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback on the previous chapter! This is a very dialogue-heavy chapter, so buckle up!

“Alright. I don’t think that there’s any way that I can prepare you for this.” Rey pulled a chair with the Force and sat in front of the miniature of her friend, setting the shirt on her thighs. “I don’t know where to begin.” 

“Wherever.” Rose smiled, shifting in her seat. 

She could feel her heartbeat in her temples and on her fingertips. A long, deep breath wasn’t enough to calm down her nerves. She shivered as she let out the air she was holding inside of her. 

_I can do this._

“You promise me that you won’t tell anything to anyone?”

“Of course.” Rose nodded in affirmation.

_Thank the Force._

“Alright then... What do you think of...” she gulped, sweat swelling on her brow, “...the last _Supreme Leader_?”

“ _Kylo Ren_?” she flinched. “How is he relevant in any way?”

“It’s a long story. But can you please tell me what you think of him?”

“He’s an enemy of the Resistance. There’s a lot of innocent blood on his hands, both as Snoke’s attack dog and as the Supreme Leader. Why didn’t you kill him when you killed Snoke?”

“I didn’t kill Snoke.” 

“What? But the First Order reports...”

“He killed Snoke. He killed him to save me.” 

Rose remained speechless, staring at her with her eyes wide open for the next minute.

“You were right. There’s no way you could prepare me for this.” she blinked, shaking her head. “But that’s not the whole story, is it?” 

She nodded. “It all began the day the First Order attacked Maz’s Castle on Takodana. He captured me and then interrogated me on Starkiller Base, but you already know that.” 

“Yeah. I had to ask Poe why he called you his “torture buddy”. I couldn’t help it.” 

“That was when the Force inside of me awakened. We fought, he offered to be my teacher and I slashed him across his face. The rest you know.” 

“More or less.” she shrugged.

“Then I went to Luke. I was sleeping in a hut, and when I woke up I saw _him_ sitting across the room. I panicked and I shot him with my blaster, but he disappeared. I got out of the hut and he was there. I thought he was doing this, but it turned out he was just as clueless about the situation as I was.”

“You could talk to each other in your heads? This means he could see where you...”

“We couldn’t see where the other was. Only each other. There was no way he could’ve gathered any information about the Resistance through the Bond.”

“ _Bond_?”

“A Force Bond, that’s what the thing we _had_ was called.”

“ _Had_?”

“We’ll get to that.” she rubbed her eyes before any stay tears would fall. If she allowed it, they’d spend the next hour with her crying. “Things started off exactly as you expect. I spent most of the time shouting at him, and he just stood there, trying to talk to me. I called him a monster and he accepted it just like that.” she was scratching the inside of her left palm with her right hand. “During one of our “talks” he told me Luke tried to kill him in his sleep when he was still his apprentice.”

Rose’s jaw slacked. “And you believed him?”

“Not at first. I went to a cave then. It was supposed to tell me who I am, where I’m from, but...” she trailed off. The memory of what the cave showed tied a firm knot around her throat. “It was a dark place. I couldn’t talk about it to Luke; he’d send me back to the Resistance if he learnt that I went straight to the Dark for answers. I told everything to Ben. I’d never felt that lonely, and he was there. I offered him my hand, I didn’t know what I had in mind, and he took it. I saw his memories, his future, what he could become. Luke interrupted us and I confronted him. He confirmed what Ben told me. He really thought about killing him, and he almost did.”

“Luke Skywalker tried to kill his apprentice?”

“His _nephew_.” she added.

“Oh my... That’s unbelievable.” she sat back, looking at what she considered was the ceiling above her. “What happened next?”

“I went to the Supremacy. If Luke wouldn’t come to help us Ben would, I saw it. Turns out he wasn’t ready yet.” she dipped her bitten nails into the skin of her forearms. “After killing Snoke, after we fought off his guards, he made me an offer. He offered me to rule with him and I knew I couldn’t do it. I wanted, but I shouldn’t. We fought over his grandfather’s lightsaber and then the ship split in two.”

She couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. They were streaming down her face freely, and the hologram of her friend watched her without saying a word, hiding the lower half of her face in her palms. 

“After that there wasn’t much. The Force connected us sometimes, but we both ignored it for most of the time. But there were dreams, so many dreams... A lot of them must have been shared from what I can tell.” there was no way she would talk in detail about _those_ dreams, “The days before Exogol, we got connected more frequently, and during our search for the Emperor we fought so much. His offer still stood though, he still wanted me to rule with him.”

“Pretty persistent.” Rose joked, perhaps in an attempt to alleviate the tension. 

She chuckled at her remark. “When I found the second Wayfinder inside the ruins of the Death Star, he found me, and he destroyed it. I don’t know what got into me. I attacked him until I couldn’t see straight off exhaustion. He got distracted and I stabbed him with his own lightsaber. When I felt Leia’s death and I saw him on the ground heaving in pain, I...” her breath got caught in her lungs in the memory of the phantom pain she felt in her ribs once Kylo Ren’s lightsaber run through his gut, “I healed him. I told him that every time he held out his hand to me, I wanted to take it. I wanted to take Ben’s hand, Force...” She leaned back, hands resting on her burning forehead. The ceiling was a sand coloured blur to her wet eyes. She let out a long, pained sob. “I remember how confused he was. In this moment, he was lost. 

“When I went to confront the Emperor, I was sure that it was the end. I thought I would die. Then I saw him. He was there and I had hope that we could do this, together. Palpatine tortured us and he threw him in a pit. I managed to defeat the Emperor and then... nothing. It was cold. And empty. Dark.” _Death._ “Then warmth. Light. I felt his hand on my side, I could see again. No one had looked at me like that, he... I-” she shut her mouth close with her hand. The one kiss they shared was too close to her heart to describe it with words; she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Her whole face was flushed. “It was the first time I saw his smile. And the last. He fell back and he faded away.” 

She tucked her knees near her chest, her sobs now turning into uncontrollable shaking. Ben’s shirt felt damp on her face, soaked by her tears. Force, even now that she knows that there’s hope about him; it hurts so much to remember.

“Rey... I don’t know what to say, I...” Rose furrowed her brow. “This is a lot to digest.”

All energy she had left her and all she could muster was a whimper.

“I can’t believe that the same man who did all these awful things to the galaxy was able of... _this_. This whole last year, every time you dozed off or drifted away during conversations, was it because of this bond you had? Every time you knew he was around, it was because of it?”

“...yes.”

“Kriff. Is this why you left the base so shortly after Exogol?” 

She nodded. “It took me a full week to realise what I had lost. Our Bond... We’re a Dyad. One soul in two bodies, together in life, together in death. It’s painful. But something happened and there’s a slim chance I can bring him back alive.” 

“ _Bring him back_?!” she exclaimed. “How is that even possible?”

“I’m still looking into it. He isn’t dead; he’s trapped somewhere between this world and the Force, I know it. All I have to do is to find a way inside that place.”

“Alright, let’s say that this place exists and you can bring people back from the dead. Why bring back _Kylo Ren_?” she was rubbing her temple in circles, as if the gesture would help her process faster everything she heard.

“Kylo Ren is dead. The man who came armed with just a blaster to help me on Exegol,” _and most likely no plan at all_ “that was Ben Solo.”

Rose sighed over the static of the fading connection, her hologram phasing in and out. The silent moments that passed between them had the weight of an entire century. Is she angry at her? Does she think of her as a traitor? Rose was just as passionate about the “cause” as Poe and Finn but in her own way. She barely ever held a blaster against “the enemy”, she preferred to help her people in any way she could, saving and salvaging, not killing and pillaging. She thought that she would understand. Maybe she was wrong. Her fear melted away though as she watched Rose’s features soften.

“Well, I don’t think that I’ll ever come to fully understand you or what you have, had, whatever. But we can’t really choose what we love, right?”

Rey cracked a smile at her friend, biting the inside of her cheeks. “You’re fine with that?” she stammered.

“When I lost my sister, I was willing to give away everything to have her back. We didn’t share the same soul, but she was the only family I had. Before we joined the Resistance, we only had each other. I’ve come to terms with it since then, but I still miss her. I can’t bring her back, but you can bring him back. I’m not exactly fine with that, but I can see why you want this.” she could tell that Rose was biting the inside of her lip. “Well, that explains a lot.”

“ _A lot_?”

“I thought it was my idea at first. When we first met after Crait, I could tell that there was something wrong. Around others, you were full of life; you always wanted to have something to do. When you were alone, on the other hand, there was a thing about your eyes. They were not exactly hollow, but... It felt like you looked past everything, even the durasteel of the Falcon, and out to stars. Like there was something missing. Then, Exegol happened and now... I can see it clearly and I know that no matter what I say or do, I can’t stop you.”

“Thank you Rose.”

“What are your plans moving forward?”

“I’ll keep searching. I may have to go off planet.” she wiped the corner of her eye “You’ll know it when it happens.”

“Aren’t you going to need any help?”

“No.” she shook her head. “No one else must know, especially people from the Resistance. If I used their resources and they found out what I am working towards...” 

“I get it. This makes me the only one who knows about this?”

“Chewie knows too.”

“Fine. I won’t tell anyone, don’t worry about that. Can you promise me something though?”

“What is it?”

“Don’t get yourself killed.”

“I don’t think I can promise that.”

Rose raised her eyebrows. “Oh?”

“Alright, I’ll do my best. Goodbye Rose. Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome. Take care.” 

Rose waved at her before the connection was cut and the blue light of her hologram dimmed. Somehow, her chest feels lighter after talking to her. Tears were dried out on her face, making her skin feel itchy. She extended one hand towards her cot and the book she fell asleep reading last night came flying to her. She set aside the holoprojector and put the book on her desk, next to a batch of Ben’s notes from Chewie’s package. The answer was in front of her, she only had to look closer. BB-8 brought her a cup of caf from the kitchen. Good thinking, since this whole process is going to take her many hours, maybe days, weeks even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! This time we had only Rey's POV, but there was a lot of stuff to be said. I hope you enjoyed her talk with Rose.  
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for all the help, especially considering Rose.  
> I don't know if I'll be able to update this Thursday, but I'll try my best to do so.  
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)  
> Cheers!


	6. Chapter VI: Research

“Alright, I’ll do my best. Goodbye Rose. Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome. Take care.” 

The connection fizzed out. Rose remained frozen for a while with her hand up. Her features darkened and her hand fell by her side.

_What the..._

This can’t be true. It defies logic; the sand must’ve driven her crazy. And if everything Rey told her is true... All this time, the only hope the Resistance had against the merciless Supreme Leader, she was alive thanks to him. And they’d been...

She doesn’t even know what to call the _thing_ that Rey explained to her, the thing between her and Ren. They shared a soul? What does that even mean? She could talk with Rey on hours end about the technical intricacies of an entire Imperial Star Destroyer but when it came to the Force she couldn’t follow. There’s a way to raise the dead now? And out of all people in the galaxy, she wanted to raise... _him?_

Opening the door, she found Finn and Poe leaning against the wall with their arms crossed, both staring at her.

“You don’t seem very happy about your “girl talk” with Rey.” Poe joked. “What happened?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Aw, come on! She’s our friend too.” Finn remarked.

“It’s still none of your business. Not all friendships work the same way.” she stretched. She was talking for quite a long time with Rey and the chairs in the Communications Room aren’t exactly the most comfortable ones in the galaxy. “But there’s something that I can tell you and it’s good news.”

Poe’s brow relaxed and Finn uncrossed his arms. 

“Ah, great. We’re in need of good news. What is it?” Poe said.

“It’s about the Supreme Leader. She told me that he’s dead.”

“ _Dead!?_ ” they exclaimed simultaneously. “How?” Finn continued.

“I don’t know. She didn’t delve too deep into it.” she dismissed them and headed to her quarters, not willing to tell them anything. This whole situation is outrageous, but she has a promise to keep.

.  
.  
.

Something cold bumped into her and her eyes fluttered open. She was on the floor, her back against her cot. Once she reoriented herself, the beeps of BB-8 made their way to her ears.

“Ugh, what is it BB-8?” 

The droid bobbed his head left and right, talking to her in binary.

“I fell asleep? Oh Kriff...” she stretched and BB-8 continued whirring. “Yes, I know. I think I’m onto something here. Want to keep me company and tell me your thoughts?”

He let out a high and long whistle before rolling to her side and tucking under her left arm. 

These pages seemed promising. They described a planet covered in trees that stood as high as 300 men, and a waterfall that was louder than the growl of a burning star. Under the waterfall, there was a window to another world, a world that existed outside the constraints of time and space. There were some other newer pieces of paper attached to the pages of the book, full of handwritten notes and drawings similar to the ones she saw in Ben’s notes. These must be his too. Some contained rough translations of what was written in the book, others insights and his thoughts on the matter. And then there were some that she couldn’t help but chuckle at. _“Interesting concept. Reads worse than the instructions on how to operate a lawnmower droid though.”_ Each page came with a little “gift” of his writing that she was more than eager to find and read. 

Eventually, after skimming through pages after pages of theorizing about this other world, she found a star map that highlighted some planets. Three of the planets caught her eye: The "Hole", the "Mirror" and the "Window". Looking closer, she recognised some planets and star systems that were known to her. What if...

“BB-8, do you have the map to Ahch-To still in your memory?”

BB-8 beeped in affirmation, mimicking a nod with his little hemispheric head.

“Can you show it to me please?”

The astromech was more than happy to oblige, showing not only the fragment of the map that the he had with him last year and was hunted for it, but the rest of the map too. The holographic star map filled the dark room and suddenly she was a giant floating among the stars. The “Mirror” was definitely Ahch-To. After reading the passage about the “Mirror”, there’s no denying it. How many water worlds with islands scattered on its surface that have a cave with a gigantic mirror exist in the galaxy? Given the location of Ahch-To on the two star maps and her memory of the Wayfinder, she could deduce that the “Hole” was Exogol. Tracing the other systems and planets she could recognise from the ancient star map to the one in BB-8’s memory, she had narrowed down to a few systems where the “Window” could be, close to her old home. 

_Jakku_. 

It turns out that she’ll have to make a stop there before they venture into the Unknown Regions in search of the “Window”. She had to meditate on this in hopes that now that she knew where to look; she would be able to pinpoint the exact location of the planet she was looking for. Perhaps stopping by Jakku wouldn’t be a bad idea after all; from there she could buy a ship for much less than in a Core World. She’d only have to find a way to get there. It won’t be difficult, she’s on kriffing Tatooine, there must be someone that is heading to Jakku in Mos Eisley. 

BB-8 asked if everything was alright and she gave him a thumbs-up. “You can turn the projection off, I found what I needed. Thanks BB-8.” she flinched at his next “words”. “I know that I need sleep. I’m going to eat something and get ready for bed, are we good?”

As she stood up, the sound of happy beeps near her feet, a batch of papers fell out of the book. They were all stacked together, laced with a thick and rough red thread. How did she ignore this? The Force whispered intangible words at her as she kneeled down to grab the fallen pages. She set the ancient book on her desk and set off to the dining room with the papers in her hand. 

It was the first time in the two months she’d been staying here that the Resistance rations tasted plain in her mouth, leaving much to be desired. It surfaced the desire for a real meal, made of actual fresh ingredients, made by a sentient being’s hands, not prepared and packed by some machine in a factory. She removed the thread and grabbed the page on top of the bunch. There was a scribbled date on the top right, dating the writing to... 20 years ago?

_“Today I had a dream. It felt very real. I was on a desert full of ruined Imperial ships and I was drowning in quicksand.” the Sinking Fields on Jakku “Then a girl grabbed my arm and pulled me out. It was very scary. The girl was much older than me. I have never seen her in the past, but it feels like I know her somehow. Then I woke up. I don’t know if I should tell Uncle Luke about it, it feels wrong.”_

_Kriff._

This was Ben’s diary. This entry was made around the time he was 10, around the time she was born. She browsed through the entries, taking a glance of every single one of them. His writing got better as time passed and his language more elaborate. He almost exclusively referred to his dreams and visions, as if he wanted to keep track of them in case he forgot. The “girl” was mentioned many times and as time passed, he began describing her little by little. Thin with light skin and freckles, dark brown hair and hazel eyes. On one of the pages, there was a sketch of the “girl”. It was her, she was the girl. He had been seeing her in his dreams since he was 10? She found a page he wrote when he was about 16.

_“Today I dreamed about "her" again. We were in a snowy forest, the ground beneath us was cracking and we were fighting. This was the first time I ever dreamt about us fighting. She was ferocious; she even managed to slash me across the face with a lightsaber. I woke up covered in sweat. Who is she? Why do I keep having those dreams? I don’t understand. I don’t even know if she exists but I feel like I need to meet her. I’ve been doing research on the Sacred Texts for months but I didn’t come across anything that described why this is happening to me and at this point I am too afraid to ask anyone. Not Luke. Not Snoke. Anyone.”_

He had visions of their fight on Starkiller base back then? She also recalls having nightmares about a snow covered planet and a masked creature stalking her through the woods around that time. The Force had already planned out their fates even before they had met, before she was born. Since when did Snoke, since when did her _grandfather_ haunt and plague his thoughts with darkness?

She skipped many entries and reached the last two. They were bizarre to say the least, unsettling almost. There was no date and his handwriting was nothing like the rest of his notes and entries. It was like someone had grabbed his hand and forced him write against his will.

_“What? No! I don’t- Kriff, I don’t want this! Get out! Don’t do this! No! Stop! STOP!”_

The rest of the page was filled with scribbles she couldn’t make sense of. This must have been some time before the destruction of the Jedi Temple. The last page had only one sentence written on it over and over again.

_“Get out of my head!”_

The fork she was using to eat fell off her hand and whatever food she had in her mouth got stuck in her throat as she gulped. Was this what he had to put up with his whole life? 30 years, only for him to truly be free in his last moments? _Oh Force..._ She drank a cup of water and went outside to breathe some of the cold air of Tatooine’s nights. 

She looked at the crystal clear skies above. She wanted to scream, scream at the galaxy, scream at the Force, anything and anyone. This is perhaps the cruellest the Force had been to a person, to an entire family. What her grandfather had caused to them, it dug a deep empty pit in her stomach, it drilled through her chest. Her grandfather had destroyed an entire family, targeted them from their first scion to the last, snuffing them out of the galaxy. After all that she had the audacity to claim their name, after they were all gone. 

She knows what she has to do. No matter what, she has to give them a second chance; she’s the only one who can. She has to bring Ben back to the living world. She has to give him a chance to live a free life, a life outside the influence of other peoples’ malice. He deserves a peaceful life. 

He deserves to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter! It's a little smaller than the last two, but I believe that we needed a breather since we covered a lot last time. I feel like this chapter is more like a transition to the next part of the story, so gather your things because we're going to go on a trip!  
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for the feedback on the previous chapter immediately after posting it, and for the many cool ideas you keep having! I couldn't ask for a better writing partner ;)  
> Stuff to check on Wookieepedia: Unknown Regions, Sinking Fields, Fork (yes, I had to look this up)  
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)!


	7. Chapter VII: The Dream and the Search for the “Window”

There was a tickle under her feet. Opening her eyes, she found herself looking at a crystal clear, pale blue sky, lying in the middle of a green field. There was the distant song of water running and the grass blades around her rustled and danced in the wind. Even when she sat up, she could barely see over the tall grass. 

Footsteps. Someone was walking through the grass. _Kriff._ She laid back down, reaching for the lightsaber that was usually hanging from her belt but she found nothing. Instead of her usual attire, she was wearing a simple light gray dress and a vest similar to the colour of Ben’s robes. Her arm straps and her boots were still there. Her hair was down, her chestnut locks woven with the lively green blades of grass. 

“Hey, calm down.” said a deep and mellow voice. She could hear his smile in the way he spoke. 

“What?” she narrowed her eyes, trying to adjust her sight to the immense light.

“The war is over; you don’t have to greet me with an ignited lightsaber anymore.” he chuckled and she could swear that this was the most beautiful sound that there was. 

“Where are we?”

“Naboo. You blacked out?” he kneeled down and the light was no longer obscuring his features. 

_Ben._

“You’re alive!” she exclaimed, launching herself at him, both tumbling down to the ground, her on top of him.

“Of course I am; I’m not that easy to get rid of. You’re not alone, remember?”

.  
.  
.

The next day found her meditating in the desert. Her eagerness to look into what she managed to find last night had not allowed her to sleep for long. Despite that, it was the most relaxed she’d felt in a long time. She doesn’t remember exactly what she dreamed of, but she felt like it was a pleasant dream. She remembers only a green field and a familiar presence, nothing else. 

She was all alone on the top of a sand dune near the homestead, the light of the twin suns igniting the horizon with golden rays. BB-8 stayed behind to look after the house in case Tusken Raiders decided it would be a good idea to ransack the place. 

_Breathe in... Breathe out..._

She had seen the waterfall described in the Texts before she even knew that it existed. It shouldn’t be difficult to trace the signature once more and find the planet where the “Window” is located. First she had to find Jakku, the _junkyard_. Skipping from system to system in her mind, she managed to reach the planet she was abandoned on. Despite the high temperature on the planet of Jakku, the Force felt cold there. Sharp. Luke had told her about the Emperor’s Observatory on Jakku, the experiments done there unknown to anyone not involved with them during the days of the Empire. He’d told her it may have been some kind of contingency plan, a plan her grandfather came up with so that his Empire would live on forever. 

And he nearly succeeded. 

Looking up to the stars, she heard the now familiar sound of the waterfall, faint, somewhere in the distance. She treaded around the stars in a slow and light manner, following the sound, keeping track of the steps she took away from Jakku. There were uncountable planets surrounding her, infinite paths that she could take to her destination. It seemed hopeless. She must listen closer if she wants to have a chance. 

.  
.  
.

After hours of meditating, she had narrowed down to 10 systems. If BB-8 hadn’t come to her to break her out of her trance, she would most likely find the “Window”. But she would’ve passed out out of exhaustion if she continued her search, a nice “gift” to the first one who would find her, be it a Jawa, a Tusken Raider or a Womp Rat. Back when she was still with the Resistance, before Exogol, she could stay in a meditative state for an entire standard day and getting in and out of it wasn’t that much of a struggle. But now, simply standing on her feet after barely 5 hours of communing with the Force was nearly impossible. It’s alright; she can pick up exactly where she left off once she feels a little better.

BB-8 insisted that she had to lie in a cot for a while and at a loss of what else to do to help her recover he managed to bring her a cup of hot caf. Half of it got spilled in his way there, but the gesture didn’t go underappreciated. He also didn’t allow her to study the Jedi Texts for more information until she was feeling better. But this down time was the perfect time to think about what she should take with her once she leaves Tatooine. She’d need new clothes and many credits. Should she take BB-8 with her too? The trip will be dangerous and despite knowing that he can handle danger well, she shouldn’t put him in harm’s way to achieve something she knows that if he knew, _if Poe knew_ , he’d be against it.

After a while, she persuaded BB-8 that she was well enough to read. She read the passage about the “Window” time and time again, trying to memorize every single detail about this mysterious place to make her search for it easier. With every time she read the passage, a question that briefly crossed her mind when she discovered the star map was growing in strength. What is she hoping to find there? Insights on how to get inside the non-place? A way to see what this other world looks like? A way to see _him_? 

.  
.  
.

She’s back at the top of the dune, listening to the howl of the wind and the Force as if flew over the sand. Her face was getting sandblasted, but it was just another little nuisance she had to ignore in order to continue searching. She had to search for a while to find the thread she was following a few hours ago before BB-8 interrupted her. When she could hear the waterfall again, a surge of relief coursed through her nerves. Standing between the 10 systems, she reached out to feel the way the Force moved around them. Simple hearing wasn’t going to do her any good, since all of the systems had planets with waterfalls. It was like she was searching for a tick under the wool of a bantha. The slightest disturbance in the Force could be the solution to finding the planet. 

A whisper. She didn’t recognise the language it was spoken in, but it sounded ancient, forgotten, forbidden. The stars twinkled brighter the way the voice was coming from. The man who was chanting sounded angry, in despair. Like someone was taken from their life. She saw a dark figure walking on a road paved of stardust, heading to one of the systems. This could be the path she had to take. There was nothing she had to lose. She closed the distance between her and the silhouette, the whisper becoming stronger, turning into a song. She tried not to disturb the horned figure as she followed him to the system of Taras. 

_Taras._ She remembers travellers that came from trips to the Unknown Regions talk about this system. There was a myth that this place held the key to immortality. Many went to the system in hopes of finding this power and keeping it for themselves, very few came back. And those who came back seemed like husks of their former selves. Nearly everyone had killed themselves the night after their return. They said that the place was haunted by ghosts of travellers that never made it out. 

The sun of Taras had the colour of amethyst mixed with blue, surrounded by a fiery asteroid field, the asteroids closer to Taras glowing bright red. The Taras system had only one planet orbiting it, miraculously avoiding collision with any of the asteroids that where orbiting the sun. _Paratarah._ Depending on the time, the planet could have up to 10.000 moons, despite its relatively small size. From afar, the shining silver barks of the trees that covered most of the planet’s surface looked like nails, making Paratarah seem like a gigantic mace to the ones who approached it. 

The Force signature she picked from the planet made her head hurt. It was so strong and so full of contrasts it could rip the planet apart. Warm yet cold. Peaceful yet violent. But somehow, these contradictions protected the planet from any external threats instead of destroying it from within. Light and Darkness coexisting in the same place. 

The man had gone on the surface of the planet. He was a Zabrak with dark red skin, black hair and tattoos decorating his face, his eyes ignited with a yellow-red fire. She recognised his attire from ancient Jedi Holocrons she had recovered from around the galaxy in the one year of her apprenticeship as a Jedi. He was a Sith from a time when the Sith had an academy like the Jedi, before the Rule of Two. With a wave of his hand, the waterfall in front of him split in two and he disappeared behind it once he went past it. His screams were louder than the sound of the waterfall itself, echoing in the woods. The ground shook and purple lightning fell from the gray sky. The waters in the pond beneath the waterfall stirred around like a colossal serpent was swimming in circles inside of it. 

She wanted to stay and see what was going to happen, but the Force was telling her otherwise. She wanted to know what the Zabrak was up to. The sense of time in this place was completely lost on her, she didn’t know if she was looking into the past, present or future. It was like she was watching everything and nothing happen at once. 

_“You’re here at last.”_

The voice that spoke of these words sounded bigger than the galaxy, engulfing everything, including her soul. It wasn’t just one voice, it was thousands of voices at once, no, millions. 

“Huh?”

.  
.  
.

It was deep in the night when she collapsed back on the sands of Tatooine to the sound of anguished beeps. BB-8 rolled to her side, nudging her to get up. 

“I’m fine BB-8, stop wailing!”

She was lying on the sand that was still hot from the sunlight. It warmed her back in the chilly night since she wasn’t wearing any robes over her clothes. 

“How long has it been?” she said, rubbing the space between her eyebrows. The droid gave her a reply that made her freeze. “13 hours? Kriff. It felt like 13 minutes in there.”

She got up, trying to balance her weight. She really needed to get some sleep after all these hours of meditating, of searching the stars. At least now she knew where she’d have to head after she reaches Jakku. Paratarah. There were no coordinates known to reach this planet, she’d have to listen to her instinct and the Force while navigating through hyperspace. The only thing she knew for sure was that the system of Taras wasn’t that far away from Jakku. If she was lucky, it wouldn’t take her a long time to reach it. Something inside her told her that she was in the right path. This trip may be the one. It may be the one to bring him back, or give her more clues on how to do so. Either way, it was a good start. 

The homestead was warm compared to the outside, but she still had to wear robes to be at a comfortable temperature. She wrapped herself in Ben’s robes before heading to her quarters. Her gaze landed on the marks above her cot. In her new quest, she had forgotten to scratch an additional 3 to count the standard days that passed since Exogol, since the day he disappeared. She grabbed the piece of metal she had for this job, but once the metal touched the soft material the wall was made out of, she froze. She couldn’t do it. These marks were made out of hopelessness. They counted 60 days of loneliness and decay. Not anymore. Now she had hope. She will bring him back. 

There was no reason for her to count days anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter! The system of Taras and the planet of Paratarah aren't a part of the Star Wars canon or the EU/Legends. Actually, the name Paratarah comes from the greek word "Parathero" (παράθυρο) which means "window".  
> As always, I have to thank crazyafana on Tumblr for all the help and many ideas for this fic.  
> Stuff to check on Wookieepedia: Tusken Raider, Observatory, Contingency Plan, Jawa, Womp Rat, bantha tick, Zabrak, Holocron, Rule of Two  
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)  
> Cheers!


	8. Chapter VIII: Preparing for the Journey

When Rey woke up today, it seemed just like every other morning that came before. She seems lighter, yes, but her routine remained the same. She got out of the bed, her eyes and her body well rested. There weren’t any leftovers from yesterday’s lunch, so she had to open another pack of rations to eat. It was comforting to see his current master eat properly and talk to him more. She grabbed a cup of caf and told him to follow her outside to watch the twin suns rise.

His programming did not include a protocol for him to be able to enjoy a thing such as a sunrise or a nice view, but he knew that if he could he’d be much appreciative of the spectacle. Watching the suns rise over the golden desert was like watching a campfire grow as the campers put more firewood in it, oddly captivating. 

It’s been since the day they arrived on Tatooine he had seen her smile that wide at something as simple as a sunrise. Once both the suns where out, Rey patted him on the head and began climbing down the dune. He followed her not far behind, afraid that he would get stuck in the sand. 

When they got back home, he expected that she would go straight to her quarters and grab the same book she’s been reading the last two days and study it even further. She did get the book, but she also got the rest of the Jedi texts and piled them up on her desk. Reaching under her cot, she retrieved a backpack and the last package Chewbacca had sent her. Inside the backpack, she stuffed all the books, a box full of holodisks and batches of notes bound together by some kind of red thread. She shed her robes and rushed to the storage room, looking through containers for clothes, fabric, satchels and credits. 

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“I found a clue. I have to leave immediately.”

“Leave? What about me? Am I coming with you?”

“I’ll leave you with Lod and call Poe to come and get you.”

“Why?”

“It’s too dangerous. I can’t risk it. If Poe learns that you got hurt, he’ll skin me alive.” she left the storage room with a pile of clothes in her arms, some silver credits dropping behind her. 

“ _Too dangerous?_ I’ve piloted an AT-ST on my own on the Supremacy. I was hunted by the First Order. Is there anything more dangerous?”

“Perhaps. You’re not coming with me BB-8. That’s final.” she tightened the straps around a satchel full of credits and put it in the same backpack with the books.

“And you trust Lod?”

“Not really, but he can’t be any more dangerous than the entire First Order at your tail. He’s just a limping old man.”

.  
.  
.

“Isn’t it the Skywalker girl.” the Duros leaned against the counter. “There’s no package for you today.”

“I know. I’ve come here for something else.”

“What is it?” he sighed.

“The droid.” she nodded at BB-8 rolling around her feet, trying to convince her to take him with her with his beeps. “I want you to keep him for a while until his owner comes. I can pay.” she threw one of the satchels full of credits next to his elbow.

“Alright, what’s the catch?”

“What catch?”

“You give me credits just to keep this droid? Is there a bounty on it?”

“What? No! He is the droid of a friend. He was staying with me but now I have to leave and he has to reach his owner somehow.”

“Well then, what’s his owner’s name?”

“Poe Dameron.” 

“The _spice runner_?”

“The _Resistance General_.” she rolled her eyes.

“He got a promotion? Heh.” he chuckled. “Anyway, where are you heading?”

“I’m going off planet. Did you hear about anyone trading work for a transport to Jakku?”

“Jakku? That junkyard? Why leave this hole to go to another? Do _Skywalkers_ love sand that much they have to always feel it under their feet?”

She rolled her eyes. It isn’t like she could tell him what she’s up to. “I don’t have time for your jokes Lod. Tell me, have you heard anything?” She rested her right hand on the lightsaber hanging from her belt. Not that she wanted to resort to violence to get any information...

“Hey! Take it easy!” he took a step away from her behind the counter. “There must be a crew in Chalmun’s Cantina heading to Jakku. I don’t know if they trade work for transportation though. Their captain is a Besalisk named Xaly. No, Xalwerd. I think.”

“Good. Thanks Lod, I’ll go check it out. You can keep my speeder until I return.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s parked outside. I don’t think I’ll be in need of it anymore.”

As she turned around to leave, BB-8 bumped into her leg, almost making her trip over him. He asked her about the message she sent Poe, if he received it. She kneeled to his eye height, fixing his antenna. Even after all this time, she can’t understand how he manages to get it bent so frequently. 

“He’ll get it, don’t worry. There’s no way he’ll abandon you here. Once I find what I’m looking for I’ll come back to see you, are we good?”

He beeped a yes. Before standing up, she winked at him and scratched his cold, metallic body. 

“Goodbye BB-8.”

The droid was still looking at her even when she got out of the hangar to grab her things from the speeder. She took one last glance of him before putting on her backpack and headed towards the marketplace of Mos Eisley. She needed new clothes, her all white attire was gaining too much attention and if there are any First Order sympathizers still around the galaxy, they’d recognise her immediately in the clothes she infiltrated the Star Destroyer of their last _Supreme Leader_. And the rest of the clothes she had in her bag weren't any better. Looking at the satchel that was storing Ben’s shirt and old robes, she got an idea.

.  
.  
.

The old lady that helped her out with choosing new clothes reminded her of the woman who used to sit across her workbench back on Jakku. What happened to her? Is she still alive? When she left that old life behind she didn’t get to think what happened to her old home due to her duties as Rey the Jedi, the Resistance’s best fighter. What happened after the First Order attack on Niima Outpost?

When she put on her new light gray shirt, charcoal leggings and vest, her old satchel belt with a new blaster holster and over them Ben’s old robes, the old lady knew that there was something about the way, the care she threw the robes over her shoulders, about the size of the robes and how they were meant for someone other than her. Someone taller than her. Someone important to her.

“Family heirloom?” the lady asked in a raspy, ancient voice, feeling the fabric of the robes under her calloused fingertips.

“No. I don’t believe that I can call them that.”

“A special someone gave them to you?”

“You can call it that.” she attempted to crack a smile.

“Oh, I see now.” she grinned at her with a smile that missed teeth. “Gave them to you to have something to remember him by in your trip?”

“Not exactly. I’m going to find him and give them back to him." _It’s been too long..._

The old woman paused, eyes squinting. “He fought in the war?”

“Yes.”

“I hope that you find him young one. All my life I’ve been seeing only death. It brings me joy to know that there’s still life and love in the galaxy.”

The shopkeeper squeezed her hand and retreated behind her desk. Rey gave her the credits she owed her for the clothes and left with her backpack and the rest of her things. 

“Have a nice trip!”

“Thank you.”

In the two months she’d been staying in the Skywalker homestead, she never got to visit the infamous Chalmun’s Spaceport Cantina, the hive of scum and villainy. It can’t be any worse than Niima Outpost. 

.  
.  
.

She’d heard Lando call Mos Eisley the galaxy’s armpit, but she didn’t know why until now. The first thing you notice before entering the cantina is the music. High pitched. Repetitive. If you paid too much attention to it, it got to your nerves. It was like it was written and played for the sole purpose of making the visitors irritable and ready for a fight. When the doors opened, oh Force the smell. Sweat mixed with mud, slime, oil and blood in a stomach-stirring combination. It reminded her of the barracks back at the Resistance base, but worse. The lights were low enough for the thieves lurking in the corners to go unnoticed while snatching the belongings of unsuspecting dwellers. She regretted leaving her speeder at Lod’s. If she still had it, she wouldn’t have to carry all of her stuff around. She can only hope that the lightsaber hanging from her belt would strike fear to anyone aspiring to steal from her. She paddled through the people and went straight to the bar. It was surprising that she found a seat.

“That seat is taken.” said the green female Twi’lek sitting next to her. 

“By who?” she replied, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible. Her hand unconsciously twitched closer to her lightsaber. 

“By my boss.” she said, unsheathing a dagger and placing it on the bar in the space between them. 

“Oh really?” she unclipped her lightsaber from her belt and placed it next to the dagger. “Don’t worry, I want to ask the bartender droid something and then I’ll be gone.”

The Twi’lek gulped. “You think that I’d be intimidated by your _glowrod_?” she snickered, as if she was trying to cover up the surprise and shock she saw in her diluted pupils.

“I had hope. You seemed more confident when you first brought out your _butter knife_. What happened?”

The Twi'lek took a sip of her drink. “Who are you? What are you looking for?”

Asking that Twi’lek about the Besalisk wouldn’t hurt. Maybe she knew something. “I’m looking for someone trading work for transport to Jakku. I heard a rumour about someone called Xaly or Xalwerd. Do you know anything about him?”

The Twi’lek swore under her breath in Huttese.

“Who’s asking?” said a deep, brassy voice above her.

“Ah, Captain." The Twi'lek stuttered. "You’re here at last. How did your Sabaac game go?”

“Got a handful of extra credits.” the four-armed Besalisk put one end of a cigarra in his wide mouth and ignited the other. “You.” he shifted his attentions towards her. “Who are you?”

“I’m Rey.”

“Just Rey?”

She took a deep breath. “Yes. Just Rey.”

He huffed, smirking at her. “Nice to meet you “Just Rey”. I’m Xalwerd Kirril. I’m the Captain of Kirril’s Pride. And she’s Nag Sijaz.” he pointed at the female Twi’lek with his lower left hand. 

“I heard that you were trading work for a transport to Jakku. I can pay you too, but not much.”

“Yes, that’s true. We’re looking for someone to help us out on the ship. I may love her but she’s fallen into disrepair these last few months. We lost one of our crewmates, the mechanic of the crew and since then it’s difficult to keep everything on her in check.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Nah, he was asking for it. Who told him to go snooping around a Mudhorn’s nest? I didn't really like him to be honest. Anyway, do you know anything about ships?”

“I was a scavenger on Jakku for 14 years. In my free time, I’ve put together a few speeders from spare parts. You can say that I have some experience.”

“14 years?! You barely seem 20 years old! You’ve been working since when? Since you were a baby?”

“I had to survive somehow.”

“With that much experience, I should be the one paying you.” Xalwerd laughed and patted her on the shoulder. “You’re hired.”

“Captain, are you sure...?”

“Naggie...” he side-eyed Sijaz. “I know it when I see an opportunity and I can tell you that our friend Rey over here is a golden one!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're about to leave Tatooine behind and begin our journey to find good boy supreme, Benjamin Chewbacca Organa-Skywalker Solo! I hope that you liked this chapter and thank you for your feedback on the previous chapters!  
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for the support!  
> Stuff to check on Wookieepedia: AT-ST, Chalmun's Spaceport Cantina, Besalisk, Mos Eisley, Niima Outpost, Twi'lek, glowrod, Huttese, Sabaac, cigarra, Mudhorn  
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)  
> Cheers!


	9. Chapter IX: The Ghost and Meeting Kirril’s Crew

He can’t wrap his head around the way time works here. How long has it been since he met with his mother? Since he woke up here? Minutes? Days? Weeks? No matter how much he walked across space, his legs never got tired. His body might not be going numb, but his mind does. He’s been talking to himself all this time. If he didn’t, the silence would take his sanity away. 

A voice echoes in the vacuum between the stars, a voice that isn’t his. It sounded faint but close. He decided to follow it. In the nothingness, what did he have to lose? The only door that led to a familiar place turned out to be a window that can’t be opened. Maybe the voice knew another way.

There was a small blonde child waving his hands at him. What was a kid doing here? It felt like he knew him somehow. Like he was there in his dreams and nightmares back in the living world. 

“Hey, are you coming or not?”

“Huh?”

“I’m talking to you tall guy! Follow me; I want to show you something!” the kid with the blonde hair and beige shirt ran away from him as fast as he could.

“Hey, wait!” he broke into a jog, chasing the kid down. It wasn’t that difficult to keep up with him with these long strides of his. 

He found the child standing in front of a portal similar to the one he tried to jump through when he first woke up. He was hesitant to close the few remaining meters between them. The kid was looking at him, his light blue eyes rounded, excited about whatever he wanted to show him.

“Don’t worry Ben.” _Ben?_ “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Hurt me?” he blinked. “How do you know my name? I don’t know you; who are you?”

“Of course you wouldn’t recognise me.” he sighed, taking a small step closer to him. “All these years you’ve been...” as the kid took more steps, he grew in height. His beige shirt turned into brown Jedi robes. He had turned into a young man, his hair shorter than before, a Padawan braid behind his ear. “...haunted. All these years you’ve being hearing...” the man that was walking to him was now standing at about the same height as him, his hair growing longer, a vertical scar now crossing his right eye. “...false stories about me. Your head was filled with the Emperor’s lies, just like mine. That’s why...” with his next step, his legs turned to metal and his skin to ash. His hair got scorched away and as his clothes got burnt, they turned into black fabric and armour, eyes glowing yellow and red, anger twisting his features. “...I wanted to show you...” the man’s mechanical breathing filled the empty space and a black flowing cape grew from his shoulder pads. His face was now hidden behind a mask, a mask he knew. “...Who I truly was.” 

He was standing almost a head taller than him. He gulped. The sight of _him_ took his breath away. The man brought his hands to his mask and removed it, revealing a face just as pale and gray but older, wiser. His eyes were the same blue as the eyes of the child that was standing in front of him a few moments ago. He no longer looked angry. He was at peace, smiling at him, offering him his free hand while holding his helmet with the other. 

“Grandfather...?”

.  
.  
.

“I haven’t seen a lightsaber in years.” Xalwerd remarked. “I thought that these things no longer existed. How did you get it?”

“I... I _found_ it.” she tore her eyes from Xalwerd’s. “I got lucky. I found it while scavenging for parts in an Imperial Star Destroyer.”

“With a luck like this, I’m gonna need you as my lucky charm in my Sabaac games!” he laughed, hitting her on her back. “You know how to use this too?”

“The basics.” she admitted. She may be the last person in the galaxy that can wield a lightsaber, but her lightsaber training is lacking to say the least.

“Huh. I guess that’s enough. You don’t find lightsaber wielders wandering around everyday like the old days.” 

“You were alive during the Clone Wars?”

“What? No! Do I look that old? My father used to tell me stories about the war, that’s how I know.” he snickered. “Anyway, we should get going. You’ve got to meet the rest of the crew and our ship, see what you’re working with. You want to come with us right away or do you have any stuff to grab first from your place?”

Rey sighed, grabbing her lightsaber and clipping it to her belt. “I’m coming with you. What hangar bay are you in?”

“30.” said Sijaz who has been watching her interactions with her boss in silence. “Better to have your _glowrod_ work for us than be at our necks.” 

.  
.  
.

“And may I present to you...” Xalwerd opened his arms, walking backwards into the hangar bay, “... _Kirril’s Pride_!”

The ship was a LCX-100 light freighter, old and falling apart, the chrome details eroded by time and the red colour that once marked the metal had faded away. Looking back, she feels bad about calling the Millennium Falcon a piece of junk. This ship is literal garbage. It’s a miracle that they made it here, from wherever they came from. Xalwerd’s wide smile faltered, his arms dropping by his side.

“She ain’t much, I know. But she’s more than she lets on; don’t let her looks fool you. Naggie, can you bring us some tools? I’m gonna take our friend Rey to meet the rest of the crew.” 

“Yes Captain.” Sijaz went inside the ship.

There were some people talking in the far back of the hangar bay, inside the storage perhaps. It was the voice of a woman shouting, low pitched and a little harsh. The sound of metal scraping against metal and falling on the sandstone floor echoed in the bay. 

“Ignore the shouting Rey, it’s just Cal and Makiru arguing over Sabacc again. Once you get to know them you’ll see that they’re nice people. Rough but nice.” 

She didn’t reply. She was looking around for anything dangerous or any escape routes. She knew nothing about the people she was working with and the only think she could tell for sure was that Xalwerd was too social or too naive and easy to convince. Or he could be pretending to be like that to fool her into lowering her defences. Either way, it was dangerous to trust him right away. With Sijaz it was easier, she didn’t like her from the first moment she saw her and she seemed immediately distrustful. It was closer to the way she would react to a complete stranger coming at her and threatening her with a lightsaber, while asking around about her boss. 

Xalwerd knocked before entering the room the arguing was coming from, getting no reply. “Ah, these kids...” he sighed, barging into the room. “Hey kids! I’m back!”

“Xaly!” a man with tanned skin and trimmed brown hair jumped out of his chair and rushed to play-punch Xalwerd’s side and then hug him.

“Easy Cal, you’re gonna break my ribs!” he shuffled Cal’s short hair with his hand that was huge compared to the man’s head. “I got you a new crewmate.” he grabbed her by the shoulder and led her inside the room. “This is Rey. She’ll be our engineer for a while. Where’s Castle? He’s got to hear this; I don’t like to say the same things twice.”

“He must be on the ship. Do you want me to go fetch him?” said the female Zabrak she guessed was Makiru. Her skin was a brownish orange. She was about as tall as she was and what little jet black hair was on her horned head was styled into braids. 

“There’s no need. I believe Naggie will tell him to come down to meet Rey if she sees him.”

“I’m coming Captain!” the voice of another man came from the hangar bay, accompanied by the sound of hurried footfalls and the rustle of armour. “What is it?” he asked once he came through the door.

The man was tall and pale with short wavy blonde hair. His gray-blue eyes widened when he saw her. He was wearing worn and dirty parts of a white First Order Stormtrooper armour. She saw his Adam’s apple bob and the nostrils of his slightly crooked nose flare. She sensed something dark. Fear. Hate. The man somehow knew her. 

“And that’s Castle. He’s our heavy gunman. He’s new; he joined the crew about two months ago.” Xalwerd winked at Castle and then shook his head. “Now that you’re all here, I want to officially introduce you to the newest member of the crew. This is Rey, she’ll be our engineer. We’ll have part ways once we reach Jakku though, she’s dropping off there.”

“Jakku?” Makiru flinched. “That junkyard? Why?”

“It’s her home planet. She grew up there scavenging Imperial ships; that’s where she got her expertise. And to top it all off, she’s got a lightsaber. I haven’t seen her use it, but I don’t think that there are many people in this galaxy that are stupid enough to try to attack someone who carries one around.”

“A lightsaber? Does that mean you’re a Jedi?” Cal grunted, his eyes scanning her from top to toe.

“Cal, we’ve talked about this; you’re not on Mandalore anymore.” Xalwerd snapped back at Cal like a father would at his son if he said something inappropriate. “And I can tell you that she isn’t a Jedi, she told me that she found the lightsaber. Now tell her you’re sorry Cal, that’s not how we treat our new recruits. With that Mandalorian stubbornness of yours you won’t be able to keep this crew afloat once I’m gone for an _hour._ ”

“Alright Xaly. I’m sorry.” Cal said in a defeated tone.

“Cal is our assault man and explosives specialist. I’ve been taking care of him since he was 6 years old. He’s the last descendant of Clan Vyr, that’s where he gets all the stubborn genes. Makiru was an orphan. I found her in the lower levels of Coruscant, bullseye-ing birds with a slingshot at the “ripe” age of 10. She’s the sniper of the crew. Naggie our stealth master. She was a bounty hunter that was tasked to kill me. An Imperial Officer didn’t like seeing my face going through blockades like cutting bantha butter with a vibroblade and he wanted me dead. You can see how it worked out.” he laughed. “Now that you’re all acquainted, I’m gonna check on Naggie. Once we find where I put the tools I’ll call you, right Rey?” he raised his upper right hand as if he wanted to shake her hand, his four-digit palm balled into a fist.

“Right...” she stared at his closed fist.

“Oh, that...” he gently took her right hand and made it into a fist and just as gently hit her knuckles with his own. “ _Crew’s Fist._ We do it for good luck.” he smiled and left the room. 

_What the..._

She sat in an empty chair, Cal and Makiru standing in front of her, studying her form. Castle didn’t stay; he went after Xalwerd as soon as he left the room. 

“Why do you want to go back to Jakku?” Makiru asked once more, the question directed at her this time. 

.  
.  
.

“Captain Kirril, we need to talk.” 

“What is it Castle? Do you want to tell me again that it’d be better if we got a new ship? I told you once, I told you-”

Castle fought back his own nerves to prevent them from rolling his eyes. Always wearing a helmet in front of his higher ups never taught him how to look stoic whenever they suggested something weird or idiotic. It couldn’t be... Why is _she_ here? Shouldn’t she be with her _friends_ , with the Resistance scum? He couldn’t say anything about that, there was no First Order to back him up if he tried to subdue or kill her. Kirril would probably skin him alive, given his new fascination with the _Jedi girl_ his Supreme Leader used to be so obsessed with.

“It’s about that new recruit you brought here. I don’t know what she told you but hear this: she’s more dangerous than you think.”

“A lot of people look dangerous to you Castle. You’re no longer a Stormtrooper of the First Order.” Kirril tapped him with his finger right between his eyebrows, making him flinch. “You’re free.”

“She’s lying about the lightsaber. She’s a Jedi. She killed Supreme Leader Snoke and bested Kylo Ren in combat.”

“What? Are you going nuts? Are you even listening to what you’re saying? A _scavenger_ from kriffing _Jakku_ doing all these things? Even if she did, aren’t you glad that she’s on your side now?” he scoffed and headed to the ship. 

There’s no way he can let this slide. Even though the First Order was dead, he had to make a call to someone he knew would _love_ to have a talk with the Jedi girl. 

He never questioned the circumstances of Supreme Leader Snoke’s death, he had no other choice but to accept Kylo Ren’s rise into power. There was someone though that did question it, but without the Jedi’s confession, he couldn’t confirm anything about the footage he found in the ruins of the Supremacy. His former general deserved to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with grandpa Ani finally meeting his grandson! Also we got Rey meeting with the rest of Kirril's Crew and Castle thinking about calling someone...
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana for all the usual reasons. You're awesome!
> 
> Stuff to check on Wookieepedia: LCX-100 light freighter, Mandalore, Coruscant 
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)
> 
> Cheers!


	10. Chapter X: The Call

What is taking Captain Kirril and Sijaz so long? He has to be patient, for the sake of his former General. He’s leaning against a wall near the room his crewmates and _the Jedi girl_ are in, trying to overhear their conversation. Cal and Makiru sounded convinced by her half-baked lies. She wasn’t just “roaming the galaxy for work” the past year, she was the Resistance’s best warrior. Were these people living under a rock or is this whole thing a plan to drive him away from his sanity? 

“There’s no way they disappeared. They’re somewhere around the ship!” Captain Kirril shouted at Sijaz.

“Then where did you put them last time Captain?”

“I... I don’t remember.” 

“Is it going to cost us a lot to buy new ones?”

“No. But it’s... I’m confused.”

Captain Kirril and Sijaz walked out of the hangar and out to the light of the twin suns of Tatooine. With swift moves he boarded the ship and headed straight to his quarters. There’s no time to lose; Kirril could very well remember all out of the blue that he put the tools in a random cabinet inside his room for all he knows. Once he’s sure that no one was on the ship or that no one would be able to eavesdrop on him, he reached for a holoprojector he had stored inside a pocket he had made on the back side of his duraplast chest plate. 

With a flick of a switch, the device came alive, the dark room now lit with a light blue glow. He entered a code and set it on his cot, making himself more presentable as he waited for his General to pick up his call. There wasn’t any need for the formalities, the First Order was gone, but it’s difficult to let go of his old ways. Especially when it came to speaking with one of his former Generals that he respected the most. Not everyone was able to keep his ground and cool during Kylo Ren’s reign, many Generals and High Rankers snapped or got killed. He remained loyal to the Order until the end while searching for the truth behind Supreme Leader Snoke’s death. And that new Admiral, _what was his name_ , Pryde had the audacity to call him out as a traitor and shot him in cold blood. If it wasn’t for him, the General wouldn’t make it. Even with all the protective gear that he could stuff under his officer uniform, it wasn’t enough to absorb the full power of the blaster bolt. 

Much to his relief, his call did not go unanswered. The faint blue light of the holoprojector turned into the figure of his General, standing in front of him in what he can deduce were his sleepwear. 

“General Hux. I hope I didn’t interrupt your sleep. But the matter at hand is of utmost importance.” 

It took some time for the General to concentrate and bring himself to meet his eyes through the connection. With disheveled hair, a short beard growing and bags under his eyes, he looked nothing like the man he used to be. Not long after recovering from the incident over Kijimi, he picked up drinking. There were nights were he found him passed out on the floor of the beat up Sienar-Jaemus Upsilon-Class command shuttle he stole to get him as far away from Kijimi as possible. Who wouldn’t become an alcoholic after being discarded like that, after devoting their life to a cause and being thrown away like trash? 

“It’s fine Castle.” Hux’s voice was devoid of any life. “What is it?”

Not even the thought of hunting down Kylo Ren didn’t bring the General joy anymore. About 20 fellow Stormtroopers were staying with them back when he was still staying with him too, nowhere else left to go. They were willing to help their General do anything, but he desired nothing. He just wanted to lie down and wait for death to come. Perhaps this news will bring him some happiness. 

“I found someone that I believe you’d like to meet sir.”

“Hmmm, is that so? Where are you now?”

“We’re on Tatooine but there’s no need to worry sir. We’re coming to Jakku.”

“And who’s that person that I’d like to meet?”

“It’s the girl Supreme Leader Kylo Ren was obsessed with. The Jedi.”

“What? How?”

“She joined Kirril’s crew. For some reason she wants to go to Jakku but from what I can tell, she doesn’t want her Resistance friends at her back. Would you like me to arrange a meeting for you two?”

“I’d _love_ to.” 

.  
.  
.

The things his grandfather had just showed him were nothing like what the stories and the legends he’d been told. All these years, all of this... It was a lie. A well-crafted lie, crafted by the master of all liars, the Emperor himself. He was made to worship the monster and ignore the man behind the mask, when the one he should look up to was him, Anakin. Seeing his grandfather’s life from his perspective was odd but it was like it opened a door to a room filled to the brim with new possibilities. Maybe...

“What’s in your mind Ben?” his grandfather’s voice was low and resonant.

“All these years...” his voice cracked, “Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”

“I couldn’t. I tried to reach you, but the Emperor was already speaking to you with my voice. You wouldn’t believe me. You think it didn’t hurt to watch my grandson suffer because of me?”

“But... but...” 

He broke down to sobs. He was fantasizing about meeting his grandfather since the day he learned who he became after the Clone Wars, since the night he fled the ruins of the Jedi Temple but now that he’s in front of him, all he can do is cry about the truths that had been revealed to him. He never really desired to rule the galaxy and when he wanted to do so, it was out of desperation. All he ever wanted was a family. The _Emperor’s Fist_ , he just wanted to make sure that his loved ones would always be close, alive and well. He failed to save his wife, he killed his former master, he killed and killed... But in the end, he saved his son from the Emperor. He found the courage to do what he wanted to do. Not to assume the Emperor’s power, but to save Luke. Just like he did back on the Supremacy, even though things didn’t work out as he imagined. They were more similar than what he initially imagined. He felt his grandfather’s arms wrap around him and bring him into an embrace. 

He took a shaky breath. “What is this place? Where are we?”

“Nowhere and everywhere at once.” Anakin let go of him and took a step back so that he could look into his eyes. “This place is the Force in its purest form. Not just Light, not just Dark. Both of them, working together in harmony, keeping the fabric of reality woven together. When I was looking for a way to prevent Padmé’s death, I was stuck in the black and white thinking of the Jedi and the Sith. I never thought about seeking a “grey” approach, even though I have witnessed firsthand how powerful it could be. I failed to see what was in front of my eyes, but you managed to cheat death. You managed to bring that girl Rey back to life and now you’re here, in the midway between life and death.”

“ _Midway_? Huh? I don’t...”

“It means that there’s a way for you to go back to the living world. I’ve seen what this place can do. A child that was barely trained in the Ways of the Force could save my former apprentice from dying because of it. And you, being one half of a Dyad... It shouldn’t be that difficult. No wonder why the Emperor was so obsessed with this place. The one that can control this place can rule the stars now and forever, and he almost succeeded. I’m proud of you Ben.”

He shook his head in disbelief. _Proud?_ His grandfather was proud of him? “Why?”

“Can’t you see why? You helped to defeat the Emperor for good. You saved what you love and now she’s looking for you. She knows that you aren’t dead, that you can go back. Unfortunately I can’t help you find the way out, that’s your journey. All I can say is that you have to find the Window, and from there the path to life will be clear.”

“The Window?”

“You’ll know when you’ll find it. I hope that we’ll meet again soon, in the living world.” he takes a few steps away from him, his light fading away.

Before he could say anything, his grandfather’s ghost was gone and he was left alone reaching out to thin air. There was a way out? Rey was looking for a way to get him out of here? Is that why he saw her here too what now felt like eons ago? 

The Window... There was a passage in the Sacred Jedi Texts about a place called that way. Could it be the same place his grandfather told him about? It should be. It would mean that all these things and theories that the first of the Jedi had written; all these abilities and... Force, it was all true. What he once thought as the most absurd and unlikely of theories, it was true. A world between time and space... the possibilities were limitless. And he was stuck in here, in a place that many seek, he was looking for a way out of it. He closed his eyes and listened closer to the silence around him. Something tugged him to keep walking forward, and so he did. No matter what, he was going to find it. He had to. 

.  
.  
.

“Why do you want to go back to Jakku?” Makiru asked Rey.

“I have some unfinished business there. I’m not going to stay there for long though.”

“Oh?” Cal shifted in his seat. “What kind of business.”

“Something from my past, uh, an unpaid debt.” _Come on, think..._ “To Unkar Plutt.”

“That blob? Is he still alive after that _Wookiee_ tore his hands off?” Makiru turned around to look at Cal.

“Yeah.” Cal nodded. “And he’s become snippier than he was before. You owe him credits?”

 _Kriff._ “You can call it that. It’s a long story.” 

“Is that why you left Jakku in the first place? Debts?” Cal continued prying.

“Uh huh.” she nodded, pretending to search for something in her satchel. 

“Kriff, it turns out I’m not the only one who owes to that old blob.” Makiru threw her arms into the air. “I hoped that he was dead. How did you end up on this rock?”

“I’ve been looking for jobs all around the galaxy to get away from Jakku.” she kept rummaging through the satchel, hoping that they would stop asking her questions. “I guess I got sentimental and missed my old home.”

“Huh.”

A few minutes of silence pass between the three. She was grateful for that, to be honest. These two didn’t seem as distrustful as Sijaz or that weird blonde guy in the Stormtrooper armour. What was the deal with him anyway? When he first saw her, he looked like he had seen a ghost. The Force around him moved in a curious way, a way that felt like trouble. She can only hope that he won’t cause any problems to her and her mission. She has no time for those. 

Cal picked up some Sabacc cards that had fallen on the floor and piled them up on the table that he and Makiru were sitting by. 

“Do you know how to play Sabacc Rey?” he asked.

“The basics.”

“Want to join us?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about not updating this Thursday. Schoolwork piled up and I didn't have any time for writing. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope that you liked this chapter! Kudos to crazyafana on Tumblr for the support and the help on the story!
> 
> Stuff to check on Wookieepedia: duraplast, Kijimi, Sienar-Jaemus Upsilon-Class command shuttle
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)
> 
> Cheers!


	11. Chapter XI: Sabacc, Repairing Kirril's Pride and the Message

“Want to join us?” Cal asked.

Rey looked up from her satchel. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. Do I look like joking around?”

“Fine then. But no bets.” she approached the table he and Makiru sat together, the Sabacc deck set between them.

“Aw, you’re no fun.” he whined. 

“Do you want me to join you or not?”

“Ugh, fine...”

She took a seat opposing the two crewmembers of Kirril’s Crew, eyeing them up and down. As Cal was shuffling the deck of cards, Makiru chuckled. 

“What were you planning to bet on anyway, eh Callie? Your socks? Didn’t I strip you alive last pot?” she punched his side, almost making him drop the cards on the floor again.

“Shut up.” he mumbled.

“Is this the reason you two were arguing earlier?” she asked, watching as Cal began giving them the cards.

“He can’t even cheat right!” Makiru side-eyed him. “Sometimes it’s hard to believe that we were both tutored by Xaly to play this game. The only thing Callie is good at is shuffling.” 

“Don’t listen to her, she’s just being an overconfident stubborn Zabrak.” he leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear.

The hairs on her back stood in memory of her awakening to the Force; that damned time in the interrogation chamber. If that didn’t happen, if he hadn’t found her in the forest of Takodana, if she’d never left Jakku, she wouldn’t have that gaping hole in her soul now. 

She wouldn’t have to be here right now.

“Are Mandalorians any different?” she replied, the response taking him by surprise. “If you two are going to argue all your way through this hand, I’m out.”

“Uh, what’s your total?” Cal scratched his head, avoiding to give an answer to her previous statement. 

“8.” said Makiru.

She looks at her cards. An Ace and a Balance card. “I got 4.”

“Oh. Mine’s 17.”

The game went on in silence as they exchanged cards with the deck set on the table. 

.  
.  
.

A few hands passed. She managed to win some, much to her surprise. Even with the Force on her side, she’s horrible at it. It seems that when it comes to cards, her luck is short. She lost this round, and Cal was already gathering all the cards to shuffle again. 

“I know this is a weird question to ask right now, given the state of the galaxy and such, but what are your thoughts about the war?” she asked.

“The war? Which one of them? We got plenty of wars to talk about.” Makiru replied.

“The war between the Resistance and the First Order.”

“Not much. Well, the First Order made our job a little harder with all the surveillance on their worlds, especially this last year. I don’t know what got into them, a change in leadership, I guess? Thank the Maker that the Republic is back. What about you Rey?”

“I didn’t have much time to think about it. I was fighting to survive after I left Jakku. You can say that the conflict made my life harder too in a way. It wasn’t that easy to go around the galaxy with a bounty on my head.”

“A bounty? By who?” Cal laughed. “What could a scavenger from Jakku do that is worthy of a bounty?”

“I don’t know why I got it either. I believe that the First Order had a thing about issuing bounties for no reason.”

With a loud creaking noise and heavy footfalls, Xalwerd entered the room, interrupting their talk and the game. 

“Hey there! Playing Sabacc without me? What you betting?”

“Nothing, just playing for fun.” Cal said. 

“Ah, what fun is the game without the bets? Anyway, Rey I got you some tools. We should get started if we want to be out of here soon.”

“Yes Captain.” she stood up and grabbed the backpack with her stuff.

She said goodbye to Cal and Makiru before joining Xalwerd in the hangar by the ship’s rear. Sijaz was waiting there with a dusty bag full of haphazardly stacked tools. The tools looked old and weathered, like they had repaired the ship many times before. They must’ve been under Xalwerd’s possession since he got his _Pride_.

“I hope those will do. I lost my previous set of tools and we had to go and buy new ones from the local market. If you can call these “new”.”

_Oh._ “It’s okay, we’ll figure things out. First, we need to find out what’s wrong with your ship. Do you mind if I check the cockpit first? There must be something in the ship’s computer that will tell us what’s wrong.”

“Of course. You’re the expert here, not me.” Xalwerd nodded at Sijaz and sent her off to take a break. 

Castle walked out of the ship with a smirk on his face. When he turned around to face her, his smirk turned into a full-blown smile, showing off his teeth that were too large for his face shape. _What the..._ In the 20 years of her life, she’s met many odd people. Castle is one of the oddest, for now at least. Maybe he isn’t a bad person at all; he’s just having problems with communication. 

“Good luck fixing the ship.” he said, awkwardly bumping her shoulder with his fist before heading straight to the room where the rest of the crew was in.

“Thanks?”

.  
.  
.

_“You’re doing this for Ben.”_ she kept telling herself. It was past midnight. She was fighting the urge to lie down on the ship’s cold hull and sleep until the morning comes. At this hour, she regretted leaving her backpack and robes under the ship. She was wearing some of her old white clothes that had now turned as dark as her new vest. She was covered in grease and oil from top to toe, fighting an oil pipe to reach a smaller, broken one on top of the freighter. Once she managed to reach it, she realised that she was holding the wrong tool. 

“Kriff!”

“Everything alright up there?” she heard Cal’s voice coming from the ship’s boarding ramp.

“Uh, yeah.” she shouted back at him, getting her head out of the LCX-100’s guts to look for the right tool.

“Do you need anything?”

“Can you get Captain Kirril for me? I was calling him earlier but he didn’t respond.”

“He must’ve fallen asleep. Where was he?”

“In the cockpit I think. I told him to standby in case I needed him to test some of the ship’s systems.”

“I could do that too. There’s no need to wake him up if he’s really asleep.”

“Oh, that’s great. Unless you want to go to sleep too.”

“Don’t sweat it. Just tell me whenever you need something, alright?”

“Thanks Cal.”

She managed to reach the broken pipe (with the right tool this time) and brought it out. It looked salvageable, not something that couldn’t be fixed with everything that was in her disposal. She used to salvage stuff that was in a much worse condition with much less than this. This little tube wasn’t going to be a problem. She was quite proud about her work on the ship so far actually, given that it had been more than a year since the last time she got to do this full-time. The ship as a whole was a mess that was barely running, but each individual part wasn’t that worn that it could be deemed unfixable. It was the combination of all these worn parts that made Kirril’s Pride the mess that it was today. 

Once the tube was fixed and back in its place, it was time to test it. “Cal, turn on the fuel flow!” watching the glowing blue fuel flow through the tubes and pipes with no leaks made her heart sing. “Turn it off!”

And with that, the tube had gone transparent again. On her smeared and muddy holopad display she could see that the fuel flow readings from the latest test were nominal. Back in her scavenging days, she had no tools to tell her if she had really fixed a faulty part, she had to rely solely on her intuition. This thing made this whole process too easy. Maybe it was time for her to check if the engine was now able to run at its full capacity.

“Fire up the engine!” The engine no longer sounded like it was an asthmatic reptile. It was now whirring with a pleasant whistle; it was thanking her for taking such good care of it. And the readings on her holopad only confirmed that. “Yes!” she climbed off the ship’s top and right onto the boarding ramp in one move. “Cal, turn it off. We’re good.”

“Phew.” he sighed as the engine was losing power. “Is there anything else we need to check?”

“I still need to take a look at the calcinator and the compressor. The rest of it is just some hull repairs and the shields. There are a few things that need to be replaced.”

“Huh. Given the way you handled the engine, you gave me the impression that you could fix anything. I don’t think that I’ve ever heard the engine sing like that in my life.” 

“I can salvage worn stuff. Broken stuff. Not ruined stuff.”

“Xaly’s going to be ecstatic about this. I was right about him being asleep, by the way. I found him in the pilot’s seat.” Cal folded his arms over his chest. “Do you want to head inside? I can show you where you’ll be staying and maybe you can take a shower too.”

“I think I’ll stay here to check everything I fixed just in case anything broke again. Thanks again.” 

“Goodnight then. Makiru and Nag are still in the storage room, they’ll come out any minute now. They won’t have a problem showing you to your place.”

“So I could go ask them for anything I need?”

“If I were you, I wouldn’t interrupt them right now. Things tend to get a little... nasty when that happens.” he winked and she didn't want to think about the implications of that wink.

“What about Castle?”

“He went to sleep about an hour ago. He won't be of any help to you. That guy’s a very heavy sleeper for a former Stormtrooper.”

.  
.  
.

“Do we have any news from our informants in the Outer Rim?”

“No General. No sign of First Order sympathisers there so far. If they still exist, they’re too good at hiding.”

“Huh. Good. It seems that we can start rebuilding sooner than I expected. I’ll have to talk with the Senators, to see where the new capital is going to be. It’s time to call this whole thing a Republic again.”

The Commander saluted him and left the conference room. Even after two months, having this much power in his hands felt weird. There are times he misses being able to simply jump into an X-Wing and blow stuff up. Now, his actions could have consequences much worse than the D’Qar bomb run fiasco or the mutiny against Vice Admiral Holdo. 

His comlink bleeped. “General Dameron.” said the voice on the other side. “There’s a transmission for you from Tatooine. It’s from the Jedi Rey.”

_Rey?_ “I’m coming.”

“It’s a message sir. I could send it over to you, there’s no need for you to come over."

“Send it then."

Another bleep, this time it was his holoprojector. He set it on the table, found the new message and hit the play button. 

_“Hey Poe. I hope you’re all doing fine over there. I’m doing well, if you’re wondering. There’s something I need to tell you and I need you to stay calm.”_ the little projected version of Rey paused and bit her knuckle. _“I need to get off Tatooine. I can’t tell you were I’m going. I found out about something I need to check by myself, I shouldn’t drag any of you into this too. That’s why-”_ she coughed _“-that’s why I had to leave BB-8 behind. He’s in good hands. You can go get him, he’s with Lod Moolt. He runs the postal service hangar in Mos Eisley.”_ a sigh made it through the roughness of the recording, data lost in transmission. _“Please, don’t send anyone after me. I’ll communicate with all of you as soon as possible. Goodbye.”_

The holoprojector turned off and he was left staring at the wall in front of him. He sat on the chair that was closest to him, his brow furrowed. Rey left? This message was already a day old as its timestamp suggested. She could be halfway across the galaxy by now. _What the hell..._ He should tell the others. Maybe Rose knew something that he didn’t. Last time they talked, both Rey and Rose acted in ways uncharacteristic of theirs, especially Rose. Rey always kept her distances. But Rose?   
Something was really wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the lack of an update this Thursday. I think that I may have to stick to updating only once a week every Sunday to cope with everything that's happening. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope that you liked it.
> 
> Yet again, special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr! 
> 
> Stuff to check on Wookieepedia: Sabacc, holopad, D'Qar, comlink 
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)


	12. Chapter XII: Castle and the Final Repairs

The last thing she remembered was struggling to put the calcinator back in its place so that everything would function normally again. Why was she in a double-decker cot now, lying on something stiff and cold? She jumped off the bed relieved to realise that she wasn’t bound, rubbing her wrists. Across the room, Castle was sitting in a desk, cleaning and oiling his blaster. 

“Ah, you’re finally awake.” he said, his back turned to her.

“Where am I? Why am I here?”

“Good morning to you too.” he turned his chair around to face her. “I woke up to get some water and I found you passed out in the hall. I couldn’t leave you there and so here we are, in my quarters.”

“Where are the others?”

“They’re still sleeping. It’s early.”

“Then why are you awake?” she stretched. “Do you have trouble with sleep?”

Castle didn’t reply, he turned around and resumed working on his blaster. He took it into his hands, testing its weight. The Force around him moved in a curious, shifty way. She knew that he used to be a Stormtrooper, yes, but there was something else that he was trying to hide, and she wouldn’t dare use a mind trick or snoop around his mind to find out what that thing was. Standing up, she checked her clothes. They were intact and just as dirty as last night, her lightsaber hanging from her belt.

“Not really, I usually lie down and drop dead.” he mouthed at last. “Last night was an exception. If there’s someone who has problems with sleep in this room, it’s you. Do you pass out working often?”

“I overdid it last night.” she admitted while yawning. “I just want to be done and get to Jakku as soon as possible.”

“Really?” he was once again facing her, his grey-blue eyes lit up. “I can’t wait to get there too. I’ve got some _friends_ there that I can’t wait to meet again.” 

“Former Stormtroopers too?”

He flinched and made a face at her. With that expression on his face, she could bet her life on it, there was no way she could tell that he used to be a soldier that carried out the Supreme Leader’s orders. Even when he had parts of his old armour on. Looking back now, Finn used to emote that much when they first met. He still did. It seems that the First Order didn’t bother teaching ways to remain unfazed to their troops. When they had their helmets on, they were faceless monsters, feared by everyone but under the helmets, they were people. Just people.

“More or less. We’re all defectors that managed to get away before the Battle of Exogol. Stormtroopers, Officers, Technicians...” he trailed off, his gaze fixed at something she was unable to see. “You get the idea. You’re a runaway too, you know how it feels to leave an old life behind and take on a new one. No matter how much you try to forget about it, it still haunts you at night. Maybe I could help you with the repairs so we can get off planet sooner. I am no engineer, but there must be a way I could be proven of aid.” his voice was mechanical, despite the sincerity of what he told her.

“Thanks. You all have been very helpful.”

“Captain Kirril made this crew to help people. From what the others told me, created this crew so that he could give a second chance to misfits from all around the galaxy. He’s had many “apprentices” in the past that he’d reintegrated into the galaxy. Who else would take a former Stormtrooper in their crew during this time? Either someone with a big heart or someone extremely stupid.” 

“Don’t say that. I’ve met other defectors in the past. You aren’t as bad as you think you are. I met people that at I first thought of as irredeemable, but they proven themselves to be the most selfless and caring of them all.” she said, reminded of the moment she woke up in Ben’s arms after defeating the Emperor. Her eyes were burning but she didn’t know whether it was due to the lack of proper sleep or the memory of that time.

“Huh.” was all he said in response.

The fact that Castle kept staring at her didn’t make the tense and heavy atmosphere any lighter. He was hiding something, she knew it. She clenched her fist around the oil stained fabric of her clothes, fighting back a dark urge she was afraid of since the first moment she awakened to the Force. Each moment of silence that passed made her frustration grow. She could subdue him and take his memories, learn his secrets. Kriff, she could steal their ship if she wanted to, she wouldn’t have to put up with any of this now. It’d be just her and her _mission_.

The fact that she even thought about that possibility terrified her.

“Do you want to help me with the calcinator? It gave me a lot of trouble getting it out of its place.” she said in an attempt to take her mind away from the thoughts that lurked in the deepest places of her mind. He didn’t do anything to deserve her frustration. “Taking that into mind, it’ll be difficult to put it back in on my own.”

Castle nodded in affirmation and stood up, already about to exit the room. She followed him to the spot where all the tools and parts from last night were sprawled out, where Castle presumably found her sleeping before taking her to his room.

“I didn’t touch anything here, I promise. I found you and took you to bed, nothing else.”

“I can see that.” she kneeled by the hole in the wall that once housed the run down calcinator. She got to repair it with what she got the night before. The only things she had to do today was to put the calcinator in its place and replace parts that couldn’t be fixed or salvaged. “Can you give me the...”

“Oh, here it is.” Castle gave her the tool she was pointing at. 

After a while, that damned calcinator was back in place, and the test she ran showed that everything was working normally. Castle screwed the durasteel wall panel back in place while she cleaned up the mess of tools and fluids that she made in the process of fixing it.

Heavy footsteps came from the cockpit, dragging across the floor. “What are you two doing here?” Xalwerd asked in a drowsy tone, side-eyeing Castle. 

“We just put the calcinator back together. I’m done with the repairs. Now, I have to replace some shield projectors that are completely fried and then we’re ready to go.”

“That quick? You must’ve been working all night!”

“Anything to get off this planet as soon as possible. Do you have any spare shield projectors from previous repairs?”

“Nah, I never bought more parts than what I needed. We can go grab some. How many do we need?”

.  
.  
.

“Are you kidding me? She’d never do that!” Finn brought his eyebrows together, eyeing Poe up and down in disbelief. 

Of course he would never believe him. Last time they talked, she was determined to stay on Tatooine for who know how long. He had a hard time believing it himself, why would Finn believe it? Rose on the other hand remained silent. Awfully silent. 

“I could play the message for you two but I’m telling you that there’s no need. She’s leaving Tatooine.”

“Alright, fine. But do we know where she’s going?”

“Not the vaguest idea.”

“Then we should go after her! She could be in trouble!” Finn exclaimed.

“Finn, you saw her keep her ground against Kylo Ren. From what we know, she defeated him three times, she killed him! She managed to defeat Snoke and Palpatine in what, a year? I think that it’s crystal clear that she can handle trouble well.” Rose’s voice was near breaking out of frustration before she stormed out of the room. 

“Rose is right Finn.” he crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Look, I’m worried and I have questions too, but I don’t think that going after her is going to be productive in any way. We all have duties here. We are rebuilding the galaxy from the ground up; we are doing our own thing. Maybe it’s time we let her do her own thing too.”

Finn sighed. “Poe, I have a very bad feeling about this. I think that she may be in very deep trouble right now.”

“How many times did that feeling come true?”

“Always.” he said loud and clear.

“How many times she actually needed our help?”

Finn looked at his feet. “...never.” he mumbled.

“See?” he shrugged. “You don’t have to worry about her. We’ll go on a trip to fetch BB-8 and you can ask around about her if that makes you feel better.”

Finn bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. He left the room too, leaving him alone with his thoughts. Poe brought his wrist to his mouth, where his comlink was.

“Chief Engineer Rose Tico, we need to talk.”

Nothing but silence came out of his comlink as a response at first. Then, the comlink came back to life, a faint static filling his head before Rose’s voice broke through it. 

“What is it _General Poe Dameron_?”

“Come back to my office now. You know the reason. I didn’t get the time to ask you about it since you left that early. And I couldn’t ask you with Finn around.”

.  
.  
.

Another tug and the last shield projector was in place. These last 4 hours had been a torment. The humid air inside the hangar combined with the twin suns scorching the material the hangar was made of, it made it feel like she was inside a gigantic pot over the fire, bathing in boiling water. The air was barely breathable, and the durasteel of the ship’s hull felt like it was going to melt her skin off. Finally! She’s done! All she needs now is a shower and a quiet spot to meditate.

She climbed off the ship, sweat dripping off of every last square centimetre of her. Her clothes were as heavy and wet as that time on the ruins of the Death Star, as if a wave had crashed on her. Xalwerd didn’t dare to come outside. Besalisks weren’t made for a climate as hot as this; he’d have a heat stroke if he came out right now. That’s why Sijaz was the one that was waiting for her on the ground while all the others were waiting inside. 

“Are we done yet?” Sijaz asked, annoyed that she had to wait here for her.

“Yes we are. Is everyone ready to leave?”

“All packed and ready to go. Are your things onboard?”

“I put them onboard last night. I’ll check if I have everything packed and then we’re leaving this place.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I hope that your repairs aren’t going to blow us in pieces before takeoff.” she turned around to leave.

She shut her eyes closed, fists balling by her sides. After spending all that time in solitude, she found it more and more difficult to keep her temper in check. Perhaps the disorder and imbalance in her was caused by the lack of a counterpart in the Dark. She chose to blame it on that. The Force was trying to balance itself out and what better way it had other than making her feel like a mess? 

The interior of the ship, compared to outside, was as cold as the snowy forests of Starkiller Base and just as humid as its prison and interrogation cells. Her bags and her other clothes were in the cockpit, on one of the six chairs that were in it. She searched her things, in case someone was “brave” enough to snoop around and take something for themselves. Thankfully, everything was intact, her books, the things she took from Chewie’s package, the credits... She let out a breath that she was keeping inside her since the moment she began searching her bags. 

“You definitely need a shower.” said Xalwerd, who she hadn’t realised he was there in the cockpit with her.

“You think?” she said, rubbing some sweat off her brow with the straps around her hands.

“Naggie! Come over here and show our newest member where her cot and the bathroom is!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! Rey and Castle have a talk, the repairs on the ship are finished and we're finally going to leave Tatooine behind! 
> 
> Thanks for reading this chapter!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr!
> 
> You can say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)
> 
> See you next week!


	13. Chapter XIII: Takeoff and Treading Realities

She got out of the shower to the sound of people talking loudly. The noise came from the cockpit, where the entirety of the crew was in, making preparations for the takeoff. Her hair was still wet and she was scrubbing her head with a towel Chewie had sent her. It was made out of some ultra absorbent fabric she had never seen in her life before. As if he had sensed her coming, Xalwerd came out of the cockpit, the butt of a finished cigarra still in his wide mouth.

“Ready to go?”

“Yes Captain.” 

“What are you waiting for then?” he gestured at her to come closer to him. “Come to the cockpit! We’ve got a seat reserved for you. You don’t want to miss the view, do you?”

She smiled and followed him inside. All four heads turned to them as they entered, interrupting their talk. Xalwerd took a seat in the front right next to Cal, testing the ship’s controls. 

“So, um... Where do I sit?”

“Here.” said the voice of Castle behind her, not very amused to break the news to her that she was going to sit next to him.

Not that she was excited about it either. _Kriff._ She collapsed on the seat, staring out of the transparisteel window in the front. 

“Seatbelt.” Castle whispered at her, avoiding eye contact. 

“Thanks.” she replied, not sure of what she mouthed. She wasn’t used to people telling her to put on a seatbelt during takeoff. Kriff, she can’t remember ever putting on a seatbelt while on a ship, always ready to head wherever she was needed onboard during battles.

The next moments passed in relative silence, as Xalwerd flicked switches and pushed buttons that brought the ship’s systems to life. Everything sounded to power up normally, the engine whirring like a songbird during a misty morning on Ajan Kloss. 

“It’s been years since I heard my Pride sing like that.” Xalwerd’s smile could be heard in his voice. “It sounds like you’ve done a great job Rey.”

“Let’s hope that it isn’t a swan song.” Sijaz who was seated in front of her mumbled.

Xalwerd pulled a lever and the ship levitated upwards and out of the hangar, the blue cloudless sky now in full view ahead. They sped up over the arid desert, going higher and higher. The pale blue of the sky gave its way to the black of the vast galaxy, the stars being the first to wish them a nice trip, welcoming them into the cold of space.

“Moment of truth.” Xalwerd said as he hit a switch, preparing for lightspeed travel. “Godspeed crewsmates!”

With the pull of a lever, the stars turned into streaks of white paint across the black canvas of the universe. She got pushed back into her seat due to the sudden change of speed. It’s been two whole months since the last time she travelled through lightspeed, it was expected that she wouldn’t be able to adapt to it in a moment’s notice. Sijaz let out a sigh of relief after a few minutes passed in lightspeed travel. She got up and patted her on the shoulder as she left the cockpit.

“I didn’t expect that a Jakku scavenger would be able to fix this piece of junk. I’m impressed.”

“Watch the way you speak about my Pride, Naggie! You don’t want to hurt her feelings, do you?”

“It’s just a ship Captain, it doesn’t have feelings.” Sijaz fired back.

Xalwerd and Cal slowly turned around to face her, a frown etched deep in their features. Sijaz did a gesture she had seen other people do back in the Resistance, showing them her middle finger before leaving. She didn’t understand the meaning behind the gesture since it always elicited different reactions in people. In the frenzy of the war, she never got to ask what it was about.

“Are we good Captain?” Rey said.

“The ship doesn’t feel like it’s falling apart anymore. We didn’t explode into a million pieces when we got into lightspeed. You earned your trip to Jakku with your sweat.” he turned his seat around. “You must’ve a very good reason to get there to fix the ship that fast and that good.”

“Yes.” she nodded, unfastening her seatbelt and standing up. “Now excuse me, but I need to go get some rest. If anything comes up, call me over.”

“Go, you earned it.” Xalwerd dismissed her with a wave of his hand before turning once more to the ship’s controls.

.  
.  
.

_Kriff. Kriff, kriff, kriff, kriff._

Did Poe realise something? Did he record her talk with Rey over the holo the other day? Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good. What is she supposed to tell him? Rey told her that she’d know when she would leave Tatooine. She presumed that she would know about it _earlier_ than the others. Well, in some way she knew before the others, but she never got the time to prepare for Poe’s little “interrogation”. Couldn’t the sliding door to his office get jammed when she used the access panel instead of opening faster than what she remembered? It would simply delay the inevitable, yes, but this inconvenience would give her the time to think about it. 

“Rose.” Poe’s voice came from the other side of the room as he leaned against his desk, arms crossed over his chest.

“Poe.” her voice came out strained.

“You know the reason you’re here.”

“Is it about Rey? I think that I made my stance on the matter clear. I believed that you’d agree with me.”

“I do agree with you. But I agree because I don’t know the whole story. You though... You’re hiding something. You know something about this that I don’t.”

“I already told you everything that you should know. The Supreme Leader is dead and all the other things she said to me are none of your business.” _I have a promise to keep._

“Godsdamnit Rose! Why are you so secretive about this when she could be in danger?”

“Didn’t you say that you agree with me saying that she can handle herself? What she told me wasn’t any of my business either, but she wanted to get it off her chest.”

“What do you mean?”

“I knew that she was going to leave Tatooine one of these days.”

“You knew-”

“She’s going on a trip to do some... _research_. Jedi stuff. Something about bringing people from the dead, I think? She just wanted to tell me that to get it off her. Also, she told me about the Em-”

“You knew that she was going to leave Tatooine and you told us nothing?” he snapped at her.

“I have no idea about where she’s heading. I doubt she knew where she had to go either.” she kept her cool to counter Poe’s increasing annoyance. “Besides, she’s a grown woman and she can chose for herself. She’s not a child and I don’t know where you and Finn got that idea in the first place.”

“I don’t think that she’s a child! I believe that everyone needs someone to have their back.”

“Trust me; Rey doesn’t want that right now.”

“You know what? Fine. I can’t order you to tell me the whole story. But I can order you to come with us on Tatooine.”

“What?”

“You’ll come with Finn and I on our trip to Tatooine to fetch BB-8. On our way there, you can think about whether you’re going to tell us or not. That’s an order.”

.  
.  
.

After some fiddling around, she found a way to discreetly strap herself to her cot while meditating. She doesn’t want to have anyone barging in and seeing her levitating off the floor. Given that she was made to share quarters with Castle. 

She lay in her cot and under blankets, pretending to be asleep. Somewhere on the back of her head she heard the sliding doors of the room open and the rustle of armour followed by the sound of heavy footfalls as Castle came into the room. How was she supposed to relax and commune with the Force with him in her vicinity? He was making too much noise, as if he was actively trying to wake her up from her supposed slumber. After a couple of failed tries, she unstrapped herself and sat up. 

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Just stop making all that noise. Isn’t there any other place you can go and do whatever you’re doing?”

“I was just searching for something. I wasn’t planning on staying here.”

She rolled her eyes and laid back on the cot, strapping herself back into her makeshift “meditation seat”. Now that she’s thinking about it, she could’ve pretended to be asleep in her seat inside the cockpit instead of risking having him barge in and out the room whenever he wanted. Too late now. 

.  
.  
.

The ground she was lying on was humid and hard. The sound of the waterfall engulfed her whole. Standing up, her legs felt like flower stems that were crushed under a man’s boot. The lake no longer stirred around and the clouded, stormy skies had given their place to the violet glow of the sun overhead. The Zabrak that had first entered the cave behind the waterfall came out of it, fleeing into the forest like a child scolded by his parents.

She broke into a run behind him. His strides were longer than hers, kicking back dirt faster than what she could ever muster. She could no longer hear the waterfall, the sound of woodland creatures now filling the air. She stopped and leaned against one of the trees with the silver barks to catch her breath. He couldn’t have gone very far from here. She’d find him eventually.

The barks shone like someone had painted them with Nabooian ship paint. She could see her distorted reflection on the bumpy surface of the tree. Her eyes were bloodshot, as if she had been crying her heart out but she didn’t know the reason why. Around her there were flashes of people trying to cut the silver giants of this planet down for their wood, only to run away screaming for dear life and phase out of her reality. 

She heard another scream, the one of the Zabrak. While his shrieks when he was inside the cave were the ones of anger, now he was in pain. Pain and sorrow so strong that it cut through the fabric of the Force like a freshly sharpened dagger and right into her gut. She followed the sounds he made to a cliff, finding him collapsed near its edge, shivering. She hid behind the tree that was the closest to him, cloaking her Force signature. He spoke in the same ancient language she first heard him chanting days ago. But now, in a way she was unable to figure out, she could understand him. 

“Force, why are you doing this to me? Why have my fate and soul bound with the one of a dead Jedi?” his desperation grew with every word he mouthed. “Why did you show me that vision, that mirage? Why-”

He’d spotted her. Kriff. His golden-red gaunt eyes locked on hers, his features distorted by his anger, anger that was aimed at her. 

“Why did you bring me here?” he croaked.

.  
.  
.

How much longer does he have to tread this plane to get wherever his grandfather had told him to go? How far away was that “Window”? He loved stargazing as a kid, even as a man he found solace in the stillness of a sky full of stars. That was when he had a reality to ground himself in, be it the green fields and blue seas of Chandrila or the cold metal of the ships he occupied as Kylo Ren. Now all he wanted was to find the edge of this world, the edge of infinity and feel solid ground under his feet once more, feel the wind, the air getting in and out of his lungs.

Occasionally, he was able to hear voices, coming from what felt like the other side of the universe. Shreds of conversations that happened, were happening or would happen in the future or in alternate timelines. At some point he thought he heard himself talk but it wasn’t anything he remembered saying or would get to say once in his life. 

He never got to call someone his child.

He dismissed the thought. It made him think of the life he didn’t get to have because of the Emperor and his lust for power and revenge on his family. Now he had devoted himself into finding this place he didn’t know if it even existed, the only thing assuring him of its existence being the words of his grandfather. It gave him some sense of purpose in this empty realm. 

He was able to hear _her_ too. It was her voice that sounded the closest of them all, the most real. But he was blessed with such luck of hearing her voice the rarest. The more he walked, the louder it became. It kept him going, knowing that somehow, despite being unable to tell any direction apart, he was on the right path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takeoff! We're finally off Tatooine! Poe is trying to learn more, Rey gets back into mediating and Ben keeps moving forward.
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for all the usual reasons ;)
> 
> I discovered that there are swans in the galaxy far far away. All of that for a single line and now I don't know what to do with the information.
> 
> See you next week!


	14. Chapter XIV: Approaching Bespin

The room was empty when she dropped out of her meditative state. The Zabrak’s last words to her still ringed in her head. 

_“Why did you bring me here?”_

_What the Kriff..._

This only made her feel uncertain about her journey ahead. He didn’t seem to find what he was searching for. Would she find what she was looking for, or would she end up like that man? And most importantly, how was she the one who drove the Zabrak to that planet? She was the one that followed him, not the other way around. 

She got out of bed. Thinking too much about it would drive her insane. The crew was being so loud that she could hear them even with durasteel walls separating them. She followed the sound of shouting to the ship’s common room where Xalwerd, Sijaz, Makiru and Cal were sitting around a small circular table. Castle was covering his ears with his palms in a fruitless attempt to muffle out the noise. Even though it was the others that were arguing, Castle was the one that had turned as red as a fresh, bloody wound. 

“What is going on here?” she approached Castle.

“What?”

“What is going on here?!” she shouted at him. 

“Ah! They’re arguing about Sabacc. Again.”

“Yes we are Castle; we are arguing because Cal is being a moron and a cheater. Again.” Makiru pushed Cal’s nose with her index finger. 

“Hey!” Cal slapped Makiru’s hand out of his face. 

She yawned and sat opposite of Castle. “How long have I been sleeping?”

“Hmmm...” Castle checked the Datapad he had in his lap. “10 hours?”

“Oh sh...” she rubbed her eyes awake. “Is the ship holding up alright?”

“Yeah. Thankfully.”

“Where are we?”

“In the midway between Naboo and Sullust I believe. We’re on route to Bespin and then we’re off to Jakku.” he said absentmindedly, his eyes never leaving the blue screen of his Datapad.

“Bespin?”

“You know, gas giant, Tibanna mining colonies...”

“I know that! I used to live on Jakku, not under a rock! Why Bespin, that’s what I’m asking.”

“The truth is that I don’t know. Some package that needs to be taken to Jakku perhaps? Why don’t you ask the Captain yourself? You seem to be in his good graces.”

“Well, he doesn’t look like someone who would have someone in his bad graces.”

“Turns out that there are people that have made it there. I’ve seen the consequences of that first hand. It ain't pretty.”

.  
.  
.

“I still don’t understand why you need me to come with you.” Rose said, handing a package over to Finn who then took it and went inside the ship. 

“I told you Rose, I want you to...” Poe side-eyed Finn. “... _think_ about it.”

“What are you two talking about?” Finn asked them, coming out of the ship.

“Nothing that should concern you. It’s something that’s between me and _General Dameron_.”

The three of them continued loading their packages on the ship in silence. They were leaving the base to go on this needless “road trip”. It was just to fetch BB-8 and there was no way she was going to tell them anything more than what she’d already told Poe. If they knew they’d probably mobilise the entire fleet to go on a search for her all around the galaxy, they’d even issue bounties if they were desperate enough. 

Having both Generals of the Republic’s entire fleet and army off base and not on a gathering regarding matters about the safety of the galaxy was the most counterproductive situation that they could throw themselves in. Kriff, Poe could’ve sent a pilot to Tatooine to fetch BB-8 if he wanted, not take Finn and her with him. These two wanted to find Rey, one way or another. 

She knew that deep inside of her, she’d want to be with her, to know exactly where she is and how she’s doing, to know that she could help her whenever and wherever she needed it. Who wouldn’t want to be near their friend when they went through a trial like this? But she also knew that this is a journey she wanted to go on herself. It wasn’t a journey that she agreed on, but she could at least see the general idea of why she wanted to do this. Whether or not “the boys” would see it too, it was uncertain. 

They strapped into their seats and they were off planet before she could comprehend it. The lightspeed travel calculations were done too fast and just before they could leave the planet’s atmosphere, they were already in hyperspace. They were really doing this. There was no going back now.

.  
.  
.

Sijaz was sharpening her daggers in the darkness of the common room, as most of the crew was asleep. Cal was in the cockpit, “keeping an eye on the controls”. She could hear him snoring from the common room. 

“Hey Rey.” Sijaz tested the sharpness of her daggers on an innocent lump of wood. “Trouble sleeping in hyperspace? It takes a while for the inexperienced to “get it”.”

“No, not really. It’s... I have weird dreams lately.” 

“That doesn’t sound like something I could help you with.”

She sat there watching as Sijaz took the decision to turn the chunk of wood into a miniature tauntaun. With each slice, the features of the animal became clearer and clearer. Once she finished working on it, she set it on the table beside her and looked at it for a few moments, smiling at her creation. It was very accurate given its size. It awakened the urge in her to grab a pen and draw the way she did back when she was still on Jakku on the pages of her journal. Perhaps she could take the time to visit her old home and search for it once they reach Jakku and part ways with the crew. There’s no way scavengers hadn’t already ransacked the place to the ground, but it was worth a try. Maybe they didn’t think to look where she was hiding it. 

Then, the smile was erased out of Sijaz’s face. “Nah.” she said as she grabbed the little wooden creature and broke it into pieces. 

She was out of the room before she could ask why she did that, its pieces left on the cold durasteel floor. It was such a nice miniature. If there was some glue lying around the ship, she’d be able to fix it. She took the fragments in her hands, took them to her quarters and hid them in one of her satchels. She could ask for some glue when the rest would be up and about. They were approaching Bespin; it wouldn’t take a lot of waiting. Actually, it’d be better if she could lie down and fall asleep. But sleep isn’t that kind to her, her mind stuck on the memory of that Zabrak’s features, features that were distorted by agony. 

.  
.  
.

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, take your seats and fasten your seatbelts!” Xalwerd said through the ship’s communication system. “We’re about to drop out of hyperspace! Cloud City here we come!”

She jolted off bed to his voice. She thought she was still awake, when did she fall asleep? She banged her head on the top cot and let out a pained sound. Rubbing her head, she made a run for the cockpit where she found the rest seated and ready for landing. The ship got out of hyperspace before she had the time to get strapped into her seat, near ejecting out of her seat and tumbling over Sijaz’s seat in front of her as the ship's speed decreased.

“Woah, that’s the tiniest kick we got while getting out of hyperspace in years!” Cal exclaimed. “Last time my belt was near tearing apart!”

“What are we doing on Cloud City Captain Kirril?” she asked.

“Oh, nothing too important. The Baron Administrator wants us to get a package to Jakku and he pays quite handsomely for it.”

The ship was nearing the docks. She had seen Cloud City before. In a postcard that she didn’t remember how it got to her hands back in her scavenging days. On it, the phrase “Wish you were here” was written on it in Aurebesh. The Force has an odd sense of humour. 

The City was a silver giant, a dome hovering over the clouds and the precious gas that swirled around the planet’s core. It was glistening in the light of the sun, a shining colossus in the pale blue sky. There was something familiar about it, a presence. It wouldn’t be odd if there were people she had met over the one year of fighting for the Resistance. This place used to be governed by Lando Calrissian. 

“Oh shit.” Cal’s voice cracked. He grabbed a pair of binoculars and looked a way she couldn’t see. “Xaly, we have to land as far away as possible from that hangar.”

“Why?” Makiru laughed. “Another person that wants you dead? Mark me _surprised_.”

“If _that fleabag_ finds me here, he’ll tear my hands off.”

“In that case, I agree with Cal.” Castle said near shivering. 

She attempted to look into his memories, just a little bit, only to have a vague idea of who’s that “fleabag” they’re talking about.

“Alright.” Xalwerd sighed. “You need to learn to face your enemies Cal. Running away is very uncharacteristic of your people.”

“I like to stand out.”

Makiru hid her face into her palms, struggling to stifle a laugh. “You tend to make this very clear all the time, especially when we’re on a stealth mission Cal.”

“Shut up.”

.  
.  
.

Xalwerd handed her a comlink and a DC-17 hand blaster. “You can go take a look of the city, buy stuff, do whatever you want. But don’t do spices. I don’t like having this stuff on board. I'll call you as soon as we’re going to leave.”

“I think that I’ll stay here, keep an eye on the ship, check if it needs anything fixed.” 

“If you want that,” he shrugged his shoulders “I don’t have a say in the matter.”

Xalwerd, Sijaz and Cal left her, Makiru and Castle behind, heading off to the Baron Administrator’s office. 

“I think that I’ll, uh...” Castle trailed off; walking away from the ship backwards “I’ll go take a look at the armours they have for sale. Stormtrooper armour is good, but it won’t hold for much longer.”

“And I want to go grab new sights for my rifle. They got ruined on our last mission and now I am as useful as a blind sniper.”

“Can you grab me some wood glue on your way back?”

“Of course. See you later!”

“Bye.” she waved her hand at them as they left.

She was alone again. Five people and they all went away. There were so many things she could do now that she was alone but she didn’t have any energy to do anything. She could meditate, disassemble and then reassemble her lightsaber, study the Jedi Texts... anything. Instead of that, she was idling about, sitting on the ship’s ramp and watching the people that passed by behind the door to the rest of the City. From diplomats to smugglers and bounty hunters, humans, humanoids, aliens and droids, people of all trades passed by. 

She stood up to head inside and grab a sheet of paper and pen to sketch the people and things she saw when she heard a familiar growl. She dropped everything she was doing and ran to the door. She saw the Wookiee with the bandolier and the Bowcaster on his back, growling and roaring in the face of an alien that was about half his size while holding him in the air.

“Chewie?” she shouted, failing to keep herself from smiling.

He bobbed his head her way. His blue eyes light up when he saw her. He let the small alien go and charged her, taking her into a hug. Her feet weren’t touching the ground and his tight grip made it difficult for her to breathe. The alien stood there for a few moments, staring at them completely dumbstruck before fleeing. 

“I’m so happy to see you!” he whimpered. 

“Me too Chewie. Can you let me go now? I can barely breathe.”

“Of course.” he said and placed her gently on the ground. “What are you doing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rose, Poe and Finn are heading to Tatooine, Rey and Kirril's Crew reach Cloud City and she gets to meet with Chewie! We'll see how their meeting will go next time.
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana for the support and help with the story!
> 
> Stuff to check on Wookieepedia: Datapad, Naboo, Sullust, Bespin, the galaxy (the star map), Tibanna, Tauntaun, Cloud City, Aurebesh, comlink, DC-17 hand blaster, spice, Bowcaster
> 
> See you next week!


	15. Chapter XV: Chewbacca and the Visions

“What are you doing here Rey?” the Wookiee asked her again. 

Rey had spaced out for a moment, taken aback by the fact that of all the people in the galaxy she could stumble upon, she stumbled upon Chewie. Much better than bumping into Finn or Poe at this time, it’d be many more times more difficult to explain to them what was happening. Not that she was ready to explain all of this to them...

“I don’t think that this is something to tell you while you’re standing. Come with me.”

Chewie growled something in agreement and followed her back in the hangar. He looked around before his eyes focused on the ship. She sensed that something was wrong with him. Did he recognize the ship? “Are you alone here?”

“For now. I’m here with a crew. They traded work for transportation.”

“Why didn’t you tell the others? Why didn’t you tell me? Did you want all the adventure to yourself little Rey?”

“Stop calling me little!” she laughed, leaning against a crate and gesturing at Chewie to sit beside her.

“But you are little! I can lift you up with one arm!” he ruffled her hair and then sat next to her. “You got thinner or is it my imagination?”

“Why does everyone ask me about that? Maybe I lost some weight, yes. But I’m not as little as that guy you were arguing with back there.” she leaned her head his way, “What was the deal with him anyway?”

“Some old debt. He promised me he would never bother me with that ever again. What about you though? You didn’t tell me why you’re here. Who’s your captain? Does he treat you well?”

“He’s treating me fine, Chewie. You don’t need to worry about that. As for the reason I am here...” she sighed, “I don’t know where to begin.”

Chewie shifted closer to her, within an arm’s reach. Well, his arm’s reach, definitely not hers.

“I’m listening.”

“Ah kriff, um... You remember that time when we first arrived at Tatooine together? About a week after Exogol?” she stopped to take a breath, the air in her lungs choking her out, “When you found me crying in the Falcon?”

Chewie made a purring noise and nodded a yes at her.

Her eyes stung. It’s been a few days since the last time she had really thought about what happened back on Exogol. “Remember when I told you about... Ben?” she whispered his name.

The Wookiee nodded again at her to continue. 

“I told you that he was dead. The thing is... it’s that I might have found a way; there’s a slim chance that I may be able to bring him back.”

He made a surprised growl, turning his head at her with his blue eyes wide open. “What? How is that possible?”

“If I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. I’m not sure that I can do it. I’m not even sure if it’s possible or if it’s just a Jedi theory or a myth.”

She turned away, bringing one hand to her face, rubbing her eyes to remind herself that she was still in the real, material world. After spending so many hours in meditation, it was hard separating the two worlds in her mind. It was like she was slowly fading away, drifting into a plane made of the Force. 

“Little Rey...” he laughed, standing up and placing a hand on her shoulder. He turned her around so she could face him head on, even though her gaze would never leave her feet.

“What is it Chewie?”

He placed a finger on her solar plexus. “Do you believe it’s possible?”

“There’s no proof of anyone doing it in the past, so-”

“Does Rey believe that it’s possible?”

She took in a deep breath and kept the air inside her for some moments. “It is my last hope.” she steeled her features, kicking the thought of all of her efforts being proven futile in the end out her mind. This had to work. For her sake. For his sake.

“Oh.” he let his arm fall by his side. “Is there anything I-”

“No Chewie. You’ve already done everything you could these two months. I need to do this alone.”

“If this is what you want, I’m out of your way. You’ve shown me that you know what you’re doing back on the Supremacy. But if you ever need anything...”

“You’ll be there, I know. Goodbye Chewie.”

The Wookiee roared a goodbye at her and turned around to leave the hangar. Finding him here was a strange coincidence, finding him so easily was even stranger. She didn’t even have to leave the hangar. It was like the Force knew that she needed to talk to someone like him, someone who knew Ben for who he was before he devoted himself to the Dark. 

“And Rey?” Chewie growled before exiting the hangar, “When you get him back, I want to know. It’s been a very long time since I gave my little nephew a hug.”

“You’ll be the first one I’ll let to know.” she shouted over the hissing sound of the hangar’s doors closing. 

The hangar was awfully silent after Chewie left. So silent that she could hear the echo and the static of her own thoughts. She went back inside to resume what she was about to do; grab a pen and paper from her things and draw whatever comes to mind. Knowing that no one would see her, she lifted one of the crates with the Force and took it with her to the hangar’s opening to the skies. The pale blue expanded endless over the horizon, with the occasional interruption of ships flying in the distance. She was thankful for Cal’s impulse to make Xalwerd land the ship here, in one of the farthest hangars in the city. If he didn’t do it, she wouldn’t have that view now.

The blue brought another thought in her mind as she took a seat on the box and gazed upwards, as if she was trying to look beyond the planet’s atmosphere and out to the stars.

_What does that non-place look like?_

The first thing that came to mind was a never-ending green field. Maybe there was a forest full of the ghosts of critters that once existed in the living world too. It was a pleasant thought to believe that he was in a place like this, peaceful, surrounded by nature. She closed her eyes, trying to imagine how it would be to walk through that field. How the blades of grass would tickle her feet. How the warm wind would make her robes billow behind her as she walked. How he would feel there, wandering all alone.

A chilly gust snaked up her back and the rustle of grass was replaced by the roar of a waterfall. _The_ waterfall. A black strand of hair was obstructing her sight and putting it behind her ear, she found out that now there were horns sprouting out of her head. Looking at her reflection in a hole full of water at her feet, she didn’t find herself looking back at her, but the image of the Zabrak from her last vision. 

_What the..._

As if a hand had pulled her, she was dragged behind the waterfall. She was submerged in water but for some reason she could still breathe. A thick darkness engulfed her. The cold and the silence took over her body. At the bottom of the bottomless pit she saw a faint light. She was flailing her limbs around in her best attempt of swimming to the light. 19 years of living in a desert aren’t exactly the best to build someone’s swimming skills. She may have been able to breathe underwater, but after Force knows how long she grew tired, her muscles burned. And the light was getting away, far, far away... 

.  
.  
.

His face had grown very itchy. Perhaps it was his imagination because of the lack of any other stimuli in this empty place. All his life, he never had any facial hair and when he began growing any, he would immediately shave it. He was thinking about growing a beard back when he had first killed Snoke, after Rey had rejected his offer to stand beside him, but eventually decided against it. He was a fool to believe that she wanted an entire galaxy at her feet. He never could’ve imagined that she wanted him. Just him. 

To be fair, no one had ever seen him for who he was. He was always seen as a set of expectations, what he could have been with that “mighty Skywalker blood”. Not what he was.

Footsteps. He heard footsteps. Like a machine that was previously running on low power, all his numbed senses were now coming back one by one. His hand jolted to where he used to keep his lightsaber, forgetting that he was unarmed and in a realm where he might be already dead. You can’t kill the dead. In the distance he saw a figure in charcoal robes standing there, scanning the space with its eyes. Upon closer inspection, he could make out the fact that the person in the distance was a Togruta. She seemed just as lost as he was. Should he try to approach her? Perhaps they could figure out a way out of here together. Or she could know about that place his grandfather told him about.

“Excuse me...” he said once he guessed he was within earshot.

The Togruta froze when she spotted him, eyes plastered open. He took one step closer and she ran away from him.

_Not again..._ “Wait!” he shouted, following her to wherever she was going. “I’m not going to hurt you! I only want to ask you some questions!” 

The Togruta stopped to take a look at him, her brow furrowed and her lips parted. She seemed much younger than him. He bent over his knees to catch his breath. Despite all the running she did, the Togruta didn’t seem any tired. 

“Thank the Force...” he murmured. “Do you know-”

“Keep moving forward. Have you forgotten?” 

“What?”

Her figure faded away, replaced now by the emptiness of space. He was alone once more. 

_Keep moving forward... Forgotten..._ What was there about this place that he could’ve possibly forgotten? 

There was no longer silence in the space. There was a low hum that called for him to come closer. Closer to what, he didn’t know. But it was the only thing that he could feel; it was reminiscent of what the Force sounded like in his last moments. Warm. A song that lulled him into the eternal slumber as he drifted away, his last true memory being _her_ face, her hand on his. But now this song, a myriad of voices singing to him to wake up, voices ancient, voices familiar and others unknown...

_Wake up... Wake up..._

_Wake up Ben._

_Wake up..._

.  
.  
.

“Rey! Wake up!”

Something smacked her face. Kriff, what was that? Was she dead? The light was too bright. The voice was familiar, rough and deep, but she couldn’t pinpoint whose voice it was. “Hmmm?”

“Wake up girl! Fell asleep drawing? Kriff, you’re worse than Naggie! You know how many times I’ve found her sleeping with a knife and a chunk of wood in her hand?” he laughed, the echo of his laugh ringing in her ears. It was Xalwerd. “We’re leaving.”

“Huh?” the pen and the paper fell off her hands, the metallic sound of the pen falling on the floor being the thing that brought her back in the real world. Another vision? “So soon?”

“Yeah. I’m not a fan of negotiations that drag on forever. Come on, we’re boarding the ship. Sorry for slapping your face. You wouldn’t bother waking up otherwise.”

“Are Makiru and Castle back?” she stood up and gathered her fallen things.

“Yes. They saw you sitting there, but they thought that you were just gazing out of the port, not sleeping.”

The loud banging sound of people loading crates and boxes inside the ship made her head hurt after the silence in her vision, a silence that could very well make her believe she was deaf. 

“What are all these things?”

“Ah, you know. Parts, rations, drinking water... Whatever the people of a backwater desert planet need to survive. Nothing important to most, life giving to them. I don’t think that pirates would benefit from these things.”

“And even if they did, we know just how to deal with them!” Cal winked at them, carrying a box in his arms. His other eye was black and he had a few scratches on his nose. 

“What happened to your face?”

“Ah, these?” he chuckled, “So much for trying to avoid that Wookiee! It was like he knew I was here, he was waiting just around the corner for me!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! I hope you're all doing well and thanks for reading this chapter! In this chapter we've got Rey and Chewie having a little talk, Rey having a vision and Ben meeting with someone in the WBW. And we're leaving Cloud City. It was a short stay.
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana who is very helpful with research about something I can't really tell you... yet.
> 
> Stuff to check out on Wookieepedia: Togruta
> 
> Feel free to comment, say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check the fic tag (fic: bmas)
> 
> Stay safe and wash your hands people! See you next week!


	16. Chapter XVI: “Surprise”

White streaks of stars swirled around the ship’s hull as they travelled through hyperspace. Gazing out of the viewport, she focused on the hums and beeps the ship made. Xalwerd was sitting in the pilot’s seat, keeping an eye on the controls. His features had darkened and remained that way ever since the last package was put aboard by Cloud City’s workers. Knowing that he was awake and not hearing him babble on about anything felt wrong. Eerie. 

At some point, Cal came in offering drinks. She politely refused. Even though she had spent a year with the Resistance and the fact that she was part of some of the post-victory celebrations, she never got to drink whatever the rest were drinking. She stuck to water and caf. It was for the better, seeing what the effects of such beverages had on people. There were times however when she was tempted to try. Xalwerd didn’t accept either, claiming that it would “slow him down”. 

The chit-chattering behind the doors that separated the cockpit from the rest of the ship was going on for a long time. She tested the weight of her lightsaber in her hands. It was heavier than it had ever been and she couldn’t shake the sense of dread that loomed in the air. Something bad was bound to happen. Despite the chilly atmosphere, Xalwerd was sweating a lot. 

“What colour is it?” Xalwerd asked.

“What?”

“Your lightsaber. I didn’t get to ask you about it. I’m very curious.”

“It’s yellow.”

“Yellow?” the darkness over Xalwerd’s features was lifted and replaced with childlike glee. “Can I see it?”

It wouldn’t hurt if she showed him, would it? She ignited the lightsaber, its blade emanating a yellow light that filled the cockpit. 

“I’ve never seen a yellow one.”

“You’ve seen other colours?” 

“Of course! I’ve seen blue ones, green ones... You can’t imagine how many times I’ve had a red one at my throat back in the days of the Empire. The Inquisitors weren’t exactly happy to see me all the times I caused them trouble.”

“I don’t think that I can relate to that.”

“Well...” he made a clicking sound in the back of his throat. “I think you can.”. 

She flinched. “I was a simple scavenger on Jakku. How could I relate to _that_?” she pushed the ignition button again and the blade was extinguished. 

“Rey... There aren’t many people in this galaxy that I don’t know. You think that I wouldn’t recognize the Resistance’s Champion, the Jedi?”

Her grip around the hilt of her lightsaber tightened. Gulping made her dry throat ache. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t worry, the others don’t know. Castle has his suspicions, but that’s just how he is. He’s always suspicious. I’m not planning to tell anyone about this.”

“I am still failing to understand-”

Xalwerd reached under the controls and threw a datapad at her. Her face was on the screen. _“Wanted alive by the First Order”._ She was wanted alive for a ludicrous amount of credits.

_Well kriff._

.  
.  
.

The Skywalker homestead was in view. Finn insisted that this had to be the first place they had to look if they wanted to get an idea of where she went.

_Let’s hope that she didn’t leave any clues behind..._

She was the last one to get out of the shuttle. It was an old Sienar-Jaemus command shuttle that was repurposed for the Resistance to use it. With the gray and orange paintjob, and the alterations she had done on it, it looked nothing like what it used to. Standing under the suns Tatoo I and II she wondered how someone could live on a planet like this. Despite her best efforts to protect her eyes, the light reflecting off of the golden sand made it difficult to see. As she approached the house, she could hear Finn and Poe talking. 

“Why did you bring her here Poe? You know that I’m still trying to-”

“Shhh! I think she’s coming.” Poe whispered but she could still hear him even behind the wall. This house wasn’t made to be soundproof, that’s for sure. 

“Did you find anything yet?” she asked them, pretending that she didn’t hear them talking about her earlier. The two men were searching the first container they found and they both stood up at the sound of her voice. 

“No, we didn’t.” 

“Alright. I’m going to search her room, there might be something there.” she set off to the back of the house where Rey’s room was.

Rey wasn’t a person that cleaned around that much, not even when she was on the Resistance base. The floor was covered by a thin coat of sand; every surface had a thin but coarse film of it. The first thing to catch her eye entering her room was her desk. Datapads, satchels, tools, notes, paper, cups of caf, everything crammed on top of the poor desk. Some dusty speeder parts were cast next to it. Perhaps they were meant for that speeder she once told her about, even though that speeder wasn’t anywhere around the house. Her bed wasn’t made and some pillows were piled up in the corner of the bed that touched the wall.

The room itself was very dark. It was the place where she slept and had calls with them, so it was logical that it would be that way. What she couldn’t find though was a switch for a light. She unclipped her glowrod from her belt and she turned it on. 

“What the...?” she muttered.

On the wall over the bed she saw markings, 60 of them. They seemed quite fresh compared to other marks on the rest of the walls, each mark etched deeper than the ones that came before it. These were made by Rey. She was counting down days. For what reason, she didn’t know. She had once told her that when she was still on Jakku, she would count down days until her parents would eventually return. Was she waiting for someone? Was she waiting for “him”?

“Hey Rose, what did you- wow.” Poe froze next to her. “What’s that for?”

“No idea.”

Poe dropped on his knees and took a look under her bed. “Why is it so dark in here? Isn’t there a switch to turn the lights on?”

“I doubt there are any lights in this room. Did you find anything?”

“Only some empty boxes, bags, clothes, parts, paper... wait a second...”

Poe stood up, a leather pouch filled with sheets of paper in his hand. Given that paper wasn’t that widely used in the galaxy, it was odd to see that she had so much paper lying around.

“What is it?”

“Drawings. Huh. I didn’t know that she liked drawing.” he browsed through the contents of the pouch. “Hey! There’s a drawing of BB-8 and me!” he smiled. _So these must be from before the Battle of Exogol... Thank the maker they weren’t more recent._ “There’s you... Finn... Some flowers and... oh. That’s weird.” his smile was erased from his face. “Why is this guy in here?”

“Who?” she stepped in to take a look.

Poe pulled the sheet of paper out of the pouch and turned it over for her to see. “Kylo Ren.”

.  
.  
.

“Captain, I can explain.” There was no point in hiding who she was anymore. At least hiding it from Xalwerd. 

“You don’t have to.” he shook his head. “You don’t have to explain yourself. You’re one of the people who helped to get rid of the First Order. These people weren’t very nice to me or my crew. Considering my history with the Empire, it wasn’t surprising. I’m glad they’re gone and I am grateful for what you’ve done.”

“So, you aren’t going to tell the others?”

“Nah, there’s no reason to complicate things. Let them think that you’re a scavenger from Jakku with great engineering skills.” he laid back on his seat, bringing a palm over his face to rub the sweat off his brow. “I’m just... I grew up listening to stories about the Jedi. I met some over the years. I never got to speak with them and now a Jedi is working for me! It’s unbelievable.” 

“I don’t think that I qualify as a-”

“I don’t get it though. Why are you all alone out here? You have the entire Resistance to back you up and then here you are, working for an old, sweaty Besalisk to get to Jakku. I guess that if you wanted, you’d have an entire fleet to take you there.”

“That’s something I don’t want to talk about.”

“You want to start your life over, is that it? Tired of the fame of being one of the “Heroes”?”

“You can call it that.”

“I know how that feels. Not the “hero” part; the “starting over” part. Don’t worry. Actually, I think that everyone in this crew knows how it feels.”

“You don’t have a problem with me lying to you all this time?”

“If I was in your shoes, kriff, I bet I would lie too.” he snickered. “You’re not a very good liar, you know?”

An alarm went off in the cockpit. The ship shook and it got dragged out of hyperspace and right into a barrage of cannon fire. The door hissed and Cal came in breathing heavily. “Xaly, the ship- We’re under attack!”

“What? Who?”

“I’ve never seen ships like these before. I have no clue who they are.”

“Great, just great... Battle stations everyone! We’re going to make those moof milkers regret the moment they decided to attack us!” Xalwerd pushed some buttons and spoke into his comlink. 

More alarms went off as the shields took more damage from the ongoing barrage of fire coming from the attackers.

“Captain, they’re docking us!” Makiru said over the comlink. 

“Ah, hell... Rey, get to the docking bay! We might need your lightsaber skills right now.”

“What are you going to do? Where in the galaxy are we?” 

“Uhhh... Moddell Sector, Endor System. I’m going to try and land there once we shake off those idiots.” he pointed at the moon of Endor.

 _Couldn’t they be stranded anywhere else in the galaxy..._ She scanned the space out of the viewport and spotted Kef Bir.

“You should land there instead.” she pointed at the other moon orbiting the planet of Endor. “Kef Bir. The ruins of the second Death Star are there. If we get any damage on the ship it will be easier to find parts for repairs there.”

“Good thinking. Now go help the others before they board us!” 

She nodded and ran to the docking bay. On her way there, an idea flashed before her. What if... She made a detour for her quarters. She grabbed Ben’s old robes with the Force and wore them, bringing the hood over her head. Perhaps they could scare them off before they boarded the ship?

“What’s with the robes and the hood Rey?” Cal asked.

“Hide behind those containers and turn the lights off. I have an idea.”

“Would you like to share it with us or are we supposed to just listen to you? Technically you’re our engineer, not our leader.” Castle loaded his blaster and he rested it on his hip.

“I’ll try to scare them off. That way we’ll avoid the bloodshed.”

“How are you planning to do this exactly?” Sijaz asked. “Are you going to show them your “glowrod”?” she smirked. 

“More or less. If it doesn’t work, then you can surprise-attack them. Now hide and turn those lights off!” 

Everyone turned and looked at Cal. “Well, what are we going to lose? We’ll catch them off guard, that’s for sure. I bet that those guys aren’t prepared to see someone with a lightsaber out to kill them.”

Sijaz rolled her eyes and turned the lights off. “We’re all going to die.” 

The rest of the crew hid behind crates as she waited for the blast doors to open. The door made a rattling sound as the locks were disengaged by the people behind it. She ignited the lightsaber, its golden light casting bold shadows over the docking bay. The blast doors slid open to reveal a band of three people with armours that didn’t match, holding blasters that seemed like they were older than her. That must’ve been the case.

The band of pirates froze upon seeing her. _“Surprise”_ she thought before she pushed them back and threw them back on their ship with the Force. Then came the blaster fire. More armoured people came and squeezed into the hall that was now connecting the two ships. 

Deflecting every blaster bolt that came her way, she marched forward. It wouldn’t be a problem to deal with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! What do you think about Xalwerd knowing who Rey really is? Poe finding these drawings? Let me know in the comments!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana for the help and support! 
> 
> Stuff to check out on Wookieepedia: Inquisitors, Sienar-Jaemus Upsilon-Class command shuttle (I love these ships), Endor, Kef Bir, glowrod
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)
> 
> Stay safe and wash your hands people!
> 
> See you next week ;)


	17. Chapter XVII: The Skirmish of Endor System

The first blaster bolts she deflected landed on the durasteel walls and floor of the hallway. It didn’t seem to halt the shooters or to make them rethink their choice of attacking her. She kept moving forward until she got onto the enemy ship. She felt the presence of Cal, Castle and Sijaz closing in from behind. Casualties on her side weren’t something that she could afford. She threw her off-hand behind her, closing the blast door and cutting off the access between the two ships. In that moment, a bolt grazed right shin, marking her skin with a thin line of burned flesh. 

This was how it was going to be then. Very well.

There was an armoured man with a heavy blaster. He was the main attacker. If she got rid of him, then taking care of the rest of the crew wouldn’t be that much of a nuisance if she were to judge by their appearance. The next bolts she defected were aimed for his head. The man was quick on his reflexes and covered his head with his arms. The soul-curling scream he let out let her know that a bolt landed in his arm. He wouldn’t bother her. For now.

A vibroblade cut the air millimetres from her left eye. His glistening armour and the cackling blade would have looked intimidating to her one year ago. His stance was wide and unbalanced; he was an amateur with the blade. His next swing at her head was proven to be the last as her lightsaber’s yellow blade impaled his chest, cutting off his vibroblade-wielding hand as she spun around him in a circular motion. 

In her arc, she had grabbed the blade’s handle and speared through the neck of another pirate. In his last moments, his mouth had filled with blood, preventing him from letting out one final breath.

Someone bashed her from the side and she replied with an elbow to the throat. In his disorientation, she threw the pirate at a pair that was shooting at her, the one who tackled her now flying through the air and getting fried by their allies’ fire.

The two men were stunned. She could tell that even with their faces hidden under battle helmets. The first of the two to shoot died from his own shot, making a perfectly round, smoking hole in his helmet. The other fumbled around with his blaster before she got a grasp of his throat, dragging him closer to her with the Force. His boots clanged against the bumpy floor.

“Why did you attack our ship?”

“I’m not going to tell you!” he was chocking in her tight grasp.

“Well, well, well...” a voice said through a modulator, its sound being closer to the one of static. “Isn’t it little Rey. The Boss will be delighted to see you.”

“Do I know you?” she asked, dropping the pirate and focusing on the new possible threat.

The person standing on the other side of the docking bay shook their head. “No. But you know my boss.” 

“Your boss? Would you be kind enough to tell me who that is?”

“Of course. You owe him, you see? You owe him your freedom.”

“Excuse me?” she gripped the hilt of her lightsaber tighter.

“More than a year ago you stole a ship to escape Jakku. You see, Unkar Plutt wants some... compensation for stealing one of his most prized possessions.” that person rubbed the tips of their fingertips together. It didn’t look like it was like that back when she boarded the Millennium Falcon for the first time. “I guess that handing you over alongside with Kirril’s Crew and his cargo will be a little bonus! You’ve come a long way since the last time he saw you. I do believe that the fighting skills you acquired will make you more resourceful to him.” 

“That’s great, but you still haven’t told me your name.”

“You don’t need to know my name. After all, I’m just the one that will bring you back home, scavenger.”

.  
.  
.

“...look, a nice little home by a lake.” Poe smiled but his smile was wiped off his face once he saw the next picture. “Then Kylo Ren. Some flowers, oh, Kylo Ren again. Birds, and Kylo Ren, Ren, Ren, Ren...” he flipped through more pages, “and yours truly, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren himself.” he dropped the packet of drawings on Rey’s bed. “Why was Rey so obsessed with drawing this guy? Didn’t she get sick of seeing his face all over the galaxy during his rule?”

“I have no idea. Maybe she had nightmares or visions with him. They were both in tune with the Force; it is only logical...”

“Come to think of it, your theory makes sense. There have been times I’ve heard her mumble his name while sleeping.”

“See? No need to over-think this.”

“If she really drew him from memory or from her nightmares, why does he look so, so...” he bit the inside of his lower lip in an attempt to come up with an idea. “...peaceful?”

“What?”

“Naturally, if this was him as she dreamt of in her nightmares, he would be more monstrous. But here? He looks serene. What the hell, you can barely tell that it’s him!”

“All of us have different coping mechanisms. If she feared him, this could be how she dealt with her fear. By making him seem human. People aren’t perfect killing machines to be feared of. Monsters are though. It makes sense.” 

“Still. There must’ve been something else...”

“Did you find anything in here?” Finn came in the room, his face and his jacket covered in dust. 

“Not really. We found some drawings and that’s it.” Poe side-eyed Rose. “Rose and I don’t make a great search team, it seems. The two of you though may be able to find something. I’ll be waiting outside for the two of you. Next stop is Mos Eisley’s marketplace. We need to fetch BB-8 from that Lod person.”

.  
.  
.

There was a sharp pain in his lower right leg, as if he was walking through a field of thorns, scraping his unprotected legs on the plants’ teeth. He kicked his boots and rolled up his pants searching for a wound. There was nothing. He could swear that it was real, but in this place he can’t get hurt, can he?

_Unless..._

Red and yellow lights were flashing on the edge of his peripheral vision. He searched for the source, but it was nowhere to be found. On the transparent floor, there were now stains of blood, the aroma of scorched flesh filling the emptiness of space. He thought he had escaped the visions of his previous life, but the past had come back with a vengeance even in death. 

A war cry rang in his head. He had heard it in the past, a year ago, on the Supremacy. Before him, there was the faint image of two figures clashing together, a clash of a bright golden blade with a glowing red barbed wire. The smaller figure backtracked, blades still locked with the bigger one. The blinking lights cast shadows over the figures, accentuating their facial features that couldn’t be seen in flesh but only in the light. 

The bigger one’s head was a cold, blank silver helmet, no decorations, no bumps, not even lenses. His old helmet wasn’t as blank as this person’s. This clenching feeling in his chest... Is that what his enemies felt when in battle with him? He tore his gaze from the tall and broad figure and focused on the other. 

The petite figure belonged to a robed woman with high cheekbones and a narrow nose. Her teeth were clenched in the effort of fighting off the brute that was looming above her. It was then when he recognised the spark in her eyes, a burning fire of determination, the need to survive.

_“I have to make it out of this. For your sake...”_

He could see them clearly now. Before he could think, he spoke her name. He must be getting closer to the “Window”. Closer to her.

.  
.  
.

She was cornered in the ship’s cockpit by the brute that refused to tell her their name. The man was fast. She hadn’t trained for months, it was expected that if she had to face someone like him or her –whatever- she would be out of her element. The heat emanating from the locked blades was too close to her throat. The design of the vibroblade was eerily similar to the one of the weapons Snoke’s Praetorian Guards used to wield. If this brute didn’t wear this godsdamned helmet, she could’ve used the good old spit-in-your-enemy’s-face to disorient them. It worked for her in times of desperation in the past. It was out of the question now.

_What am I supposed to do? I have to make it out of this._

_For your sake._

A whisper in the Force called out to her. It didn’t do much else than call her name, but the familiar hum in her veins was enough to give her all the strength she needed.

Taking a glimpse behind her shoulder, she spotted an open cabinet. This could work. Ducking and swinging her sabre upwards, the brute’s forward momentum got his blade stuck in the cabinet and the thumb of his left hand sprained. With a slapping motion, she slammed the cabinet’s door against his helmet, dropping him on his knees. That was her chance to get rid of him. She couldn’t keep him alive, could she? She hit his helmet again with her knee; finally he was on the ground. 

She had some time before the brute got back to their senses. She snatched as much equipment from the ship’s controls as she could; making sure that there was no way that this ship would ever fly again. She wouldn’t have to kill that man; she had already killed enough people for today. 

An explosion shook the whole ship. The sound came from the docking bay. Cal came in running with a blaster in one hand and a bandolier full of explosives in the other.

“Holy bantha dung! What the hell happened in here?” Cal was shocked to see all the bodies all over the ship. Sijaz and Castle stood behind him with the same look plastered on their faces. Did he really blast the blast door open with explosives?

“Now I feel bad about questioning your skills back at the Cantina.” Sijaz said, arms hanging lifelessly from her shoulders. “You cleared an entire ship on your own?”

“They weren’t very experienced. Cheap mercenaries if you ask me. Only this brute gave me some trouble.” she pointed at the man that was lying on the ground next to her.

The brute grunted and shifted, earning an onslaught of blaster fire from Castle to the chest. There goes not killing another man today. 

“Better be safe than sorry.” Castle shrugged one shoulder. 

“That was a bit excessive, don’t you think?” Sijaz elbowed Castle’s ribs.

“Ouch!”

“Even if anyone survived on this ship, they wouldn’t be able to follow us.” she showed them the parts she took from the controls. “What about the rest of the ships attacking us?”

“Makiru took care of them. The ship took some damage though and we won’t be able to jump to light speed if we don’t fix it.”

“About that...” she clipped her lightsaber to her belt, “we can “borrow” parts from their hyperdrive. I don’t think that these people need them anymore.”

.  
.  
.

“All clear Captain, we’re coming aboard.” Cal spoke over the comlink.

“Good.”

Xalwerd was shaking in his seat. It took him some time to recognise the ships. He had seen them before, in Niima Outpost. Those were Unkar’s. Did that Crolute find out about his plans? He shouldn’t be that nervous. Perhaps his thugs were scouting for ships to rob and accidentally attacked his. He’d covered his tracks thoroughly, there’s no way... The scavengers wouldn’t betray him. They depend on him for their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope that you are all doing well. I found some time to watch some stuff during the quarantine and I stumbled upon the Ace Attorney anime. You can find it on YouTube if you want to check it out. 
> 
> In this chapter, Rey gets to cut down some space pirates. Ben gets to see a glimpse of the living world and Xalwerd is nervous about... something.
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for all the help support she's been giving me all this time. 
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas) there. All kinds of feedback are appreciated (hits, kudos, comments, everything). 
> 
> Stay safe and see you next week!


	18. Chapter XVIII: Kef Bir

Finn watched as Rose was packing the drawings Poe had thrown on the cot. He stood by her, still and lifeless. Last year, sometime after the Battle of Crait, they’d decided to keep things “tidy” between them, to get time to figure out what they were feeling. The opportunities their interactions on their little adventure on Canto Bight and the Supremacy had brought forth frightened him. He didn’t know what to do. As a Stormtrooper he wasn’t raised to choose, but to follow. And in the time he was given a choice, he went back to doing what he was familiar with: following. She on the other hand, she seemed that she had gotten over it. Considering that, the fact that he was made into a general in the span of one year... It baffled him. 

“Any ideas?”

“Hm?” he hummed in an attempt to put away his thoughts.

“Do you have any ideas of where to look next or are you going to stand and watch like a statue?”

“What did you find under the bed?”

“Poe found these drawings. There are also some empty boxes and clothes under there. It’s a mess.”

“She could be hiding something in the mess. You never know.”

“Finn, she may have been secretive, but first and foremost Rey was a practical mind. I don’t think that she would ever hide something underneath a mountain of old cloth under her bed.”

“Right.” he looked around, trying to find anything to say. The silence that span for kilometres around the house and the silence inside the room did nothing to calm down his nerves. 

“What were you and Poe talking about when I came in?” her question came almost like an electric shock. “Is there something wrong?”

“No.” he replied with a voice that was as flat as he could possibly muster. It still sounded wobbly in his ears. _Kriff_. “Why are you asking?”

“You seem a little troubled, that’s all.”

“Well, our friend disappeared without a clue. It’s natural to be troubled over that, don’t you think?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“As one of the Generals of the Resistance, you travel around the galaxy a lot. You put yourself in danger every time you visit a new planet. Have you told her about every time you’ve left the base?”

“No, but she already knows that as a general I have to travel a lot. We’re putting the galaxy back together!”

“And she’s the last of the Jedi. You think that she was planning to stay here forever? She has things to do that aren’t about the Resistance or us! Are we really going to go through the same thing as last year? You seriously learnt nothing?”

Finn blinked. “Uhhh...”

“I can’t believe this. So much time and you...” she huffed, turning her back on him. She had crossed her arms and he could see her frowned brow in his mind. “Speaking of last year,” she turned around to face him, wearing the exact frown he was imagining, “you never made your mind on our... “agreement”. Are you going to decide any time soon?”

“I’m still thinking about it!”

“I’m afraid that you’ll have to think about it in our trip to Mos Eisley buddy.” Poe said, leaning against the wall. 

_When did he come in here?_

.  
.  
.

“Strap in guys! Prepare for landing!” Xalwerd shouted. 

The ship made loud straining noises as they entered the atmosphere of Kef Bir. Hearing the durasteel creak and protest like that was a bad sign, crying like a dying beast. They were going to crash and die here for sure. 

She nearly fell off her seat on impact with the moon’s surface, and so did everyone else on board. Leather squeaked as Castle dug his fingers in his seat’s armrests next to her. The hull skid on the moon’s green fields, every bump of the surface being felt inside. She closed her eyes, holding onto her seat. There’s a chance she can help stop the ship before they fall off one of the rocky cliffs and into the angry waves below. 

When the ship’s forward momentum was halted, her tense shoulders relaxed. The sound of the crew’s breaths filled the cockpit. She could’ve sworn that she heard Castle’s chuckle. She couldn’t blame him. They just escaped death. Out of the viewport, all they could see was the dark ocean.

“Another happy landing.” Makiru said in a flat tone. 

“That was close.” Xalwerd admitted. “It’s a miracle we stopped.” he shot Rey a look over his shoulder. “Is everyone alright?”

The rest responded to the Captain’s roll call, all speaking up at the same time.

“Out of all the places that we could’ve landed, why did we land here?” Castle asked, unstrapping himself from his seat. “Couldn’t our engineer fix the hyperdrive on the go instead?”

“With the shields destroyed, the next pirate attack would’ve been the last Castle. We can’t take that chance.”

“Kef Bir can provide for all the parts we need for the repairs.” she added. “The ruins of the second Death Star are sited on this moon. If we got lucky we might’ve landed close to them.”

“I hope so.”

.  
.  
.

It seemed like they were going to stay on planet for a while. Xalwerd, Castle and Sijaz were carrying crates outside while she, Cal and Makiru were setting down tents. The ship was going to be a construction site for the following hours, days even and thus they were in need of a place to sleep. It seemed like the Force couldn’t decide whether or not it wanted her to find that place that supposedly would bring him back. She knew she was on track; that went without a single doubt in her soul. With a tug of the ropes, her tent was ready. The fabric that made the tent was water-resistant, so she wouldn’t have to worry about the salt water and rain in the night. The strong winds on the planet though were a whole other story. 

The other two finished their tents about the same time as she did, moving onto the next three tents that they had to pitch for the others. Castle set off to find anything that resembled firewood to keep them warm at night, while Xalwerd was checking the ship and the cargo for damage. 

About halfway of putting up the second tent, she got incredibly thirsty. Snatching a canteen of water, she went to the edge of a nearby cliff. Captain had landed the ship very close to the remains of the Death Star. He either aimed for it or the Force was in good humour and led them here. Her gaze was fixed on the haze of the giant spaceship’s carcass lying in the ocean. She nearly killed him there. It was like she wasn’t herself back there, how could she... Perhaps it was necessary, necessary for her to come to terms with herself and her feelings. No more hide and seek. She had stabbed through the gut the person that now knows she can’t live without. Dark Side, Light Side, it all felt meaningless in these moments. 

Just as meaningless as it felt when he disappeared from her arms.

Just as meaningless as it felt now. 

She clung onto her robes for warmth. The brine in the wind was every little cut on her exposed skin. The wound on her leg ached more than it did earlier. Adrenaline really does miracles. 

“Coming up with a scavenging plan?” Sijaz stood next to her. She was so drawn into her thoughts that she didn’t sense her coming.

“You could say that. If I recall well, there must be some speeders around here somewhere.”

“You’ve been here before?”

“A good scavenger knows where the good parts are. Top notch Imperial technology costs a lot in the most places in the Outer Rim. And I’m not even taking into consideration all the Kyber.”

“Is this where you got your “glowrod” from? Isn’t Kyber the crystal that powers those things?”

“How do you know about that?”

“I’ve done some research in the past about those. I’m really sorry about underestimating your skills back at the Cantina.”

“No need to apologize. Most of the people I’ve met all my life have underestimated my skills. I guess that gives me the element of surprise.”

“That’s true.” Sijaz laughed. “Having seen what you did to these guys, I’d love to take on you in a battlefield. You’d be a great opponent.”

She smiled at the Twi’lek as she watched her leave. Xalwerd needed her for something she didn’t know. Maybe it was time for her to head back and prepare for her first trip to the ruins. They’d get nowhere if all she did was to sit and mope around. 

_“...surrounds us...”_

_“...every voice...”_

_“...grow beyond...”_

_“...cruelest stroke...”_

_“...not alone...”_

The voices that whispered to her came from the bottom of the dark sea. Looking down, there was a small pond sculpted in the rock by the salty waters. There seemed to be an injured animal down there, a white bird unlike anything she had ever seen in the past. That was the circle of life, creatures were born and they died. She should leave the Force take care of this poor bird. She turned around to leave, despite the fact that the bird felt oddly familiar.

She paused her steps. Force, she was trying to bring back to life someone who for all she knows must be dead, she can’t pretend she can’t do anything for that bird! She thought about going back to the camp to fetch a rope to help her climb down the cliff, but something told her that it would be too late if she did that. No one was nearby, no one but Castle who was looking for firewood. She shouted and waved her hands at him to come over.

“What is it Rey? Can’t you see that I’m looking for something to keep us warm?” 

“Can you do me a favour?” 

“What favour?”

“I have to climb down this cliff. I saw something interesting and I need backup in case things go wrong.”

“Wait, you want to climb down _this_ cliff? Are you out of your mind? What was the thing you saw and you need to get there so badly?”

_Oh._ “It looks like there’s something that looks like a part we can use for the ship.”

“What are you talking about? All I can see is a white fluffy thing over there at the rocks. Is that an animal?”

“Castle...”

“So it is an animal!”

“Are you in or not?”

“I’m bringing rope.”

“Thank you.”

“Just don’t die. We need you to get out of here. Rations don’t last forever.”

She tied her robes on a nearby rock. With these on, she could very well get tangled up and fall to her death. The rock was wet, slippery and sharp, but her calloused hands were used to these conditions. Her muscles worked in autopilot to bring her at the bottom of the cliff, a memory written so well in her brain after 15 years of scavenging that it would never go away. The closer she got to her goal, more water sprayed on her from below and the voices in the Force got stronger. They called out to her in a way that reminded her of Maz’s Castle, the day that her old life was put behind her forever. 

“Hey!” Castle shouted from the top of the cliff. “Catch!”

He threw a rope and it was now dangling next to her. It made her descent much easier. In a few minutes, she had reached the bottom. The bird that she had seen from the top was a convor, white and green instead of the usual brown or golden colour of the species’ plumage. When she looked into its eyes, the voices ceased. 

“Hey there little one. Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m here to help.”

She repeated the words in her mind, reaching out to the convor with her hand and the Force. The bird didn’t move at first. It didn’t look injured or exhausted in any way, it was like the sole reason it was here was to guide her to the sea and the “pond”. It was standing on something, a metallic cylinder. 

“What do you have in your feet? Is it something from the ruins?” the bird tilted its head as if it was going to have a better look at her that way. “Did your owner abandon you here?”

The convor jumped on her extended hand and walked up to her shoulder, rubbing its head against hers. She petted its head, surprised that the bird didn’t get any scared but instead made little pleased noises. 

She allowed it to explore her head and back as she leaned over the thing it was previously standing on. She recognised the weapon, how could see forget the weapon she had used to stab Ben? Why was it here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Thanks for reading this chapter! I hope that you liked it! 
> 
> The crew is stuck on Kef Bir for now, and Rey finds Ben's old lightsaber. What purpose could it possibly serve...?
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana! For over three months she's been a great help with this fic!
> 
> Stuff to check on Wookieepedia: Kef Bir, Kyber, Convor
> 
> Feel free to leave your comments, say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)
> 
> P.S.: Sometime, in late April to early May, depending on how the things will unfold with the whole virus craziness, this fic will most likely go on a hiatus. Exams are coming and I need to study. 
> 
> Stay safe and see you next week ;)


	19. Chapter XIX: Night-time on Kef Bir and BB-8’s Reunion

She took the weapon in her hands fully expecting it to disappear, like a mirage after a long hot day on Jakku, but it didn’t. The lightsaber was still there, heavier than what she remembered and covered by a thin film of algae, making it slippery in her grasp. She was holding a piece of him in her hands, and her arms went limp at the realisation. Fearing that she would drop it and damage it further, she clipped it on her belt right next to hers. The convor was still standing on her shoulder, holding on to the fabric of her vest. 

“Did you find it?” she rubbed the creature’s fluffy head. 

“Is everything alright down there?” Castle’s voice echoed on the rock.

“I’m coming up!”

.  
.  
.

Night came surprisingly fast on Kef Bir, before she could repair anything on the ship with acceptable lighting. The rations Cal had prepared tasted dull and dry in her mouth, but they’d do. The six of them sat around the fire in silence, all but the Captain wrapped up with waterproof insulated blankets. The convor had nestled up on her lap, right between her crossed legs. Despite the fact that it seemed healthy, it refused to leave her side. She could take care of this ball of feathers for a while. 

“Did you find anything else?” Makiru asked her, gulping down the final chunk of food that was left on her plate. 

“Oh!” she shook her head, reaching down to her belt. “I forgot to show it to Castle earlier. Here.” she brought Ben’s old sabre out. 

“Another lightsaber?” Xalwerd leaned in over the campfire to take a closer look of the weapon. “What are you? Some kind of magnet?”

“I wouldn’t have gone down there if it weren’t for the convor.”

“Does it work?” Cal asked, shifting his legs under his blanket. 

“I don’t think so. It’s covered in algae and for what it’s worth, it looks like it was underwater for months. Even those things break down.”

“Awww... That’s a bummer.” 

“I know. It still looks pleasing to the eye though.” she said, trying to look as clueless about the lightsaber as possible. 

“Wait a second.” Castle walked up to her and leaned over her shoulder. “I recognise this hilt.”

“You do?” Xalwerd furrowed his brow.

“Yeah, how could I forget it... That’s Kylo Ren’s. How did it end up here?”

“What? Castle, are you serious?”

“What good is lying going to do me? Of course I’m serious! This could mean that he could be still somewhere on this planet.”

“Moon.” she corrected him.

“Whatever. If he’s really here, it means that we’re in great danger.”

“The lightsaber looks beat up and abandoned, there’s no way he would just throw it into the ocean!” _So that’s why he came to her with only a blaster on Exegol... But for what purpose?_

Castle pressed his thin lips into an even thinner line. “Ugh, I don’t know anymore.”

“He was reported missing 2 months ago. I think that this just makes it clearer that he is gone. For good.”

Silence. No one said a thing. Castle turned around and wandered into the darkness with only a glowrod and his blaster. The Captain didn’t try to stop him, frozen, idly staring at him leaving. 

One by one, everyone went to their tents. She was the last one to leave. The sight and the cracking sound of the fire had a soothing effect over her. A warm and dry place on a wet and cold moon. Her eyes wouldn’t stay open for much longer. It’d be better if she headed back to her tent now. Who knows what creatures lurk in the tall grass plains at this hour.

.  
.  
.

They flew past quite a few spaceports before reaching the one they were meant to visit. With swift manoeuvres, the ship was parked inside. A limping Duros came through a door, flailing his arms at them. That must be Lod Moolt Rey was talking about in that message.

“What do you think you’re doing here? This isn’t a free parking lot!”

“Don’t worry sir, we know. We’re here for a very specific reason.” Rose snapped back at the green skinned man. 

“And what is that reason?” he crossed his arms.

“My droid.” Poe said, walking down their ship’s ramp. 

“Ooooh... You. Poe Dameron. I never thought I would see the day I would meet you again.”

“Do I know you?”

“No. But I know you. I’ll never forget what you did to my crewmates.”

“Look old man, I’m here for my droid, not your weird feud. A friend of ours dropped him off here a few days ago. It’s BB unit, orange and white. One of a kind.”

“Oh that little ball of nerves? He was whining so much I had to put him in a crate.”

“You did what?” he grabbed the man by the shirt.

“I’m kidding!” he laughed. “Still the feisty young man I used to know. Kickball, come out! Your friends are here!”

Poe dropped the man at the sound of his droid’s beeps. He knelt down and lifted him up with much ease. “How have you been buddy? You desperately need an oil bath!”

“He’s been a bit of a whiner, but other than that he’s been pleasant to be around. You’ve got one chirpy droid, not so great with the visitors though.”

“Yeah, I know.” Poe walked up the ramp, BB-8 still in his arms.

Poe left her and Finn alone with Lod, standing still and saying nothing. 

“Thank you sir for keeping our droid safe.” she extended her arm for a handshake.

“It’s alright.” he took her hand and the grease made her regret asking for a handshake. “Everything can be done for the right price.”

“Everything you say?” Finn asked.

“Yes, everything. Unless someone has already paid you to do the opposite, that’s my one rule in life.”

Finn dipped his hand in one of his pockets, retracting a golden bar worth a 1000 credits. “Tell us where she went.”

“Who?”

“The person who paid you to take care of the droid. Rey.”

“Ah, you mean the Skywalker girl! Put your money back in your pocket kid, I know nothing.”

Finn brought out another bar. “Maybe now?”

“Hmmm, let me think about it for a moment...” A third bar was brought out. “Okay, now I remember! She said she wanted to catch a ride to Jakku, work for transportation. Go to the Cantina and ask around about Xalwerd, maybe there’s someone there who knows more about what happened to her.”

“Thanks for your services.” Finn threw the small bars at Lod, walking out of the spaceport.

She had told her about Jakku in the past, the inhospitable environment, the people, the thirst, the hunger, the isolation... Why would she want to go back there? She didn’t want to go back to her old prison, right?

She followed Finn outside. They had to learn more about this.

.  
.  
.

The fire near their camp was almost out and Castle had just come back from his “patrol”. The warmth of the final embers of the fire was enough to dry his wet gloves. Rey sounded so sure about Supreme Leader Kylo Ren being dead. Did she kill him too, just like the first one? That was a development that would make his General happy. He breathed in the brine of the planet’s _-moon’s-_ atmosphere before reaching for the device under his chest plate.

He entered the ship and went straight to his quarters. The lights didn’t turn on, no matter what he did. His fingers dialled his General’s contact number near automatically. He waited. No reply. He dialled again. Same results. 

“Kriff.” 

He dialled one last time but he was yet again met with silence. He didn’t bother terminating the line; he let it open as he flopped down in his chair. Did something happen to him, to his brothers and sisters? The holo lit up, revealing one of his own, another Stormtrooper. 

“Greetings Castle.” The image cleared up to reveal one of the high rankers. Commander Nine. Of all the people, why him?

“Good evening Commander. I believe that it is evening there, am I right?”

“Yes, you’re right. Were you trying to reach the General?”

“Indeed. I have some news he might want to hear.” 

“He’s unavailable at the moment.” The dark haired man banished a tuft of hair that was in front of his head back to the top of his head. “I could relay the news to him or I could tell him to call you back when he’s available again.”

“Alright then. Tell him that I am going to arrive later than expected due to some unforeseen events and we’ll be stranded on Kef Bir for the foreseeable future. Pirate attack. I also have found evidence that may shine some light to Supreme Leader Kylo Ren’s fate. The Jedi found his lightsaber abandoned here and she is very fixated on him being gone. I believe that this is enough information to deduce that Kylo Ren is officially dead.” 

“Don’t you have something more solid to base your assumptions on Castle?” his cold blue eyes pierced through him. 

“The Jedi’s words speak for themselves. From the strange way she acted around the lightsaber and as I put more pressure on the matter I can come to the conclusion that she was his killer, or she played a vital part on his death.”

“Huh. And to think that I was one of the troops on Takodana when he first captured her... I would never expect her to be able of such an act. How the turntables...”

The connection fizzed out and he could breathe again.

The air was different when he stepped out of the ship. Colder, the chill was drilling through his bones. The rustling grass and the crashing waves cancelled each other out in his ears, leaving him with a static filling his head. The stars were like eyes that watched his every move. 

He went to put some more wood in the campfire when a scream rung in his ears. A bloodcurdling scream of anguish. It was the Jedi. He couldn’t let anything happen to her, for the sake of his General. And he ran.

.  
.  
.

The waves attacked the Death Star’s carcass like they desperately wanted to get them both off of them. In the dissonance of the roaring sea, the screeching metal and the crackling blades all she heard was the song of their rhythmic breathing as they circled each other, calculating the next strike. That surge of darkness she felt coursing through her had begun to drain her out, and little by little she was losing her footing. A wrong step and she’d be dead. She slipped down and a red blade was ready to strike her down. This was it. She was done for. 

At the top of its arc the blade stopped. He dropped the blade and for a moment he looked distracted. That was her opening. She struck him with his own blade, driving it through his heart. He crumbled on the metal. Pleading eyes looked at her, eyes that didn’t want to be alone, afraid in his final moments that he would be alone. The realisation hit her. What beast had taken over her? She fell on her knees, crawling to his side. The cold and the humidity weren’t the reasons she couldn’t stop trembling. She put her hand over the wound and pressed it. She felt his hot blood seeping through every crack of her skin. 

He reached out, the worn leather of his glove grazing against the skin of her bloodstained hand. He closed his eyes, blinking for a long time as his chest rose and fell. He opened his eyes and she saw the same warmth and life she’d seen back on Ahch-To, when he showed her everything. 

“You’re going to be alright, ok?” she sobbed. “Force, what have I done.”

She cradled his face with her free hand, closing the distance between them. With that simple touch, the scar on his face was gone. It gave her hope. She could do this. She could fix the damage she had done. She could do this...

His chest rose and fell again. He closed his eyes, leaning into the touch of her hand. 

And his chest never rose again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there and thanks for reading! I am a little late again. I hope that you all are well and that you liked this chapter! I've lost my sense of time the last few days.
> 
> So, what do you think about this chapter? Feel free to tell me in the comment section!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for her help and ideas! I owe much of this chapter on her.
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)
> 
> (PS: We've got news about the exams! They got postponed to early July instead of early June, so we've got much more time before the hiatus. Maybe I'll be able to write some chapters beforehand to release during that time)
> 
> Edit: I accidentally forgot to put the correct date and it wouldn't show up in the newest page. I fixed it though. Oops.
> 
> Stay safe and see you all next week!


	20. Chapter XX: Plutt and Nightmarish Confessions

Despite the excessive heat during the days on Jakku, the nights were colder than any winter day on planet. It’s been how long, 12 hours? More? There was no news from his mercenaries. Not that he would be sad if they died on their “trip”, there wouldn’t be a need to pay them. Who pays for dead men? 

This one year has been a disaster so far. Over the last year he lost his arms to an angry Wookiee and since he first made an arrangement with that old Besalisk and his crew, the scavengers have been bringing in less and less loot for him. It was a concerning coincidence, to say the least. After investigating further, he came across a loose-lipped man that was willing to become a mole within his group. The information he provided to him was vital for him to realise that that Besalisk, Xalwerd Kirril was organizing a revolution, arming and feeding those filthy beggars, turning them against their master. 

He should have known better than accepting that man’s offer. Kriff, he should’ve known better than accepting any offer from naive idealists like him, because that naïveté could be proven dangerous, just like now.

The sound of an incoming transmission rung in his small ears. There were very few people that had the audacity to call him at this hour. 

“Plutt.” the condescending tone of that man’s voice drilled through his head.

“Nine. What’s the reason of your call?”

“Why are you being a moron?”

“Stop insulting me and spit out whatever you want to tell me!” he barked at the former Stormtrooper.

“Castle called the General a few hours ago. I would call you right after that if it didn’t take me that long to comprehend your stupidity.”

“You’re still insulting me.”

“Was that your “master plan”? Attack Kirril with a bunch of pirates? Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

“You have no reason to get all tangled up in my feet Nine. This my business and I run it as I please. How did you learn about that?”

“So that’s why you sent those people on Endor System! To attack Kirril’s ship.”

“Yes. But they haven’t contacted me since.”

“They won’t. Kirril’s ship survived. They’re on Kef Bir. And don’t you even think about sending out another bunch of pirates there. Things have gotten more dangerous than before. They have a “special guest”, a guest who my people will apprehend on behalf of the General once they’re on planet.”

“Oh really? And who happens to be that guest I’m supposed to be so scared about?”

“That I cannot tell you. In time you’ll know.”

“Hey, you know that I’m in danger because of whatever that Besalisk is planning. And if anything happens to me, your little plan will never work. You need me.”

“All in time, Plutt. All will be revealed to you in time...”

The blue figure disappeared, leaving him alone. The commander’s words wouldn’t let him get a good night’s sleep tonight. 

.  
.  
.

A male voice called out to her, deep and anguished. For a moment, she thought that those two months were the real nightmare and she’d finally woken up next to _him_ , and he was worried about her. That wasn’t the case though, much to her disappointment. With shaky breath she tried to focus on the figure that was standing at the foot of her tent. A light flashed into her eyes, coming from the figures hand. It was bright, so bright that she had to cover her bleary eyes with her arm. 

_What in the..._

“Are you ok?”

“Hmmm?”

“I heard you screaming. I thought that something attacked your tent.”

She took a glimpse at a chronometer she had lying around inside one open satchel. “Castle, what are you doing awake at this hour?”

“I wasn’t feeling like sleeping. What happened?” he let the glowrod in his hand fall and hang from his wrist, squatting at her feet right outside her tent.

“I don’t know. Some nightmare probably.” she rubbed her eyes awake and stretched her tense arms. 

“Oh, I’m sorry about that. Having a rough time sleeping after killing those pirates?”

“I guess...” her hand fell on something cold, metallic and cylindrical. 

“I can relate. The dread after taking someone’s life... You never get used to it.”

“Yeah...”

She took a glimpse at what her off-hand was resting on and the dream she had came crashing on her like debris inside the guts of a disabled Star Destroyer on Jakku. Ben’s old sabre. Flashes of the nightmare that had visited her mind a few moments ago broke into her thoughts again, replaying every single feeling and she was watching the scene unfold from afar, the cackling red blade threatening to strike before changing hands and striking him. She had watched him die countless times in her sleep over these two months, why did this time feel so real?

“Hey. Castle to Rey, do you copy? Can you hear me?” he snapped his fingers in front of her eyes as she stared into the nothing wearing a blank expression. 

“Sorry. Did you ask me something?”

“Not really. Why do I get the feeling that you’re hiding something?”

“Is there something that I would hide from all of you? I was a scavenger on Jakku and now I am working for you. And a nightmare is just a nightmare.”

“That is the truth. I am not talking about what you told us. I am talking about what you haven’t. What you purposely hid from us.”

“Like what?”

Castle’s gaze trailed down her hand and locked on the lightsaber in her hand. She was a fool to think that a former Stormtrooper wouldn’t recognize her. Her face was everywhere in First Order propaganda. She had a kriffing bounty on her head; she was wanted across every First Order world! 

“You’re the Jedi.”

“What?”

“I knew it since the first moment I saw you in that storage bay on Tatooine.”

“You’re mixing me up with someone else. There are trillions of people in the galaxy. You can’t cross out the chance of a doppelganger.”

“On Tatooine? With a lightsaber? With that name? And that back-story of yours? Oh, I don’t think so.”

She stood up and stormed out of the tent. At this moment she couldn’t face the truth. What was she supposed to tell him? First the Captain, now Castle...

.  
.  
.

The music inside the cantina was too loud for someone to be able to listen to their thoughts. Over the years she had learned that in places like this you shouldn’t stare if you wanted to keep your head on your shoulders. Finn on the other hand couldn’t stop staring at some armoured man’s shiny blaster. She pulled his jacked to get his attention, a technique that was proven successful.

“So what now?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Force, this place stinks!”

“We’ve been in far smellier places Finn. Besides, you’re the one who stomped out of Lod’s spaceport like an angry toddler. I thought you had a plan.”

“Do I look like I have a plan?”

“Ah, great...” she rolled her eyes.

She scanned the room they were in. There wasn’t much she could see, given the crowded space and the fact that she was probably one of the shortest people in the Cantina.

“Uhhh... Maybe the barmen know something. We could ask them.”

She stood on the balls of her feet to take a better look of the bar. “They sure look more welcoming than any other person in here.”

“That’s true.”

They approached the bar and the droid bartender came to take their orders. “Welcome to Chalamun’s Cantina! I haven’t seen your faces around town before. You must be new travellers!”

“You can call it that. We’re looking for someone. Can you help us out?”

“It all depends.”

“We’re looking for a friend.” she brought out a holopad and showed the droid a picture of Rey. “Have you seen this person?”

“Well, yeah. Quite a few times actually. She wasn’t a regular, no; but I’ve seen her in the market. She had never set foot in this establishment!”

“Are you sure?” Finn crossed his arms in front of his chest, staring intensely at the droid. “Because a friend of ours told us that she came here a few days ago looking for someone named Xalwerd.”

“Xalwerd you say, hmmm? Yeah, he was trading work for transport, yes. To Jakku, if I recall. Who would ever want to go to that junkyard?”

_Why would anyone want to come to live on Tatooine?_

“The person we are looking for, obviously.” Finn said.

“Well, yes. It was five days ago.” the droid raised a hand, showing five fingers at them. “She was wearing some kind of hood and I couldn’t really tell who she was until now! But it was definitely her!”

“And...?”

“Xalwerd hired her. As an engineer I think.”

“Is there any chance that they are still here?”

“I don’t know that. But the chances of them being off-planet are high.”

“Thank you.”

“Hey, wait a minute!” the droid shouted at them as they turned around to leave. “Who are you? You don’t look like bounty hunters. If you’re bounty hunters my boss is going to disassemble me for parts!”

“We’re friends of hers. Don’t worry.”

“Hah, phew! Thank the maker!” 

They walked out of the cantina to the sound of the droid banging its head, yelling “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” at itself. That was easy. She took a glance of Finn to see him staring dead ahead with a deep frown etched on his features.

“You didn’t try anything on that droid, did you?” she asked.

“I don’t think that mind tricks work on droids. And if they did, I doubt that I’d be able to pull out one. I wouldn’t trust that one any secrets, no matter what.”

.  
.  
.

She ran to a cliff. She knew that she couldn’t outrun Castle by any means, but running would buy her time to think before having to tell him anything. He didn’t bother running. He was merely walking behind her, shouting at her to stop and that he just wanted to talk about it. Pacing up and down near the cliff’s edge she thought of jumping off it to get away from facing him.

“No.” she told herself once she caught her mind thinking about that possibility. “This isn’t about me.”

“So you really are the Jedi Kylo Ren was so obsessed with.” 

_When did he...?_

She unclipped her lightsaber from her belt, clenching the weapon’s hilt so firmly the strain hurt her fingers. 

“Listen,” he continued, “I don’t want to hurt you. Hurting you will do me more harm than good now.”

“What do you want?”

“The truth.”

“What truth?”

“About you. About what happened on the Supremacy. What happened to Supreme Leader Snoke. What happened to Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. Everything.”

“Why do you want to know about it so badly? I could tell you some other time.”

“You wouldn’t. You are hiding, you would never tell me anything in front of the others and I doubt that we’ll get any more time alone with all of the repairs that need to be done. I can’t see why you’re hiding though. There’s more to going back to Jakku than simply settling an old debt, I suppose.”

She took in a breath. It was the second time she was asked to talk about this matter in the span of two weeks. It would be ridiculous if anyone were to ask her about it again. 

“What do you want to know?” she clipped her sabre back on her belt, shoulders drooping. No point in hiding now.

“Oh!” he shook his head, taken aback by her straightforwardness. “First of all, how did you kill Supreme Leader Snoke?” he asked after collecting himself.

“Is this what he told you?”

“As if Kylo Ren would ever betray the Supreme Leader!”

“He was the one to kill him.” she deadpanned.

Castle chuckled. “What? You’re messing with me, aren’t you?”

“You think that an untrained scavenger was more likely to kill your Supreme Leader and take on not just Kylo Ren, but him and the entire Praetorian Guard on her own than what I’m telling you?”

“It’s highly unlikely, I know. But it isn’t impossible. That man was the Supreme Leader’s pet. Him killing Snoke on the other hand is impossible. If you give me one plausible reason, I may consider the possibility.”

“The thing is that I didn’t realize the reason until recently. Two months ago to be exact, on this moon.”

“You killed him here then. That’s why his lightsaber is here, am I wrong?”

“In a way yes, I did kill him. Twice.”

“How’s that even possible?”

“It is.”

Castle said nothing. He was gawking at her as if she had grown a second head and from his expression alone, she couldn’t determine whether he was on the verge of bursting into laughter or fainting.

“Castle, what do you know about the Force and those who are in tune with it?” she broke the silence.

“Me? Other than that most of you are homicidal maniacs with superpowers and laserswords, I don’t know much.”

“Well...” she sighed. “In that case, I have a lot to tell you before you can begin to understand the reasons behind the truth you want to learn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20! Thanks for reading this chapter and bearing with me for that long! I hope that you liked it! 
> 
> How are you all doing? It's Easter time here and it's weird to be inside and without all the madness of my extended family here due to the quarantine.
> 
> What do you think about this chapter? Let me know in the comments section! 
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for all the help and support she's been giving me on this story since the beginning!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag there! (#fic: bmas)
> 
> Stay safe and see you next week!


	21. Chapter XXI: The Force, Bonds and Departure from Kef Bir

Castle crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I’ll listen.”

“Good.” she replied. “I don’t think that I’m the most qualified person to talk to you about this matter but I’ll try my best.”

“You’re a Jedi! Is there anyone more qualified to talk about the Force?” he threw his arms in the air.

“Trust me on this. I only learned about the Force a year ago, what it really is and what it isn’t. There are a lot of things that I don’t know.”

“Look, I don’t care about it. Just tell me what you have to tell me so that I can understand the nonsense you’ve been telling me earlier.”

She huffed air out of her nose. Castle’s mood doesn’t seem to be the merriest it has been and neither is hers. Maybe he’s right to ask about the bare minimum. 

“Alright then. The Force... The Force is an energy that binds the galaxy together. It surrounds us, it’s inside us, it is us.” 

Castle looked down on his hands with a deep frown etched on his features. “Does that mean that I have the Force too?”

“The Force belongs to no one. You have it, I have it, every living being has it. It just happens that some beings are more sensitive to it than others.”

“Jedi.” he said with confidence that he was right.

“Not only Jedi are able to feel in and through it achieve their goals. There are the Sith and...”

“...and?”

“I don’t know.” she admitted. “I know that there are more, but... Forget it. There are two sides in the Force. The Dark Side and the Light Side. The Light is peace and serenity, love. The Dark is violence, fear, anger, hate, suffering.”

“Let me guess, Jedi like you are of the Light Side and people like the two Supreme Leaders are of the Dark?”

“In reality it isn’t as simple as it sounds. Sometimes when I think about it... I don’t even know who I am anymore.” she whispered her last sentence.

“You can get existential after you explain this whole situation to me.” he closed his eyes, massaging his temples. 

“Alright then. You see, the Force works in weird ways, like it has a will of its own. It seeks balance.”

“Balance...?” his eyes rounded.

“I don’t understand the matter that well myself to explain it to you. Only once my first master talked to me about it.”

“Oh...” he sighed, disappointed. “Where were you going with that?”

She took a deep breath. _Here we go now. Moment of truth._ “Sometimes, people are connected, bound through the Force. Some bonds are weak, just a fleeing feeling of a presence of someone else. But others? The strongest of bonds can transcend space and time; the bound can share memories, experiences, knowledge, feelings... Everything.”

She paused. Castle seemed lost in thought. She watched him as ideas and emotions coursed through his face. His face lit up with a realisation, as if he had made the greatest discovery in the known history of the galaxy.

“You don’t mean... that you and Ren...?”

“If you’re talking about us being bound, you’re right.”

“Since when did you...?”

“The bond was there before we were born. A prophesised Dyad, two that are one.”

“Excuse me, what? Are you saying weird words and sentences to confuse me?” 

“I told you that I’m not qualified to talk to you about it!”

“Fine! What the hell is a Dyad then?”

“To put it simply, it’s sharing a soul with someone else.”

“You and Ren shared a soul?!” he shouted, his voice echoing off the empty plains and the cliff below. 

If there were any animals around, they must’ve fled by now.

“You want me to continue?” she asked once the last echo of his words reached her ears.

“I think that that’s enough nonsense for tonight. If I close my eyes really hard and open them again, I’ll be back on Tatooine, sleeping in my cot and I’ll remember nothing about this nightmare.”

Castle closed his eyes shut, fists balling over his chest. Is he really doing this? What is he, seven years old? She reached out, pinching and twisting the skin on his cheek.

“Ow!” he pushed her hand off of him. “That hurt.”

“You need sleep. We can talk about this some other time. Maybe once we get “the Pride” running again and we head back on our course.”

“Right.” he turned around to leave without wishing her goodnight. 

To be fair, she didn’t wish him that either. This was going to be a long night for sure.

.  
.  
.

It has been two days. Two standard days on the moon and only now she was getting close to having the ship repaired. Those two days felt the like torture, worse than anything that the First Order could ever device as a torturing method. The only comforting thing was that little convor that didn’t want to leave her side. For reasons unknown to her, the creature seemed to enjoy her company. Everyone was their usual chirpy selves but Castle? He barely spoke. Even when they were alone, scavenging for parts on the Death Star he remained silent for most of the time. 

The reason behind his silence was understandable. It made her wonder actually, how hasn’t she gone crazy with everything that she knows and has to live with? This situation was her reality, and she had accepted it a long time ago. It didn’t register to her until now that whoever was to listen to her story would be driven mad. Especially non-Force Sensitives. 

It was late in the evening when she had repaired everything on the ship. There were some things she couldn’t repair with the tools and the parts she had available, granted, but it would hold long enough for them to reach Jakku. The rest of the crew had already packed up their stuff. She was the last to board the ship. Sijaz waited for her on the ramp. 

“Let’s hope that there won’t be any people who have the same idea as the guys who attacked us last time.” she smirked at her. 

“We should worry about taking off first. No one will be able to attack us if we’re blown in smithereens before we leave the planet.” 

“You don’t sound very positive.” 

“I’m 80 percent sure that the ship will fly. But those parts are over 30 years old now and they were in the middle of the sea. We can’t rule out the possibility of “the Pride” blowing up.”

“Better than being stranded on Endor forever.” she raised her shoulders and headed inside.

They took their usual positions in the cockpit. Castle was sitting still right next to her. 

“Crew, are we ready for liftoff?” Xalwerd asked and they all replied with an “affirmative sir”. “Crew’s Fist first!” he turned his seat around, facing all of them.

“Crew’s Fist!” they said in unison, joining their fists in the middle. 

She closed her eyes, preparing for the moment of truth. They would either make it out of the planet, or there won’t be anything left of them to mourn. She clenched Ben’s old sabre hilt on her belt. She heard the sound of the engines starting up, their resonant roar filling her head. The ship was no longer touching the ground. Opening her eyes, she found out that they were already out of Kef Bir’s atmosphere. 

That was lucky. 

She could feel a set of eyes fixed on her. Turning around, she caught Castle staring at her hand that has still on the sabre hilt. _Kriff._ She cleared her throat. Castle thankfully caught up to what she meant with that quickly and he quit staring. 

Once they were in hyperspace, she got out of her seat and headed towards her quarters, where the convor was waiting for her. She had to come up some name for the fluff ball any time now. It doesn’t seem like they’ll be parting ways soon.

Heavy footsteps sounded right behind her.

“What do you want Castle?”

“Oh. How did you...? Nevermind. I wanted to give you something. The glue you asked for back on Cloud City. I forgot to give it to you earlier.”

She turned around to find out that Castle was really holding a small package of red glue.

“Thank you. How much was it?” 

“It’s on the Crew. It wasn’t much.”

“I cannot accept-”

“Don’t sweat it.”

He stood idly in front of her. They were staring at each other with not much coming to mind to say. 

“Is there anything else?”

“No, nothing. It’s just... Everything you told me. It still boggles my mind, I don’t know what to say, what to think of it, what to think of you.” 

“Do you want me to go over it again?”

“Of course not! My brain was messed up enough that night, thank you!”

She took a deep breath and turned to look out of a small viewport in the ship’s living room area. The white trails of light the stars left behind resembled roads that all led to her final destination. The Window. _Ben._

“By the way, I’m pretty good with cleaning weapons.” he said in a flat tone, scratching the back of his head.

“Huh?” she flinched. “How does that have anything to do with our situation?”

“I could help you clean up the sabre. I guess that it’s important to you. I also need something to take off my mind of... you know. For a while at least.”

“I can’t see how cleaning up _his_ sabre would help you forget about it “for a while”.”

“Maybe we could do it together then. And you could tell me more about this whole “Duo” thing.”

“Dyad.” she corrected him.

“That.” 

“Well...”

“Well?”

“Having two working lightsabers sure feels better than one.” 

“Great. Should we head to the quarters then?”

“What? Now?”

“Yes. I don’t see a reason for any delay.”

“You’re right. Let’s go.”

_Didn’t he say that he didn’t want to hear about it again? What’s with the rush now?_

.  
.  
.

After a two day long trip, they finally reached their destination. _Jakku._ Somehow, it looked and felt more like a desert than Tatooine. Scars of the old war were still visible on the planet’s surface. Disabled Imperial Star Destroyers were scattered all over it, like a grim, metallic seasoning on the sand. 

“I never expected that you would ever want to go back to Jakku Finn.” Poe winked at Finn. 

“Times change.” he replied in a voice that resembled that of a stern teacher scolding his students. She had never heard him talk like that before.

“Let’s hope that that bartender wasn’t wrong and didn’t send us to the other side of the galaxy for nothing.” she remarked.

“Rose is right.” Poe flicked some buttons on the ship’s controls to begin the landing cycle. “There aren’t many places she could’ve gone on this dusty junkyard. People don’t disappear just like that. If we find her here, we’ll find her fast.”

Finn was scratching his temple, his eyes looking past the planet before them.

“Is there something wrong?” she asked him.

“There’s... Something doesn’t feel right.”

“What do you mean? Please tell me we didn’t come here for nothing.” Poe’s shoulders drooped.

“No, the droid was telling the truth, I know it. She was really coming here.”

“You mean that we’re late? That she’s gone?” Rose asked.

“It could be.”

“You have something in mind?” she asked again.

“Our timing might be off but what if... What if she hasn’t reached Jakku yet?”

“Finn, she was _days_ ahead of us, how’s that possible? You may feel the Force too or whatever, but I think that the most rational thing to do is to go on surface and ask around.” Poe stopped the ship.

Finn’s speculation was a bit farfetched, that was true, but what if he was right? They couldn’t rule out the possibility of something stalling them. But there was no harm in asking around either. 

“What is that all about? Why did you stop the ship?” Finn growled.

“I thought you said that she wasn’t here, so why waste the fuel to land? We could wait for her to come.” Poe stood up, closing in on Finn.

Their argument went on and on, and none of the two paid any attention to her as she had taken control of the ship and was going in to land it. The ship touched the surface with a loud clang and the whole shuttle shook. Finn and Poe lost their balance fell on the ship’s floor.

“Rose, what did you...?” Poe’s words dried out in his mouth once he looked out of the viewport to see Jakku’s endless desert spanning ahead of them.

“You’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Are you all doing well? I really hope so! 
> 
> What do you think about this chapter? What about Rey and Castle's "talk"? The Resistance Crew making it to Jakku earlier than Rey? Let me know in the comments! 
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr. She gave me so much help and ideas for this chapter, I cannot thank her enough.
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)
> 
> Stay safe and see you next week!


	22. Chapter XXII: Cleaning the Sabre, Rey’s Old Home and Creatures of the Abyss

Castle had gone to work very fast. Before she could realize it, he had already brought out a kit of cleaning tools and placed it on the small table they had in their quarters. 

“Where do we begin?” he tucked himself in one of the chairs.

“I don’t know.” she took a seat, opposing Castle. She placed the lightsaber in the empty space between them. “We can clean up the outside but usually only the one who built the lightsaber can take it apart and put it together with ease.”

“Here.” he handed her a tool that resembled a toothbrush. “We can start with this. You know how to use it?”

“Castle, I’m not an idiot. I know how to brush things clean. Sand-covered salvage wouldn’t bring a lot of portions back on Jakku.” she deadpanned.

“There’s a button there and if you push it, the brush head vibrates.” he mimicked her tone.

“...Oh.”

“There’s also this.” he brought a small bottle on the table.

“And this is...?”

“A cleaning agent. I haven’t used before. It isn’t very easy to get algae on a blaster you always carry around.”

“That’s true.” she snickered. 

.  
.  
.

Finding Rey’s whereabouts was proven more difficult than what they initially thought. Trekking the sand dunes under the scorching sun was an excruciating experience. She wasn’t built for the heat, she knew that. But they had to keep moving forward.

On their way to Niima Outpost, they found a man. An old, copper skinned man with silver hair and sunken eyes, weathered by the times and the sand. They asked him about her. Turns out that he knew a place she could’ve went if she had come here. He knew the way to her house, an old Imperial AT-AT. Apparently, not a lot of people knew where she lived, as her place was pretty far away from the main settlement. Not many scavengers dared to set foot near her place, not even now that she’s away. 

They climbed sand dune after sand dune until they reached their destination. The AT-AT was lying on the sand. From afar, it looked nothing like home. The old man had warned them, he told them to be careful around that place. It was rumoured that the place was full of traps to keep the thieves away. The only think they can do now is hope that the man’s words weren’t true...

.  
.  
.

It’s been an hour since they began cleaning and they had finished up with the outside. The dread of opening it hit her as the last dirty spot on it was brushed clean. Castle had remained silent for most of the time, only giving her advice and tips on how to clean the metal more efficiently. With a sigh, she placed the hilt once again on the table. 

“The easy part is done. Now off to the difficult part...” _How do I open this up?_

Castle had his eyes glued on the sabre, hand twitching on the table. His fingers extended to it as if they were desperate to touch it, only for him to ball his fist and dip his nails into the heel of his hand. 

“Is there something wrong?”

“I never imagined that I’d see this lightsaber from this close.” he gulped.

“You were a fan?” 

“It is weird to think that he’s not around. I couldn’t imagine that there was a way to kill him. The way he carried himself around on board and in battle... You’d think that he was invulnerable.”

“I know.” 

_That sounds like him._

“May I...?” he pointed at the hilt.

“Of course.”

He took it in his hands, testing its weight, inspecting every vent and crack on the weapon. She doubted that he had ever held a lightsaber before. The odd thing would be if he did. His eyes were open wide, taking in every detail in its design. 

“How are we going to open it?” he asked, looking inside one of the vents that made the cross-guard of his blade.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t put my eye very close to _that_ if I wanted to have a head afterwards.”

“Sorry. Lightsabers aren’t my area of expertise.” 

_I figured that._

“About opening it... There’s only one viable way that comes to mind. I’m not sure that it’ll work.”

“And that is?”

“Meditation.” 

“How would that help exactly?”

“That way I can learn the sabre’s secrets. I can see how every part interlocks with each other. There’s a possibility that I can commune with the kyber crystal inside it too.”

“Communing with a crystal?”

“You see, kyber crystals are like-”

“No more explanations, please.” he made a cutting motion with his hands. “Do whatever needs to be done to get it opened.”

“It will take some time. If the crystal allows me. There’s a chance that it’ll recognise me.”

“Recognise you how?”

“Do you want an explanation now or not?” she scolded. 

“Ugh, fine.”

“Kyber crystals have some sort of sentience. They develop a bond with the person who owns them. In a sense, the crystal chooses the owner, not the other way around. Given that this crystal was bound to B- _Kylo Ren_ , it may recognise me as him or as a part of him.”

“Because of the Dyad?”

“Yes.”

He let out a deep breath. “At this point, this doesn’t sound like the most nonsensical thing you’ve told me.” 

The door opened with a hiss, revealing a panting Cal. He ran up to the table they were sitting by. The bruises on his face had gone away a bit, the colour of his skin turning back to normal after his encounter with “that Wookiee”.

“Castle, how dare you ditch us?” Cal growled at him, slamming his hands against the table. The hit almost knocked the algae cleaner off the table. 

“Ditch who? How? How did I ditch you?”

“Do you know what time it is by Coruscant time?”

“1900. Why does it matter?” he looked at his wrist chronometer.

“Do you know what day it is?”

“Of course I do, it’s...” he took a second look of his chronometer. “Kriff.” he jolted up.

“The opening credits!” Makiru’s voice reached the quarters, even though she could feel that she was in the living area. “Guys, you’ll miss it!” 

“We’re coming!” Cal shouted back and headed out of the room, dragging Castle with him. 

The last thing Castle did before the door closed was mouth “I’m sorry” at her. She was left alone with the sabre. 

“I’ll work on cracking it open.” she said, as if he could still hear her. 

.  
.  
.

The silence had given way to the white noise of his mind and the echoes of voices that came from the beyond. Before him, there was a portal, like the one he had seen when he first woke up in this place, like the ones his grandfather had showed him. There was no memory in that portal, there was no time. Only glowing creatures that swum in pairs, never touching each other inside the eternal darkness. The portal was wet to touch, like a window sprayed with water after the rain. He craved for any feeling and sensation, touching this wet surface would be enough for now.

He sat there, touching the cold of the portal, watching the glowing creatures swim mesmerised by the visual, like a kid first visiting an aquarium, his reflection looking back on him. He knew that he should keep looking for the place his grandfather had told him about, but this place felt right. Waiting here for a while wouldn’t hurt, would it?

He didn’t know how much time passed. Keeping track of time was a concept that didn’t exist here, as if everything and nothing was happening at the same time. The creatures never left his sight, they never went to sleep. Unless all this time he had been watching them they had been in a slumber. Despite everything, here was where he could hear her voice the most. Trails of conversations that she had, fragmented thoughts... It was here that it was the strongest. He tried leaving, but her voice would get weaker. Is this where he was meant to be?

“Where are you going?” 

He stopped dead on his tracks. Looking over his shoulder, there was the same Togruta that had told him to keep moving forward what felt eons ago. 

“Is this the place?” 

“I don’t know.” she looked at the creatures. “It feels like it. Like home. It must be it.” 

“Who are you?” he asked, closing in to her. 

“Why does it matter?”

“I need to know. I don’t know how long I’ve been in here and you are one of the only people I’ve met. How do I know that you’re real and that I’m not going crazy?”

“Ah, I see. I am...” 

A deafening roar of energy surged through the infinity, preventing him from hearing what her name was as she spoke of it. 

“What?” he shouted over the noise.

A whirlpool sucked the Togruta inside, knocking him back and away from the portal. 

_“Two that are one...”_

He got back on his feet, walking closer to the raging pillar of water. In the very centre of it, two figures were leaning into each other, touching foreheads, emanating a turquoise and a red glow, joining together to create a violet hue. He had to shield his eyes from the light or he would be blinded.

_“The balance...”_

The turquoise figure stepped out of the whirlpool, the water falling on top of them, the red figure getting sucked back into the portal. The turquoise figure turned back into the Togruta and inside the portal there was a Zabrak, hitting on the glass-like surface of the portal. 

“I am you. And you are me.” the Togruta’s voice filled the void inside his mind, the void that surrounded him.

“You are me. And I am you.” he said, unable to control the words that were formed on his lips.

“You will be tempted to stay. An eternity of knowing that your other half is here, never touching. They need to know that you are here before you leave, on the journey to be together again. You’ll have to leave this place, no matter how hard it’ll be. Just like I did.”

“I will be tempted to stay. An eternity of knowing that my other half is here, never touching. She needs to know that I am here before we leave, on the journey to be together again. I’ll have to leave this place, no matter how hard it’ll be. Just like you did.” 

“Two that are one...”

“...A soul split in two.”

“A Dyad in the Force.”

“A power like life itself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter! What do you think about it? Let me know in the comments section! It's a little shorter than usual, I know. 
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for all the help and the support!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag (#fic: bmas)
> 
> (P.S.: Exam time is coming and chapters may become shorter before we go into a short hiatus) 
> 
> Stay safe and see you next week!


	23. Chapter XXIII: Memories of Kyber and the AT-AT

She sat there alone, staring at the lightsaber on the table. There was no visible way that she could open it without damaging it any further. She was thankful for the opening Ben had made on its side for easy repairs and modifications, but the algae went much deeper than what her eyes could see and what her hands could reach. She could hear the rest of the crew in the living area. They wouldn’t bother her for now. 

She sat cross-legged on the floor, the sabre hilt set in front of her. She closed her eyes. Inhale. The air inside the room was still and dusty, a slight idea of sweat stinging her nostrils. Exhale. Her shoulders fell as she put her hands on top of her knees, as she let the air inside her escape her lungs. The essence of every living being onboard and her surroundings hit her, a vibrant image of the Force being created in her mind. Blues, greens and purples made the walls around her instead of the dull grey of durasteel. She heard a flutter of wings as the convor landed on her head. It wouldn’t be much of a distraction. 

Focusing her senses on the hilt, the room lost its colour. The chitchat of the crew on the other side of the ship gave its way to the sound of thunder rolling, thunder and heavy rain. A temple was on fire, and a tall, broad figure in Jedi robes emerged from the debris of a fallen hut. 

Ben. He was barely any older than what she was in this memory. He woke up to the ashes and the dust of what used to be Master Luke’s temple, right after seeing his uncle stand above him with an ignited green blade, ready to strike. She knew that Luke wouldn’t strike, but Ben? He had no idea at the time. Force, he died thinking that his uncle would really kill him!

A few other Jedi apprentices -were they knights? She couldn’t have known- approached him. After an attempted conversation followed a clash of blue and green blades against the lone blue blade of Ben’s sabre. A blue, single, seamless blade, emanating from the hilt, unlike the red and cracking one she came to know. The rest of the memory was a breathless blur, full of sweat, ash, burnt fabric and skin.

The next clear image she could see was Ben, dressed in what she could possibly describe as Han’s clothes but in all black, stabbing through a masked man whose chest was marked with burns. A high pitched whistle filled her head, and a blinding light flooded her vision. This cold that took over her, she had felt it before. How long ago was it, 7, 8 years? She had felt it across the stars all that time ago, a chill that climbed up her spine as she was about to leave for another scavenging run. Now, that same cold was so strong that it felt like it was burning her flesh off. 

A hand opened in front of her eyes, revealing a cracked kyber crystal, covered by its owner’s blood. Her gaze travelled up his arm and bare chest, reaching his face. Ben was near tears, trembling with what he had to endure to make the crystal “bleed”. He placed the shards of the crystal back inside the hilt, and after a few modifications, it became the sabre that he carried around for the following 7 years, until the moment he threw it away, surrendering it to the waves of Kef Bir’s seas. A blade that had taken so many lives, including his father’s and almost his. 

.  
.  
.

His head hurt at the surge of memories that hit him out of nowhere. The Togruta had disappeared. What did she do to him? His whole body ached from top to toe, as if he was struck by Snoke’s Force lightning. Despite the pain, it was the first time in ages his body felt alive and not a husk that flickered in and out of existence with every little sensation. His knees gave up on him and he fell on the non-existent ground. A flash of red tainted the hand he used to bleed his crystal when he had first joined the Knights of Ren. 

“Kriff.” 

His gaze fell on the portal again. The person that was behind it, the Zabrak that was swimming amongst the glowing creatures, banging his fist against the invisible barrier between his and this world was now gone. The pain in his bones was fading, and it felt awfully like the last moments he spent on Exegol. A fleeting, dulling aching, like a second death. Staying here... It didn’t stick well with him. He was certain that this was the Window that his grandfather had told him about, but he also knew that there was something more. A place through which he would be able to go back to the living world. He should be out trying to find that instead. 

The Togruta’s voice came back to him. 

_She needs me here._

He shifted, sitting cross-legged in front of the portal once more. All he had to do was to wait. Waiting was never his strong suit, but that’s all he could do for now. He closed his eyes; ears open to the echoes that came from the beyond. Maybe he could hear her voice again and, who knows, she could hear his voice too. 

“You’re on the right path. Keep moving forward. I’ll be here for you.” he said, uncertain of whether or not his words would reach her. “You’re not alone Rey.”

.  
.  
.

_“...not alone Rey.”_

That voice. It was him! That wasn’t a piece of their shared memories, it was him! He was there, and the hollowed out place inside her that was their connection began filling up again. A single blade of grass growing where once was a garden full of trees and flowers and life. It was a small step. The garden would be full again. She was certain about it. 

Something landed on her face. It was a cool liquid that had no taste to it. She jumped on her feet, eyes fluttering open. Castle was squatting in front of her, looking up with a canteen in his hand.

“I thought you passed out.” he said. 

“What? How long...?” the beginning of a terrible headache was forming behind her eyes.

“Three hours. Congratulations.”

“Congratulations for what?”

“You took the sabre apart.” 

“What?” she squatted beside him. The hilt was really in pieces, exposing its heart of kyber to them. 

“Seems like your plan worked.”

Her eyes were glued on the crystal, on the sabre’s broken heart. It sung a quiet, sorrowful song to her. Despite being so badly damaged by him, it still longed for the connection it had with him. As if it had felt him leaving this world, transcending into another. 

“Hey, Castle to Rey, do you copy?”

She shook her head back into her senses. “Hmmm?”

“Shall we continue cleaning?”

“I don’t think that it’s a good idea right now. My head hurts so much, I can’t see straight.” 

“Oh. Uh, there must be painkillers in the ’fresher’s mirror cabinet if you want to take some for your headache.”

“Thanks.” she smiled. 

She picked up every single part of the sabre hilt with the Force and placed it on top of the table they were previously sitting. 

_“Tsk. Showoff.”_ she heard the thought inside Castle’s mind as he chuckled.

“Did you say something?”

“No.” his voice climbed up an octave.

“You know that there are some times that I can hear people’s thoughts, right?”

“You what?!” he froze, eyes plastered open and looking into the void. 

“Keyword: sometimes.”

“Oh, thank the maker.” 

Castle went near the cots and climbed in his bed. It was too early for him to sleep; he was suggesting cleaning up the sabre a few moments ago!

“Are you going to sleep already?”

“Yes. I suddenly feel like I need to get some sleep.”

“You know that it’s easier for me to hear your thoughts that way, right?”

“You-” he banged his head against the ceiling. “Ouch!” 

“I’m kidding!” _Well, it isn’t exactly untrue, but... Oh Force, how many things I’ve overheard on the Resistance base..._ “You can sleep safe and sound, without worrying about me snooping around in your head.”

“On second thought, I think I’ll join the others in the living area.” he climbed out of the bed, heading to the door.

“Have fun.”

_That wasn’t a very good thing to say now, was it?_

.  
.  
.

Within the span of a few minutes, they were outside Rey’s old home. They split up, each one searching a different place around the Imperial AT-AT. They called out her name numerous times as they approached it, but there was no response. The best case scenario is her being away for the moment, or being off planet. That thought did nothing to calm down her nerves, as the worst crossed her mind every now and then. She was the one to look inside the run down vehicle, dreading that she would step inside and find her lying dead in a corner. The last time she contacted her, the way she spoke... It wouldn’t be the most unlikely scenario if _that_ happened.

Everything inside her old home was crammed together. A small cot, a table, some boxes for parts and rations and many other little trinkets she got from her scavenging hunts that she possibly couldn’t sell. A single dead flower was sitting inside a cup that once had water in it, and next to it a hand-made doll of a Rebellion pilot, made of straw and spare fabric. 

On one of the metal walls, there were tally marks, just like the ones in the Skywalker homestead. Hundreds, no, thousands of them. There were so many, she couldn’t count. She didn’t know that she could make counting easier for her if she struck a line across four to count for five. She had told her about this wall a few months ago. She averted her eyes from that sight.

The corner of her eye caught the glimpse of something lying under the single straw pillow on her narrow cot. It was a small journal and oddly enough, it was written in high galactic. Same as aurebesh, same words, same thoughts, different characters that marked them on the ageing paper. How she learned to write like that was unknown to her. Kriff, the fact that she knew how to read and write while living on this planet was a surprise! The journal itself was filled with information about Jakku’s flora and fauna, accompanied by drawings of them, and survival tips she most likely taught herself. 

She heard footsteps behind her. She didn’t know which one of the two men was.

“Found anything?” she asked.

“No. Not a single thing.” _It was Finn._ “You?”

“Me neither. I only found this.” she handed him the journal over. 

She didn’t browse through it whole, but there shouldn’t be anything related to what she told her almost a week ago about the Supreme Leader. She held her breath as he looked through it too. 

“I didn’t know that she could draw like that.” he remarked. “I never saw her drawing on base.”

“Me neither. She brought it up sometimes but I had never seen her actually do it.”

“Guys!” Poe shouted from outside. “We should get going or we might get in trouble!”

“What is it?” she shouted back at him.

“You should come out and see for yourselves.”

Finn gave the journal back to her, and they both headed to Poe’s position. He was looking at something in the distance through his binoculars, but she couldn’t tell exactly what it was. She looked at the direction he was looking at, and the only thing she could see were a few colourful dots moving, treading the distant sand dunes.

“Did you find anything?” he asked, the binoculars still on his eyes.

“Just an old journal.” she said. “What is wrong?”

“Take a look.” he gave her the binoculars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! Are you all doing? I hope you're doing all fine!
> 
> What do you think about this chapter? Let me know in the comments!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr. She's been a great helping hand, and she keeps giving me many ideas!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag there (#fic: bmas)
> 
> Stay safe and see you next week!


	24. Chapter XXIV: Jakku

She took the binoculars from Poe and put them in front of her eyes, focusing on the few moving dots she could see without them. There were some people in battered up armours, marching through the desert with purpose. The colours that once etched their armours had been sandblasted away, leaving behind the off-white hue of the duraplast underneath. They headed straight for the AT-AT. The 6 men formed a circle around another man that looked nothing like them. He was dressed in rags and...

_Kriff. It was the old man._

Was it possible that this was an elaborate trap devised by that old scavenger? He looked uneasy with those men around him. One of them shoved him to keep moving forward. He couldn’t be their leader. Those men must’ve seen him talk to them and they threatened the man to show them the way they went.

The 5 men held the same kind of rifle, like the ones Imperial Stormtroopers used to have. Those rifles must be very common on planet, since there are ruins of Imperial ships everywhere. The man that walked in the very front of their formation (their leader she guessed) however had nothing in his hands and his only weapons were two blaster pistols sheathed on either side of his hips. He also had a coloured shoulder pad, common in Stormtrooper officers. Could they be members of a First Order cell? 

She wordlessly handed the binoculars over to Finn. He froze upon setting his eyes on the group.

“We should leave. Now.” he said.

With no further explanation from Finn, the three wordlessly agreed to leave. They ran the opposite direction of the group that was coming their way. They hid inside some nearby wreckage in order to keep an eye on the AT-AT. They weren’t very far away, but they were far enough that they didn’t have to worry about being heard. Finn was the one who kept the binoculars, but they weren’t needed to see what they were doing quite clearly. Four out of the five rifle-carrying men entered the AT-AT, while their leader and another man stayed with the old scavenger. 

“Who are these people?” she asked Finn.

“Those are former Stormtroopers.” 

“Yeah, we figured.” Poe butted in. “We’ve got higher ground now, we could possibly take them.”

“We can’t. They aren’t any random Stormtroopers.”

“What do you mean?”

“There’s only one commander I know that used to carry pistols around instead of a rifle. _Nine._ And the men he has around? Always the best of the best, no matter what.”

“How come we never heard of him?”

“We got lucky.”

The four men came back out with nothing. They exchanged some words and then the man with the pistols pointed blank at the old man with one of his pistols and shot him right between his eyes. 

They’d seen enough to know that they were really in trouble.

.  
.  
.

The painkillers Castle suggested were very effective against her headache. She had taken painkillers before, but only when she’d get injured in battle. The concept of taking painkillers to combat a headache was alien to her. No one on the Resistance base ever suggested that and on Jakku painkillers were a luxury that she could only dream of owning. 

Castle wasn’t going to come back any time soon it seemed, and so she began cleaning the inside of the sabre on her own, hoping that she wouldn’t damage anything. It was fascinating to think that all those little, fragile looking pieces when put together assembled a weapon that had taken so many lives. Every time her hand hovered over the crystal’s casing, a dull ache in her chest made it difficult for her to breathe. The crystal’s casing was the last to be cleaned. 

Reassembling the lightsaber wasn’t proven to be as difficult as it was disassembling it. It was almost like the time she assembled her own lightsaber all that time ago, before she exiled herself to the sands of Tatooine. Once every part of the hilt was put together, she let it fall in her hands. She stood up and pointing the emitter and the heat vents away from her, she pushed the on switch.

Nothing happened. 

A small spark jumped from the emitter, burning out before it touched the ground (more like an ember than a spark). It made an odd humming sound, a hum that turned into a whistle. She turned it off before it would explode and set it on the table.

She tried again. And again. And again. No result. The only thing that she achieved was making the sabre to create different noises whenever she attempted to light it. A brand new headache burned now behind her eyes and it wasn’t caused by any vision. It didn’t seem very wise to take another painkiller in such a short amount of time. Maybe she should occupy her mind with something else, something easier. 

She brought out a pouch and the glue Castle had brought her from Cloud City. The pieces of a broken tauntaun were now on top of her bed. She would assemble something tonight, no matter what. Be it a wooden tauntaun Sijaz created and destroyed or Ben’s old lightsaber.

The pieces of the sculpture were hovering in front of her. With her eyes closed, she felt every edge of the fractured figurine. She brought the image of it inside Sijaz’s hands from a few nights ago. It would be enough to turn it back to its original form. Each piece levitated to the place it belonged. Opening her eyes, she was met by the sight of a miniature tauntaun instead of the mess of wood that it was a few minutes ago. She smiled. 

All she heard was the flapping of wings. The convor decided that it would be a good idea to jump on the wooden miniature, landing on her face. She grabbed the bird by its sides, lifting it in the air.

“Why would you do that?”

The bird remained eerily still, as if it was trying to process what just happened. To its mind, it must’ve attacked some prey, and it ended up in the hands of a human. Were convors birds of prey? Whatever.

The Force didn’t seem to be in good humour today, and it made her doubt her ability of fixing broken stuff, one of the only two abilities that she was sure about possessing. 

.  
.  
.

After this one year, she never thought that she would see the sands of Jakku again. She was seated in her seat, belt fastened. Hers and Ben’s sabre were clipped on her belt, even though his didn’t work. Her hand was resting on them all the time as they approached the planet.

“Alright crew, prepare for planetfall.” Xalwerd said. 

“Yes Captain.”

The Force was whispering something in her ear. There was an urgency in the way it spoke to her, a sense of danger. As long as she avoided Unkar Plutt’s territory she would be fine. But there was something else too. Signatures that were familiar to her, though they didn’t belong to Plutt or any of the scavengers she knew. 

She hoped that she didn’t run into them either.

Their landing was smooth, far smoother than the landing they had made on Kef Bir. They had landed west of Niima Outpost, a 20 minute trek away from it. It wasn’t far, but it was much better than landing in Plutt’s shipyard. 

“We made it.” 

It was night where they landed. They’d have to wait until early morning to start moving their load. 

Castle had remained silent since the moment the ship touched the planet’s surface. The thoughts inside his head were dark and clouded. She couldn’t hear them, but she doubts that he could even hear them. He never looked at anything, his eyes looking past all things and everyone onboard. He hadn’t left the cockpit in the time they had spent inside the ship, waiting for the crack of dawn. 

In the meantime, the glue on the previously broken tauntaun miniature had dried. She could hand it back to Sijaz. She could also ask her for the reason she broke it. It was far nicer than anything she could’ve made with a chunk of wood and a knife.

She went to the living area of the ship, where she spent most of the time on the ship.

“Hey, Sijaz!” she greeted her and sat on the opposing side of the couch that resembled the shape of a half moon. “I wanted to give you this.”

“What is it-” Sijaz paused upon seeing the figurine in Rey’s hands. “Where did you find it?”

“You left it on the floor the other day. Why did you break it?

“I...” she trailed off, gaze travelling to a distant place she couldn’t possibly know about. “Why did you fix it?”

“I thought it was pretty.”

“Thanks...” she stuttered. 

Sijaz stuttering must be a rare occurrence, if she were to judge by the way she carried herself around. She placed the tauntaun on the table between them before standing up to leave. Her presence in the Force became warmer, and despite getting further away from her, the warmth got stronger. She glanced over her shoulder before stepping inside her quarters, seeing her resting her head on the table, shoulders shaking. 

She was alone in the quarters. She should start packing for her departure. She hadn’t moved a lot of stuff around, but she must get ready before the time comes for her to leave. 

.  
.  
.

Night in the Jakku desert was very chilly. He was grateful for the cold, given that he’d have to deal with a full day under the sun in full armour tomorrow. There was no place inside _Kirril’s Pride_ where he could make the call without being at risk of being heard. He sat on the ship’s ramp. Captain Kirril and Cal left the ship on the speeder that is always onboard and ready to be deployed. On the few trips he had made back to Jakku with them, they always made that trip at night, always carrying three crates with them. 

Once they were out of eyesight, he left the ramp and walked a little farther to the west. The ship was still visible, since it was on the top of a sand dune. He knew that walking around the Jakku desert at night could be proven dangerous. Quicksand, raiders, hungry scavengers, beasts of the desert, they could all possibly kill him; it was a mistake to come out here without his armour, armed only with one dagger. 

He stared at the holoprojector in his hand. How long he had been staring, unable to decide, he didn’t know. He fiddled with the buttons on the device to take his mind off the task, but it was of no use. 

_There is no reason to delay the inevitable._

He called, hoping that the General would pick it up instead of Nine. It would be easier that way. If Nine was the one to pick it up, he’d probably run back to the ship and tell Rey everything. 

General Hux was the one to pick up the call, and he wasn’t sure whether or not he should thank or curse the maker. The General looked far more presentable than the last time he had seen him, his growing beard trimmed shorter and his hair combed back. 

“Ah. Castle. What a pleasant surprise! Is everything alright?”

“Of course.”

“Commander Nine told me about the pirate attack. He told me that you suffered serious injuries and so did the Jedi.”

_Serious injuries?_

“No sir. No need to worry. Commander Nine seems to have exasperated a little. We’re on Jakku now. We landed about an hour ago.”

“That’s excellent news. You know what you have to do.”

“Affirmative sir.”

“Keep your comlink nearby. We need to arrange the _meeting_ when time comes.”

“Yes sir.”

“Have a good night’s rest Castle. Tomorrow we are going to learn the truth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter! Let me know what you think about it in the comments below!
> 
> How are you doing? I hope that you are doing well. Here, it is very hot, the hottest it had ever been in mid May. It feels like July.
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for all the help and the feedback she's been giving me all this time!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag there (#fic: bmas)
> 
> See you next week!


	25. Chapter XXV: The Betrayal (and a note from the author)

The first rays of sunlight cracked through the planet’s atmosphere and over the golden sand dunes. In a few minutes the cold of Jakku’s nights had given its place to the dry heat of the sun overhead, slowly draining the lives of those who stood under its light instead of giving life. Captain Xalwerd and the rest of the crew were loading crates of portions and potable water on a speeder, meant to be delivered to Niima Outpost. 

“How long have you been doing this?” Rey asked Xalwerd.

“Not for a very long time. 6 months, I think?” Cal butted in and answered the question instead. 

“And before that time? Who delivered food here?”

“I don’t know. Someone who didn’t want to do it anymore and gave their place to us, I guess.” he continued.

In the years she lived on Jakku, she never thought about where the food came from. She believed that Unkar had once found a storage full of rations and secured it, leaving him the only one that had access to rations on planet. If she knew that the food came from off-worlders, she’d have found a way to either trade with them or steal supplies from them. Even though stealing was never proven to be fruitful on her part. Around the age of 13 she had found out that despite her small size, she wasn’t that great of a thief. Especially when she had to go against a small army of heavily armed men that were twice her size. 

“How many times a month do you come here?”

“It depends on the demand. Whenever there’s a new wreck found, there’s a spike up and we have to come here more frequently.” Xalwerd tied the last crate to the speeder and approached her. 

“You’re leaving?”

“Well, yeah. You know how hungry scavengers can be.” he chuckled. 

“Unfortunately I do. I guess that this is a goodbye then.”

“You won’t be coming with us to Niima Outpost?” 

“I don’t have the best reputation there since a stunt a friend of mine and I pulled when we fled from here. I don’t want to cause you any trouble by simply being around.”

“Are you sure that you’ll be ok walking to the Outpost on your own?”

“I’ve walked far greater distances here on my own with my only weapon being a staff. I think I can handle myself.”

“I don’t doubt that.” he retrieved a flask of water from his belt and threw some on his face. “How could you live here? I can barely breathe in such heat!”

The Captain wiped the excess water off his face. Seeing someone waste water like that on Jakku... The muscles of her back tensed up. It shouldn’t be such a big deal for her now, should it?

“Thank you for hiring me Captain Kirril. You can’t possibly fathom how grateful I am for bringing me here.” she extended her hand, expecting a handshake. 

Xalwerd laughed, dismissing her hand and bringing her into a tight hug. He was slick with sweat, and his wet shirt didn’t feel exactly right on her dry clothes and skin. 

“If it weren’t for you, we’d probably still be on Kef Bir. Or maybe, we’d be dead. Thank you. I hope that you’ll find what you’re looking for.” he let go and handed her a comlink. 

“What’s this for?”

“If you’re ever in trouble, feel free to give us a call. I’ll be happy to keep in touch. I could give you another job if you’re in need of the credits or the transport.”

“Thanks Captain.”

Sijaz shouted at Xalwerd to come over to the speeder to leave. Cal would stay behind to keep the ship safe and Castle was inside, making preparations for his visit to his friends. The Captain, Sijaz and Makiru waved her goodbye as the speeder sped off into the desert. 

Climbing the ship’s ramp for the last time, she found Cal leaning by the blast door. He gave her a wide smile and a pat on the back before exiting the ship. She heard him curse about the heat and the excessive sunlight. If she were to take his words seriously, the sun wouldn’t be there for a long time before he blew it up.

Castle was inside their shared quarters, backpack on his back, staring at the little table where they cleaned up the lightsaber together. He had bags under his eyes, he was tired. He must’ve spent the whole night staring out of the cockpit and into the endless desert that spanned in every direction around the ship. She tied up her own bags and satchels, clipping some on her belt and throwing others over her shoulder. Ben’s old robes hung from one of the many straps of the bags she would have to carry around. 

“So that’s it then.” he said, never looking at her.

“Yes Castle.”

“Where are you heading at? Perhaps we could walk together for a while before parting ways.”

“I’m heading towards Niima Outpost. You?”

“There’s the wreckage of a Star Destroyer to the northeast, but one of my friends will be waiting for me near the Outpost. We can walk together there.”

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Travelling in a group is always better than travelling alone here. I hope that your people won’t have any problems with seeing me and you travelling together.”

“Don’t worry, they don’t hold grudges. We’re all defectors after all. The Order betrayed us and so we betrayed them.” 

“That doesn’t sound like “not holding grudges”.”

“They’re not holding grudges _anymore._ Is this better?”

“You can say that. What are we waiting for? Let’s go.” 

.  
.  
.

The heat on Tatooine was much different than the heat on Jakku. It used to be more humid. But here? It was just scorching hellfire falling from the skies. Castle didn’t seem very comfortable under layers of armour, sweating profusely. They were approaching the Outpost; they could see it and its reflection in the sand from a distance. It would take them 10 more minutes and they’d be there.

What was she planning to do on Niima Outpost after this one year? There was no way Unkar would let her buy another ship from his shipyard after stealing the Millennium Falcon. He’d have her pay double the costs, and work for him for the rest of her life to pay him off. Maybe she could steal another ship, and leave a satchel of credits behind for the taking. Mind tricking Unkar into allowing her to take a ship was out of the question. She didn’t have much choice really. Maybe it was a mistake that she came here?

Castle’s ringing comlink pulled her out of her thoughts. It must’ve been one of his friends, the other defectors. 

“One of your friends?” she asked.

“Yes. They got a little worried that something happened to me on my way to the Outpost. They really don’t want to lose anyone more. They don’t want more death.”

“I see... I can get behind that.”

“But, here’s the thing: They want to know why they had to kill for so long. They want to know the truth behind the secrets our former generals and leaders kept from us.”

“I understand. I really do. There are a lot of things that I can think of that I’d want to have answers to too.” _Like my dark lineage, for example. If I am on the right path or not. If I can really bring “him” back._

Castle sighed and they kept moving forward. She sensed movement around them. She thought that it was scavengers at first. But the movement was too organised, too coordinated. Soon, the signatures were all around them. She stopped dead on her tracks, hand hovering over her sabre, ready for a fight. 

“What is wrong Rey?”

“Castle, ready your blaster.” 

“Why?”

“We’re surrounded.”

“Surrounded!?” 

.  
.  
.

_Surrounded?_

_It was time then..._

A low clicking sound emitted from his comlink. He raised his blaster and set it to stun. He stood back to back with Rey, scanning the dunes around them. They were on lower ground. If this wasn’t his people, they’d be dead. The only thing that reassured him was the clicking.

“How many are they?”

“I can sense around five or six lifeforms. I’ve fought against worse odds.” 

“Worse like...?”

“Two against eight. All of them equipped with vibroblades.” 

“That doesn’t sound good. You must’ve had a great partner to survive that. You both survived, right?”

“Yes...” 

Silence. It was as if all time stopped. He was trembling as he watched a dark figure ascend from behind the dune. Slicked back brown hair. Pistols sheathed by his hips. _Nine._ He lowered his rifle. 

“Surprise Castle!” the Commander shouted.

“Surprise!” five more of his people revealed themselves to them, surrounding them.

There was no way out of this situation. There was a little part inside him that hoped that it wouldn’t have to come to this. He could have let her go to the Outpost alone and tell them that she left the ship in the night when he was sleeping. Seeing Nine’s smug face didn’t do anything to calm those thoughts. It was the opposite, it instigated them. 

He wasn’t doing this for revenge. The Order was gone and it wasn’t coming back. And even if it came back, he didn’t want to be a part of it. All he wanted was the truth. For his friends. For his General. For himself. 

“You know them?” she whispered.

“Relax. They’re my people. No need to worry.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“You’re trembling. Why?”

His breath got caught in his throat. Every excuse he had come up with on their way to the Outpost escaped him. He gritted his teeth and turned to face her, his grip tightening on his blaster.

“I’m sorry Rey.”

“What-”

With a pull of his trigger, she was on the ground, lying there lifeless, struck by a stun bolt. His weapon fell off his hand and he stood there, staring at her. The troopers around him approached slowly. He felt a pat on his back.

“Good job Castle. You weren’t proven an incompetent fool for once.” 

He balled his fists. There was no need for more violence now, was there?

“The General will be very pleased with your gift.” Nine continued. “Too bad you won’t be there.”

A sudden burn in his ribs took over his senses. Before he could realise, he was on his knees, writhing in pain. Instinctively he reached out to his rifle. Something hit him on the back, was it the heel of a boot or the stock of a rifle, and his face was in the sand, he was tasting it. The biting sensation in his ribs didn’t go away, it only got stronger. Someone pulled his head away from the sand by the hair. 

“I don’t know why or how you managed to save _your_ General so many times now. This time you’re not getting in my way. I’m going to give him the closure he wants and then I am going to strike that traitor Armitage down. Don’t worry, I’ll make it painless.” 

Nine let go of his hair and fired at him again, this time at his leg. He could do nothing but watch as he ordered one of his men to carry Rey. They were soon out of his sight. He heard the sound of speeders zooming off to the distance, _their_ speeders. The sand blasted his face and what little skin he had exposed. He attempted sitting up, but he fell on his back, sand getting inside his open wounds. It burned. It burned, but he felt cold. The light was blinding him. With all the strength he had left he reached for his comlink. He pushed the first contact he found on it that wasn’t related to Nine. 

“Hey Castle! You’re coming back already?”

“Captain Kirril...” he coughed and his whole chest ached “...I screwed up.”

.  
.  
.

_Author’s note_

Hey, it’s me. That tin can that happens to write stuff. I am writing this here because I don’t know how many of you are reading the author’s notes. I have an announcement to make. 

My schedule moving on is going to be a warzone. I am sitting university entry exams in the middle of June up to the end of the month (June 15th up to I have no idea because they haven’t announced when we’ll be sitting exams for the “specialized” subjects). I don’t know if I’ll be able to upload new chapters for the next month. Don’t worry; I’m not abandoning this fic, crazyafana and I have planned too far ahead to step out of this now. I’ll try to post stuff during the hiatus, but I can’t promise anything. I’ll let you know when I’ll be back with more with an “announcement chapter”. Think of this as a “season break”. 

Thank you for reading this fic, the kudos and all the comments you’ve been leaving so far. I never thought that anyone would read this and I am grateful for the support. I am sorry that I have to leave you like that, with a cliffhanger in our hands. That was... unplanned. 

Leave your comments and any questions you have for me down below! I guess that I’ll see you all next month!

Sincerely,  
tin_a_can


	26. Author Update (maybe I'll delete it later)

Hello there fellow humans! It's me, the tin can!

I'm currently in the middle of my exams. I sat two subjects and in the next week I'll be sitting the other two. In case you are wondering, I'm not doing that as well as I would like, but I hope that I'll do better this week.

This means that I'll be back next weekend! (Sunday 28th most likely)

See you all next week!


	27. Chapter XXVI: Remains of Two Fallen Empires

It was dark. She could feel it on her skin. The durasteel around her shrieked, as if it was pleading to be melted and recast in a new shape, to be of another use other than a reminder of the Empire’s reign. She opened her eyes to find herself in a makeshift cell in the stern of an Imperial Star Destroyer. 

_The one Castle told me about._

_Castle._ If she saw him, she couldn’t promise herself that she’d be able to control her anger. It was foolish of her to put her trust in a former Stormtrooper at a time like this. It was crazy to think that the first person she ever got to call her friend after fleeing Jakku was one of them. She really believed that Castle would be proven to be like Finn, she never thought that he’d lie to her about his loyalty to the Order. 

She wanted to be angry, but she couldn’t because as soon as he pulled the trigger, she felt his remorse. It didn’t make any sense. 

A few minutes after waking up, she could feel her limbs again. Her hands were in heavy Imperial shackles behind her back. With a few manoeuvres, her hands were in front of her.

Her mouth had grown sticky. She needed something to drink, quite desperately. The sooner she was out of there, the better. Across her cell, locked inside another cell she could see her stuff. It was almost as someone had placed them there on purpose. Her senses were still dulled by the stun blast, so she decided against attempting an escape at the moment. 

The footsteps of a person approaching echoed all over the fallen ship’s hull. 

“Isn’t it the scavenger turned Jedi, Rey.”

“Isn’t it the First Order General turned spy, Armitage. I thought that you were dead.”

The old First Order General entered her field of vision. His appearance was... unexpected, to say the least. He had abandoned his old black uniform for simpler, baggier, earth-coloured garments. A short full beard was something she could’ve never imagined him fashioning and if this was the first time she met him, she’d doubt that he used to be a high ranking officer of the First Order.

“Surprised?”

“I’d say yes but snakes like you don’t die easily. Why am I here?”

“You’re an honourable guest.”

_That brings back memories._

“I don’t think that we have the same sense of hospitality.”

“No, we do not.” he shook his head.

“What are you doing here? You’ve been leaking information to the Resistance before Exegol so now you can come here and build a new order?”

“Of course not. I may have been fighting for the First Order since I was an infant but after seeing what had become of it and its demise; I think that we can both agree that even the most eager and devoted of us can grow tired of going through the same notions time and time again their entire lives. I’ve seen enough to know that even if I wanted to do as you say, no matter how well calculated my plans could’ve been it would all be coming crashing down eventually.”

“Then what do you want?”

Hux brought out a small holoprojector and after pushing a button, a still projection of her and Ben emerged. It was the moments before entering Snoke’s Throne Room on the Supremacy. She could feel her heartbeat against her temples and the cold shackles around her wrists.

“The truth.”

.  
.  
.

The burn that had engulfed his whole body moments later had gone away. It gave its place to numbness. His hand was resting on his side, opposing the open wound on his back. He could no longer feel his hand or the wounds. There was only the void. The bright blue sky above him had turned gray. Captain Kirril’s reassuring words coming from his comlink became an amalgamation of noises. It was better to hear something other than the silence that fought to claim him. Each breath came out of him more laboured than the one that came before, each breath a protest against death.

After a while it all seemed meaningless. 

The ground beneath him rumbled as the hum of a spaceship’s engine came closer and closer. 

“Castle? Castle! Oh Kriff, oh Kriff, Kriff, Kriff!”

_Cal?_ He wanted to call out his name but all sound that left him was a low, pained growl. 

“It’s okay buddy, it’ll all be fine.”

A bolt of pain coursed through every last cell of his body as Cal tried to move him.

“I know that it hurts, just stay with me, al’ight? Don’t you wanna see how your favourite series ends? You don’t want to die without knowing that, right?” 

_What is he talking about?_

Before he knew it, he was lying face down on the Pride’s pristine floor. 

“This is going to hurt.”

Something acidic touched his lower back and his wounded leg, it felt like his skin was melting off his bones. He hissed.

“I’m sorry. I know that it hurts. Trust me. I’ve been through that.”

_Yeah, me too._

Cal talked his ear off in his attempt to keep him conscious as he wrapped his leg and his waist with bandages to keep his bacta patches in place. His face and then the rest of his body levitated off the ground. Cal was a full head shorter than him, how could he lift him with such ease? His face was now on something far softer, something like the mattress of a bunk bed. 

“Don’t you dare move.” Cal pointed his finger at him. “I’m not patching those up again for you.”

Now that his senses were back in his grasp, everything that he had done in the last 20 minutes hit him like a strong gust of air during a sandstorm. Somehow, he managed to put everyone in danger and he could do nothing to prevent what was going to happen. He couldn’t articulate words, as his every try to speak was fruitless. At least he got to tell Captain Kirril what he needed to know to act accordingly. 

“Where’s Kirril?” he slurred. 

“He’s on the way. We’ll meet somewhere in the middle. Wait, I think I see him!” 

The ship came into a full stop in seconds, the whiplash almost knocking him off the bunk. He heard the speeder boarding the ship’s cargo bay, soon followed by three sets of heavy footfalls. 

“What in the fresh hell happened here?” the Captain shouted, closing in into him. “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, young man.”

.   
.  
.

The wreckage provided refuge for them until the troops were gone. They waited until then, and they waited a few hours more. It was midnight when they managed to reach their ship. Much to their relief, it was untouched. It was a shame that they made it back with just an old journal. It was as if a higher power had willed for them to find it, since it provided them with a way to navigate the desert, avoiding any dangers lurking beneath its sands. 

The night passed in relative silence. She was unable to sleep, and from what she could tell, neither were Finn and Poe. Their encounter with the former Stormtroopers was a close one. And thanks to Poe asking for more information about those guys, Finn talked their ears off about the squad’s leader. Commander Nine was an expert in killing out small rebellions on backwater planets and keeping everything in order. It was odd that a janitor would know this much. Despite his low rank within the First Order, he knew a lot about it and its people, maybe too much. 

“Rose.” a disembodied voice called her name, somewhere between the conscious and the unconscious. She dismissed it with a wave of her hand as she stirred away from it in her bunk bed. 

“Rose!” a hand grabbed her shoulder and shook her. 

“What is it Finn?” she sat up, balancing her weight on her elbows, a frown etched on her features. Despite her running thoughts, she must’ve fallen asleep at some point. 

“I felt something.”

“Can you be more elaborate about it?” 

“I think that she’s here.”

“Rey?”

He nodded affirmatively.

“Kriff, we have to tell Poe about it!”

.  
.  
.

“The truth?” she arched her eyebrows.

“Yes.”

“Why do you care? You got what you wanted. Kylo Ren is dead, didn’t your loyal trooper Castle tell you?”

“I am fully aware of Ren’s fate. I may not know the circumstances of his death, but that is not something that I care about at the moment. What I do care about are the circumstances that allowed him to take control of the Order.” 

“I thought that he made it clear to everyone around the galaxy that I was the one to slay Snoke.”

“He did. And thanks to that, you became the Resistance’s champion in under a year. I have to admit that in that timeframe, you were proven to be a formidable foe in battle. But I doubt that an untrained scavenger from Jakku could’ve killed Snoke, fought against nine people and fled the scene relatively unharmed. Even an idiot could’ve realised that something about this tale doesn’t add up.”

He wasn’t wrong. She was surprised to find out that this was the story Ben had come up with back then when it first circulated around the Resistance and later on the rest of the galaxy, so she decided to play her role as Snoke’s slayer accordingly. She didn’t have any second thoughts about it and only about a week ago she revealed the truth to Rose, making her the only person alive that knows about this whole situation. 

“If you believe that the story is implausible, you must’ve come up with a theory of your own, am I wrong?”

“I have my own version of how things went down.” 

“Would you mind telling me?” 

“I believe that some kind of unspoken alliance was in place between you and Ren. I may not be a firm believer of the Force’s will, but I know that it works in curious ways. I had to put up with your kind numerous times throughout my life. However, there’s something that speaks louder than the theories of a failed General.” 

She adjusted in her seat, tilting her head to the side. “And that is?” she asked.

“Facts.” he said sternly.

Hux pushed a button once more on the holoprojector and the image displayed on it changed to a video feed of the Throne Room. It was heavily corrupted, but what was going on was visible. Watching everything play out again in front of her, not in a dream or a nightmare but in the real, material world felt like an out of body experience. Had she known how the future would play out, she’d choose to go with him in a moment’s notice. The recording had no sound, but she could hear Snoke’s gloating as she was kneeling in front of Ben. 

_“I know what I have to do.”_

_Ben._

Luke’s blue blade ignited, cutting through Snoke and flying into her hand under Ben’s command. The image before her dissolved as the stood back to back to face Snoke’s guards, bringing her back to her current reality, being locked in a cell and having to look at Hux’s smirking face. 

“Where did you...? The Supremacy was destroyed!” 

“A man can find anything if he knows where to look. There’s nothing you can hide from me now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back! Exams are finally over and time no longer exists. Thanks for reading and thanks for waiting this long for an update!
> 
> A lot of stuff happened in this one. Tell me what you think about it in the comments.
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for helping me out and putting up with my ideas at midnight!
> 
> I am thinking of going back to my original plans of two updates a week, one on Sunday and one on Thursday. I hope that with all the free time I've got in my hands now I'll be able to do so.
> 
> Also! I'm thinking about writing an AU about Ben and Rey as lawyers inspired by the Ace Attorney game series. Let me know if you're interested or not in the comments.
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag there (#fic: bmas)
> 
> See you next time!


	28. Chapter XXVII: Old Scores

_One hour earlier..._

He was looking over the desert through a makeshift viewport made at the highest reachable point of the Star Destroyer’s carcass. Neither Castle nor Commander Nine’s squad had sent in any reports and he feared for the worst. Back in the days of the First Order, he had thousands upon thousands of troopers available at the tips of his fingers but now he was left with half a hundred people, afraid to lose any of them. He was left with half a hundred of men that were tired of war; _he_ was tired of war.

Four speeders appeared in the horizon. It was Nine’s squad, but there was no sight of Castle. They were supposed to fetch him from Niima Outpost, alongside with their _special guest_. 

“This is Commander Nine, requesting a squad for escort. We have the “guest”.” his voice came through the comlink on his wristband. 

Pressing a button on it, he spoke into its microphone. “Commander Nine, you’re clear for entry. Gideon, Lauren, meet me at the hangar bay wreckage. Nine is back with the “guest”.”

Moments later he was standing on top of a small dune shaped by the winds of Jakku near the entrance. Nine had just arrived. 

“Greetings General.” Nine said through the half-broken voice modulator that came with every standard issue Stormtrooper helmet.

“Greetings. Where’s Castle?”

He knew that there was a much more important matter at hand than Castle’s whereabouts, but he couldn’t help but worry about the man who saved him when Allegiant General Enric Pryde shot him. Although Pryde was right to deem him guilty of treason, Castle gave him the choice to reflect on his actions as General. He gave him the chance to meet the people under the helmets, at least the fraction of them that remained. Veterans, officers, survivors, defectors, they all stayed here with one common goal: survival. No one seemed to care about the past, only for the present. They were all forever labelled as mass murderers, even the ones that never even got to hold a blaster in battle. He had caused the deaths of billions and given the current situation...

_Was it worth it?_

Two years ago, he would damn himself for making the thoughts he was making now. Three and a half decades, his entire life was proven to be a waste. 

“He was killed. Our “guest” cut through him once she realised what was going on.”

He clenched his teeth, staring at the Jedi’s unconscious form on top of Nine’s speeder. That was a cruel move, but who was he to judge others given the cruelty he had shown and the crimes he had committed?

“Take her to a cell and put handcuffs on her. We don’t want such a dangerous individual running rampant through our base.”

“She had things packed with her sir. What do we do with those?”

“It would be cruel if we destroyed them.” _Even though she killed Castle..._ “Besides, the war is over. The only reason she is our prisoner is the fact that the Resistance would never agree to something like this. We’ll let her have them back as soon as she tells me everything.”

.  
.  
.

_...Now._

“A man can find anything if he knows where to look. There’s nothing you can hide from me now.” 

“What else do you want to know? You can see what’s happening here for yourself. There’s no need for any further explanation.” she said in a flat tone, looking past the image before her, lost in the memory of that moment a year ago.

“The only thing that is evident in this footage is that Kylo Ren committed the highest form of treason a person could achieve within the Order, killing the Supreme Leader. What I want to know are the circumstances that led to this. Why did he do it?”

“He made a choice, the same way you chose to help the Resistance once he got in power. Was that really the reason you became a traitor?”

“My motives are irrelevant to our conversation.” he turned his back to her. “You still aren’t giving me the reason.”

“Why are you so desperate to know?”

“I want to know what foolish reason led him and the entirety of the First Order to destruction. I was born and raised within their ranks; I think that I deserve to know.”

“He saw an opportunity.” she took in a deep breath, steeling her features. “He knew that he couldn’t face Snoke on his own. So when Snoke gave him the chance to kill me, he killed him instead.”

She saw Hux’s shoulders tense up before he spoke. “This is ridiculous. He favoured an untrained scavenger over his own master?”

“The Will of the Force is highly unpredictable. You can never predict who it will bring together in unlikely alliances. I was fooled, even Snoke was fooled.”

“You were fooled? He saved you from certain death.”

“I thought that in that moment he chose to come back to the Light, back to his mother and help the Resistance. Instead of that, he asked me to rule by his side.”

Hux’s shoulders shook, and after a few moments of silence, he could no longer contain his laughter. It was an unnatural sound, mixed with coughs and crying. The former General must’ve finally lost his mind. As her sensitivity to the Force slowly came back to her, her senses were attacked by the hatred that tainted his signature. 

“Does that mean that...” he could barely talk in the middle of his breakdown, “...that if you agreed to his offer... I would have to call _you_ “your majesty”?” 

She sat there staring at him, waiting for him to calm down. Her throat had grown too dry, as if the next time she would open her mouth to speak, her vocal cords would shatter. A minute must’ve passed when Hux decided that it was time to stop laughing.

“Forgive me, but it has been a long time since someone made me laugh that much. Jokes are fine from time to time but now we have to get back to our matter. The truth.”

“ _That_ was the _truth_.”

This time he didn’t make a sound. 

“That fool...” his eyes watered. 

_“I hate you Ren.”_ his thoughts were so loud that even with her senses dulled she could hear them.

He turned around to leave, rubbing his face with the back of his gloved hand. 

“I’ll be back momentarily.”

“Would you mind bringing me some water?”

Hux stopped dead on his tracks, his back turned to her. “I am sorry to inform you that our water supplies are running thin, _your majesty_. I’ll see what I can do, but I highly doubt that any of my men would be willing to give up their canteen to remedy the thirst of a Jedi that has killed countless of their brothers and sisters back in the war and now...”

_...Now?_

.  
.  
.

“Captain Kirril... Thank the maker...” Castle slurred. 

Kirril dropped on his knees beside him scanning him up and down. “Are you hurt?”

“He was shot twice, point blank. It’s a miracle that he’s still alive.” Cal walked into the living area. “He’s going to be ok.”

“Good.” he clenched his teeth, narrowing his small eyes. “What did you do?”

“Captain... I put my friends in danger. Nine is going to kill everyone that is still loyal to the General, I’m sure of it.”

“Wait a minute, who is Nine?”

“An old Commander who is too stubborn to realize that the First Order is dead and must stay dead.”

“And the General?” Sijaz asked.

“The reason I left the Order and I stayed alive.” he paused to catch his breath. “Nobody was supposed to get hurt.”

“What changed?”

“They got Rey. And there’s a thing you must know about her. She’s not who she wanted us to think she is. She’s-”

“-the Jedi Rey of Jakku, the Resistance champion.” Kirril, Sijaz and Makiru said in unison.

“Who!?” Cal exclaimed.

“I thought you would’ve found out by now.” Kirril sighed, rubbing his forehead with his hand.

“How was I supposed to know!?”

“I don’t think that she was trying to hide it... Or if she did, she was horrible at it.” Makiru pointed out.

“Only an idiot could be tricked into believing that she was someone else.” Sijaz continued.

Cal rolled his eyes and no one seemed to pay attention to the wounded man in the room. Castle tried getting their attention by coughing, something that was proven useful only after his fourth try. 

“Now what?” Cal threw his arms in the air.

“I need to speak with someone on the inside. I bet that Nine blocked my comlink frequency from reaching any of the other troopers’ comlinks. But you can’t block a short range transmitter.”

“So, what you’re implying is that we are going to fly over the base so that you...” Makiru guessed.

“...establish communication with an insider and secure a long range frequency.” Castle finished off her statement.

“Whatever you’ve got in mind kid, we’re going to need reinforcements for this.” Kirril stated, nodding his head. “Everyone, go get ready! We’ve got a lot of work to do.” he shooed the rest of the crew out of the living area before standing up to head to the cockpit.

“Captain, wait!”

Kirril’s hand hovered over the access panel. “What is it Castle?”

“Why did you approve of this plan? For all you know, that base is filled to the brim with murderous fanatics of a fallen order.”

“The Pride and her crew had always been a home of second chances. _For all I know,_ that base could be filled with people just like you. Now, I had the misfortune to meet that commander you’ve been talking about once. I don’t think that he and his followers would appreciate a second chance but... Not all of you are like him.” 

“Thanks Captain.”

Kirril smiled and winked at him as he pressed his hand against the access panel.

“Wait! One more question! Who are we going to call for backup?”

Kirril chuckled. “If I told you, you wouldn’t like it.”

.  
.  
.

They’ve spent the last hours chasing around Finn’s “feelings”. After all this time, they had grown restless and jumpy. One minor inconvenience could be the spark that ignited an intense argument between the three. Finn had sworn that he had felt Rey close to them more times than what she could count with both of her hands. 

Looking for her around Niima Outpost was out of the question, as it was them simply visiting it for supplies. They didn’t want to get into any trouble with the scavengers, or to have any of them lose their lives because of them asking around. 

Far ahead of them there were the ruins of yet another Star Destroyer. By the time they find her, they’ll have every single crashed ship on planet searched to the last square click. Four speeders zoomed towards it in the distance, flying in formation. Did Jakku have an organized army? She doubted it. She turned her attentions to Finn, who was still following the speeders with his gaze. 

“This is why you had to tell her earlier about your Force Sensitivity buddy.”

“I wanted to be sure that it wasn’t my imagination, alright? Besides, we had other things to worry about back then.”

“We should get back to our ship, don’t you think? It’s going to get hot out here soon.” she remarked. _What were we thinking...?_

After spending all this time in the desert, she began to question her decision to come with them on their galactic fieldtrip to find Rey. The fact that she hadn’t reached out to her yet after that time they talked before she left Tatooine was worrisome. 

They all silently agreed to head back to their ship where BB8 was waiting for them, guarding it from any intruders. It took them about an hour to reach the ship, and the heat was already becoming unbearable. As soon as they set foot inside, the white and orange BB unit came to them with an onslaught of beeps, something about an unidentified attempting to reach them numerous times the past ten minutes. According to him, they kept calling time and time again.

As soon as they entered the cockpit to check the frequency, the holoprojector began bleeping. 

“That’s them!” BB8 whirred.

“Alright, let’s see who is so determined to talk to us...” Rose said, and before Poe could give her clearance (since it was his frequency, not hers), the image of an old Besalisk with a cigarra in his mouth appeared before them.

“Long time no see Dameron.”

“Out of all the people in the galaxy, you’re the one I least expected to call me right now. What do you want Kirril?”

“One of your own is in very deep trouble.” he dragged the word “very”. “Your Jedi friend, you know who.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Welcome to the new realm of two updates per week! I hope that you liked this chapter. Let me know what you think in the comments! 
> 
> Vacation after two full years of nonstop studying and worrying sure feels weird.
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for being such a great creative input and helping me out!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) and check out the fic tag there (#fic: bmas)!
> 
> (I'll be updating every Thursday and Sunday, unless something unexpected happens. It's been almost 6 months- I have to finish this one day)
> 
> See you all next time!


	29. Chapter XXVIII: “Not So Fast”

Hux was on his way to leave the cells when she stood up, grabbing the metal bars.

“Now what?” she shouted at him.

“Nine told me everything that happened during your capture. Castle wasn’t a great soldier I must admit, but he was a good kid.”

_Was?_

He didn’t stay for any more questions as she was left alone with her thoughts in the dark. At least they had the decency to lock her up somewhere away from the heat. 

She was pacing up and down the small space she was allowed to be, trying to come up with a plan. However, her thoughts always trailed back to what Hux told her about Castle. The way he talked about him... It was like he believed he was dead and she was his killer. It can’t be; she clearly remembers him being the one to shoot her; she couldn’t have done anything after that! Unless...

There were two more shots after Castle’s shot, very close to her. That meant only one thing. Nine or one of his men were the ones that killed him. It didn’t make sense as of why they did that, but she was sure they did it. 

A flutter of wings echoed in the high halls of the fallen Star Destroyer. Probably some steelpecker, oh, how much she hated those flying rats. With iron tipped beaks and talons, they could deal a nasty amount of damage to an inexperienced scavenger. 

Instead of a steelpecker, she came face to face with the convor she saved on Kef Bir. How did it manage to find her here? It was supposed to stay on the Pride!

“What are you doing here?” she whispered at the creature. It landed in front of her feet, making purring sounds. “Hey, stay quiet.”

She scanned the area for any movement. They were alone. This is when an idea struck her. She wasn’t sure that it would work at all, but it was worth a try. 

It was easier to give an explanation to a bird flying away with one of her lightsabers than someone walking in on her trying to summon it with the Force. 

“Can you do me a favour?” she knelt by it. The convor tilted its head to the side. “Can you bring me my lightsaber? I can sense that it is inside that satchel over there.” she nodded towards her packed things in the cell across hers. 

Much to her surprise, the bird really flew there. It was much more than what it expected of it. It stood there idling about, staring at her with its big, round eyes. 

_Come on fluffball... You can do this..._

Nothing. No matter how hard she tried to communicate those words to it, how many times she repeated the directions she gave to it in her mind and out loud, it was all proven futile. She walked backwards and sunk down, holding her knees as close to her body as possible. 

_Screw this._

She opened her eyes, throwing her handcuffed hands out to the satchel that contained her lightsaber. But instead of her lightsaber, the convor came flying and sat on her arm, something metallic in its feet. It was a lightsaber, yes, and she was ecstatic at first. But then she realised...

...that it was Ben’s old lightsaber. 

Which wasn’t functioning. 

She sent the convor away once more to retrieve hers, but she had no luck. The creature looked like it didn’t understand a word of what she was saying, even though it had proven that it could listen to and follow instructions. Frustrated with the bird, she had forgotten that she could just call to it with the Force as she had originally planned. It was the third time she had sent it away went she heard the sound of footsteps approaching. 

_Kriff._

.  
.  
.

“Wait, you know where Rey is?” Poe slammed his hands against the controls board in front of him.

“Not me exactly, but one of my crewmates does.”

“You know each other?” Rose asked, looking back and forth between the two men.

“You can say that. Why didn’t you tell me earlier about that Kirril?” he narrowed his eyes. “We’ve been looking for her all around the Outer Rim!”

“How was I supposed to know? Besides, whatever she wants to do, she really wanted to avoid you people.”

“And now because of that, she got into trouble!” Finn remarked. “What kind of trouble, exactly?”

“I’m not the one qualified to tell you what happened exactly. But my friend of mine does.”

Kirril stepped out of the way, revealing a young man in battered up First Order-issue armour. He didn’t look like he was in the best of shapes. As soon as he focused on them, he swallowed, preparing for the tidal wave of words that followed. 

“Hi. My name is Castle. I used to be a Stormtrooper of the First Order, but I deserted as soon as General Hux was revealed to be a traitor. As you may know, he was swiftly executed by Allegiant General Pryde. What you may not know is that he, amongst some of my brothers and sisters left the Order before the Battle of Exegol and fled to the Outer Rim. Here on Jakku, many of us fled in search of a shelter. We created a community, knowing that the galaxy has labelled us as murderers and that we would never be able to fit in. Most of us do not seek any further confrontation with the reformed Republic, but there are a handful within our ranks that still seek revenge.”

Now that was a lot to digest. Out of all the people that were killed back then, Hux managed to survive? Finn stepped forward, asking him questions about the Order, trying to deduce whether or not he was telling the truth about being a former soldier. A few moments later, he stepped backwards, still staring at the man in the hologram.

“He’s telling the truth.”

“So what does that have to do with our friend?” she said.

“No one was supposed to get hurt. When I first informed Hux about her whereabouts and her destination, I was supposed to bring her in for a few questions, and then she’d be free to go. Nothing that could be proven dangerous to the Republic, only a few details about the Supremacy’s destruction. Everything went south afterwards and now not only your friend is in danger, but also my people.”

The three of them stood in a circle, exchanging glances. The kid didn’t seem like he had any reason to lie, but they couldn’t be that sure of his intentions. Despite that, she could see the regret in his darkened eyes and bruised face.

“Do you have a plan?”

“I’ve contacted people from the inside of the base.” he sighed, readjusting in his seat. “I know that an old field officer, Commander Nine is planning to take over command of the men on base, and according to my sources he has a small amount of people from the inside supporting him, as well as external help from local mercenaries. A full-scale attack would be a foolish move.”

“So you’re suggesting a covert operation?” 

“Yes. It’s the only way we can make sure that there will be minimal casualties. The base is lacking in aerial support or an anti-air attack system, so we’ll be able to provide a distraction for the Commander’s troops...”

“...and we can get Rey.” she concluded the kid’s trail of thought.

“We’ve worked our way around much worse plans than that.” Poe said. “Where are we going to meet with you?”

“I’ll send you the coordinates.” Kirril butted in. “See you there.” 

And with that, the connection was cut. A few moments later, a message arrived with the coordinates of their meeting point attached to it, west of Niima Outpost. 

“That was fast.”

.  
.  
.

She ushered the convor to hide behind her as soon as she heard someone coming to the cells. Being found while attempting n escape would be the worst thing that could happen to her right now. She knew that if she wanted, she could call to her or Ben’s lightsaber to aid her escape, but brute-forcing her way out of a base filled with former Stormtroopers was dangerous. 

Hux came back with a guard and a canteen of water, which he threw at her between the bars. 

“It’s as much as I could gather. I hope that it suffices for your travel.”

“Travel?”

The door of the cell bleeped and opened wide. Hux came through the threshold of the cell, a keycard in hand. 

“As I told you earlier, you’re our guest. I wasn’t planning on keeping you locked in here, even if the circumstances allowed for such a thing. You’re free to go.”

“Are you serious?”

He didn’t reply. Hux’s hand was a breath away from the handcuffs when the sound of a blaster shot filled the corridors. The guard that accompanied him here dropped on the floor with a gaping, smoking wound on his head. 

“Not so fast, traitor.” Nine walked in, backed up by the men she had seen earlier in the desert, the barrel of his blaster levelled on Hux’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm sorry for the short chapter, but something health-related occurred to me and I didn't have the time to write more. 
> 
> Let me know what you think about everything that went down in this chapter in the comments!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for all the help and the support!
> 
> Stuff to check on Wookieepedia: Steelpecker 
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)!
> 
> See you on Thursday!


	30. Chapter XXIX: Unlikely Alliances

“Not so fast, traitor.”

Hux remained immobile, gaze fixed on her. The key was still in his hand, very close to giving her her freedom. Despite the fact that a man was ready to shoot him in the head with a blaster, he remained eerily collected. His lips remained sealed, but his jaw worked as if he wanted to say something to her. 

“You two are going nowhere!” Nine continued. 

“Put the blaster down Nine. This isn’t going to go anywhere.” he finally spoke in a flat tone. 

“You can’t talk your way out of this, General. Your ways might have worked before the Order fell, but it was because of people like you that everything came crashing down. You’re either coming with me, or I’ll shoot you down.” 

He faced away from her to look at Nine. Only now the smell of alcohol hit her nostrils as he turned around in such a close proximity to her to face the other man. Hux nodded his head and chuckled.

“I’ll take my chances.”

With a swift movement of his wrist, her hands were free. She called to Ben’s old lightsaber, which flew into her firm grip within moments. She exchanged places with the General, her body in a defensive stance. 

“It’s the truth, then. You really betrayed the First Order for a bunch of naive extremists.”

“Things are more complicated than that, Nine-”

“-I’ve being training since I was a 3-year-old. _You_ taught us, _you_ taught _me_ that the Order is my life!”

“I was born a member of the First Order! I killed my own father to take his place as a General! You seem to think that I betrayed the Order in a whim!” he threw his arms in the air. “You think that anyone on this base wants to go back to that life?”

“I do! And so do my supporters.”

Nine spoke of about 25 Stormtrooper serial numbers. She heard Hux gulp behind her. 

“And what are you going to do to the rest?” Rey asked.

“The same thing I am going to do to both of you.”

“The same thing you did to Castle, I suppose.” she hissed. The memory of that moment came back to her not only as the sound of a blaster firing twice, but also as the blurry image of Nine standing over Castle’s corpse. 

“Whatever happened to him, he won’t be able to come back and save his _precious General_.” 

She took a step forward, her fingers wrapping tighter around Ben’s sabre hilt. She knew that there was nothing she could actually do with it, but somehow it made her feel confident in what she had in mind to do, as if the crystal inside felt her as a part of Ben and accepted her as is. 

“You will let us go.” she said calmly. 

“Tsk. Your Jedi tricks only work on idiots.” Nine snickered. 

_Despite everything, you don’t strike me as the brightest one in the room..._ “Letting us go would be the smart thing to do.”

“And why is that so?”

“You know what I am capable of.”

“Of course. But I am sure that whatever you have in mind, you can’t do it with a lasersword that isn’t functioning properly.”

_Kriff._

It was at this moment that Nine’s comlink rang and he answered it on the spot. _Quite rude of him._

“This is Commander Nine. Who am I speaking to?”

“You thought you’d get rid of me that easy laserbrain?”

“C-Castle?”

“Yes, it’s me. It was nice of you to tell me your entire plan an hour ago, Commander. Now everyone knows about your plans, and they’ve taken “precautions”.”

“I killed you... Why couldn’t you stay that way?!” Nine was frothing at the mouth, unable to articulate words properly. 

“It wouldn’t be fun to take over without anyone to oppose you. I thought you liked challenges.” 

“Where are you?”

“You’ll get to know. Any minute now...”

An explosion shook the whole ship, the metal of its stripped down hull wailing like a monster you’d find in an uncharted cave somewhere on a backwater planet. 

“Ah. Now you know.”

The connection was lost. The Commander was near a full mental breakdown, murmuring to himself. _“That undying asshole! If I find him, I am going to rip his spine out myself and throw his remains in a black hole.”_

“Sir, we’re under attack!” one of Nine’s men said.

“I know!” he shouted, storming out of the cell block. 

The door of their cell was left unlocked but guarded by four fully armoured Stormtroopers –unlike the one that came with Hux and was now laying dead- and armed with all kinds of blasters. Two versus four. She liked the odds. She remained in a defensive stance, even though she knew that with the lightsaber she was holding, she wouldn’t be able to defend herself properly.

With the corner of her eye, she caught the sight of the convor dragging her lightsaber out of the satchel that it was put in. _Good bird._

Hux reached for the blaster pistol sheathed on his belt. Whatever his exact thoughts were, she knew that they were on about the same page, the same chapter of thought at the very least. 

“Duck.”

.  
.  
.

This was a bad idea. A very bad idea. They where somewhere around the ship’s stern, entering it through a crack made on one of its engines. The crack itself wasn’t known to all the people on the “base” and thus they had a greater chance of not being spotted. Finn, Poe, her, among the Besalisk that contacted Poe, a Twi’lek and a Zabrak had snuck onboard, following that other former Stormtrooper’s directions to the cells. They were also instructed by him to wear a red armband so that the people against the Commander would recognise them as their own, and armed with blasters that were set to stun. 

He was right when he said that the base had no defences against an aerial attack. Kirril’s ship cycled back every now and then to shoot at the Star Destroyer. The inside of it was soon filled by the sound of battle, echoing through long, empty corridors, but their squad remained silent. Finn of all people seemed to be the most uncomfortable being in this situation.

“What’s up with you?” she whispered, elbowing his side.

“I don’t trust those guys. Especially that Castle guy.”

“I don’t fully trust them either. But they’re our only chance to find Rey.”

“Poe seems to trust them.” he pointed out.

“Poe is... Poe. He trusts a lot of questionable folks.”

“You’re right. It’s hard to believe what that guy told us about Hux. He’s caused the deaths of billions and now he’s tired of war? I’m not buying it.”

“He did betray the First Order eventually.” she could’ve never imagined that there would come the day that she’d “defend” Hux...

“Because he hated Ren.”

“Keep quiet! We’re getting close!” Poe whisper-shouted at them.

Her palms had grown sweaty inside the gloves she wore, it was better than holding the blaster itself with her sweaty palms though.

“Hold onto your hats people. We’re here.” Kirril said, allowing the Twi’lek, Sijaz, to take the initiative and take a look inside the cell block. 

“We’re late.” she turned around to spare a glance at every single member of the squad before walking in. 

Five corpses of Stormtroopers littered the block. Two shot in the head with a blaster, three cut down by a lightsaber or something that could inflict similar wounds, like a vibroblade. The smell of burnt skin was still fresh in the air, and some of the wounds of the dead were still smoking. 

But no sign of Rey. 

“What do we do now?” 

.  
.  
.

They ran through the halls right behind the lines of ongoing skirmishes between the people loyal to Nine and the ones loyal to Hux. Ahead of them there was the convor, flying across the ship as if it was just a normal day and it was flying under the shade of tall trees on a tropical planet. 

This movement, this fight against the Commander must be Castle’s doing. Oddly enough, not all bolts were the lethal kind. Upon closer inspection, the ones opposing Nine were firing stun shots. She deflected any blaster bolt that came their way with the Force (whether it was lethal or not), since running with an ignited lightsaber would gather too much attention. 

_And gold wasn’t the most subtle of colours..._

Hux had fallen behind, struggling with the settings on his blaster as he tried to set it to stun. 

“Can’t you do this any faster?” she adjusted the bags and satchels strapped on her back. 

“It is difficult to do this while running for your life!”

_Isn’t it like... a single switch?_

She sensed a squad of three coming from their right, and there was nowhere else to go but forward. 

“Screw that! Just run!” she shouted at him, hoping that they would manage to outrun the squad that was bound to run into them. 

How idiotic of her to think that they could outrun them. She nearly bumped into one of the troopers full force. They all raised their weapons against each other, ready to strike. They weren’t as armoured as the people that followed Nine around, and all three had a red armband.

“Wait, General?” the squad leader, a dark skinned woman asked.

“Yes?” 

“Thank the maker... Castle told us everything that happened. I can’t believe this is happening. Where were you going?” 

“I’m escorting our guest outside. She has no place in our petty infighting.”

“But she’s the Je-” another member of the squad butted in.

“Yes, I know. So what?”

“She could fight for us!” 

_Fight for them?_

“No. I don’t want any more corpses to clean up afterwards. We’ll manage. And I don’t think that she’d want to-” 

“I can use blasters too, you know. And my lightsaber isn’t only for cutting people in half.” she smiled. 

“I beg your pardon?” Hux’s eyes widened.

.  
.  
.

He could tell that she was close by. Despite having to shoot his way throughout some battles here and there, it wasn’t enough to distract him from their main goal. They had split up with the Besalisk, the Twi’lek and the Zabrak, as they had left to find the one that coordinated the fight against the Commander. He, Rose and Poe were left with another mission at hand: finding Rey. 

It’s all like Starkiller again. They came in, only to find out that she had already left.

The most of the Commander’s people were outside the base, pushed out by the sheer number (when compared to them) of troopers still loyal to the General but they were winning ground against them, slow and steady. They were fighting as if they were buying time for reinforcements to come. The fight was a 2-to-1, but the Commander’s people were better equipped and prepared than the other team. 

The fight outside was reminiscent of the ones they fought during the war, shots fired everywhere, the sound of blasters not allowing anyone to listen to their thoughts even if they were deaf. 

“Finn, what are we doing here? I don’t think that it’s a good idea to join the fight.” 

“Shhh...”

A golden light flashed on the other side of the battlefield. It was her, aiding the General’s soldiers! He could tell that she had sensed them too, as she turned her head their way, scanning over the helmets of the Stormtroopers that stood and fought between them. Across the distance, their eyes met and her face lost its light. She retreated behind the squad she was aiding and disappeared. 

Why would she do that? 

“We have to run.” he turned around to tell the other two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope that you are all doing well.
> 
> What do you think about the Stormtrooper infighting? I couldn't wait for the story to finally get to this point since the moment we had it planned out. Let me know in the comments!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for generously giving me ideas and helping me plan out this whole story!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)!
> 
> See you on Sunday!


	31. Chapter XXX: Fleeing Jakku and Odd Reunions

_Before the sunrise..._

“Thank you for bringing us the crates again, Kirril. But there's something you need to know. There’s this man that has been on us the last month.” Liliade, the leader of the scavengers said. 

Kirril had gone inside the makeshift base the scavengers had made while Cal was helping the rest around the settings of the blasters they brought them. He put all four of his hands on his thighs, leaning in to inspect the old scavenger’s face. 

“One of Unkar’s mercenaries?”

“That’s what we thought at first. We thought that he would be like the others, doing a onetime gig and then letting us be but no. This man wants to _erase_ us. They’ve attacked five of our bases by now. At this rate, we’ll be dead before we get to revolt!” she was shaking out of anger and fear for her people. 

“Do we have an idea about who this guy is?”

“Not really. As I said, at first we thought he and his team was just a bunch of mercs in fancy Stormtrooper armour and blasters. But then he started showing up with other mercs and some of Unkar’s bootlickers.”

 _Stormtrooper armour? Maybe Castle can say something about his friends once I get back..._ “Do you have any physical description of the man?”

“Yes. I’ve seen him quite a lot of times. Black hair, blue eyes and skin as pale as bare, dry bones. Always carries two blaster pistols. Trained in combat. Rings any bells?” 

“Not really. If he’s a merc, he must be new in the game. I’ve got someone in mind to ask about him though...” 

“Do it. We have to get rid of him and his lackeys as soon as possible, or maybe the next time you come around with “supplies”, you’ll find our bodies out in the open to be claimed by the desert.” 

.  
.  
.

_Later the same day..._

Kirril came back into the living area, holding a holoprojector. 

“Now, what was his code...?” he murmured. 

He sat there and watched as he was searching his list of codes on his datapad. Didn’t he know that he could keep the codes saved on a holoprojector for later (and much easier) access? The Captain smiled with his wide mouth as he found the code he was looking for. He dialled and hit the call button. No reply on the other end of the line. He tried again. No results. The same happened in his next few tries. At that moment he seemed like giving up. He sat in one of the couches and all that could be heard throughout the whole ship in those moments was the hum of the engines as they headed towards the wrecks of the Star Destroyer.

“Captain, we could try again later. I got to ask around to see what the situation is on the base before we act. There’s always a chance that reinforcements won’t be needed.” 

“You’re right... In five minutes we’ll have all the information that we need.” 

“Here’s the thing... One of us has to go down there to set up a relay. Now that I’m thinking about it, there’s no way we can fly over the base for long enough without attracting unwanted attention. We have a working relay, don’t we?”

“We do. Naggie could handle this. There’s something I wanted to ask you earlier.” 

“Of course, Captain. Go on.”

“Can you tell me more about that “Nine” character? What’s he like?” 

“I guess that the best description I have for him is that he was a very efficient tool of the First Order. An expert at-”

“No, I’m not asking about his character. I’m asking, like, what’s his face like? How does he look like?” he gestured at his face.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that that’s what you meant. For a man that has spent two whole months in a desert, he’s awfully pale. Black hair, what else is there...?”

“Does he carry around two pistols?”

“Yeah- Wait, where did you learn about that?”

“A friend of mine told me about him. He’s not only causing trouble to your friends, you see.” he patted him on the head, ruffling his hair like he was a little child. “I’m going back in the cockpit to tell the others about the new plan. I’ll be back soon, okay?”

“Yes sir.”

.  
.  
.

_Now..._

Everyone seemed to get startled by her sudden decision to abandon the frontline, even Hux. There was no way she’d stay here, no way she could face _them_. How the hell did they find her? Did Rose tell them...? No, it must’ve been that Duros back on Tatooine in charge of the post port. Kriff! 

And now she has to run away from the battle like a coward, much worse; run away from having to tell the truth of her intentions to her friends. “Jedi business” wasn’t going to hold up for much longer as an excuse... She knew where the few ships the Stormtroopers had managed to save were held, the former General had told her right after escaping Nine’s guards. She wasn’t very far away from the place. 

Any other Stormtrooper she encountered didn’t seem that shocked with her presence. In their struggle, she was the least of their problems. Much to her surprise, some scavengers had arrived on the base, wearing red armbands, helping Hux’s troops in their effort. Since when did Plutt allow the scavengers hold so many weapons? He barely allowed anyone that wasn’t one of his own people to keep a stick to defend themselves! Whatever this was, someone from the outside was helping them, stocking them up for a revolution. And they fought with a vengeance. 

She threw her luggage inside the TIE that looked the least beat-up, a TIE Interceptor with an equipped hyperdrive and two seats. She’s dismantled quite a few Imperial TIEs in her time, First Order issue ones wouldn’t be that different, right? After some meddling with the controls, she got the ship’s twin ion engines to start, immediately kicking her off the ground and into the sky ahead and above. She didn’t even check if the TIE had enough fuel, it was the least of her concerns at this point... Thankfully, she had just enough for two hyperspace jumps and the manoeuvring needed to get around the space rocks that orbited the planet of Paratarah. 

After all this time, a week that felt like a century, she was close, the closest she had been to bringing him back. Once she was out of Jakku’s atmosphere and there was nothing but empty space ahead of her, she cut the engines, retrieving the book that she had taken note of the planet’s coordinates. She knew that it was dangerous to jump straight to a system in the Unknown Regions, but she didn’t have that many viable choices at hand. Two jumps, that’s all she needed to come and go from that place. Two jumps...

It was quite ironic to think of it. This was the second time she had to leave Jakku and just like last time she was fleeing from it. 

And she has to make sure that both times she’d get to “bump” into a Solo. 

She turned the engines back on and with the push of a lever, the light blue lights of hyperspace engulfed her.

.  
.  
.

The quiet after the battle always left him with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Despite their best efforts, Nine’s troops had to retreat if they were to survive due to the difference in numbers. Both sides had gained reinforcements from scavengers, but still the ones fighting on Nine’s side were less than the ones on the other side. The troops with the red armbands celebrated their victory with cheers that could be heard all the way to the other side of the ship they had ended up on. They were late again. 

Once they arrived at the ship bay, they got to see a single TIE Interceptor zooming off to the sky. Rey was in it. 

They were so close... and still they managed to lose her. His free hand balled into a fist on its own accord. 

“I don’t get it... Why is she avoiding us?” Poe asked. 

“I don’t know.” Rose replied. 

He followed the ship with his gaze, until it was out of sight, disappearing into space.

“Finn? Any ideas?” 

“No. We’re too late. Again.” 

They could run to their ship as quick as possible to follow her. They could’ve tried that, but despite everything even he knew that it was of no use. She was already too far gone, and by the time they’d get into their ship, she would be out of the system. 

“Dameron? It’s Kirril.” the voice was heard coming from Poe’s comlink.

“What’s the situation?”

“Nine’s troops have retreated towards Niima Outpost. We have won, for now.”

“What were all these scavengers doing here helping you out?” 

“We can’t talk about that through the Net. What about you, did you find Rey?”

“No, she... She left. She took a TIE and now she’s gone.” 

“Sorry to hear that. Come to the top of the Destroyer. There are a few things we’d like to discuss.” 

Poe shifted his attentions to them instead of the comlink on his wrist. He and Rose nodded in affirmation. There was nothing to lose in listening to what the Besalisk had to say. There was a slim chance that he knew something about her and where she was headed next. But if she hadn’t told them, how likely was it that she would tell her plans to a stranger? 

“We’re on our way.”

“Good. There will be troopers to help you find the place if you ask around. See you there.”

.  
.  
.

A red-headed man, wearing a long, dark brown overcoat entered the room. He could’ve passed for a simple scavenger, a man that once crashed on the planet and never got to find a way to leave, hadn’t it been for his boots and trousers, standard issue for all First Order high ranking officers. He took a seat across him.

“Captain Kirril.” the man said. “So, you’re the one Castle is working for...”

“In the flesh.” 

“My name is Armitage Hux. I’m honoured to meet you.”

“I don’t know if I can say the same thing about you. I guess that this meeting was bound to happen one way or another. Castle won’t shut up talking about you.” 

He cracked a smile. “I have to thank you. You had no reason to help an old general that has committed countless crimes against the galaxy.” 

“What can I say? I always believed in second chances.” 

“I see.”

Armitage studied his features. 

_Armitage... What a strange name... I’m not calling you that for sure._

“I wonder... How did you get to have those scavengers fight for us?” 

“That’s a good question. One that I’ll answer you once my friends arrive.”

Dameron and the other two people that were with him when they met earlier entered, accompanied by a trooper. Hux jumped off his seat. 

_Huxley maybe...?_

“General Hugs?”

“You...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! We're finally on our way to Paratarah, the window to the World Between Worlds... Let me know what you think about it in the comments!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for all the help! 
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)
> 
> See you on Thursday!


	32. Chapter XXXI: Night on the Star Destroyer

“You...” Hux froze on the spot, pointing at the three. The first shock was the fact that he was still alive. The second shock was his beard. No matter what, she could’ve never imagined him having a beard. She was at a loss of words.

“General Hugs?” Poe didn’t seem to be in a better place than she was. 

“Ah. I forgot to tell you who my friends are. I see that you know each other.” Kirril looked back and forth between them and Hux. “My bad.” he mumbled

“I can’t believe this. Of all the people that could come for help, why is it _you?_ ” his legs unlocked, bringing him closer to them.

“We could’ve had you killed on the spot for your crimes. You should be thankful to be still alive.” she said in the calmest tone she could manage. 

“I am aware of that.” He replied, mimicking her tone. 

“So what are you doing here, huh?” Finn asked. “Gathering up what remained of the First Order to go back to your campaign?”

“Do you think that any of those people you saw fighting on my side today were actually battle ready? We’re all survivors here. We have no such ambitions.” 

“That’s what you say. But that Commander of yours thought otherwise.” the old Besalisk that stood on the other side of the room butted in their conversation. “You asked me about those scavengers earlier, didn’t you _Huxley_?”

Hux sighed “Yes, I did.”

“What about them?”

“All those people you saw, I was helping them prepare for a revolution against their master, Plutt. Weapons, armour and all of that. Plutt found out and our friend Nine has been helping him with that problem ever since. Today seemed like a great opportunity to officially begin.” 

“What?!” 

.  
.  
.

A few hours have passed since their meeting at the viewport. In the meantime, they met with another group, Kirril’s Crew. The people Rey had spent the last week with. Perhaps they knew some things about her whereabouts... 

They were sitting amongst what was left of the surviving Stormtroopers, eating some stale rations around a small fire fuelled by scavenged fabrics. Every single one of them had their own stories to tell, personalities that managed to survive through brainwashing and adversity. Even the ones that used to be the most loyal to the Order and its ideals were beginning to leave that kind of thinking behind, slowly but steadily. It was sad to think how many of them lost their lives to the war, kidnapped and raised to kill. Even if one in a hundred were capable of changing their ways and managing to become something other than what the Order wanted for them; that was still a lot of people to think of. Starkiller Base alone must’ve had millions deployed.

Poe had some catching up to do with the man that had called them earlier that day. Finn, on the other hand, was hanging out with a bunch of former Stormtroopers that were asking him all about living free in the galaxy. Despite being the one the most zealous to find Rey, he enjoyed the attention he got from them. 

“I know that you didn’t come here with the intention of helping us.” Hux tried to say gently, something that could not be achieved with that harsh voice of his. It triggered something inside of her and whatever he said; her first thought would always be to punch him. 

“Congratulations.” she deadpanned. 

“Then why did you three come here? What did you expect to find?”

“That boy that was working for Kirril told us about what happened and that you had one of our own. We couldn’t let that go that easy.”

“You mean the Jedi Rey? Because if you mean her, first, she seemed less than happy to see you and second, she was an honoured guest of ours.”

“I knew that she wouldn’t be happy to see us. She’s been avoiding us the past few weeks and I don’t know why. That’s why we came after her as soon as we knew where she was.” she couldn’t tell the truth to Finn and Poe, there was no way she could tell the truth to _him_. 

“I wonder why. It startled me to see her flee when she was that determined to join our battle. She was the one that took that TIE Interceptor, wasn’t she?” 

She nodded in affirmation, remembering Finn’s words once they’d reached the hangar, watching the ship fly away from the base. Even before Finn had communicated that piece of information to them, it seemed to her that all three of them knew who the pilot of that TIE was. 

Hux sat there for a while observing the Stormtroopers, saying nothing. She had to remind herself of their current situation constantly, or else she would be lost in the memory of kneeling down, waiting for the cutting edge of the executioner’s vibroblade to cut the thread of her life, only by chance saved by Vice Admiral Holdo’s manoeuvre. If she hadn’t jumped to light speed right into the Supremacy, the man beside her would laugh their death of as yet another victory for the First Order. 

“Do the people here know that you betrayed the First Order?”

“Yes. Every single one of them knows. Commander Nine made sure of it today.” he drank from a canteen. Judging by the smell, that sure wasn’t water. 

“Why did you do it?”

She never looked at him, but she caught him turning around and looking at her with the corner of her eye.

“Spite. It turned out that my hatred for Ren allowed me to see the Order from another point of view in the end.”

“If it worked for you...”

Usually she enjoyed silence. After a long day of repairing ships and having to deal with all kinds of people from all over the galaxy, silence was something to be desired. But now, even the small pauses between replies allowed her mind to drift to her almost execution. It reminded her of the beginning of every nightmare she had of that day. 

“I had an idea.” he finally said. “But...”

“But?”

“If your friend really took one of our ships, there’s a way we can track it. Two ways actually, even though the second one seems less viable.” 

“What do you have in mind?”

“I have access to the in-built trackers of all the ships on base. I have the ability to be aware of where in the galaxy each and every one of our ships is. However, there’s one problem.”

“And that problem is...?”

“What guarantees that the same as today won’t happen when you find her again? Perhaps there’s a good reason she is avoiding you.”

“I agree with that.” she admitted. This wild goose chase was Finn and Poe’s idea. She may have been sceptical about Rey’s decision to try and bring _him_ back, but she knew that no matter how much they would try to prevent her from doing so, she would find a way. “Try telling that to them.” she nodded towards the two bickering Generals.

“You’re following orders, I presume?”

“Being the Chief Engineer only takes you this far in terms of hierarchy.” 

Finn gestured at her from across the room to come to them. Maybe they found something? That sounded pretty unlikely, since Rey had been on the base only for a few hours. As she approached them, she could detect a faint smile on the corners of Finn’s lips. 

“What is it?” she asked. 

“We got a lead.” Finn’s smirk turned into a toothy smile. It’s been a while since she’s seen him smile like that. Since the celebrations after Exegol.

“A lead?”

“Yep. It turns out that all the ships those guys have in their possession have trackers on them.”

“They didn’t bother removing the old First Order issue trackers, so they’ve been using those.”

“That makes our dear friend Hugs over there the only one here with access to the trackers.” 

“You two are talking like he already agreed to whatever plan you have in mind.” 

“Why wouldn’t he? She was his prisoner; he’d want her back one way or another.” Poe crossed his arms over his chest.

“He wouldn’t have let her leave that easy if she was truly his prisoner. She was fighting with them when we saw her, remember?” she reminded the two. 

They seemed to only now think of that possibility despite what they had seen happening with their own eyes. They seemed to struggle to come to terms with the fact that this situation they’re in is in no way similar to the situations they found themselves during the war. The scene has changed. Old enemies become reluctant allies following common goals. They should know better than that, they’re the ones that have to deal with the politics of being the leaders of the galaxy’s current biggest military organisation. 

“Trust me on this; I don’t think that he’s going to agree.”

“And why is that?”

“He brought it up earlier. And he wasn’t that willing to let us check the trackers.” 

“We could always use some convincing.” Poe smiled crookedly.

_Kriff._

She hoped that he wouldn’t say that. “I think that we all know how this will end, Poe. When did your convincing skills help anyone?”

“We’ve got nothing to lose. Unless one of you suddenly got the skill to hack through First Order tech.” 

She and Finn looked at each other with a furrowed brow, each for different reasons.

“Why are you on me Poe? I agree with you!”

This can’t end well.

.  
.  
.

It was deep in the night when their mission commenced. There were no designated dorms, so they could sleep wherever they wanted. The whole base had two guards patrolling, and that was on a technicality. They were on the lookout for any outside threats, not weird movements on the inside. They knew that Hux more often than not, he slept in the makeshift viewport they had met earlier.

A few Stormtroopers were sleeping outside the door. It wasn’t that difficult to sneak past them. The difficult part would be to engage in a conversation with him without them noticing. They entered the room.

Hux wasn’t sleeping. Instead of that, he sat cross-legged on the floor across the transparisteel window of the viewport. 

“What are you doing here? Everybody is sleeping; do you want to wake them up?” 

“We’re here to ask for a favour.” Poe said. She and Finn stood a little further behind. 

“Of course you are.” he snickered, nose crinkling. 

“We learned that you can tell us where Rey went?”

“Huh? How am I supposed to tell you that?”

“Tracking?” 

“What? Ms. Tico, I thought that I told you that I wasn’t willing to-”

“We asked around. Rose has nothing to do with this.” 

“Why are you so fixated on finding her? Is she such a valuable member of your organisation that you cannot do without her?”

“No!” Finn sounded almost offended. “We’re just...” he trailed off.

“Concerned? After everything that happened, you’re still concerned?”

“Don’t act like you know her, Hugs.” 

“That is true, I don’t know her. But from what I saw, I can deduce that she doesn’t want to meet you now.”

“Ah, Kriff...” Poe sighed. “Ok General. Don’t worry. We’ve got the whole night ahead of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter! We've got only Rose's POV in this chapter. Let me know what you think about it in the comments. 
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for helping through this journey. It's been over 6 months now, hasn't it?
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)
> 
> There's a possibility I won't be able to update this Sunday, but I'll try my best to stick to my schedule. If that's the case, see you next week!


	33. Chapter XXXII: Aggressive Negotiations

The former General turned his head away from the three, taking a big sip out of a metal flask. Given the generosity with which he allowed the liquid to enter his mouth and the faint smell that filled the room, it was quite easy to deduce that whatever he was drinking must’ve had a lot of alcohol in it. He might as well be drinking straight fire water at this point with no other ingredient mixed in to tone down the stench or the kick the beverage could give to a person. 

“Look, the faster we get to an agreement, the better.” Poe added to what he was previously saying.

“I salute your patience.” Hux half-slurred. 

“There are two ways that come to my mind now for you to give us access to the tracker. The easy way and the hard way. And I can be very persuasive with my words and actions.” Poe narrowed his eyes on the ginger-haired man. 

“I’d _love_ to hear you out then. Persuade me.” he stood up, taking a wobbly step forward in order to balance himself before he crossed his arms behind his back with his chest out. _He used to be a First Order General after all._

“It would be easier for all of us if you cooperated. I prefer the easy way, personally speaking.” Finn said.

She remained silent as she had made her stance on the matter clear many times before. Was she to choose, she’d go with the easy way too, hands down.

“Let me guess, _Dameron_ ” there was something in the way he said Poe’s surname, something she couldn’t quite pinpoint. “Your easy way includes me giving you access to the tracker’s location and then we can go on our marry ways?”

Poe said nothing to counter Hux. It was a rare visual to witness Poe Dameron, one of the two Generals of the Resistance and one of the galaxy’s greatest pilots run out of words to say, to a clearly buzzed former General that looked like he had given up on life years ago nonetheless. 

“Your predictability disappoints me, Dameron. At least try to impress me with your “hard way” of dealing with this.” 

“What do you think about a full-scale bombing on your little base if you don’t cooperate? Not a single support beam will be left standing and all of that because you didn’t want to give us a damned code.”

“With what right-”

“This little “band” of yours can be considered a First Order cell, Hugs. The new Senate doesn’t want history to repeat itself. The Empire was destroyed, yet from its ashes the First Order arose. The galaxy can’t take another war, and that’s why we’re trying to prevent it.”

“My men are currently helping a revolution against a slave master! By bombarding our base, you would be actively disrupting a fight for freedom, an ideal your Senate must be a firm believer of. They are not going to take that well. We were together when we both agreed to help the Scavengers’ Revolution in any way we can.” 

“But the people helping the slave master also used to be under your command. We could get approval as to acting against suspicious behaviour.”

“You’ve all seen the people that live here on base. This matter is strictly between you and me. There’s no need to drag them in this. Besides, bombarding the base would be of no use. You already told me that you are planning on bombing this place, you think that after that threat we won’t take any precautions?” 

Next to her, Finn had grown sweaty. Given that he used to be a Stormtrooper, he’s the one that knows how those people can integrate into the galactic society. Killing them all would be a waste.

“Poe, this isn’t going anywhere.” she said, reaching out to Finn to rub his shoulder. “I think that we should try a different approach.” 

“Admit it; you haven’t thought this through Dameron. You came in hoping that you would get the most desirable outcome immediately, even though I made it clear that I am unwilling to give you access to the tracker’s location.”

Poe scanned Hux from top to toe, assessing all of the possible routes these “negotiations” could take. He rest his hand on the blaster sheathed on his hip (one Kirril gave him as a way to thank him after agreeing to help the Scavengers), breathing in as much air as he could. 

“Fine. If the threat of an imminent bombing doesn’t scare you, maybe something more direct will.” 

As soon as Poe unsheathed the blaster on his belt, she knew where this was going.

“What are you doing?” she asked, fully aware of what was going on.

“With the power given to me by the new Galactic Senate, I sentence you, Armitage Hux, former General of the First Order, to death for the crimes you’ve commited against the galaxy during the war.” Poe mused, turning his blaster on Hux’s head. 

“Death?” Hux said near laughter. “Death? I’m already dead, remember? I died two months ago on that ship!” 

“There’s only one way you can get out of this situation.” Poe continued, ignoring what the other man just told him. “Give us access to that TIE’s position.” 

Hux’s chuckle was quick to evolve into cackling, a harsh sound it was. “You’re quite funny, Dameron. You should’ve taken the career of a comedian instead of a “negotiator”.” 

The bleariness behind his green eyes was lifted, replaced by the fire of adrenaline in the face of death. One wrong move, one wrong decision and all would go south instantly. This wasn’t going to work. Finn seemed to understand that unlike Poe. With no other plan in mind, they had to run with it and see what was going to happen. Poe was the one to coin this part of the plan earlier, and he was more than eager to execute it, as if he was looking for an excuse to kill him. The fight against the First Order might have been his whole life up to this point, but hers and Finn’s lives were ruined by it. If there should be someone in this room so fixated on getting rid of him, it should’ve been them. They were the ones he ordered to be executed on the spot onboard of the Supremacy, not him. 

Hux walked forward with purpose, his forehead nearly touching the barrel of the blaster in Poe’s hand. 

“You think that you threatening me with death is going to make my knees give away? Make me crumble down like a beggar, pleading for your mercy? You should work harder on training your perceptive skills.” 

“Don’t come any closer _Hux_.” Poe said with no hint of emotion seeping into his voice.

Hux disregarded Poe’s request, taking a step closer and pressing his forehead against the barrel of the blaster. Poe took an unsteady step back in order to keep aiming at the head of the taller man. 

“What is it Dameron? You were the one to propose this. Go on. Pull the trigger. You’ll be doing the galaxy a favour.” his voice was cold and mechanical, like he had rehearsed this very moment many times in the past. As if he knew that his end would find him at the wrong end of a blaster.

Poe gritted his teeth and even in the dark, she could see his knuckles turning white with the effort of gripping the blaster, index finger lightly squeezing against the trigger. 

“Look at me Dameron and tell me, do I look like someone who values their life? Everything that I was taught to believe in is destroyed. I helped the Resistance only for my own selfish reasons.” he grabbed Poe’s hand and blaster with both of his hands, struggling to make him pull the trigger. “What’s so difficult about this? Just pull the damn trigger!” he shouted through gritted teeth. 

“That’s enough!” Rose stepped forward, putting herself between the two men and pulling the blaster away from Hux’s head.

Finn wasn’t late to intervene by grabbing Hux by the waist. Everything was a mess of limbs and in the dark she couldn’t tell which hand belonged to whom. Someone was grunting, maybe it was Poe but it could be Hux as well, or even Finn. The former General was very determined on keeping that blaster on his head, pulling with all the strength he had, even though he lacked the balance due to Finn dragging him by the waist. A pair of feet lost their balance completely and they all went down. The blaster fired. Blinding light and deafening sound. And then silence.

“Is everyone alright?” she was the first one to come back to her senses, still holding onto the hot barrel of the blaster that fired moments ago.

She let go of it as soon as she felt the inside of her palm burning. There was the smell of scorched hair and flesh in the still and dusty air of the viewport. One of them was wounded!

“I’m fine.” Finn searched his chest for any wounds.

“I’ve got all my limbs attached on me.” Poe stretched his arms.

“Ergh...” a low grunting noise came from her left. 

Two partially armoured Stormtroopers entered with their blasters raised.

“What happened here?” one of the two demanded for an answer.

“Don’t shoot.” Hux raised his hand, waving at the Stormtroopers. “It was an accident. Your presence isn’t needed.” 

The two troopers looked at each other, sighed and left the room. They must’ve seen a lot of things to not bat an eye at whatever just happened. Poe wordlessly took out a glowrod and flashed it right into Hux’s face. The blaster bolt had only grazed a part of the right side of Hux’s face, a horizontal line that went from the outer rim of his eye to the upper half of his ear. The wound was bright red but it wasn’t bleeding, as it had been immediately cauterized by the bolt itself. 

“Stop flashing that thing in my face, would you- ARGH!” he raised his palm to cover the right side of his face, only to accidentally touch the burn and shriek in pain.

“We need bacta-patches and water. Now.” she said, grabbing the glowrod from Poe’s hands and bringing it closer to Hux’s burn to inspect it. “I think that this concludes our “negotiations” for now, don’t you think?” 

.  
.  
.

“You’re an idiot.” she bluntly admitted to Poe once they were out of the viewport. 

He was staring into the dark in defeat. This was his idea and it had failed _spectacularly._ Thank the maker that Hux didn’t fall unconscious after the shot, or they’d be fighting for their lives now. Those Stormtroopers would’ve taken the attempted killing of their leader that well and rightfully so. 

“What were we thinking...?” Finn murmured. “I had a bad feeling about this since we entered that room.” he pointed at the door to the viewport. “I should’ve told you.” 

“Or we should’ve realised that this plan wasn’t the way to go.”

“What are we going to do now?” Poe said.

“A different approach maybe?” Finn proposed. “Let’s not forget that this case is a special one if we compare it to the way we’ve dealt with other First Order officers.” 

“Do you have any ideas?” she asked, wondering if he had anything in mind. A different approach was needed here, that was true.

“...not really.” he admitted. 

They stood in a circle, silent, each lost in their respective world of thoughts. If death doesn’t scare the former General, scare tactics are of no use in this situation. He seemed to care about the well being of the people that still see him as their leader. Perhaps an offer is in place? An offer that is going to benefit both parties in question. She may not agree to this mission Finn and Poe have dedicated themselves into, but she didn’t want to have another incident like earlier. 

She kind of understood the reason behind Finn’s fixation on finding Rey (not that it was justified), but Poe? Poe had no reason to be like that. Was it the intrigue of her sudden disappearance or something that no one but him knew? That’s a question she’ll have to ask him in the future.

_Now, considering Hux..._

“I have an idea.” she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! We've got yet another chapter without Rey's POV. A little break since we're going to get a lot of Rey in the following chapters. Tell me what you think in the comments!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for all the help, especially with these last two chapters! 
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)
> 
> There won't be an update this Sunday (again), but there will be one this Monday instead. 
> 
> See you next time!


	34. Chapter XXXIII: The Agreement and Reaching Paratarah

“I have an idea.” she said and the other two immediately turned their attention towards her. 

“Will you tell us?” 

She sighed. “First things first, you must know that I am against whatever you’re trying to accomplish. I don’t know what has gotten into you two, but you should stop. Right now. We’ve put ourselves and others in danger, and for what reason?”

“Rose, Kirril gave us the biggest lead we’ve had since we’ve began looking for her and now Hux holds the key to finding exactly where she went. You’re saying that we should stop know?” Poe said, his voice a tone lower than his usual “scolding voice”. He was barely clinging to his pride, unable to admit his fault, even though deep down he knew he was in the wrong. His voice gave him away.

“Yes.” she nodded in affirmation. “You should worry less about her and more about the state of the galaxy right now. We left the base while you were in the middle of negotiations with 5 possible allies and let Kaydel do your legwork.”

“She’s going to do fine.”

“Exactly. Because she had actual training on this field unlike _someone else I know._ ” her eyes narrowed on Poe. 

“Are you doubting General Organa’s last decision?”

“She was fighting a war against her _son_. At this point, of course I do.” she admitted. “Will you let me say what I have in mind now?” 

“Are you going to tell us that we have to stop, but with different wording now?” he snickered.

Finn stood aside, awfully silent during their quarrel. How come he didn’t have anything to say on the matter?

“I am offering a solution that is going to benefit everyone on this base, and if all goes well, the entire galaxy. Hux wasn’t going to do us any good dead now, was he?” 

“So, you’re suggesting...?” 

“Providing him and those loyal to him shelter, while in exchange they provide us intel about the First Order, helping us erase that threat from the galaxy once and for all.” 

“Intel that won’t only help us uncover any First Order remnants, but help us find Rey too.” Finn decided to break his silence.

“Two birds, one stone.” she added. “The problem is I don’t think that he’ll be happy to see you two again. Let me handle this on my own. Do I have your permission, _General_?” 

“Permission granted.” Finn said, before Poe could say anything. 

Poe turned around with his arms crossed in front of his chest to face Finn. He didn’t say a thing. 

“Thank you.”

.  
.  
.

Hux was sitting in the exact same place they had found him when they first entered the viewport room a few minutes prior, this time holding in place the bacta patch that covered his wounds on the side of his face. He let out a low grumbling sound as she walked closer to him. 

“How’s your eye?” 

He closed his left eye shut, squinting, leaving his right eye open as wide as possible. “I can’t see very well. I believe that my sight has worsened instead of getting better these past few minutes.” 

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. I was playing my luck. I got what was coming for me.” he was looking over the desert’s sand dunes, somewhere off to the distance, something that he possibly couldn’t see. “Anyway, did the other two send you in to try to convince me?”

“They won’t stop trying unless you give them access. We have to find middle ground here before they come up with something stupider than before.”

“Ah, I see that you’re very confident in the choices of your higher-ups.” 

“Usually I am, but that doesn’t mean that I am unable to see when they’re being irrational. They worry too much for the wrong reasons and I simply can’t see the foundations of their worrying.”

“And what makes you the rational one, Ms Tico?” 

“I know what she’s planning to do. I don’t know the nitty-gritty details of what she’s going to do, and I may not be completely ok with it, but I can see the reasoning behind her choice.” _Unlike some other people I know..._

“Care to share her plan with me?”

“I can’t. I made a promise to not tell anyone.” 

“That’s... respectable.” 

She sat a little further to his left, so that she was sure that he could see her. “Violence isn’t the answer in solving this matter.”

Hux straightened his back, turning his head her way so he could fully face her. The iris of his right eye had lost some of its darkness and the white of his eye was still red. 

“I’m listening.” he said. 

“The way I see it, we need to help each other out. You give us something, and we give you back something else in return. For how much longer are you going to live here, exiled on a backwater rock of dust? You may be certain that you don’t deserve a second chance to live, but think about the men that once served under you. They never got a chance to live at all.” 

He looked like he was taking her words into consideration, brow furrowed in thought. 

“We can give you all new identities to break any ties you had with the First Order. New name, new life.” she added to her previous statement, making sure that he could fully comprehend their side of the deal. 

“And what you ask in exchange?” 

“Information. Anything that can help us prevent another war by eradicating any First and Final Order remnants. Or, with your help, we could bring them to our side. Not everyone knows what happened over Kijimi, do they? There must be officers and troops that believed in your authority. See this as your opportunity to right the wrongs you’ve done to the galaxy.” 

“Access to the tracker is one of these pieces of information you are going to require, yes?” 

“Yes.” she nodded. 

He remained silent for a good while and even though he was looking her way, his eyes were unfocused, looking at something beyond her. He mouthed something, a word, a phrase, she didn’t know since his voice never reached her. 

“After everything I’ve done to the galaxy, to you... I don’t understand. You should’ve killed me the moment you saw me.”

“Killing more people isn’t going to do any help to the galaxy. We should focus on saving and protecting what we have now if we want to make this world a better place. It isn’t like you don’t regret the wrongs you’ve done.” 

“Yes.” he gulped and stood up, heading to the other side of the room, where there was a salvaged navcomputer. “She mentioned something about venturing into uncharted space while we were fighting against Nine and his men.”

“So this means...?”

“What do you think _this_ means Ms Tico?” he punched in a code and made space for her to look into the navcomputer’s screen. “I accept your offer. Thank you for giving me and my men this chance. I am looking forward to working with you.”

“You’re welcome.”

A light flashed in the screen of the navcomputer. It gave away the TIE’s last known location before the tracking system stopped working. It was a small, unnamed system at the edge of known space. It was only about a few minutes ago since the tracker’s signal went out. This was an outcome she couldn’t have expected, and it was an outcome that pleased her. Both sides got what they wanted in some way. 

Finn and Poe will be less than happy when they find out. 

.  
.  
.

_Some time later..._

_“Once you fall into that pit and the pit shows you what you need, there’s no coming back. If you’ll go back, it’ll claim both of your souls. Forever.”_

She jolted awake to the sound of the ship’s systems bleeping, a bunch of feathers in her mouth.

_What in the...?_

She didn’t expect the convor to be here, with her. When did it get in here? And most importantly, how did she not notice it being in the ship in the first place? She hadn’t still shocked the sleep out of her as the convor flew to the hyperdrive controls, preparing to land on the lever that would drag her back into normal space if pulled.

“No!” she repeated over and over again, trying to shoo the little avian creature away from the controls.

It was too late.

As the streaks of light around her warped into stars, she found herself in the middle of an asteroid field. Yanking the lever that controlled the ship’s speed, she brought it into a full stop. 

“Bad bird.” she wagged a finger at the convor, annoyed at it. The convor on the other hand seemed pleased with what it had managed to achieve. 

The asteroid that almost hit her as she got out of hyperspace and blocked her view moved to the side, revealing a sight she wasn’t ready for. Her chest tightened. The light that flooded her vision had the colour of amethyst mixed with blue, rings of molten rocks orbiting around it. She made it. She was in the Taras system and the feeling of the Force flowing in this place felt like the wet and slippery tentacles of a Rathtar sliding up her back. Despite the near blinding light of the sun of Taras, everything felt cold, so cold... 

Amidst the many asteroids of the system, she spotted the only planet of the system, the mace-like Paratarah, covered in bare silver trunks of ancient trees, their trunks reaching the edge of the planet’s atmosphere, maybe going beyond the point where air is breathable. From afar, it seemed impossible for this planet to have water or hold any kind of life form on its surface and beneath it. But so did Jakku, yet here she was. 

She couldn’t see a single way a non-Force Sensitive could navigate this space. She had to close her eyes and feel her surroundings in order to navigate through the asteroid field and avoid collision. Maybe it was her excitement that didn’t allow her to think of another way. She was so close, the closest she had ever been. A few manoeuvres later, she was about to initiate planetfall and a toothy smile had crept up her face. 

The fact that her landing here wasn’t very “eventful” felt a little concerning to her. Despite all the delays she had to go through before reaching this place, this barren wasteland of a planet was too quiet. 

She stepped out of the ship, setting her foot on gray grass. This whole world looked like it was made of ash, like the colour was sucked out of it. She wore gray and Ben’s old robes over her clothes, blending in perfectly with her environment. Despite the planet’s proximity to the sun it orbited, the air was chilly. It was arid and there was a faint hint of smoke, but still, chilly. Maybe that was due to the fact that she landed on a place where the sun was setting behind the tree covered horizon. 

The convor made cooing noises, sitting on her shoulder. She ruffled the feathers of its neck, but that didn’t seem to calm it down. The rustle of some grass behind her was enough to turn her head around in this silent forest. 

A ginger loth-cat staring at her was easy to spot in the light gray grass.

When it realised that she had spotted her, it jumped and ran the opposite direction. She followed it a little deeper into the forest, where she found more of them. Travellers must’ve brought a bunch of them here and since they never left, the cats came together and made a pack with families of their own. 

This time, the cats didn’t run away, all looking at her with their small eyes, ears trained on her. The eldest looking one closed the distance between them, never turning its gaze away from her eyes. 

“Who are you?” the gruff voice of an old and jaded man sounded behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for your feedback on the previous chapter! Let me know what you think about this chapter in the comments!
> 
> We're finally reaching Paratarah after all this time. It took us only about 25 chapters.
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for all the help she's been giving me in these chapters. 
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)
> 
> If all goes well, next update will be on Thursday as normal.
> 
> See you next time!
> 
> (Edit: The next update will be on Sunday. Sorry for the delay yet again :'( . cheers! )


	35. Chapter XXXIV: The Old Man

“This is absurd!” Finn exclaimed. “Why would she ever want to go there?”

“You’re the Force Sensitive one of the group, if there was anyone who could tell what’s in her mind, it’s you.” she said. 

Poe took in a deep breath, exhaling loudly though his mouth.

“I gave you access to the tracker’s position, Dameron. It is not my fault that you found what it revealed to you unsatisfactory.” Hux said, fighting a grin that was threatening to take over his neutral look. “What you do with this information is of your concern, not mine.”

“Kriff...” Poe murmured. “What are we going to do now?”

Of course he wouldn’t stop here. He’d find some way to make this information useful. 

“She’s going to need to refuel after her trip.” Finn offered. “We could find a system where a spaceport operates near her last known position and wait there for her.” 

“Good idea.” 

“Are you two serious?” she was beginning to run out of energy to repeat the same things to them. “We’ve lost _days_ worth of negotiations that could bring us a step closer to making the galaxy safer and for what? What progress have we made with _her_ case?” 

“We can monitor her position through-”

“No. You would’ve not made such a big deal of it if it was anybody else. Why make it such a big deal with her?”

“We all know how powerful she is.” Poe pointed out. “She may had been fighting for us during the war, but what if she does something that could be dangerous for the whole galaxy? She didn’t say exactly what she was going to-”

“How dangerous can research be? Have you ever heard of stories about how a bunch of Rebels followed Luke Skywalker around the galaxy because they were “afraid” that he would do “something dangerous”? I think not.” 

Poe pressed his lips together, pointing a finger at her but finding nothing to say. 

“You know that she’s right, Poe.” Finn put a hand on Poe’s shoulder. “We should head back to the base.”

Poe didn’t reply. He pushed Finn’s hand of his shoulder and stormed out of the room, leaving her, Finn and Hux alone. 

“Prideful...” Hux spoke through his teeth. 

She was this close to making Poe admit the irrationality of his pursuit. Finn admitted it first, despite the fact that he was the most eager to find her in the beginning. He seemed to be that way since they found her drawings. He may be hot-headed, but he isn’t stupid. Maybe he was getting suspicious that she was planning something? Maybe her “obsession” with drawing their main antagonist during the war made him doubt her more than what he used to before?

“What now?” Finn sighed. 

.  
.  
.

“Who are you?”

Behind her stood an old man wearing a brown vest over a beige jumpsuit. He looked like some sort of old pilot that got stranded on this planet. His copper skin was weathered and damaged by the passing times. He had long gray hair fixed into a low ponytail, a thick beard growing on his jaw line. On top of his head, there still were some black hairs, a remnant of his youth. Full greying eyebrows arched over blue eyes. His long roman nose crinkled as he squinted to take in her characteristics better. 

“I’m uh...” she was taken aback by the old man’s sudden appearance. “Just a traveller.” she found a way to cover for the real reason she was here. Her right hand crept to the hilt of her lightsaber on its own accord as the man approached her. “Who are _you_?” 

He chuckled, his lips forming a smile. “I am...” his smile faltered as he attempted to recall his identity. Poor man, he must’ve been on this barren world for a very long time. “...I don’t remember. I know so many stories from around the galaxy, yet I forget the simplest of things.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. That’s what happens when you dedicate your life to the search of all the mysteries of the Force. I guess you can call me Ibby for now. Do you have a name that I can call you?” 

“I’m Rey.” 

The convor climbed up to her shoulder again, as it was previously staying hidden on her back. As its eyes focused on the old man, it flew to him and rubbed its head on Ibby’s cheek.

“Morai? You’re still kicking?” Ibby petted the convor’s head.

_Morai?_

Why did she get the feeling that she’s heard this name before?

“You know the bird?” 

“Of course I know _her_! She’s helped me many times in the past. If it wasn’t for her, one of my old friends would’ve died in the rubble of a temple.” 

She stood there watching as the man kept petting the convor. The loth-cats that were surrounding them had now all amassed near Ibby’s feet, it must’ve been over 20 of them! 

“What’s with the cats?”

“They’re all rescues from my trips. I occasionally make the trip to the closest spaceport for supplies. You can’t imagine how many people abandon their pets at spaceports.”

“Wait, you aren’t stranded here? You _choose_ to come back here every time you leave the planet?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? The climate is fine for my old bones, it’s quiet and moreover, the way the Force flows through this place... simply magnificent.” 

“You’re Force Sensitive?” _How didn’t I realise it earlier?_

“Of course!” he sounded excited to share that piece of information with practically a stranger. “You seem to be exhausted, let me show you to my home.”

“No funny business, old man.” 

“What funny business? You don’t see people come here frequently.”

She followed the man deeper into the woods, taking a mental note of where her TIE Interceptor was. She kept her hand on the hilt of her lightsaber, ready to strike if something went wrong, but everything felt wrong on this planet, even the very air she breathed. The convor, Morai, still stood on the man’s shoulder, the loth-cats following them not far behind. The Force was whispering in her ear, but she couldn’t decipher whatever it said to her. 

.  
.  
.

The man opened a door made out of scrapped metal, a door that lead into a shallow cave. The loth-cats stayed outside as the two of them (and Morai) entered the cave. 

“Welcome to my humble home! Feel free to take shelter for as long as your heart desires. I’m sorry if you find my place messy, but it’s not like I was expecting visitors.”

Everything seemed to have its place inside his home. From leather-bound books and artefacts to cooking utensils and tools for repairs, his home was tidier than most of the places she had found herself into, only rivalled by First Order ships and bases. If by messy he meant the unmade bed in one corner of the cave, he must’ve never seen a real mess. 

“Don’t worry. I’ve seen places that were far messier than your home.” 

“Do you want anything to eat? You look like you haven’t eaten in ages!”

“I’ve spent the most of my life on the verge of starvation, I don’t think that-”

“That’s no excuse for you to starve yourself! I’m going to cook you something and I don’t want any complaints. Where are you from anyway?”

“I grew up alone on Jakku.” 

“Jakku? That’s in the middle of nowhere!”

_We are in the middle of nowhere._

“I was told that I wasn’t a native. My lineage stemmed from another place.”

“And how did you end up on Jakku?”

“That’s a whole other story. I don’t really understand it myself.” 

“That’s how it always is with family stuff. Don’t bother yourself too much with that, you’ll see that in the end it doesn’t matter.”

Ibby went to the back of the cave, where he must be keeping his food, where it was colder. In those moments she grabbed the opportunity to take a look around the rest of the cave. On a makeshift shelf she found old writings, some of them branded with the symbol of the Jedi. Others had another symbol, a symbol she had never seen before, written in a language she couldn’t understand. She had seen writing like this before quite recently, but where? A little further away, there was a small desk, tools all put inside a box on top of it, and against the box... 

_No... It couldn’t be..._

She walked closer to the desk to be sure that it was what she thought it was. It was the hilt of a lightsaber. It felt like invading the man’s privacy to grab it in her hands and inspect it, but her curiosity was killing her. 

“Ibby, why do you have a lightsaber here?” 

“Oh, you mean that old thing? I barely use it anymore. I prefer to have a blaster on me when I leave the planet than that; it puts a big target on my back. I’ve lived through a lot of stuff with that blade, I am afraid to lose it on some random planet. It’s the last thing that I have from before...” he trailed off. He stared at her with his eyes wide open, as struck by a realisation. 

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. Why do I get the feeling that I’ve seen you before?”

“The holonet perhaps? I was wanted by the First Order during the war.”

“The First what? What war?” his voice hitched.

“When did you last leave this place?”

“I don’t know... One and a half standard years?” he raised his shoulders. 

“So, you don’t have an idea of what was going on in the galaxy. For a whole year.” she raised her eyebrows.

“And a half!” he corrected her. “Why were you wanted? Why aren’t you wanted now? Are you a criminal?”

“That’s another very long story. But don’t be afraid, I’m not going to hurt you.” 

“You’ve got many long stories to tell, girl.” he walked to the counter where he kept his cooking utensils. “How old are you? 25?”

“I’m... 20 years old.” 

“Your life must’ve been one hell of an adventure then. Wanted by the age of 20. That reminds me... I was also wanted once, when I was a boy. The Emperor really didn’t like me.” 

“You must’ve been one hell of a thorn to the Empire’s side.”

“I’ve seen him with my two eyes. Not many enemies of the Empire saw him and lived to tell the tale. He wasn’t a good looking fellow, mind you.”

“So I’ve heard...”

“You sound like you’ve met him.” with a wave of his hand, a small pile of wood that were amassed on the floor in a bonfire were set in flames. Despite the heat of the fire, she remained frozen, staring at the phenomenon. Of all the things she had seen... she was impressed by a man lighting a fire with the Force.

“How did you do that?”

“Heh. Pyrokinesis. It always impressed the little ones.” he placed the pot in his other hand on top of the fire. “Now, tell me Rey... why are you here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter! We're at Paratarah, where we meet with an old man. Let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> I'm sorry for missing updates. The normal schedule is a chapter every Thursday and Sunday.
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for all the help and support!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)
> 
> See you next time!


	36. Chapter XXXV: Approaching the Waterfall

He was finally able to walk again. He needed a cane to walk without someone holding his hand, but it was better than nothing. Bacta is really something else. On his leg, there was nothing but a faint burn left behind to remind him of what happened yesterday morning. He didn’t know what his back looked like, so he can’t judge the effect the bacta patches had there. 

Captain Kirril had told him that they were going to stay here on Jakku to help the scavengers’ revolt against their oppressor. He said that his General agreed to help their cause. Odd, yes, but it was a step in the right direction. 

Despite the fact that he could walk, his brothers and sisters offered to help him climb up the flights of stairs that led to the makeshift viewport his General usually occupied. On his way there, he ran across the three Resistance members Captain Kirril had called for help. His hand automatically went to grab a blaster that wasn’t there, a reflex developed during the war. He had to remind himself that they no longer were enemies, but allies. They didn’t seem in the best of moods, but the ex-Stormtrooper FN 2187 (Finn was his name now?) and the woman among the three, Tico, took the time to thank him for what he did before leaving. 

There was no one guarding the door to the viewport. He knocked the durasteel door in hopes that it could be heard from the inside. Nothing. He grabbed the door and dragged it to the side. The General was standing in his usual position, looking over the desert, holding the right side of his face in one hand. 

“General?”

“Welcome back Castle.” 

“Are you hurt?” 

“Yes. But it’s nothing compared to what happened to you. How are your wounds?”

“They’ve healed up better than what I expected.” he patted his own back, searching for the place he had been shot. 

“You saved us all. You saved me. Why did you do that?” 

He raised his shoulders, shaking his head. He didn’t pinpoint the exact reason why, but deep inside he knew that this was the right thing to do. Despite everything that happened, he couldn’t simply turn his head away from his brothers, his sisters and the General, despite all the things he had admitted doing to them to keep them compliant in the time the First Order still existed. 

“It felt like the right thing to do at the time.” 

The General offered him his hand, which he firmly grabbed and shook. 

“Thank you for everything.” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

He could’ve sworn that he saw the General tearing up, but it could be sweat as well in this climate. He decided to not make a big deal of it. 

“There are things I have to tell you.” 

.  
.  
.

“Why are you here?” 

The old man’s question made her flinch. Can she answer that truthfully? He doesn’t have the slightest idea of what was going on in the galaxy for the past one and a half year. Perhaps she could tell him some things... Not everything. He would most likely think that she was crazy if she told him that the Emperor was alive all that time and they had to defeat him again. Her lineage was completely out of the question; that would be like shooting herself in the foot. 

“I’m looking for a place. The entrance to this place, actually.”

“Yeah, and what about it?”

“I’ve read that in this place, there’s no time or fixed location. It’s like a world that exists between everything material. It’s more of a non-place, now that I think of it.” 

“You think that the entrance is here? On this planet?” 

She nodded affirmatively. 

“What makes you think that?” he added to his question.

“The Ancient Jedi Texts. I have them in my ship if you want me to show you.” 

“You travelled to Ahch-To?”

“You’ve been there?”

“I went there many years ago, to study the Temple and the cave underneath. It’s a beautiful place, the balance...” he took in a deep breath. “And what are you planning to do in that place?”

“I’m looking for someone.”

“Oooh... You believe that you can find them in there?”

“I know that he isn’t alive, but he’s not dead either. I know that I can bring him back to life or at least...” 

_...get the chance to say goodbye._

Silence took over, as Ibby stirred the contents of the pot around with a makeshift wooden ladle. The fire crackled pleasantly, filling the house with homely warmth. 

“You know how the entrance looks like? Maybe I can help you find it.” 

“It’s behind a waterfall. That’s what the texts mentioned and my visions showed me.”

Ibby dropped the ladle in the pot. He cursed under his breath and the warmth was gone, the red and yellow tints the fire gave to the walls of the cave dulled to a cold grey. 

“I know the place you are looking for. You know how many travellers I have seen come here, looking for the key to immortality, only to be consumed by their greed and fear of death?”

“The key to immortality?” There were scavengers and travellers on Jakku that talked about that back when she was little! How could she forget those stories? 

“That’s a load of crap if you ask me. Even those who think that they can cheat death die one day.” he recalled the ladle from the bottom of the pot. “How are you so certain that you can bring him back?” 

“I already told you. And there are some other things...”

“Things...?”

“I can’t tell you about that. I’ve told you too much.” 

She sat in the furthest corner of the cave she could find, making herself as small as she could. The old man never spared her a glance, preoccupied with the preparation of the food. The smell was mouth-watering. Only now she had realised how hungry she was. It must’ve been a full day since her last meal, and even that meal wasn’t that filling. Ibby’s question really made the gears inside her head grind together in search for an answer.

Why was she so certain that she could find him in there? 

She closed her eyes to listen to what the Force had been trying to tell her since the moment of her landing, but the smell of food was distracting. Filling a hungry stomach was easier than filling a hungry soul. 

She went to the door to get some fresh air, but the old man prevented her from going out.

“The nights on Paratarah may be short, but they’re extremely dangerous. You don’t want to know what lurks on this planet when the lights go out.” 

The screech of a creature echoed, coming deeper from the woods. It sounded big, bigger than a man for sure. 

“How long is the night?” 

“Three hours.”

.  
.  
.

Three hours and a meal later, they were able to get out of the shelter. Ibby had agreed to show her the way to the waterfall and wait for her in case she came out of it in the night. The night wouldn’t come for another 13 hours, but it was still a possibility...

In the silence of the forest, she had the chance to listen closer to the whispers of the Force. It was of no use though, since it spoke to her in a tongue she didn’t know. Its voice was similar to that Zabrak she had seen in her visions of Paratarah. 

_Kriff._

It was getting hotter outside. She removed her robes –Ben’s robes- and threw them over her shoulder. As if he had sensed the movement, the old man turned around to look at her. He laughed.

“You’ve been carrying lightsabers all that time?” 

“Since the moment we met, yeah.” 

“I didn’t notice. The one you’re carrying on your left side,” he nodded towards Ben’s old hilt, “it’s an interesting design. I had seen many like these on Malachor, the Jedi fought the Sith with blades like this. It’s thousands of years old. I never thought that I would see someone carrying one of those again. You’ve done your homework about lightsaber construction, haven’t you?”

“This is my lightsaber.” she pointed at her hilt on the right side of her hip. “This isn’t mine.” she pointed at Ben’s lightsaber. “It belongs to the person I am looking for.” 

“Whatever.” he dismissed her with a wave of his hand. “You must be one of Skywalker’s old students then. I didn’t know that there were kids that survived the destruction of his temple.” 

“You know about that?” 

_So he isn’t completely clueless about what had led to the war..._

“I don’t think that there’s anyone in the galaxy that doesn’t know. You must’ve been very young when it happened. I’m sorry about that.” 

“I wasn’t Skywalker’s student back then. I only began learning about the Force last year.”

“And you already know about the World Between Worlds?” he raised his eyebrows. “I shouldn’t be the person to doubt that.” 

_The World Between... huh?_

“Is it how it’s called? The World Between Worlds?”

“That’s how I got to learn about it. I had entered it from another planet, but the entrance there was destroyed.”

“You’ve been in there!?” 

“You look shocked.”

“I am! This means that...” 

“That...?”

“You could help me. If you really had gone in there and got back out alive, this means that you can help me find him!”

“It... doesn’t work that way. Each gate works differently, and I am sure that this gate won’t let me get inside again.”

“Why?”

“It’s a long story.” 

“Oh. Um, don’t you have any advice for getting inside?”

“You know how to swim?”

“Barely. Why?”

“Terrific. Try to not get drowned in there.” he deadpanned.

They didn’t exchange any words until the end of their trek. They were followed by the leader of the loth-cats and Morai, who flew ahead and scouted the area for possible threats. It still felt strange that the old man knew the convor, and the fact that the convor had another name other than “fluffball”. It was for the better, since the poor bird would’ve been stuck with what could be the stupidest name in the history of pet names. 

She should focus. She’s so close to finding him, and yet her mind runs to every direction but the direction of the moment they are going to meet again. What is she going to tell him? Is he going to be himself? It has been two months; he had spent two months in a cold void. She was going to get him out of there. 

The silence of the still forest was strangled by the splash of water falling. They were closing in and the grass beneath her feet was turning greener and greener with each step closer to the waterfall. The barren silver barks of the trees around them had been covered by moss and leaves. The forest was buzzing with life, small amphibians crawling all over the humid soil and grass, insects flying from leaf to leaf and blossom to blossom. It was like she had walked through a portal and right into the forests of Takodana. 

In the middle of this oasis of colour, there was the waterfall. The waters had the same hue as the bowels of the planet of Crait, red like blood, but still crystal clear. That must’ve been caused by minerals in the soil; that was the most logical of explanations she could come up with on the spot. 

Not that this was a needed explanation, but more of a way to calm her mind before heading into the unknown. 

“Here we are. I guess that you know what to do.” Ibby stopped walking, turning around to face her.

“I do.”

“Best of luck then! I’ll see you later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter! I hope that you are doing well. We're getting closer to entering the WBW! It's been 7 full months since I began posting this and woah, time flies. Let me know what you think about this chapter in the comments!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for all the help and the support!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)
> 
> If all goes well, I'll be updating this Sunday. 
> 
> See you next time!


	37. Chapter XXXVI: Forgotten Memories and the Dark Lake

_E.B._

_E.B._

_E.B..._

_What do these letters mean?_

He remembered when he had scratched the letters on one of the walls of the cave he had claimed as his home on this planet. Deep inside he knew that these letters meant a lot to him. A definition to who he was. He wouldn’t have written it in High Galactic otherwise. 

Never did anyone ask him for his name in his travels and in his youth, he would’ve come up with a new name every time he was asked about it. He could never be sure that the Empire wasn’t on his trail. It had been more than 30 years since the destruction of the Empire, yet he felt unsafe to give out his name to anyone, especially during the days he still travelled a lot. Maybe it was because people would think that he was crazy, he had gone missing before the days of the New Republic. If there was anyone that believed he was still alive never found him.

Maybe the reason he had marked the cave with those letters was to never forget his name. It didn’t work. Past him was gone with the memories the lake took from him the second time he had went to dive into the crimson red waters. He was lucky to be alive. He remembered the stories he had gathered from all around the galaxy, stories about the Force, legends surrounding mythical creatures and gods of backwater tribes... but he didn’t remember the names. He remembered his own life story, but the names and faces were gone.

No one would believe him if he told these stories. 

That was when he began to take in loth-cats. Maybe in his try to name the cats he would remember his name? That’s what he hoped. The first one he found was a brown, blinded male. The first name that came to his mind for it was Kanan. It seemed fitting at the time, and the cat did like it. 

He stopped caring about the years that passed by once his hair began greying. He had settled on this planet, as if the lake would pity him and give him back his memories. The place carried their warmth, and he was drawn to that warmth. He stayed far away from the lake, in case he got tempted to go inside it again. It had its way to lure you in, that’s how it had claimed so many travellers that came by, even the ones that didn’t come seeking it. 

One day, as he was repairing his blaster, he heard the familiar scream of a TIE’s engines. His first instinct was to call his lightsaber that was hidden under the mattress he slept on. He didn’t sense hostility coming from the person that stepped out of the ship, but he sensed something else. 

Raw, unfocused power. Hope. And grief.

This sense was enough to draw him out of his home and follow those feelings. 

His cats were the first ones on the case, Kanan being the one to lead the others to that person. 

He was surprised to see that this person was a young lady. Dressed in gray, only her brown hair indicated that there was a person in his sight, as she blended quite well with her surroundings. He was quite nervous; it had been ages since he last spoke to another living being that could reply to him.

“Who are you?” 

Of all the things that he expected, he least expected to see Morai accompanying her. How he remembered her name when he couldn’t remember any other names escaped him. The convor was as happy to see him alive as he was.

This could be the beginning of rediscovering who he was.

.  
.  
.

The roaring sound of the waterfall flooded her senses. Her clothes were drenched. The voices had grown stronger. They called her name as if it was something unnatural to their nonexistent lips, they called her to come to whatever was lying behind the waterfall. Throwing her hand out to the water, she created a small passage so she could pass through the waterfall without being hit with the full force of the water falling. 

She passed through. It was quiet, too quiet. The roar of the water was gone, and all that could be heard were drips falling from the wet ceiling of the cave like a light shower on a tropical planet. The voices were gone. She took a deep breath and walked forward. 

The cave was getting darker and darker; no light at the end of it and a presence was following her. It was of no use to look behind her, as it was too dark to see anything. 

A faint light broke through a moving wall. Another waterfall? And why did it feel so dry to touch? It was like dipping her hand in the sands of Jakku to retrieve a piece of salvage when it was high noon. The inside of her hand burned and ached.

“What are you doing Rey?” the presence finally spoke.

_Luke._

“What do you think I am doing Master Skywalker?”

“Something you are going to regret.” 

“Regret bringing back someone whose life was taken away from him before he was even born?” 

“This place is nothing like what you’ve seen until now. I thought you’ve learned that you should never look for answers in the Dark.”

“Your fear of the Dark was what brought us to this point in the first place.”

“You think that it is easy to not be afraid after everything that happened? You’ve seen what the Dark does to people, you-” he stopped himself before saying anything hurtful. “You are hurt. Your pain confuses you. You have to accept that he’s gone, or else your grief is going to consume you.” 

“I’ve been trying to accept that for two months now and the emptiness inside me only grew bigger. I know that sitting around and doing nothing will be the end of me. If this “futile search” is what gives me purpose, what keeps me alive, you shouldn’t question it. But I know he isn’t gone. Leia knows it too.”

“Leia is his mother.”

“And you are his uncle!” 

Luke remained silent for a few moments. At first, she thought he was gone and so she reached out to the waterfall in front of her to create a path to go through it. 

“I was denied my family.” he said before she went through. “When I finally got to see who my father was, who he really was, he died. It was his choice to die to save me.”

“I was denied everything. My family, my lineage, my childhood, my destiny, my feelings... Him and I were destined to be together in life and death and now we’re split. We will be together again, sooner or later. I don’t want to be denied that too.” 

“I am not going to change your mind, am I?” 

“Goodbye Master.” 

Luke’s presence was gone within moments after her goodbye. He must’ve realised that no matter what he told her to try and make her stop, she wouldn’t change her mind. She was too close -too far gone in his mind- to go back now. Even if she tried going back, she would most likely get lost in the dark cave. If the Dark was the answer to her search for him, she wasn’t afraid of it. 

An apparition appeared on her right, mirroring her every movement as she used the Force to open the passage once more. It was the Zabrak from her visions, black hair and robes flowing behind him. 

_“I am you.”_

_And you are me._

The dry water split open to the blinding glow of a lightning. The landscape that awaited them beyond was a negative of what the entrance looked like. The clear skies were replaced by a thunderstorm brewing overhead, lightning striking and setting dry, dead grass and wood on fire. All life was grinded to bone and dust. The waters of the lake ahead were pitch black. She and the apparition walked together to the lake side by side, almost merging together. 

They stood over the lake, looking into the abyss. At the bottom of the bottomless pit, there was a small light. It was like an eye that was looking at them. 

_“Should I jump?”_

_It’s my only choice._

_“What if I don’t find who I am looking for?”_

_At least I can say that I tried. But I will find him._

_“I will find her.”_

She looked over her shoulder. The waterfall was still there, waters raging more than before, impossible to go through. The only choice she had was to dive. There was no turning back now. 

She jumped in and the apparition followed, disappearing into the darkness. The splash was heard across the eternity that spanned around her. The water felt dry like the void and she had to swim to the light. It was surprising that she could actually breathe. 

She swum, but she barely came any closer to the light. She knew that she had to reach it. And so she kept swimming. 

And swimming.

And swimming...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter! It's a bit shorter than before, but it felt better to end it here than in the middle of what follows just to get to the usual length. Let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Thank you for all the comments you've been giving me. I'm in a weird spot right now and I didn't get to reply to any of them :'(
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)
> 
> I'm thinking about moving the Sunday update to Mondays from now on. 
> 
> See you all on Thursday!


	38. Chapter XXXVII: At the Bottom of the Pit (and another note from the author)

An otherworldly splash echoed inside the portal. His ears rung at the sudden sound, and his chest felt tight, so tight that he could barely breathe. The fish behind the portal looked up, and a whisper spoke to him.

 _“I’m coming for you.”_ it said.

The hairs on the back of his neck stood. He jumped up, running to the portal. His hands touched the cold surface and like a kid in an aquarium, searching for the biggest and most colourful of fishes, he looked up. What did he expect to see inside the endless darkness? Light? Movement? Signs of life?

As he looked up, he spotted more glowing fish like the ones swimming in full view from the portal, swimming together. There were also some lone, bigger dots of light that swum over the smaller fish, like guardians that kept the fish from leaving. A wail reminiscent of the call of one of those mythical creatures that inspired the first space explorers to find a way to travel faster than light resonated inside of him, the loud noise nearly throwing him off his feet. 

His ears were filled with the sound of water flowing around him, despite being in a dry void, and the whisper repeating the same thing over and over again, becoming louder and louder as time passed by. At first he couldn’t tell whose voice it was, but over time it became more and more familiar, as if the Force spoke to him with the voices of all the people in the galaxy until it narrowed down to a single person. He couldn’t stop smiling at the realisation of who it was. 

She was coming for him. She was _really_ coming for him. The tightness of his chest focused on his heart hammering. It was the first time he felt his heart beating inside him in what seemed like an eternity. The initial happiness and excitement were gone fast though, replaced by quiet sorrow, as he remembered what he had to do. 

.  
.  
.

Her limbs had gone numb. They still repeated the same swimming motion mechanically, but she didn’t feel them attached to her body, as if someone had cut them from their base, and the stings of muscle she felt were phantom pains. 

With the corner of her eye she caught the sight of a lizard-like tail, glowing with a white light. Deeper inside the abyss, she spotted more glowing creatures that swum around, some alone (the bigger ones) and others in couples (the smaller ones). They created a pulsating trail of light that at some just stopped. As she kept swimming, she couldn’t tell if she was swimming closer to them or if some of them were coming closer to her. 

A clash of teeth to her left froze her blood on the spot. It was followed by a low growl as she turned to face what had produced the noise. Travellers on Jakku often brought with them legends of lizard-like creatures the size of freighters and destroyers soaring in the skies, lurking in the waters or terrorizing the lands. They went by a huge array of names, but the one that had stuck with her now was “dragons”. A pure luminescent white, long, scaled snout full of bared fangs was just a meter away from cutting her in half. The creature’s head was bigger than her body, roughly measuring around two and a half meters, and a neck that was about twice the size of its head. 

She stopped moving to see how the creature would react. It stopped too, side-eyeing her. It nodded towards the depths of the abyss, purring. It swum forward, only for it to stop again and extend one of its clawed forward limbs for her to hold onto. Despite its looks, the creature didn’t have malice in the way it acted. It was almost as if it was helping her. She grabbed the creature’s limb, allowing herself to be dragged down deeper inside. 

The creature was swimming fast, faster than anything she could achieve for sure, making the rest of the creatures look like stars in the distance, shining lights across empty space. 

Her heart was beating fast. She was close, she was certain of it. The creature stopped swimming, allowing her to let go of it. It dipped the tip of its muzzle in what looked like sand mixed with mud under her feet. They had reached the bottom. It nodded again, this time towards a direction, and she decided to follow it. Even if it didn’t show her where to go, she would’ve found out sooner or later, since the Force was already showing her that way as the correct path. Before she could thank the creature for bringing her here, it was gone. 

Putting her feet on the ground, she found out that it was easier to walk than to swim. It was a bit sticky, something that was logical given its composition. Around her floated shining silver fish. 

It might had been her mind playing tricks with her, but she heard someone screaming her name far ahead of where she was. She tested her steps in the mud before breaking into a run to reach the voice, the fish looping around her legs but never touching her, only water that swirled around, slithering on her bare shins like a myriad of small snakes. 

She bumped her head against something cold, making her stumble. The fish left her to go back to their original positions. She looked up to see and arch lighting up overhead. 

Silence. She could hear herself breathing.

Steps on a hard floor. Another set of breaths came to join in with hers. Without putting any effort, the two breathing patterns were very soon synchronized. 

She reached out to touch the surface she had bumped into, expecting to feel its cold. She closed her eyes.

Warmth. Like touching the skin of another living person. Beginning with a twitch of her index finger, she found herself entangling her fingers with a hand much larger than her own. 

The dark water dragged away, creating a whirlpool around her. She looked up to see where all the water went before she looked forward to see whose hand she was holding. 

“Rey.”

“B...”

She couldn’t bring herself to even speak of his name before throwing her arms around his waist, squeezing, afraid that he was going to disappear in her grasp again. Her throat was boiling, choking on breaths she tried to take in and out. Hearing, feeling his heart beat was something that for the past two months was only possible in the realm of her dreams and nightmares. Even in the ones they fought against each other, she was happy to just know he was alive. He wrapped his around her and even in the dry, freezing dark she felt at home. 

“Don’t you dare disappear on me again, Solo.” she teased through tears. 

“I’m sorry.”

“What is there for you to be sorry for?” 

“For what I’ve done, and-”

“Oh, shut up.” she chuckled. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. It’s so lonely in here... How long has it been?” 

“Two months. I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier, if I knew...”

“It’s fine, don’t worry. How have you been?” 

“You know, trying to survive with half your soul gone.” she chuckled again in an attempt to alleviate the weight off her shoulders and chest, a weight that kept telling her that something was bound to go wrong. 

A few beats passed in silence, as both of them wanted to feel the other’s presence for as long as possible, two souls deprived, starved of touch. She knew that he was here, that they could leave this place whenever they pleased, but she couldn’t find herself able of letting go. 

“Why did you do that?” 

“Do what?”

“Give your life to save me. Why did you think that my life was more worthy than yours?” 

His only reply was a quiet sob. His grip around her eased. 

“Is there something wrong?” she could tell that he was looking up the whirlpool that had formed around them.

“Rey, I... we have to leave this place.” 

“I know. We’ll go back to the living world, I know the way.”

“I can’t come with you.”

“What?” he has to be joking. “Why?”

“The Guardians... the Abyss... It’ll claim us. Both of us. I can’t get through this gate.” 

“We can-”

The water fell with full force like a ton of stones, powerful enough to break bones, separating them. He backtracked, his tearful eyes following hers. The water was dragging her back to the surface, but in those moments she had spent with Ben she had replenished enough energy to fight against the current. She could win against it, she knew...

She screamed out his name, her mouth filling up with water as she attempted to breathe in some air, reaching out to him for one last time before her muscles gave up, her mind numb, the twinkling lights of the glowing creatures going out, replaced by the dark. And it was cold. So cold...

.  
.  
.

He had prepared a campfire a little further away from the waterfall, waiting for Rey to come back out. The monsters of the Paratarish night were afraid of bright lights and fire, used to the darkness of the abyss they found themselves living in during daytime. His cats had brought him some good prey from the living forest, and so he took the opportunity to cook it over the fire. He knew how exhausting things could be when they were related to the Force. The girl is going to need all the energy she can get, and so will the person she’ll bring with her if she manages to get to them and get them out.

The sun was about to set and still there was no sight of her. The meat he had cooked went cold, and so he began feeding the cats with it. Morai was still with him, keeping him company in his wait. She sat on his shoulder and played with his hair. His hair couldn’t get any messier, so he allowed her to play with any stray strands and hairs that weren’t tame. 

Morai quit messing with his hair, making a cooing noise. She must’ve seen something in the distance; no monster is going to approach them. 

A ripple though the Force was enough to make him jolt to his feet. The waters of the nearby lake gurgled like a pot of boiling soup. He grabbed a lit torch and went straight to the waterfall, fully knowing that if he wasn’t careful enough, this could be his last trip there. 

He didn’t know he could still run like that. It must’ve been the urgency and the surge of adrenaline he got from this soundless call for help. He passed both waterfalls without his torch getting extinguished, something that could later be proven crucial. 

Once he had reached that forsaken lake, he dropped the torch on the driest surface he could find. He could see the faint silhouette of a human inside. He was unable to drag her out with the Force, so he jumped in, his mind, ears and eyes closed to whatever the lake had to show him to lure him back to its bottom, to claim the last bits of humanity he had left. Thankfully, she wasn’t too deep in, so he could grab her and go sooner than what could be proven dangerous. She was unconscious, her heartbeat faint. 

He threw her over his shoulder and recalled the ignited torch. They couldn’t stay in the camp; he didn’t have the tools to provide her any help there. He had to risk going through the dead forest in the dead of the night, when the monsters are out to hunt. He gripped the torch tighter. He knew what he had to do.

Once they were out of the cave and the living forest, with the aid of the Force and the fire on his torch he made a path of fire for them to go through. Wet with the water of the lake, neither of them could catch on fire easily. 

_What happened in there?_

.  
.  
.

Hey, it's me again, the tin can that writes stuff. And I have an announcement of sorts.  
Due to health related reasons, I am going to most likely miss the next two updates (Monday and Thursday). I'm getting an operation (nothing too serious, don't worry) and I won't be able to sit on my computer for a couple of days.  
We haven't reached the end of this story yet. In the meantime, tell me what you think about this chapter and the story so far in the comments.  
Stay safe and see you next time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me after this chapter :'(


	39. Chapter XXXVIII: Can’t Go Back

She coughed up water. Reality was stirring and it was too bright. Where was she? She was mostly dry and warm. She balanced her weight on her elbows, taking a look around. She was in Ibby’s cave, lying right next to a fire. When she blinked, she saw the image of an abyss, sprayed with dots of light. She saw _him_. Like the current of water that dragged to the surface of that lake, her memories fell back on her head. She has to get out of here. She has to go back to the lake, she has to-

Without second thought, she jolted up and headed for the door. 

Ibby was slow to realise that she was awake. “Hey, where do you think you’re going?” 

There wasn’t enough time. It was pitch dark outside and she had no idea where to go next. The wind was howling and it carried the smell of smoke and ash. 

“Rey! Stop!” Ibby shouted. 

“I have to get back to the lake. He’s still in there!”

“Come back inside the house! You can’t go back in the lake! It is going to take away everything from you! Look what it did to me!”

She sealed her eyes shut. “I can’t keep up with this anymore. I’m going in.” 

“He’s not in there Rey, whoever it is you are looking for. It took me a long time to realise that. The lake forced you out for a reason!”

A hand grabbed her by the bicep she had wounded one year ago, a wound she kept hidden from everyone, even herself. She turned her body around, making Ibby let go of her. She instinctively grabbed Ben’s lightsaber instead of hers. 

“Don’t come any closer.” she demanded, enforcing distance between them by extending her other hand. 

“I’m speaking from a place of knowledge and experience. I have been in your shoes.”

“What do you want Ibby? Why are you doing this?”

“To prevent you from doing the same mistake I did over and over again.” 

A guttural growl echoed through the forest of barren silver trees. She scanned the trees to find the creature that made this sound. It reminded her of the sound that other creature made, the one that helped her reach to bottom of the pit made, calling other members of its species. It could’ve been an attempt at communicating with her what she needed to know before she met Ben, maybe it wanted to let her know how to get out from there with him. She took a few steps backwards and towards the general direction of the waterfall. She shifted her footing to make a run for that place, only to be blocked by a pillar of fire that appeared out of thin air in front of her.

“You’re not going anywhere near that place again! Not as long as I am here.” Ibby trapped both of them inside a circle made of flame. 

She ignited her lightsaber. This whole situation must end here and now. Whatever tricks this old man held under the long sleeves of his shirt, they won’t last for long. He extended his arm to the side, and some metal clanging noises later, the sabre hilt she saw on his desk when she first came here flew into his hand. 

In those moments she wondered why she didn’t take the chance to immobilize him before getting his hands on a weapon.

“It doesn’t need to come to this, Rey. I remember there being a time when the memories that I still possessed allowed me to grieve for the loss of my people. Going in there time and time again didn’t bring them back. Even if he’s in there, it isn’t worth it.”

_It isn’t worth it?_

_If saving someone whose mind had been held captive for their entire lives save for their last moments, then what is “worth it”?_

She sprinted to him, lightsaber raised to strike, letting out a battle cry. She couldn’t listen to him anymore; the heat behind her eyes was rising with each and every word he spoke. If this isn’t the way, then what is the way? Why didn’t the Force give her a warning?

He parried her attack and with a step to the side he made her lose her balance for an instant. He made his way towards the centre of the circle he had created for the two to duel, leaving her on the edge. She hadn’t realised when he had managed to ignite his sabre, emitting an emerald light. He focused on her, narrowing his blue eyes, fixing his form. She spun her sabre, testing its weight in her hand. It felt quite heavier than the other times she had used it. Ibby smirked.

She closed the distance between them, circling around him. He seemed relatively unfazed by the fact that she was getting closer and closer. She tried slashing at him from every angle possible, only to be met by a dodge or a slip of golden against green. She wasn’t going to break his defences any time soon, so she had to hope to wear him down. 

No matter how many attacks he had deflected, he never returned any. The only counter-attacks she got were the occasional head-butt and punch. Other than that, nothing. A shower of sweat was dripping down her temples, some of the punches she received on her sides leaving her writhing and heaving like an animal on the hunt. Now that they were engaged in a duel, she didn’t know whether she preferred Ibby’s words over the passive way he fought her. 

Her swings had grown heavy and slow. Movements had become blurs of colour and light. Her next attack must be the one to break him, it has to be... 

Ending up in locking blades with the man, she was brought face-to-face with him. By the twitches of muscle she saw on his face, she could tell that he was also becoming wearier. There weren’t any surface thoughts she could read with the aid of the Force, his intentions well-hid inside his mind. All she needed was one slip-up of his form, she didn’t ask for anything much more than that. 

“What have you gained by acting this way? You’re only wasting time.” he re-adjusted his stance, putting more force into keeping her weight in place. 

_Wasting my time? You’re the one who prevented me from leaving on the first place!_

He dodged to the side, but this time didn’t come without a counter. Her muscles worked on their own volition, throwing her arm out, blue lightning leaving the tips of her fingers, a scream of anguish escaping her. 

The lightning threw Ibby on the ground. He rolled over on his stomach, using his hands to stand on his knees, failing to catch his breath. She retracted her shaking hand, glaring at it with wide open eyes. It had been the first time someone had looked at her the same way he did. A mix of shock and fear etched on the tense muscles of his face. And despite the fear, his eyes seemed fuller than what they had ever been. 

“Pal...” he mumbled. 

Her feet were nailed to the ground. Even if a creature came and grabbed her by the shoulders to raise her off the ground, her feet and shins would most likely stay on the ground. 

His eyes widened even more, like he had figured out something that previously escaped him. “...Palpatine.” he exhaled. 

She gulped. “What?” 

The fear in him turned into resolve, and the last thing she remembered was her back hitting a tree. 

.  
.  
.

She woke up back in the cave. Her lightsabers were gone, and Ibby was sitting near her feet, staring at her with a steely gaze. Despite lying next to the fire (again), all the warmth was gone. 

“Who are you?” his voice was harsh. 

“I think I already-”

“Who _are_ you?” 

Shifting her weight, she felt a sharp pain in her upper back. Like she had crashed against something hard. 

It was then when the memories of what happened before came back to her. “I need to...”

“No you don’t.” he interrupted her. “Who taught you how to summon Force Lightning?” 

She raised the hand that the lightning came from to take another look at it. “No one.” 

“No one?” he raised his eyebrows almost mockingly. “This is no technique any Force Sensitive could achieve easily, much less without training. I find it very unlikely. Only one gifted in the Dark Side can do this.” 

“Why did you say the Emperor’s name after I shocked you?” 

“Because now I remember...” he trailed off, narrowing his eyes on something behind her shoulder. 

She blinked. “Remember?” 

“Uh huh. I think that we should re-introduce ourselves.” he straightened his back, Morai flying to him to claim her spot on his shoulder. “My name is Ezra Bridger. What is yours?” 

“My name didn’t change over _that_. I’m still Rey.”

“I’m sure about that. Who are you Rey?” 

“I’m a Jedi.” she said, hoping that he wouldn’t pry any further. 

There was that same eyebrow raise again. 

“Ugh... Even though I’m not sure that I can call myself that anymore.” she continued.

Ibb- _Ezra_ studied her in silence for a few moments before deciding to speak. “You know I used to be a Jedi once.” 

“Really?”

He nodded affirmatively. “And I must say that what you did wasn’t very Jedi-like.” 

“I know. The past two months have been rough. Kriff, the whole time since I decided to become a Jedi has been rough.” 

“Then why did you become a Jedi?” 

“I... I don’t know. It seemed like the easiest way available to learn about the Force.” she sat cross-legged on the same spot she was lying previously. “What do you mean you used to be a Jedi?” 

“I had an epiphany. Jedi, Sith, Light Side, Dark Side; tsk, both sides can be equally corrupting if they exist separate from one another. One denies your feelings, the other lets you become a tool of your emotions. It’s all the same Force that courses though you, why deny a part of it, why deny a part of you?” he laced his fingers together. 

“You say that there should be a balance between the two?”

Another nod of affirmation. “Powerful Light and powerful Darkness existing in the same body, the same soul, balancing each other out. From the first moment I saw you, I saw someone who’s been torn apart, someone who’s missing a part of themselves. You’re in pain. You’re grieving.” 

There wasn’t anything that she could add to his statement. Her eyes burnt and her chest felt tighter. 

“Who is that person you want to get out of there so badly?” 

Her breath got caught in her throat. “It’s a long story.” she tried to dismiss the question.

“That’s the way it usually is. I’ve listened to many so called “long stories”. One more isn’t going to hurt.”

“I’m one half of a Dyad.”

Ezra sat back, stroking his beard. “This is going to be an interesting long story.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry for keeping you waiting! Thank you for feedback on the previous chapters! Let me know what you think about this one in the comments!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr for the help!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)
> 
> I hope you are all doing well and see you on Thursday!


	40. Chapter XXXIX: Reminiscence of the War (part one)

The girl didn’t need much more than a nod to start talking. Her story began about a year ago, when she fled the barren world of Jakku on a ship called the “Millenium Falcon”. She acted as if he was supposed to know whose ship that was and in that moment, he wasn’t sure he should ask her about it. Maybe it would come up later. He resorted to having a neutral expression as she explained how they (she and a former stormtrooper) outrun a bunch of TIEs, only to end up trapped in another ship. She told him about her meeting with Rebel General Han Solo; _wasn’t he a smuggler?_

After a long winded explanation of how they fought two gangs and a trio of Rathtars and yet another escape via the Falcon, he caught the passing of sadness behind her now watery eyes. Perhaps a pivotal point in the story was coming up. To be honest, the girl wasn’t that great of a storyteller. He’d definitely heard people explain their adventures to him in much more tedious ways, but that didn’t make Rey any better at it. She was simply better _in comparison._

Ezra was lost for a bit in that thought and when he had tucked it neatly in a box in his mind, she was talking about a castle in a thick forest, and she was running away from it after having a vision that shook her to the very core. The shaking of her shoulders caught his attention. Her breathing pattern had become uneven. 

“And then...” the sudden vulnerability in her voice came to slap him conscious from the half-trance he had entered while listening to her, like the quietest of alarm clocks. “... _he_ came.”

Silence. She asked him to hand her the lightsaber with the ancient design, the one that was ran by a red cable across its length, reassuring him that it wasn’t working (something he had found about earlier himself). The weapon itself was incredibly heavy (for a lightsaber, at least), heavy with the sense of death that was looming around it, clinging from its vents and cracks. As she took hold of the sabre, a new fire was brewed inside her eyes. Her throat worked. 

_This is where your story truly began..._

She shot at the monster multiple times, and he deflected each and every single one of the bolts, sending them crashing into trees and the ground. In a single moment, she was frozen, her muscles not bending to her will to move, but the other man’s will for her to stay immobile. 

The monster was tall, clad in black, a helmet obscuring his facial features, wielding the weapon that was now in Rey’s hands. His voice was machine-like, cold, unnatural, heavily modulated in order to separate the man that was hiding inside from the weapon he was honed into. Rey raised the sabre, mimicking the monster’s movements. He had brought the red, cackling blade of it a breath away from cutting her head clean off, leaving behind a set of cauterised wounds, no longer attached to the same body. But she had seen a map, and that was what made her too valuable to him to kill her on the spot. 

That was the last memory she had of the forest. The monster’s description reminded him of a memory he tried to suppress but would never leave him be; the memory of a collapsed temple and the sound of heavy breathing echoing over the ruins. 

Her next memory was inside a cold and sterile room, dark durasteel walls around her in perfect antithesis with bright lights that blinded her. She was tied in a chair/bed hybrid. No matter how dark the walls were, nothing in the room was as dark as the monster that was squatting in front of her, studying at her from a down-up angle. He understood her fear of the monster, as every word came out of her with a new way of saying certain letters under the stress this situation brought her. He contemplated telling her to stop to catch her breath or stop telling him the story if she felt that it was too much for her at the moment. 

He made the offer and she thoroughly refused, shaking her head. “You need to know in order to understand.” she said. 

That was true. He would never understand the reason why she wanted to bring back the other person that was trapped in the world that existed between every time and place if he didn’t listen to the whole story, no matter how much pain it brought her. He brought her a canteen of water to wet her throat, which he guessed was getting drier with each word that came out of her mouth. He was one who told many stories to strangers he met in spaceports, he knew the feeling. 

He never got to tell her a story though... Maybe after she wrapped her story up, he’d have something fitting for her situation. He had a few stories in mind. 

Her eyes widened once she realised he was offering her water. A leftover behaviour from her upbringing on Jakku mayhaps? She drank from the canteen, thanking him for the refreshment.

She continued with her story. The moster rose to his full height after one of her comments about him, “a creature in a mask” she described him as. 

And then the monster was no longer a monster. 

He was the man that haunted her dreams and nightmares since her first memory of self. 

He was the man that she was willing to dive into the lake time and time again, giving everything to that siphon of consciousness in order to have him back. 

Ezra drew back in shock. _What in the...? This took a turn to the strange very quickly._ He cocked his head to the right, as if it would’ve help him better comprehend what she was telling him. _She’s one half of a Dyad alright. This story was bound to get strange. I still don’t get why she wants to save him so badly. Wait. What if..._

As the man attempted to look through her mind and she pushed back, drawing on his fears, something passed between the two, a strange energy that none of them had ever felt or could ever predict. The man retreated from the battlefront of her mind and left the chamber. 

In the moments she was alone in the room, in a test of her own powers, she managed to escape. She met again with the three people that accompanied her on that ship she used to get away from Jakku (apparently they had come to extract her before the base she was on was blown to smithereens). They ran around the base, planting explosives while a dogfight was raging overhead. 

There, from an elevated point of the base she witnessed the man killing Han. 

The Son killing the Father. 

They fought in the snow as the base collapsed under their feet. She left him with a scar on his face as a reminder of the day he killed his father, branding him as her enemy in her mind. 

“That’s it? That was your story?” he asked, surprised by the abrupt ending. 

“This was only the beginning. Part 1.” 

“And how many more parts does it have?”

“...Two.” 

“I need a break. To think.” 

.  
.  
.

_Two months earlier, aboard the Steadfast over Kijimi..._

Everyone on board was moving in a frantic pace. Other Stormtroopers like him were rushing to their battle stations, orders blaring through the ship’s speakers as high ranking officers barked them into microphones from the luxury of their chambers or command posts. Castle was lucky to be assigned to guarding the entrance to one of those posts by General Hux, who was inside conversing with Allegiant General Pryde. 

His poor General, this past year had been a disaster for him. First, Starkiller Base got destroyed. Then, Supreme Leader Snoke died and the First Order’s jewel, the Supremacy amongst a good chunk of their starfleet got cut in half. The icing on the cake, his sworn enemy within the ranks of the First Order became the Supreme Leader. And the little cherry on top: he got demoted. Now, he was walking with the help of a cane, wounded during the escape of some of the Resistance’s best fighters. He was lucky to be alive, no, it was a miracle he was still alive. But then, the General had a knack for surviving hard conditions and odd situations. If he had a religious upbringing, he’d probably write it off as the will of some supernatural energy or entity. 

The sound of a blaster firing inside the command post made him jump. Of all the places he expected to hear a shot, he least expected that direction. The door slid open, and two low ranking officers threw a body out of the room.

“Dispose of the traitor’s body immediately.” he heard Pryde say.

The door closed before he could ask any questions. He didn’t even get a chance to take a better look of who was still standing inside the command post, nor any of the features of the so called “traitor”. He looked at his feet, where he felt the warmth of the still not cold body. He saw a mop of greased ginger hair and a bandage tied around one thigh.

_Kriff. It can’t be... This isn’t true... They’re playing a prank on me._

But would high rankers bother teasing a mere, disposable Stormtrooper like him? He took an uneasy step back, blaster dropping from his hand as soon as the realisation hit him that Pryde basically ordered him to throw the General Hux's body down a trash compactor. 

_Kriff! What am I supposed to do now?_

He rolled the General on his back. He had an open wound on his chest, partially cauterized. The fabric around the wound was still smoking. He couldn’t look at him any longer than the few seconds that took him to deduce that. 

_There’s no way he could be the traitor, right?_

_This is wrong._

_I must do something!_

He threw his blaster behind one shoulder, while he threw the General over the other as gently as he could. Traitor or not, the body of a dead person deserved better than to be treated like garbage. He’d give him a proper burial, no matter what. It felt wrong to think about burials when he was still warm on his shoulder.

He knew where the closest trash compactor was. But he also knew where the nearest hangar bay was. And where the escape pods were. 

He calculated the choices in his mind. In the aftermath of the Rebels’ escape, the guard around the escape pods must’ve doubled to catch any aspiring defectors and send them for reconditioning. Was he a defector for doing this?

In the heat of the moment, as the adrenaline rush this situation had caused him, he didn’t care. He headed towards the hangar bay. If he were to die in his attempt, let him die with a spectacle. 

He was “lucky” enough to be taken in by the First Order at an age older than the usual. He didn’t know how he made it in; they possibly thought he would make for a promising candidate for their programme. He may not remember what his life was like before, but that didn’t mean that he was stripped of his common sense. He could see that the First Order was a dying beast, even now with the rumoured return of the Emperor. Maybe the General saw it too, and they put him down. 

_But General Hux? Of all the people? Him? A traitor?_ It sounded odd in his thoughts. 

His step was filled with purpose, each footfall louder than the previous one. He was smiling under his helmet. It was the only thing the helmet was good for; hiding one’s true feelings. No one seemed to really care about him carrying a presumably dead General on his back. They’d most likely brush off the occurrence as just another casualty of the Rebels’ daring escape. 

No one but that dreaded Commander.

“ _Castle._ ” Commander Nine somehow always recognised that it was him under the helmet without listening to his voice. His smile faltered. “Where do you think you are going carrying a body?” 

“Ahem.” he coughed, trying to find the words to explain his situation to him. “Allegiant General Pryde ordered me to dispose of this _filthy traitor’s_ body. I decided that it would be a better idea to get his body off the ship. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren would be more pleased if he knew that this traitor’s blood in particular contaminated as little of the ship as possible. Even the trash in the compactors is higher class than him.” _I can’t believe I’m saying this stuff..._

Commander Nine took a step to the side to check on the body he was carrying. “General Hux.” he chuckled. “Good riddance. The Supreme Leader will be _ecstatic_ to find out about this. I will see to it that your valiant effort reaches him personally. I’ll give clearance to whichever TIE you are going to board for takeoff.” 

“Thank you Commander. Long live the Supreme Leader!” he raised his free hand in a fist, a behaviour trained into him whenever he spoke of the phrase.

“Long live the Supreme Leader. Dismissed.” 

_Phew. That was close._

If luck was on his side for once in his life and Commander Nine didn’t second guess what he had just heard, he would make it alive out of there. 

It was then when he heard a low growl and he felt the General’s weight shift a little on his shoulder. He froze in the middle of the hangar bay, no, the whole world around him froze. He thought his eyes were going to explode from the tension.

“General?” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you are all doing well. This chapter turned out a little longer than usual. It's been a while since we had Castle make an appearance, and I thought that since we have Rey on one hand explaining to Ezra what happened, and on the other hand how Hux survived being shot. Let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)
> 
> See you next time!


	41. Chapter XL: Reminiscence of the War (part two)

The first licks of sunlight cracked through the thick forest of dead trees. All this information was too much, his mind was telling him that none of this made any sense, no sense that could be comprehended by a sentient being. But the energy surrounding everything living reassured him that in their case it made sense, that it was a fated interaction, that this meeting would be the final push towards setting things right. The Force sure fancied obscuring things to those sensitive to its whispers, like a magician who revels in mystery, in having a captivated audience watching in awe. In his old age, Ezra should’ve gotten used to those mysteries. 

He has seen a lot of weird stuff.

Commotion could be heard from the deeper parts of the forest, as the beasts that roamed at night returned back to the lake they came from. Hunting for souls or hunting each other, those beasts once used to be sapient. They had lost everything to the dark waters of _that lake_. It was safe to sit outside now, but he returned to the cave, aware that Rey was exhausted. There was something contradictory about the girl’s existence. Like it was against nature that she was now sitting by a fire, that she was even born, but her existence was something that the Force had calculated, that she was needed. 

He remembered the same feeling of “being needed” more than others in a few other people. One was the man whose mechanical breathing haunted his dreams ever since he saw him emerge on top of a TIE without a pilot. There was the Emperor, in all his wickedness. There was the other man, the last Jedi known to be alive in the galaxy at the time, a man who became a legend. 

_And then there was that boy..._

“Are you ready to hear the rest?” Rey interrupted his thoughts. “It won’t take as long as the first part, I think.” 

“Go on.”

She told him about her meeting with the last Jedi, Luke Skywalker. Luke had once attempted to rebuild the Jedi Order and with quite the success, but it all came crashing down a night that was filled with the smell of smoke, ash and dust. After one long day of refusing her requests to train her, he finally agreed to three lessons. Through those lessons she described, he came to realise that even though “the last Jedi” had realised the wrongdoings of the Jedi Order and he was determined to put an end to them, dying with their knowledge, he was still afraid of the Dark, maybe more afraid than he was in the past. 

One day, when she woke up, she saw the _man_ sitting across the one room of the hut she took refuge in. She shot at him, only to realise that he was nothing more than an apparition her mind had constructed, but the sense of him being near didn’t escape her. She got out of the hut. 

The man was there.

This first connection was mostly a spar of words. But from that moment and on, that man, the man who used to be a monster had a name. 

His name was Ben.

 _A Force Bond..._ Ezra muttered to himself. _Is this going where I think it is?_

She kept talking about her lessons with Luke and her interactions with Ben. After one of her connections with Ben, she found herself in front of the mirror under the island of Ahch-To. He had read and heard a lot about that mirror, a mirror that promised to show you what you desire, only to show what you need deep down. He never visited the island in his long life though. In those moments, she knew that there was only one person she could confine in about the crushing loneliness she felt inside. Ben. 

His appearance came as a wonder after emerging from the depths of the cave. She wondered if she could touch him despite the light years that separated them. The realisation that they could touch struck her like a thunderstorm that was concentrated on her body only, and in those brief moments before Luke barged into the hut, destroying it in its entirety; she saw a vision of her future with the man that was holding her hand moments ago, she saw the truth about the night Luke’s new Jedi Order was destroyed. 

Luke had tried to kill Ben, his own nephew, blood of his own sister. 

Ezra almost spit the water he was drinking at the moment of that reveal. “W-what?” 

Rey didn’t care to stop herself at that point. She kept musing on about her confrontation with Luke, and how she left the planet to head right into First Order territory (by whom she was wanted dead or alive) just to get the chance to save Ben from the path he had found himself into. She’d seen it. They were supposed to be together. Ben had seen it too. He believed so much in that vision that he killed his master when he was ordered by him to kill her. 

Still blinded by his now dead master’s teachings though, he only saw one conclusion to their situation. He offered her to rule beside him, turning their backs to their past and their upbringing. She refused. 

The year that followed was one filled with doubt. None of the two seemed willing to go out of the paths they had chosen for themselves, the connection they had created now turned into animosity out of desperation to “stay in line”. _Foolish kids. That’s why dedicating yourself to only one part of your nature can only be destructive._

Two months ago was when everything happened. It all was so fast, as everything took place in less than a standard Coruscanti cycle. The Emperor had miraculously returned with an army at the ready, ready to conquer all and purge all. At her most desperate hour, in the ruins of the second Death Star, she almost killed him. She had let the anger that was amassed inside of her to take the reins and make her do things she’d regret. With the aid of the Force, she nurtured him back to health in moments. She fled from everything. “Kriff.” she said, and her blurry, unfocused eyes, coupled with her neutral expression aged her by two decades at least. “I was stupid.” she gulped. “We were stupid.” 

She had a change of heart. She went to face the Emperor alone. What did she have to lose anyway? A few hours ago she had learned that she was somehow related to that wicked man and she had almost murdered the only one that was able to understand her, to see through the lies she told him and herself. It was late when she realised what a mistake it was to go and face him alone. She was defeated and about to give herself to _him_. She raised her blade to strike the Emperor, only to be stopped by a whisper. That whisper was the only thing she could hear until... 

Ben was there. With her. For her. Alone she couldn’t defeat the Emperor. But together? Together they stood a chance. She was ready to die just moments earlier, but having him beside her, she wanted to live. They raised their blades in unison. They could do this.

Another foolish move. The Emperor leeched off their power, draining them. That was when they found out what they were: a Dyad in the Force. A power as potent as life itself. Together in life, together in death. Despite that, he discarded Ben like a fruit that was eaten down to its core. She was alone again. The other side of their connection was empty. The desperation came back to her. 

_Together in life, together in death..._

She called upon the power of Jedi past, using herself as a vessel for their strength. She did it. The Emperor was dead. She collapsed, and numbness took over. There was nothing. Nothing... 

Her sight came back to her, air filling her lungs once more, her heart beating, restarted. Ben was there, holding her, looking at her in disbelief of what he had accomplished. In those moments of utter bliss, of knowing that the war was finally over, of knowing that their visions could finally come true, she leaned in and she kissed him.

She paused. 

“Is there something wrong?” Ezra asked.

“It’s... He was there. He saved me. He gave away his life and... I don’t know why. How could he make that decision? I didn’t get to know. He was gone... Gone...” the more she tried to speak, the more sobs and hiccups came out of her. She hugged her knees, hiding her face behind them, shoulders shaking. 

It had been a while since he had to comfort a person who had a breakdown like that. He approached her with a blanket, throwing it over her shoulders. He placed a hand on her back. “So this is why you want to bring him back so much. I’d lie if I told you that I didn’t have similar desires in the past.” 

“Hmmm?”

“I’ve lost many people. My family, my friends... Only once I was able to save someone in the way you are trying to save him.” _Well, that was a whole other story, and he brought her back through another place, but..._ “You said you saw him in there?” 

“I saw him in there. We _talked_ in there. I touched him. He was there Ezra.” 

“Really?” _Oh._ “If this is what happened... You may have a chance.” 

The dullness that was in her eyes since when he met her was replaced by bright, lively hazel. “A chance?” 

“Yeah. There’s a story I know... It’s quite old. But it might help you.”

Rey wiped the tears of her face, straightening her back, ready to listen to what he had to say. Determined. He liked that. He smiled at her. 

_My turn._

.  
.  
.

_Two months earlier, aboard the Steadfast over Kijimi..._

“General?” Castle whispered, fighting back his excitement. _This must be my imagination, it’s too late- no, too early- no, kriff, whatever. I mustn’t get excited._

“Mmph?” the General readjusted his weight on his shoulder again.

 _He’s still alive. He’s still alive!_

He sped up towards the TIEs. He couldn’t afford being found out by anyone, it would result in both of them being thrown down in a trash compactor. Upon reaching the small ships, he froze.

 _What the hell am I supposed to do once I get in one of those?_

A hand dragged him to the side. _Uh oh._ This must be it. Their demise. They were busted. He didn’t want to see who was the officer who realised that he was about to leave the Order with a half-dead Hux on his back. He closed his eyes. He was dead either way. 

“Castle? What are you doing here?” 

The voice was familiar. “Lana?” he asked, opening one eye slightly just to take a peak of who was in front of him. He saw white armour identical to his. 

“Yes, it’s me. What happened here?” 

“They shot him.” he knew he could trust Lana. She was one of his batch mates during training and just like him, she was loyal to the General and could also see how the Order was failing since his demotion. “They believe that he’s a traitor.”

“I wouldn’t doubt that one actually.” she said. “Pretty brave of him to defy the Order at this point, I’d say. May he rest in peace.” 

“He isn’t dead yet!” he whisper-shouted. “I’m leaving. And I’m taking him with me.”

“Oh. Ohhhhhhh...” she nodded her head back. “How are you planning to do that?”

“I... don’t know. I was planning on sneaking into a TIE but... I have no idea how to pilot one of those things.” 

“If that’s so,” she chuckled, “I know the right guy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I hope that you are all doing fine! I am recovering well in case you are wandering :)  
> I hope you liked this chapter! Let me know what you think about it in the comments!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr.
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can) 
> 
> See you next time!


	42. Chapter XLI: Castle’s Escape and Ezra’s Story

_Two months earlier, aboard the Steadfast over Kijimi..._

“Who is this?” Castle asked, flinching under his helmet. 

He didn’t happen to know the pilot that was sitting inside the TIE Lana had led him to. Could this be a trap?

The pilot raised a hand to wave at them. “Hello.” 

Well, he had much better chances with this guy than having to pilot one of these things himself... 

Lana and the pilot had a bunch of hushed exchanges as he placed the General on the backseat of the TIE (it was a two seater thank the maker). He tried to get into the same seat next to him, but the space was a bit two tight for two people to sit in the same seat at once. He moved him out of the seat and placed him on his lap. The General was pretty skinny and easy to handle, so this “manoeuvre” wasn’t proven that difficult. 

“Good luck Castle. Save our General.” 

“Thanks Lana. I’ll contact you as soon as I can.” 

“And I’ll go looking for more people that want to leave the Order for good.” 

“I didn’t ask for...”

“We both know that this is the point of no return, Castle. Better have as many allies as we can to survive the storm.” 

“Is the pilot OK with that”

“Enzie? You’ll find that she’s more than OK with this whole situation.” 

“This is a goodbye then.”

“I’ll see you later!” 

The hatch over his head closed with a hiss. He removed his helmet, taking a breath that wasn’t artificial and sterilised. The smell of the real world was too strong; it almost made him feel dizzy. His sleeping quarters, the only place he was allowed to remove his helmet, had the same smell as the inside of it. Is this the world in which officers and normal people lived in?

He reached for a bacta patch kit off to his side. He removed the General’s overcoat and the vest he was wearing underneath. The vest had a ballistic weave, specially crafted to absorb some of the energy of a blaster bolt. He wasn’t saved by a miracle, but by his ability to prepare. The miraculous thing was the fact that he was the one to be ordered to “dispose of him”. He applied the bacta patch on the shallow open wound on his chest, the General letting out a groan through his gritted teeth. 

The TIE was no longer docked to the _Steadfast_. The artificial lights of the hangar gave their place to the light of the stars and the raging fires on the planet underneath. It was a spectacle of its own, a spectacle in the atrocity his own people were participating in, a kind of atrocity he had found himself committing less than a few days ago, and every day before that. He closed his eyes to avoid looking at the inferno, but every flame he had ignited came back to him. 

His hold on the patch tensed. The man he had saved from certain death... He was the cause of many of those atrocities. He wiped out an entire system from the face of the galaxy! An idea sparked in his mind: he could end him, right here, right now and no one would be the wiser. 

_No. What good is more death going to do to the galaxy?_

General Hux was a traitor. Maybe that meant that he had seen the error in his ways; maybe that meant that he was trying to make the galaxy a less painful place to live in; maybe he betrayed the Order for purely selfish reasons. No matter what his true intentions were, who was he to deny someone the chance for redemption, when he was also seeking it? 

“Prepare for hyperspace travel.” the pilot said. 

_Time for a whole new life._

.  
.  
.

Ezra cleared his throat. “There’s a story I know... It’s quite old. But it might help you. "In the days of the Old Republic, back when the galaxy was torn by the many wars between the Jedi and the Sith before the days of the Rule of Two was in place, both the Jedi and the Sith had a vision. A kid of Dathomirian descent seemingly conceived out of thin air would unlock the secret to immortality. Now, this is a story that no Jedi or Sith would tell you. Many details have been lost to time, and everything that is known about it comes mostly from murals, forgotten Holocrons, artefacts and visions. 

“It all begun with the appearance of the _child_. A Dathomirian infant somehow found his way to Korriban, the Sith homeworld. He was a small and frail thing, but his abilities were apparent even from that young age. The only thing they knew about him was his name; it was revealed to them through visions. _Malign Zogas._ The Sith Lords took a liking into him and his potential. They knew he was the one from their visions and they were hell-bent on honing him into their tool to give them what many sought for but ultimately failed: eternal life. Little did they know that a Jedi was also on the path to finding that secret, and he was looking for the child. 

“That Jedi Master was notorious for losing his Padawans to the forces of nature and Sith. To survive into knighthood under his guide was a miracle. Around 12 years after the appearance of Zogas, he and his master went to a planet that supposedly held a Holocron that revealed the first steps towards immortality. Zogas at that early point in his life wasn’t as skilled as a fighter the other Sith Lords would fancy, but his insatiable thirst for knowledge made him a stellar researcher. The Jedi had the same exact idea, and he had come to the planet too, accompanied by his own apprentice, Keraan Tyruas, a female Togruta around Zogas’ age. 

“The two teams met deep inside the bowels of the temple that held the Holocron. The Jedi sent his apprentice to face Zogas and his master while he made his escape. It ended about as well as anyone would expect. Zogas wanted to prove himself to his master and Keraan was slain by his hand cut in half with the vibroblade he used to carry, aided by his master. In those moments filled with adrenaline and shock as Zogas led his blade through her flesh, the two apprentices locked their gazes and something passed between the two. At that point it seemed like something normal, a Sith killing a Jedi in the middle of a war. That’s how wars work in the end. Slay before you get slain. Little did Zogas know that this act would become the source of his turmoil for the following years to come.

“Zogas took Keraan’s lightsaber and his master granted him the crystal that sat in its core to make his own lightsaber. He’d be one of the youngest Sith to have his hands on his own lightsaber. He was taught how to sharpen his pain and anger into a weapon of destruction, and the dreams he had of his first killing every night only worked as an amplifier for those emotions, emotions that stemmed from his own abandonment and loneliness, the pressure put on him by the Lords to become something more than himself, something more than a mortal. 

“As he closed his hand around the crystal, feeling his anger seep into the Kyber heart and turning it red, he heard the same whisper he had heard the moment he killed the Padawan, a faint ‘please’, the memory of hearing it in his very soul sparking in his mind, sounding more like a prayer to a malevolent god than a plea to him to spare her life. Before he knew it, the crystal in his hand had bled and cracked, deeming it useless to construct it in the traditional form of a lightsaber. That was the least of his problems. 

“The bleeding of the crystal awakened something. A phenomenon that was unheard of. A connection stronger than any Force Bond, a connection that defied death. Keraan’s ghost lived in the world of the living, but only within the confines of Zogas’ mind. His turmoil acted like a beacon and she was drawn to it. At first he thought of it as some kind of Jedi sorcery, a way of tricking him and other fellow apprentices out of the path they had chosen for themselves. She became his companion during his research through the archives of the Temple, ignorant towards the fact that he was the one who killed him. When Zogas realised that she existed only for him to see, he devoted himself to finding out more about what she was. There was nothing, no account of a similar experience. He was certain that his master’s sudden disappearance after the events in the Temple combined with Keraan’s killing affected him so much that he had began to lose his mind.

“Years passed and Zogas grew in power. Oddly enough, Keraan’s ghost didn’t stay the same throughout the years, growing as he grew. It was time for Zogas to be tested to become a full-fledged Sith. The Lords had great expectations for him. And he failed, time and time again. In a spur of anger, he revealed everything to the ghost of Keraan. His guilt for her death, lying to her all those years she kept him company when otherwise he’d be utterly lost and alone, it had caught up with him. She remained unfazed by his confession of her murder, revealing that she felt just as alive as the day they had faced each other and he cut through her. Then it hit him: what if this is what he was destined for? In the moment of this realisation, Keraan disappeared with an anguished scream. Before her glowing figure vanished into the still dust of his quarters, he promised her that he would find a way to bring her back to life, even if it was the last thing he’d do. 

“He fled the temple a few nights later. He had to gather as much information as he could. For the next years he travelled, led by visions of a young human female from another time that had the same goal in mind. He gained knowledge that no Sith or Jedi could ever aspire to get a hold on. While binging through ancient texts of Force Sensitives, he found out about a prophecy. ‘Two that are One. Always together in Life and Death, in every single one of their lifetimes’. 

“Eventually, his travels led him to this very planet, Paratarah. He went behind the waterfall and into the lake to find her and pull her out. He saw her, but failed to bring her back. In his wrath, he killed all living things on the planet, everything but the life that existed around the waterfall. He was then confronted by his old master, who had been searching for clues to help his apprentice in the trials the other Lords had in mind for him. His master revealed to him the position of another place, a place that held much importance to defying death. A huge mirror that showed a thousand different worlds to the one looking in it. Zogas, consumed by his anger, slew his master in the same way he had once slain Keraan. 

“He dwelled on Paratarah for a while, meditating the choises he had left. Nothing. The Force revealed nothing to him but the future of the woman that led him to the waterfall, living happily with the one she desired to bring back. That alone gave him the strength to go and look to the last place he had the option to go, the mirror world his master told him about moments before his death. 

“He went to that planet and managed to bring Keraan back to the living world, but what happened to them after that was lost. Rumours are that both the Sith and the Jedi hunt them down all over the galaxy. Ironic, Jedi and Sith coming together to extinguish a union between a Jedi and a Sith they considered ‘unholy’, just because they didn’t follow their codes in the days after Keraan’s revival. They say that the two clashed against the might of their Orders and after that, they vanished. They weren’t killed, there’s no confirmation of that happening. They were just... gone. 

“Since that day, Jedi and Sith decided to destroy any account that referred to the existence of Zogas and Keraan, save for what we have now. The only thing that officially ‘survived’ was a prophecy that foretold their return, even if they existed in different bodies.

“A Dyad in the Force.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go. Castle and Hux get out of the Steadfast and Ezra tells Rey the story he had in mind... 
> 
> I hope that you liked this chapter! Let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)
> 
> I must say that I am not an expert on things about the Old Republic. Despite the research I have done, it all is based on Wookieepedia articles since I haven't had the chance to consume anything that came from that era first hand. That's why I am being this vague about the exact time Ezra's story takes place.
> 
> Stay safe and see you all next time!


	43. Chapter XLII: The Path Ahead

As soon as he left the window to the living world, the silence of the void took over once more. If there was an atmosphere in this plane, he should’ve been able to hear the stars around him burn. It hurt; it hurt so much having to leave that place. Behind his eyes was the image of her face, breaking down at the realisation that they could not be together yet. It was like an invisible being had produced a thin needle and engraved the visual on the inside of his eyelids. Hearing her voice after what felt like an eternity, given that for an entire year he was able to listen to her every day through the Force in moments they were connected but chose not to say a thing to the other, he wanted to go back to the window, look up the abyss and scream “I’m here, come back, please”. 

The Togruta had been certain with her advice. He shouldn’t stay there; he should walk to the next and final stop, to the place he could be extracted from. What place? There was no tug in his chest, no whisper of the Force to guide him where he had to be. He attempted to listen more carefully to his thoughts and he was greeted with loud, white noise. Through the static, one could be heard. _Who am I?_

“No.” he made a cutting motion with his hand, like slicing an opponent with a swing of a lightsaber. He won’t allow the nothing to take his mind. “I’m...” he paused for a moment and then recalled the memory of _her_. “I’m Ben Solo.”

What is the nature of this place? It seems to be a world that exists between time and space, a gigantic room full of viewports to times long gone or times that he was yet to experience in the living world. In this kiln of experiences, where everything happened at once, maybe the Force considered that his individuality was insignificant. That made him hold onto his thoughts even more, cherishing every single memory that crossed his mind, even the ones that made him hurt. Actually, the most hurtful ones seemed to be those that kept him rooted in his self. 

One of his earliest memories was being attacked by a caf maker. A lot of people and machines seemed to have the same reaction upon meeting him in his life. It seemed to be the default, like the galaxy was trying to erase him as soon as possible, like he wasn’t supposed to exist. Given that he hadn’t become a ghost like most of his relatives despite his strength and knowledge showcased what was probably the indecisiveness of the Force. _Oh, I want to kill him. No, I don’t want to kill him like everyone else, I want to erase him._ he said in a mocking voice in his mind, mimicking what he considered being the malicious side of the Force. 

_The Force doesn’t have sides._ he came to the conclusion. It was a tide that threw around its pawns to where they were needed for it to carry out its plan and then discard them without caring about what was going to happen to them. Dead? Alive? Scarred for life? It didn’t care. It happened to him. It happened to _her_. Why would he trust any of the things it told to him? 

“I know exactly how you feel.” he heard a disembodied voice to his right. He almost tore his head from the speed he had turned around to spot the one that was speaking to him. “I’m right here. I’ve felt that way too.” the voice spoke again.

He was now looking at the same Togruta that told him to leave the place with the silver creatures. “Who are you? _What_ are you?”

“This isn’t very polite now, don’t you think?” she smiled at him, a smile full of warmth. “I know how it is to feel used by the people and the things you care the most about. To be betrayed by your own master and be sent to meet your demise. It is a horrible feeling.”

“How do you-”

“The Force, it is a strange thing. One moment it rushes to your aid, the other it forgets you exist. The Force has goals too, and the fact that you’re still here, enduring, walking forward into a void you don’t know... It means that you’re important.” 

He blinked. “What?” 

“Not everyone in this galaxy gets a second chance to life. The Force didn’t want you to become a part of it yet. It is a rare and odd occurrence. Even rarer is the chance of having someone willing to lose everything to have you back.”

His eyes widened and burned. _She’s really...?_ “You had someone to do this for you too?” he asked, dismissing his initial thought before it was too much for him to bear.

She nodded in affirmation, giving him another smile. “Yes.”

“Then why are you here?” 

“I’m here to guide you.”

“Why?”

“Because you were the one to guide me too.”

“Heh.” he chuckled. _This is crazy. The nothing must’ve finally taken my mind._ “Let me guess: the Force is strange. Why don’t I remember anything about it then?”

“Because in the living world it never happened. To the living world, this isn’t happening. When you approached me in my time, you said the very same things. My time is the far past to you. Your time is the far future to me. Our coming together here, it is an impossibility.” 

“Alright.” _I think that my mind is about to officially leave me._ “Since you’re here to guide me, guide me then. Where am I supposed to go next?”

“Hmmm... I don’t know.” 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” 

“There’s no direction in this place I can tell you to go. I could tell you to go left, but since there’s nothing to use as reference, you might end up going right.” 

“Then what am I supposed to do? I’ve been walking for I don’t know how long and in the only chance I may have had to going back to where I was, and you where the one who told me to not try to go in there. Why?”

“That place would claim you. All the beings you saw in there, they are souls that were once trapped by the illusion of being together despite being separated by a whole world. I have only two pieces of advice to find your way.” she raised two fingers in the space between them. “You may not return to that place,” she closed one finger, “but you should follow your whims and your heart. If they tell you to walk forward, do so. If they tell you to take a turn, sit down, lay on your back, gaze at the stars; do it. And don’t forget: you are more important than you think.”

The Togruta disappeared in a puff of silver smoke like a vision dissolving before his eyes. _She was a vision,_ he reminded himself. He had nothing to lose by following what she told him; everything was already lost. The first thing to cross his mind was the sudden need to break into a run, an attempt to run away from... what? 

As he ran, he felt a great pain in his chest, like a giant had just punched him with all its might. He fell on his knees, gasping for air that never reached his lungs. _Not in this void._ In this void he shouldn’t feel pain. This pain came from someplace else. Not here. An amethyst star in the horizon caught his eye as he fought for air. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. 

.  
.  
.

In the moments after Ezra finished his story, she felt the need to get out of his home, to seek the creatures of the Paratarish night. She had no clue about her next move. There was a slim chance that those beings had a hint of sapience, that they knew some secret that most were unaware of, if she were to judge by the behaviour of the “dragon” that helped her reach the bottom of the pit. 

She was thankful for the story Ezra had told her; it gave her strength to walk out the door, whether it was something real or not. It was too strange of a story for someone to easily come up with. 

She went outside with a lit torch, the fire casting a golden and orange light on the glistening silver barks of the dead woods. The creatures were afraid of the light of a fire. She cringed at the sound of a shrieking beast. Then there was only the cackling of the torch’s fire. 

She hadn’t observed one of the barks of the trees from this close before. The bark was so smooth that she could see a reflection of herself in the metal-coloured wood, her reflection, heavily distorted, barely recognisable. She took her eyes from the tree, only for her gaze to fall on every other single tree with her reflection in it. All the reflections, no matter how distorted, they all looked at her. Way too many eyes were looking at her, and they all knew her deepest secrets. It reminded her of that night on Ahch-To, only now she had no one that truly understood her to confide in, no one but an old man who seemed only interested in stories and his cats. 

Small drips of water found their way to the planet’s surface and her face as she broke into a run to escape the judging eyes of her own reflections. She couldn’t handle this, not now... Now there was no warm, familiar connection to turn to; there was only crushing emptiness. In these moments she had realised how much she avoided her reflection when she was alone, back on Jakku, when she was with the Resistance, when she was on Tatooine... Only once she had been confident enough to look her reflection in the eye and demand out of her a truth she hid from herself. As she ran, she hadn’t realised that the torch in her hand was almost extinguished. 

Something as hard and large as a log hit her on her chest, sending her in a fall to meet the ground with her back. She let out a breathless groan as her weight met the soil, as all the air inside her had escaped her in the moment of the impact. Her sight was blurry, but she could make out two glowing silver eyes looking at her. The thing that dripped on her face wasn’t rain, but saliva of a hungry beast. Its breath smelled like sulphur. She reached for her sabre as a last resort. According to Ezra, the beasts weren’t afraid of the glow of a lightsaber. _“I’ve tried that in the past.”_ he had told her. 

It didn’t end well. 

She ignited the blade millimetres away from the creature’s muzzle and as soon as its eyes caught the light, it growled and retreated, leaving her alone. She remained still for a few moments, staring at the golden blade in disbelief. _Oh._ The source of the light wasn’t the problem when it came to scaring them away. It was the colour of the light. Of course the Force would find yet another bizarre way or coincidence to save her from certain death. In these moments she wondered if she even had to rely on her own survival instincts and abilities if a cosmic energy was always to swoop in and save her last minute. It made her wonder if it was possible for her to die. Well, she _could_ die, that was proven, the question was if she could stay dead. 

_“Are you okay?”_

“Huh?” _Where did this voice come from?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Sorry for missing Mondays update. I'm currently in the process of moving out of my parents' house, and packing has taken way too long. I'm leaving this weekend to move the bulk of the stuff I'll be taking with me, and I may miss the updates of this week.
> 
> Thank you for reading! It's been a while since we had Ben's POV. He isn't very happy with how things turned out to be, and Rey doesn't know what to do next. 
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr ;)
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)
> 
> See you all next time!
> 
> Stay safe!


	44. Chapter XLIII: Promotion and Vision of an Ancient Future

Castle stood with his back straight in front of the General, no longer being in need of a cane to walk. It’s been a few days since the incident with Nine and his followers. Not a lot of things happened in the meantime, leaving them to tend to their wounds before having to move bases. The General seemed to be more lively than ever since the visit of the Resistance members, even though he got injured during their “negotiations”. The General claimed that it was his fault, combined with Dameron’s irrationality. 

“ _That_ man,” the General told him, “he wears his whims and emotions on his sleeves. I don’t know how anyone would deem him capable enough to become a general. I must admit though that his behaviour can be highly entertaining to the trained eye.” 

_He doesn’t appreciate the Resistance General at all._

The General paced up and down the room, looking at his moving feet like it was the discovery of the century. The day after the incident he had told him that he had something to tell him, but still hadn’t said a thing. Kriff, he barely talked when he was around. 

The people from the Resistance that Kirril had called for backup left the base a while ago, not specifying where they would go next. Hopefully they would send help soon; they were allies now, weren’t they? They were fighting against the same enemy, Kirril made sure to make that the case. 

The old Besalisk was much more cunning than what he initially though in their first meeting. He wouldn’t have managed to constantly aid a brewing revolution for the past 6 months relatively unseen if that wasn’t the case. 

He wouldn’t have managed to get one of his own people to infiltrate the ranks of the First Order pilot corps if that wasn’t the case. 

They first met on a moon near the ruins of Kijimi. For the past week since the day of their escape he, the General and the pilot that helped them escape, Enzie, watched the once snowy planet burn in an inferno set by a now dead monster. As surprising as it was to find out that Enzie was a Twi’lek (where did she even hide her tentacles?), it couldn’t be compared to the feeling the knowledge that she was a spy gave him. Shock mixed with dread? He didn’t know how to describe it. He didn’t have the right words in his vocabulary. “Enzie” wasn’t even her real name. Kirril called her “Naggie”, and that was how he came to know her once he became a member of Kirril’s Crew. He helped them flee to Jakku, where they took refuge in an old Imperial Star Destroyer, soon to be joined by other Stormtroopers and junior officers. 

He took in a deep breath, trying to keep himself rooted in the now and not in what went down two months ago. It wasn’t going to do him any favour, when the General wanted to tell him something but wasn’t opening his mouth to do so.

“You said you had something to tell me, General.” 

“Yes, I did... I still do.” he stopped in his tracks, looking at Castle. “We’ve found ourselves in a very peculiar situation.” 

“Yes sir. Nine’s betrayal... I can’t tell that I didn’t see that coming, but it was a great loss nonetheless.” 

“I appreciate your insight, Castle.” he paused, exhaling audibly in the beginning of a chuckle. “Who could’ve imagined that we’d find ourselves supporting a rebellion? I believe that we should adapt to the circumstances at hand.” 

“That’s the only way ahead, sir. That’s how we survived this long.” he said, earning a flinch from the General. “Even if _some_ of us took longer to change than others.”

“I must admit that I wasn’t the most “adaptable” of assets.” the General bowed his head. “That’s why I believe that there should be someone else to lead your brothers and sisters leading into the rebellion.” 

He was taken aback by the statement, his words hitting him like a punch to the face. “General? What are you talking about?” 

“Someone who has spent two whole months drinking his sorrows away shouldn’t be one fit to lead. I’ve ran through all the possible candidates for the position of the next leader of our little ensemble. And I have come to the conclusion that you are the fittest one for the role.”

Castle was jittering with a mixture of shock and joy. It was more “shock” than “joy”, to be honest. Him? A leader? All his life he has been following orders. What values did he have to become a leader? A single “What?” was all he could articulate. 

.  
.  
.

 _“Are you okay?”_

“Huh?”

Rey looked around, but there was no sign of life. All life on this planet must be afraid of the glow of her ignited blade (except Ezra’s cats, probably). For the briefest of moments, she thought that she had heard _him_. She had to get back to the stolen TIE and bring the ancient texts to Ezra’s cave if she wanted to make any progress. How long is it going to take her to find another lead? 

_“Hey, I’m right here!”_ the voice said.

She looked at her feet to see the Zabrak from her visions, the one who led her here, sitting on a fallen log. This time though he wasn’t clad in his all black attire, but he was wearing more greys and whites than blacks. His features didn’t look as sharp as before. He looked... calm? 

“You’re Zogas, I suppose.” 

“It was about time you learned my name.” he gave her a gentle smile. “What’s bothering you?” 

“I have no clues of where to go next. I can’t go back in the lake. I’ve reached a standstill.” she sighed. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if I’m on the right path. What if all of this is just a new way my mind is trying to cope with everything and nothing is real?”

“Oh? You think so?” the Zabrak chuckled. What was so funny to him of what she told him? “You’re taking it relatively well, I must point out.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you know why most of the forest that is covering the planet is dead? Why the creatures of this planet are afraid of warm light and fire?” 

She narrowed her eyes. Creatures adapt to the ideal behaviour that insures the greatest chances of survival. Even sapient species do that. Some event might have driven them to be afraid of fire. As for the whole forest? She had no answer. 

_Wait a moment... Did he...?_

“When I got out of the lake, in my rage, I burned the forest to the ground. That wasn’t one of my best moments, I must admit. I killed my own master over that moment. But you,” he gestured at her, “you showed me something that made me stop, something I could have if I kept searching, and that’s what I am going to show to you too.”

“I don’t remember showing you anything.”

“I know. I didn’t remember showing you something either in my time. I guess it’s normal.” 

_What the hell is going on?_

The Zabrak stood up, offering her his hand. “Take my hand. Follow me.” 

She did as he commanded. What was the worst that could happen? Maybe she’d become one with the Force earlier. That concept was no longer as scary as she previously thought. _I shouldn’t be thinking these things. Ezra was right; the lake must’ve taken my will to keep going. It always takes something._ She extinguished her lightsaber.

As soon as she grabbed the Zabrak’s hand, the world shifted from the colour of ash to the greens and yellows of a lush forest. The still silence was replaced by the young voices of children. Stone huts were built around an open gathering area that was paved with brown gravel. The Zabrak never let go of her hand, even when two children shouting “Master!” came running and crashing into him, hugging his sides. 

“Easy there!” he said, lifting one of the two kids with his free hand like she was weightless. 

Rey scanned the whole area with eyes wide open, like a starving child when presented with food. “What is this?” 

“We came too early to establish balance. There was already a lot of conflict between the Jedi and the Sith. It was a miracle that we even _survived_. I can’t deny what this whole experience gave me though.” 

“What did it give you?”

“A purpose. A family. This is more than yet another school for Force Sensitives, one that is solely devoted to one side of the Force. All living beings aren’t fully black and white. We are born grey. Light grey, dark grey, perfectly balanced grey... you call it.” 

“I’ve read about something like this in the ancient texts of the Jedi.” _The Prime Jedi... A being of both Dark and Light..._ “Balance...”

“Uh huh.” he nodded affirmatively. “The Force didn’t rush itself with you this time. You two came in the perfect moment. After so much war, the galaxy is being reborn from its ashes. It shouldn’t be lobotomised from its first moments, torn apart. Unified, Light and Dark, it will make the galaxy stronger, a better place to live.” 

“How are you so sure about that?”

“We both have seen the results of war and hate. Why rekindle the fires of hate when you can light a brand new fire, the fire of hope?” 

A voice sounded from the other side of the gathering area, muffled by the distance put between them. It was a fully adult female Togruta, dressed in the same robes as him. 

“I’m coming Ker!” Zogas shouted back at the Togruta. “I have to go. Rey, you know what you have to do. The choice is all yours.” 

Zogas winked at her and let go of her hand. She was back in the dark and dead forest of Paratarah, and after spending what felt like years on this place, she craved the light. She craved the green. She craved life. 

Igniting her lightsaber once more, she headed towards the direction the TIE was at, to retrieve the texts for further analyzing. It was yet again time for research. Her choices were very limited on the places she could go next, and she couldn’t tell whether this was something that could be proven ultimately beneficial or detrimental. 

Three planets were connected by this “path”. Paratarah, Exegol and Ahch-To. There was no way that she would go back to Exegol, even if it was mostly destroyed after defeating the Final Order. That left only one viable choice, for now at least. Ahch-To. 

She had to look more into this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I moved some of my stuff to my new home and I can't wait for uni to begin! It's about audiovisual arts and the curriculum is fantastic! 
> 
> I hope that you're all doing well. What do you think about this chapter? It's a little shorter than usual, but it took a while to get back in writing after a full week of running around, tidying things up 😅 Thanks for reading nonetheless!
> 
> Special thanks to crazyafana on Tumblr!
> 
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr (@tin-a-can)
> 
> See you next time!


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